confession of an eco-prude

[mamarsupial]

hi, my name is autumn, and i'm an eco-prude.

yesterday, we had dinner over at my bil's. first, i smelled smoke. cigarette smoke. his gf was having a cigarette out in the backyard. all i could think was "ick, benzene, formaldehyde, ammonia, just what my babies need."

later, when i had finished my (non-organic) soda, i asked where the recycling was "oh, we're not doing that. its too much of a pain in the butt." grrr.

then later still, while having dinner, eating iceberg lettuce from a bag with those little carrot shavings and some hidden valley ranch, a yummy pork tenderloin from sam's club, and something that they called 'rice' but looked more like cheese covered bits of spaghetti...all i could think was "this food has got to be loaded with god knows what..."

as i watched my daughter, who is used to organic whole grain brown rice, scarf down the 'rice', all i could think of was an article i had just read in organic gardening about how kids who eat a conventional diet have 6 times more pesticides in their systems by pre-school age than do kids who eat organically grown foods...well exceeding the safety standards for exposure set by the epa

so, am i being a judgemental jerk? i didn't SAY any of these things...but i was thinking them. i know dh's family thinks we're ranging hippies (although, fil just sent us some organic stuff from maggie's for the new baby...so, there is hope). really, though, at the end of the day, i can kick off my danskos and eat a burger from a fast food joint and enjoy it, by golly! i don't know why this stuff was really bothering me last night. am i turning into an eco-prude? and if i am, should i be worried or proud? :

thanks in advance for your help.

[Mona]

I think you should be PROUD!!! If you don't have high standards for yourself and for your child, then you don't have much, IMO.
Today a good friends grand daughter asked if we were going to take DD trick or treating. I said yes, but that she wouldn't get the candy. The child was like, why? DUH! She will only be 10 months!
I told her that I would never allow a child to eat garbage like that and went on and on about it. This kid thinks i'm nuts anyway, but i still think it is important for her to hear that not everyone lives on fastfood, sugar and soda.
I guess that is enuf for now on that one!

[Sara Mama]

Nah, Autumn, the world needs more "you's"

Here's a story for you...

Today, we went to Annie's Parlor, a burger and malt joint by the U of MN.

Me, the vegetarian, had a BLT, fries, some of a malt! My son (3) had a grilled cheese (amercian or velveeta, not sure which) with fries and part of a chocolate bananna malt...Right after eating he said he had to throw up and I needed some tums. My husband shrugged his shoulders and said something about us not being used to this kind of food....so I turned to him and said, "yeah, well most kids eat like this EVERY day..." He smiled!

[alsoSarah]

I support you in all of your choices. That said, I think that it's just as well that we don't know each other IRL: you wouldn't want to be my friend!
peace to you,
alsoSarah
EBFing, non-circing, not-very-crunchy, co-sleeping, omnivorous mama to ds.... wife to chef-papa dh.

[Leonor]

I think I wouldn't invite you to my house if you think like that instead of enjoying my company.
Sorry.

[mahdokht]

*

[mamarsupial]

really, i honestly don't think like that all the time, hence the self-depricating 'am i being a jerk?' i certainly don't go into the homes of friends and family looking for what they aren't doing 'right' instead of enjoying their hospitality.

i think what set me off, in retrospect, was the smoking. while i used to smoke in college, as i've gotten older i've learned more and more about how dangerous second hand smoke is and that there is no safe level of exposure. now that i have kid(s) (2yr dd, one due soon), i'm even more concerned about it. plus, the last time we saw bil and his gf, dd actually discovered gf's pack of cigarettes in her open purse and proceeded to dump them out...eating the end off of one of them. so, i was probably already set up for being sensitive about that one. i guess, even in college, i wouldn't have lit up around a toddler and a pregnant woman...but that's just me.

the other stuff...yea, i think i was being a tad judgemental. dh's family tends to be much more conservative and also doesn't spend much time thinking about things like the environment or eating organicly. this occationally bugs me, but not too bad. in my family, we're pretty much a pack of birkenstock, coop-shoppin' liberals and prolly know more about environmental issues than what's good for us (ending up acting like know it alls, i mean). that bothers me too, especially when i see pretentious attitudes reflected in my family members. dh's family is much more laid back, and sometimes i enjoy their company even more than that of my own.

that said, i also can't turn off what i know about things like smoking and how it may be effecting my children or myself and just pretend like its not a big deal. i'm very laid back about most things in life, to each his/her own, unless i feel it could be harming my babes and their futures.

