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Why WOULDN'T a man want to restore???

post #1 of 81
Thread Starter 
I've wondered about this often, and dh doesn't seem to have any better response than, "cuz what's done is done, and it would seem stupid to walk around with tape on my penis."

I didn't have to convince him about circ being a bad idea if we have a son.
He often backs me up with facts about health and sensitivity when debating with pro-circ friends.
He seems to be quite open and educated, however doesn't seem to lament lacking his own.
I have often mentioned that if I were a cut man, I would DEFINITELY be P.O.'d and would restore.

I personally LIKE the looks and feel of an uncut penis, I KNOW it would make MY sex life better (not be so brutal on me) and I know he would be a lot more sensitive. (he knows it too)

What exactly stops him? Laziness? Embarrassment?
Any ideas on encouraging restoration in an otherwise educated man? He won't give me what I think of as a "good" excuse... just that "it's dumb".
post #2 of 81
It's his penis. It's been that way for the vast majority of his life and the entirety of his adult sexual experience. Restoring is a big project, and an even bigger project if he's basically satisfied with how he looks and feels.

Maybe there's a way the two of you could improve your sex life without changing either of your bodies.
post #3 of 81
I certainly understand why a cut man might not want to restore. It's a huge endeavor for something that can never be fully restored.

I don't knock those who do restore, in fact I applaud their determination and courage. But I also understand why a cut man would just want to leave it alone.
post #4 of 81
I'm a cut man and can't imagine not restoring. Its made everything about sex so much better. Sure, its not perfect and its not the real thing, but its a huge improvement.

I guess I could understand if a guy is really loosely cut and doesn't see the problems that 1970s "cut off the entire foreskin + 10%" guys see, but still, the effect of having the glans coverage is well worth it.
post #5 of 81
I know for my own husband, he's pretty happy with sex and he has concerns about the time commitment, possible discomfort, the possible embarrassment if it's worn during the day, what if he doesn't like it or it doesn't look natural, etc. Ultimately he has to be convinced that the benefits outweigh the risks. Every circumcision causes damage but the extend of the circumcision and amount of damage varies...so I think the motivation to research/undertake restoration is high for some and low for others.

Just as I believe that no healthy healthy should be circed against his will, I also believe that no circumcised man should be pressured into restoration; his body, his choice.

Jen
post #6 of 81
I guess it's a "his body, his choice" thing. He's been messed about with, he's used to what he's got, he can't (or doesn't want to) see anything wrong with his own penis, why go to all that effort to change something he's used to and ok with? The fact that things could be better don't worry some people, especially if you're one of the lucky ones that don't really have any sexual problems at the moment.

I'm not a man, but I can imagine thinking something along those lines.
post #7 of 81
He also might not be ready to fully admit what was taken from him. It's a hard thing to wrap your mind around for anyone. For a man that had it done as an infant it's got to be really, really rough. My dh knows all the reasons not to circ and will point them out. He even thinks that the idea is insane, but to admit that there could be more for him or something could be wrong is miles beyond that thought. While I think it would be nice it's not something I would ever even bring up with him beyond commenting that some men do it. It's just too raw of a subject even decades after the original damage was done.
post #8 of 81
Quote:
Originally Posted by salt_phoenix View Post
I've wondered about this often, and dh doesn't seem to have any better response than, "cuz what's done is done, and it would seem stupid to walk around with tape on my penis."

I didn't have to convince him about circ being a bad idea if we have a son.
He often backs me up with facts about health and sensitivity when debating with pro-circ friends.
He seems to be quite open and educated, however doesn't seem to lament lacking his own.
I have often mentioned that if I were a cut man, I would DEFINITELY be P.O.'d and would restore.

I personally LIKE the looks and feel of an uncut penis, I KNOW it would make MY sex life better (not be so brutal on me) and I know he would be a lot more sensitive. (he knows it too)

What exactly stops him? Laziness? Embarrassment?
Any ideas on encouraging restoration in an otherwise educated man? He won't give me what I think of as a "good" excuse... just that "it's dumb".

I am a circed male. I myself have no desire to restore because like a previous poster said it is a big project and I guess I am used to it this way though I wonder what it would have been like not being cut at all and if I had a son he would have been intact. I would never marry a girl who was obcessed with circing.

As for sexual sensativity there are several areas of my body that I find more sensative than the glans. I do not know if it is the brain making up for the lost tissue by creating an alternate area.
post #9 of 81
I have found that it is impossible to explain to a guy that restoration could possibly improve his sex life. I myself was not convinced that it would improve anything in a signficant way. And i could not see that getting to climax was slowly becoming harder and harder. Its like watching a child grow, you do not see the change, but out of town relatives are amazed.

But now that i am partially restored, I have found that it really is an amazing difference. And increased sensitivity of the glans is small potatoes. The big difference is from the extra skin moving. Now way to explain it, but that is what makes all the difference! To both me and my wife.

So, you can lead a horse to water...

It is a long tedious and not so easy to figure out process. Takes committment and perserverance. If sex is great right now, why bother? Especially in a society like ours. So let him go at his speed. If it happens, let it be because he is engaged and wants to do it for himself. If he never reaches that point, shrug.

