Who is already daydreaming about the next one?

[salt_phoenix]

I feel a little silly admitting to this, but I really always wanted a houseful of kids...
I don't know how to process this really, and just wanted to hear some of you mama's thoughts.

When this baby is born, my girls will be 19 & 10 yrs. old. :
A few bad relationships and several losses mixed in there and here I am. HAPPY and relatively secure at last.

Pregnancy has NEVER been "fun" for me. In fact it is quite hard on me. The first trimester I can hardly get out of bed (or out of the bathroom) due to severe m/s. 2nd trimester I get huge quickly, carpal tunnel sets in, my hips separate to the point of walking is almost impossible. 3rd trimester I can't breathe, I am HUGE, I can't walk & my arms are useless.
Now mind you:
Labors go great, births go great, EBF goes great, kids are great...
it's that 9 mos. that nearly kills me.

Now here I am, still pg. and ALREADY wondering about "the next one". I am not convinced this is my last baby, however the REALITY is... I'm not getting any younger, pregnancy isn't getting any easier, and WHY AND HOW could I possibly be pregnant for 9 mos. with an infant in arms, or even a toddler, the way it effects me???!!!! Am I insane?
I feel like the clock is ticking, and reality is looming and I can't even THINK this is the last baby I will have.
I tell myself that "let nature take it's course" and it will all work out. I worry that this baby won't get all it needs from me because I'll be so concerned about getting pg. quickly, but that is the LAST thing I need to do, because my milk dries up when I get pg. THEN the m/s kicks in and I'm useless. sigh...

Dh is fine with one (this is his first) but he doesn't seem to "mind" the thought of more... he's not going to ask that of me though. He knows that pg. is hard on me and would never ask me to do it at all...

I feel like I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't. I don't want to always regret not "trying" for more. I don't want to pass this baby by in order to hurry and get "my last baby" in before I'm "too old" either. I figure it's not impossible to conceive naturally at 42 or 43... but do I want to do that to my body again with a toddler around?
I guess I really wish it were obvious to me, and that I was content with "this will be my last baby"... but I just can't let it go yet.
:

Why am I lamenting the potential end of my fertile years, sitting here pregnant as I could possibly be?!?! :

I guess I wish I were 10 years younger so that I could have another one in 9 or 10 years...that seems to be the kind of spacing that my body (and kids) can handle... Maybe if I'd given birth in a hospital and had nightmarish experiences I'd be "done"... Maybe if I had twins I'd know for SURE I was done... Maybe maybe maybe...

I still can't believe that I want more babies (that I can breastfeed) when it's so hard to carry them! I'd consider adoption, but I really want to birth them and nurse them.

[Mama2-4]

I am in the same boat. This is our 4th baby, and my DH would be very content if it were our last. Me on the other hand....I feel so sad to leave the childbearing years behind. I would love to have more babies. I am trying really hard to come to terms and accept this could be our last...but I really hate the thought! I love being pregnant, even though I feel horrid during the first trimester and am now having sciatica, I just do not want to see it end. Labor is wonderful even though it is a huge challenge, and I love to have that tiny newborn to nurse and hug and hold....so, I am with you.

[isra1986]

I always wanted atleast 4 kids, but that doesn't seem to be possible for now. This baby will be my one and only because my husband has gone. Decided he didn't want to be married anymore. I am happy to have this gift atleast.

[mama_nym]

I've never felt definite about a pregnancy/baby being our last until this one. If you feel in your heart there is another little one waiting for you, then I'd say leave yourself open to welcoming that life after this one is born and see what happens!

[salt_phoenix]

Originally Posted by isra1986

I always wanted atleast 4 kids, but that doesn't seem to be possible for now. This baby will be my one and only because my husband has gone. Decided he didn't want to be married anymore. I am happy to have this gift atleast.

Oh hon, I'm so sorry!!!! Part of the reason my kids are so far spaced, is the lack of decent partner to help me parent! Until I met my dh 3 years ago, I really thought I'd only be having the two... and that was sad for me as well.

I do feel fortunate to be able to do this AT LEAST one more time (this time), it still doesn't take away from the feelings of loss I have at not being able to do it AS MANY times as I want! (i hate to sound like nothing is ever good enough- but i know i can be both excited and happy about one and sad about the other at the same time)

Hang in there. You just never know what is up and around the bend. I guess that is what keeps me at least a LITTLE bit positive. I really am trying to enjoy every minute of this one, JUST IN CASE it's my last. It's hard, but I have to cherish each baby like it is my last... there are NEVER any guarantees.

[A Mothers Love]

Originally Posted by isra1986

I always wanted atleast 4 kids, but that doesn't seem to be possible for now. This baby will be my one and only because my husband has gone. Decided he didn't want to be married anymore. I am happy to have this gift atleast.

I am so sorry to hear such a thing!!!!
You are right though .....you have a wonderful blessing on the way. The two of you will likely be so very close.
Peace and Blessings to you and your DD.

[salt_phoenix]

Originally Posted by mama_nym

I've never felt definite about a pregnancy/baby being our last until this one. If you feel in your heart there is another little one waiting for you, then I'd say leave yourself open to welcoming that life after this one is born and see what happens!