[kaje62]

autumn you are cool.
and thanks for sending me this link
i like to make the best choices i can
but......sometimes we don't have a choice
at mil's recently she asked if we wanted juice
with breakfast
sorry but i don't drink splash which is v-8 laced with
nutrasweet pregnant or not pregnant
and neither does my ds.

at my sister's recently
she had not started dinner yet for the kids
which she said would be mac n cheese
i know it would not be the annies that we use twice a month
in a pinch
but when i said should we get water boiling
she said,
oh no it is the frozen kind

but i need to admit
on road trips we get a big bag of sour creme n onion lays chips
and enjoy them as a family
we end up going through drive throughs
a couple times a month

we all have to do the best we can
and sometimes worrying is more toxic
than what we put in our bodies
imo
with that said, i want to go out to breakfast today
with dh and ds before new baby arrives
so here i come hormone filled sausage!!!

[spinach]

Isn't it funny how nasty "normal" food tastes after homemade and organic has become your norm? I've found myself in similar situations many times. I've been known to enjoy a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos from time to time, so I'm not completely pure. That said, my day-to-day eating is very healthy. I don't enjoy eating meals consisting of mainly processed foods. I find myself apologizing to my body in my head as I'm eating it. But, I generally suck it up and appreciate the effort (all relative) the host put into the meal and the company.

BTW, I just read a post in Talk Amongst Ourselves about a natural foods mama who takes in "mainstream" kids for a couple hours a day. The guests complain about her natural, made-with-love snacks. Most thread respondents thought that was rude and unacceptable. So... when in Rome? Then again, I'm a veg and I would NEVER eat meat under any circumstances, so I guess it's wherever you draw the line for you and your family.

[Jane]

After reading your story, I feel admiring towards you. After all, you still enjoy the "fast" stuff, but you generally eat the "good" stuff. And you go and do what dinner is supposed to be, breaking-bread and making-bonds. And you notice that the convenience foods are the treat they are supposed to be. Sounds good to me.

[1jooj]

I am SURE the cigarette smoke set you off--it does that to me too. Turns me into a raving, snarling mama, on the lookout for potential offenders. And it makes me sick, which does not help me consider others' feelings. But I also just think the thoughts, rather than speak them.

And I did not know that it was possible to choose not to recycle. Can't you be fined for having recyclables in your garbage?

I've faced down gross dinners too...it's tough when there's no really acceptable item to choose and focus on.

[fullofhope]

I don't think you're a jerk, you are just protecting your own, and it is food that is out of your comfort zone. In college I spent thanksgivings with distant relatives in chicago, and they ate very different foods, other than the turkey, than what I was used to. This wasn't an issue of healthy foods vs non-healthy,really, but it's kinda the same thing. I was out of my comfort zone, and I had to sort of choke some of it down so as not to offend, hoping my stomach wouldn't reject it.... but it didn't mean I didn't appreciate my hosts' efforts or company. I just wasn't used to that food. And sometimes at my in-laws I have to eat desserts I don't want (they like very very rich desserts) to be polite, and all I'm thinking is wow the sugar and fat in this thing... but also amazed at my MILs ability to make such a beautiful, elaborate food. But I also agree that the smoke maybe made it worse- it would for me! I would be hating the situation at that point, wishing I could leave but not wanting to offend.