If he or anyone else wants to send me a pm, to discuss it more, feel free.

Regards
post #10 of 81
Quote:
Originally Posted by stik View Post
It's his penis. It's been that way for the vast majority of his life and the entirety of his adult sexual experience. Restoring is a big project, and an even bigger project if he's basically satisfied with how he looks and feels.
:
post #11 of 81
DH read this and said "too lazy," chuckled, and walked out.
post #12 of 81
It's a huge PITA undertaking. I can easily understand why a guy wouldn't want to.

-Angela
post #13 of 81
Too much work; the actual act can be uncomfortable; sex doesn't suck without a foreskin even if it would be better with; there's value to accepting yourself just the way you are even if that's not "perfect".

Who would want to hear from their partner that they're not good enough, especially when it's from something that was done TO them that they didn't have any control over? "Hey, Suzy, I know your parents fed you junk and gave you a complex about exercise and food that you've spent a lifetime coping with, but I just don't want to have sex with you until you lose 50 pounds. Really, it'd be better for both of us." That may not be what you intend to say, but might be how you're heard.

Love your partner. Love that he's an intactivist. Let him have some control over his body, control that he was denied as an infant.

If you really want it done, let him know about the idea, that you'd like to help, and that you'll support him in whatever he choses, even if it's to not restore. Then actually support him and accept him, whatever his choice is.

My 2c.
post #14 of 81
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg B View Post
I have found that it is impossible to explain to a guy that restoration could possibly improve his sex life. I myself was not convinced that it would improve anything in a signficant way. And i could not see that getting to climax was slowly becoming harder and harder. Its like watching a child grow, you do not see the change, but out of town relatives are amazed.

But now that i am partially restored, I have found that it really is an amazing difference. And increased sensitivity of the glans is small potatoes. The big difference is from the extra skin moving. Now way to explain it, but that is what makes all the difference! To both me and my wife.

So, you can lead a horse to water...
I think that hit the nail on the head, and DH here completely doubted it would make a differernce as well. He started just to "please me" and because he said it made sense to him that it would eliminate the need for extra lube, etc.

So, he started not expecting anything really and was really surprised!
post #15 of 81
I had never known, until this board, that foreskin restoration existed. It does seem like a fairly intense undertaking. So, I could see why men would not be eager to do it. Especially since they've lived with their circumcised penis for all of their lives. Plus, I've found that men tend to be a little "funny" when it comes to messing with that area.

I also had never heard of the female sexual difficulties because of it until this board. So, I asked my partner about it - he's circumcised, but thinks it's barbaric and wouldn't do it to his (potential) son.

My partner's response was that he'd try it only if we actually had problems with the way it is now. And had exhausted every other option, and had proven that more foreskin would solve them. So, I guess that would be a "no" from him.

He says he's lived with it like this since day 1, and doesn't see the need to change it. He's happy with it. He said it's brought him a lot of pleasure throughout all these years, so he really has no complaints.

Plus, he's a cyclist. Bikes 50 - 70 miles a day. Does races ... he doesn't want anything to interfere with that.

I'm trying to place myself in a man's shoes ... like if I had a penis, would I go through restoration? I don't know, honestly. It would depend on my partner, probably, than on anything else.
post #16 of 81
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post #17 of 81
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arwyn View Post
Too much work; the actual act can be uncomfortable; sex doesn't suck without a foreskin even if it would be better with; there's value to accepting yourself just the way you are even if that's not "perfect".

Who would want to hear from their partner that they're not good enough, especially when it's from something that was done TO them that they didn't have any control over? "Hey, Suzy, I know your parents fed you junk and gave you a complex about exercise and food that you've spent a lifetime coping with, but I just don't want to have sex with you until you lose 50 pounds. Really, it'd be better for both of us." That may not be what you intend to say, but might be how you're heard.

Love your partner. Love that he's an intactivist. Let him have some control over his body, control that he was denied as an infant.

If you really want it done, let him know about the idea, that you'd like to help, and that you'll support him in whatever he choses, even if it's to not restore. Then actually support him and accept him, whatever his choice is.

My 2c.
:
post #18 of 81

Motivation

I restored because I felt so naked with my glans exposed. I also wanted to look like my father. It was something few of my associates had (they were all circumcised).

During restoration I had to deal with issues like -- taking longer in the rest room to 'untape and re-tape'. Going to the gym -- uh, what would the guys say? Or do I have to untape prior to gym and then re-tape later. etc. But it was worth it to me.

D
post #19 of 81
I don't know

I am married to a circumcised man. He is anti circ and we have left our sons intact.

I have had intact and cut partners and there is no doubt that intact feels better. Circed feels like being violated by a blunt object.

DP has told me he is willing to restore. I showed him a bunch of sites with tips, instructions, testimonies, things to buy, etc. He still has never taken that first step.

He knows how much I coil from every sexual advance, and he knows why. It just hurts. But he still, knowing all this, the fact I would be more likely to want to have sex, he still hasn't started. I have no idea
post #20 of 81
I am married to a happily circumsized man who is also onboard with us not circumsizing our baby, due next month (we know it's a boy.) I think he would see a restoration as unnecessary, painful and risky as a circumcision, and thus would not choose the former for himself or the latter for our child.
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