I often wondered if after all my losses, if I was just SOL in the "another baby" department. But since this pg has gone so far, I feel more and more like it's not my last one. I figure that's what I have to do, just stay open to it and see what happens.

I joke about being 48 when I have the next one. Hey it happens, I might be up for it by then anyway.

I really hope I have that KNOWING that I'm done someday though.

[Dea]

I don't think it's silly to admit it. :
DH and I are already planning for the next (one or two or three). In July or August I get to go in and have the procedure to fix my funky tube then we can start TTC naturally, but if it doesn't work by next Feb. then we'll go the nasty hormonal route again and hopefully end up pregnant again. Then after that we'll adopt internationally.
I want the big family too.

[thefreckledmama]

This is our third, and we've already been talking about our fourth. I'd actually like to have 5, not really sure why, I just do.

[nolonger]

Ugh, I'm right there with you, Julie, except that I AM 42 and may or may not be 43 when this one is born! Finances are also a major issue since I'm a single mama and donors are expensive, plus all the drama that goes with them is NOT something I want to go through again.

Also this isn't just any baby, it's a particular baby, and s/he is NOT low key or mellow, so I think I'd need at least a four year age spacing between him/her and the next one.

But every time I start to think that this is the LAST time I will have a baby kicking inside me or the LAST time I will ever go shopping for tiny little baby clothes or the LAST time I will ever birth, I just want to cry....

I may adopt (an older child or a special needs child or a child who needs me, not a child I need) but then again I may not, since my mother is a victim of the less savoury aspects of the adoption market for infants and she never quite got over it. I would only adopt under certain circumstances.

Mine will be almost 19 and 16 when this one is born and I'm chompin' at the bit for grandbabies, but neither of them are anywhere near ready to be parents yet.

I once thought I had that "knowing I was done" feeling, but look at me now....and stalk me on the TTC over 40 thread if you ever want to know just how NOT done I was....and maybe still am....

:::

[Momma Aimee]

not in your DDC

but

Dh and I drove our new baby home on the 31st of Oct talking about the next one ...... :

course DH says "maybe we shouldn't wait so long this time" -- our boys are 23.5 months apart ......

but we are old so we HAD said this was our last planned and plotted pregancy -- meaning we would not TTC again, but would always accept any gift with joy .............. and i guess that is the best / right answer ....... but we are both having a hard time being DONE ........ even with two perfect boys........

course i have to wonder if i'll ever feel done..............

AImee

[StrawberryFields]

I don't think you are being silly at all! I have been mulling over the "to have a 3rd, or not to have a 3rd" issue practically since I got a positive test this time around.

To be brutally honest, I really dislike being pregnant this time. The first time I was full of wonder with what it felt like to have a baby kicking inside me, to dream about what it would be like to meet my little one for the first time, to anticipate (and fear) the experience of labor, etc., etc. All of those things sort of helped me get past the aches and pains and sickness because everything was such a new experience.

This time, I don't really have that. I know what it feels like to have a baby kick, I remember the feeling of meeting my son for the first time. I know what labor feels like. So all that is really left is the sickness, the fatigue, the aches and pains, and the discomforts. Don't get me wrong, I am happy to be adding another child to our family, but I could really go the rest of my life without being pregnant again and not feel the slightest twinge of sadness.

HOWEVER, as much as dh and I do not want to go through another pregnancy/newborn period, we would really like to have a 3rd son or daughter to be part of our life, for the rest of our lives. And that has been keeping me awake at night wondering what to do. Finally, we have decided that it is such a short time in our life that we just have to buck up and get through it in order to have another child. And so we are pretty well decided that we are just going to have these last two back to back. And it's going to be hard. And I'm going to be sick, and tired, and stressed out, and unhappy. But when it is all over we KNOW that we are going to be so thankful that we made the sacrifice and had that third baby. When it's over, it's all over and I can't imagine that I will look back and wish that I hadn't gone through with it. So we are just going to go for it! I'm scared as heck but I think it is the right decision!

Good luck with your decision!!

[smokeylo]

Hee hee... NO! I don't think you're silly, but we are definitely like, "Let's not do this again for awhile!" We have had lots of conversations about family size and all, though, which has been nice. I have always wanted 3 kiddos but I have a feeling we're going to end up having just 2. I really only want to do this pregnancy thing one more time. The first tri was so awful, and while I like this part where the baby moves I just don't see doing this more than one more time unless it's by accident . We may consider adoption later on, though -- I can't justify adding tons more kids to the planet, but I think adoption would be cool once we are settled into our "grown up jobs" (that means being done with grad school!) and all that.

I've worked for big families and small families as a nanny. I love the hustle and bustle of a large family and am attracted to that. As a child I wanted tons of kids (I have one sister). But I also know there can be drawbacks. It can be hard to get to know each child really well (my mom is from a family of 10 and laments that she feels like she didn't know her Dad really well). There are obvious financial issues -- I'd like to be able to do some things for my kids that my parents couldn't, and that means having money to spend on them. I think I could swing piano lessons for 2... but I don't know about doing it for 4! That kind of thing. All that being said, if we have 2 and really want more, then we'll probably do it, but I'd definitely consider doing it through adoption of some kind, domestically probably. I don't know, but it's fun to talk about!