[HomeBirthMommy]

I totally understand. Cigarette smoke just puts me on the defensive. I do not want it around my children. I have taken them away from places where people are smoking and do not feel bad about it at all. IMO, it is very rude and irresponsible to smoke around children and pregnant women. As far as the food, we're like that to a certain point. My nephew's bday party was at a state park and all they brought was hot dogs and chips (knowing we were veg and 1 1/2 hours from home). I left to go buy something for us to eat. They weren't offended-just confused why we didn't want our kids eating that crap. There was girl there with an 8 month old baby and the girl kept bragging how her baby just ate 2 whole hot dogs!
My poor FIL knows that we eat a lot of fruits and veggies and makes an effort to have plenty along with whatever meat he's cooking so we will have enough to eat there. However, his idea of veggies are limp, boiled, overcooked or combined with cream of mushroom soup and topped with Durkee fried onions. His fruits are fruit cocktail in heavy syrup with bananas cut up in it. : It's so gross. We always eat a little bit (politely) and try to be respectful that he does make the attempt.
When they ate at our house the other night, he stopped by the store and brought some cut-up fruit and I was so proud of him. I think he was confused when I suggested we save it for dessert. Fresh fruit for dessert has probably never crossed his mind before!

[mamarsupial]

HomeBirthMommy - your hot dog story made me giggle. under some circumstances, i'm really not such an eco-prude...like yesterday, when my dd ate two hotdogs! she's two...and grandma came down for the day and took her to the zoo. there are rides and consession stands there. she went on a ton of rides, ate 2 hotdogs, drank soda pop, and ate not ONE, but TWO multicolored popcicles. when they got back, 1 hour after dd normally naps, my daughter greeted me with green lips, tongue, etc. and amped on more sugar than her little body has had since her birthday party. i'm suprised she didn't get sick. BUT, it didn't bother me as much as the meal at my bil's house did. i think the difference is this: going to the zoo is a special event which doens't happen oftem...where as this is how my bil always eats and doesn't think twice about it. even then, i still didn't SAY anything to my bil...that really would have been rude of me. so, i guess my point is, we prefer to save the things like hotdogs or soda or other highly processed or sugars things for VERY special occations and keep the normal, day to day eating to whole, organic foods.

[HomeBirthMommy]

We're kind of the same way. Special treat are acceptible on special occasions. Last night dh took dd to a Braves game and let her have popcorn for dinner . Oh well-it's not like it happens often...: But, like another poster said, I certainly will not start eating meat just b/c that's what's served, KWIM? I actually find myself making a point of helping dd make healthy choices around other kids to set an example for them. I was so proud of her at Sunday School last week. They got Hi-C for the other kids and a Juicy-Juice box for dd, since they knew she only drinks 100% juice. She chose water over the juice! Hooray-some of it is sinking in! Of course, she had a chocolate chip cookie with it...:
One thing I absolutely despise is having junkie snacks served at Sunday School (especially colored fruit "drinks" that can stain her nice dresses). They keep some healthier snacks for dd, which I appreciate, but I wish that that would be the norm, rather than making her the odd ball.

[mamarsupial]

we do eat meat at home, but only meat from organically raised, humanly treated animals. dh and i were both vegetarian for a while. before i was pg with #2, we ate meat rarely. maybe twice a month and always as a special treat, always from the co-op. my brother and his wife are vegetarian...she was raised as such, and has only tasted meat a few times in her whole life.

a few years ago, i decided that if i was going to continue eating meat, even occationally, i needed to be willing to face the fact that i was benefiting from another animals death. if i couldn't face that, then i would have to go back to being vegetarian. my husband and i are not of any faith, but if we were, we would be buddhist...not wanting to harm any sentient being. still, we were being hypocrits - eating meat but not facing the reality of it. my first lesson was in killing and cleaning my first fish. it wasn't as difficult as i would have expected, but it taught me great reverence for the food that fish provided us.

once we decided we were going to eat meat more often, we followed the same principle. if we had not been able to stomach the reality of how the animals were being raised, treated, killed, etc...we would have gone back to being vegetarians and would have had to find other ways for me to get the high protein diet i needed during pregnancy. we have good friends who had gone through the same thing, both who were vegetarians for much longer than dh and i, who we were able to talk to about this struggle and who didn't think we were nuts for taking it so seriously.

our choice to get it directly from a farm where we knew the conditions the animals were in was made out a feeling of reverence for what we were taking from those animals. chickens are free-range. hogs are organic. beef is free range, grass fed, organic. we know the farmers, which has created even more gratitude in our lives for what we have and what we take.

[JessicaS]

Juicy-Juice box for dd, since they knew she only drinks 100% juice. She chose water over the juice! Hooray-some of it is sinking in! Of course, she had a chocolate chip cookie with it..

Good for her! Not to mention that Juicy Juice is Nestle!

[BinahYeteirah]

bs"d

I'm visiting my parents this weekend. Whenever I come here I am shocked by how differently our pantries are filled. The freezer has a massive ham, other meats, ice cream, two packs of frozen desert bars, some TV dinners, and a few token bags of frozen veggies (with butter or cheese sauce, of course!). The fridge is filler with cheeses, lunch meat, soda cans, milk, and, get this--Slim Fast! The only fresh veggies I could find (before I went to the store with my mom) were a bag of onions. In the cupboards one might find a massive Ziplock filled with chocolate chips, toffee chips, butterscotch chips, and peanut butter chips, mac and cheese, and other processed goodies. It does gross me out. I am close enough to my parents that I can judge their food choices in the context of how can I help them to eat more healthily, because I want them to live to see their granddaughter grow up.

My stepfather also smokes around dd. Well, actually he won't smoke in the same room as she is in, but in an adjacent one with an open door. He is disabled and cannot go outdoors to smoke. I don't know what to do about that, other than try to stay away. Since he is disabled, it hurts me even more that he smoke and eats so unhealthily.

[mamarsupial]

torie - i guess i shoud count my blessings that bil served asparagus then, right? i don't know what i would do without a fridge full of fruits and veggies. we live on veggies, and when pregnant, i eat more fruit that you can imagine. we have produce coming weekly from an organic farm...and an organic garden in the backyard. dd loves going out and picking cherry tomatoes and peas and beans straight from the plants.

i think the health thing bothers me too...out of concern for my bil! he was a smoker, and quit after years of the habit, so i get worried that dating a smoker will push him back into it. he also gained a LOT of weight once he quit, so he's set himself up for other problems. fil has had several heart attacks. so, my concerns, like yours, are not purely selfish...i love my bil and want him to be healthy!

when i was pg with dd, i learned that the toxins we have in our bodies are stored in the fat...same as in other animals. so, the more fat we have, the more storage space for the toxins we ingest or are exposed to in other ways. if you breastfeed, much of the toxins stored in the fat tissue of your breasts are actually cleansed out, entering the breastmilk and going straight to baby. not a reason to NOT breastfeed, but it certainly made me take 'toxin-free' much more seriously! if e decided she wants to eat wendy's for the rest of her adult life, so be it, but i at least want to get her started in the healthiest way i see possible...and for us, that has meant eating organically.

non-eco-prude moment? - okay, we're getting a eco-prude bed - a natura. they sell them through gaiam, but we found one elsewhere for much much less. its made from natural latex and virgin wool. we're getting the new bed because we fo family bed, and our full is getting a bit cramped between dd, dh, me, and the belly. anyway, i'm feeling guilty now though, because of the bedframe and sheets. sheets are not organic. wasn't sure if the wood is sustainable or not (later learned that its made from rubberwood, which is plantation grown, sustainable, and being used as a sustainable substitute for rainforest woods. whew). opted for cheap over pc. really, the mattress was as much as a nice king serta would have been, and was the most comfortable...so even there, our choice wasn't totally based on earthy musings. i would have loved to get organic sheets...but how could i convince myself to spend $120 on a set of organic cotton sheets when i could get a set of non-organic sheets for $30 on sale here or there? we will be able to get as many sheets as we need for as much as it would cost for ONE set of organic sheets! and don't even get me started on organic mattress pads!

[kaje62]

can i just say my understanding about toxins in breast milk is that it is worse if you diet. excercise is better than cutting way back on calories at least until they start solids.
so i don't want my babe getting any of the nutrasweet or MSG that I consumed in on a regular basis 10 years ago.