Absolutely despairing of ever having this baby

[MamaHippo]

I'm only 5 days overdue, but I'm absolutely at the end of my emotional rope. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. :

I have NO impending labor signs. I mean NONE. The baby was still at -5 station at last check, where she had been for weeks. She had been at -2 when midwife checked me at 38 weeks, but the next week she'd moved back up to floating. I've been dilated to 2 since 38 weeks.
I'm getting so exhausted from fielding constant questions about "Are you EVER going to have that baby?" and "How long are They going to let you stay pregnant?!" Every time I call my wonderful support people, they answer the phone with such hopeful voices, like "Is this it? Is today the day? Are you in labor?" and I am so, so tired of having to tell them day after day that no, I'm not in labor, not even close, I'm just calling to talk or something. I have braxton hicks all the time but nothing strong, and nothing regular. No contractions. No show. Not even a lost plug. My DS was born at exactly 38 weeks. Its almost like I was closer to delivering at 38 weeks than I am now at 40!

I'm hoping for this to be an HBAC, but every day that passes I'm getting more scared - of her being enormous ( she was estimated to be 8 pounds 2 weeks ago on ultrasound) and me not being able to push her out, of my pelvis being too small (something the OB that delivered my son had said), of her being sick, of something going wrong inside me and me never knowing it until its too late. Its like my brain has had too much time to think about it, and now its going haywire with worry and stress. I just want to be in labor SO BADLY. i want her born. I want her safe. This is my last pregnancy, and I so desperately want my homebirth Vbac to be a success, not only to spare the baby the surgery/hospital ordeal but to validate myself to myself. I felt like a defective failure of a woman after my csection.

My mom is extremely ill and is keeping herself alive to see this baby. Every day I stay pregnant is a day lost between her and her grandbaby. Its killing me. My midwife says that I need to relax and focus on the baby, in order to get into a 'baby-having' frame of mind, but its just impossible. I've become a terrible wife, a pathetic mother to DS, and an awful friend. I'm neglecting my friendships, my housework, and my husband. I'm cranky and impatient with DS. I find myself snapping at him for nothing and then crying because I realize that he did nothing wrong and I feel like I'm damaging him emotionally.

I know women go late all the time. I know we're not out of time yet. I know I should not be like this. But my arms hurt to hold this baby, and see the look on my mom's face when she finally holds her. Everyone else is tired of waiting for me. Everyone is tired of me being like this. If I just had some signs, something to go on, I'd feel better, but there is just NOTHING. How often does labor start naturally from nothing?
Feel like I'm kidding myself .


Lisa

[GinaRae]

Oh Lisa, I know you really need to get this baby moving. Have you thought about asking for a membrane strip? I wish there was something one of us could do to help!!

[Googy]

Lisa,
I am so sorry that you are going through all this. All of us mamas who are/have been overdue understand the frustration of waiting so long, but your situation is so much more complicated because of your mom. That is a lot of pressure to have on yourself, not to mention all the stress and worry about her health.

I don't know if it is possible, but try to put as many of the worries out of your mind if you can:

1. Your DH, friends, etc. should completely understand why you are cranky right now and should be cutting you a lot of slack. And they should be helping you with DS as much as possible, and please bear in mind that your DS will never remember that you were snappy with him.

2. Start screening your calls. Ignore all the "well-meaning" people calling to see why you haven't had your baby yet.

3. Ultrasound weight estimates are notoriously innaccurate, so let the weight fear go. There is also no way of really telling whether your pelvis is suffucuent to deliver a baby--even if it is small it could be very stretchy, so that doesn't really mean anything.

4. Are you getting regular movements from the baby? If so, they are most likely completely fine. And late babies tend to be much healthier and well-adjusted than early ones, so try to rest at ease there.

5. As my OB says, dialation/effacement/station status really means nothing. She has had patients who are thick and closed in her office in the afternoon who have their babies that night, and she has had women walk around 4 centimeters dialeted for weeks. So try not to worry about that either.

6. I understand wanting the VBAC as bad as you do--I'm right there with you. I am soooo focused and dedicated to delivering this baby. But, when it all comes down to it, what REALLY matters is having a healthy baby in your arms, and if the VBAC fails it fails.

I think the hardest thing about pregnancy for me, is realizing how little control I have. I don't know about you, but I am one of those women who is generally motivated and successful. I am a "go-getter"--I make things happen for myself. But I can't do that in this situation, and that lack of control over my life and body can be difficult to digest sometimes.

On top of this lack of control, you have the lack of control over what is happening with your mom. That is a lot of major things that are out of your hands right now. I can only imagine that all of this would be very, very difficult to cope with.

I guess what I'm trying to say is to let go of the little things and to leave the big ones to whatever higher power you may believe in, whether it be God or fate or whatever. Try to focus on getting as much out of your remaining time with your Mom, and know that the baby will come whenever it is best to come.

Hang in there and know that we are all thinking about you!!!

[GearGirl]

Ugh, I am so sorry. What a stressful position for you to be in. I really hope your baby comes soon. I hope this helps, but I had no signs, zero, zip, nada, nothing with either ds or dd before they were born. I mean nothing at all. I had my water break with ds, and had him 36 hours later but before that nothing! With dd, I was between 41 and 42 weeks with no signs at all, high baby, no loss of plug, no water breaking, no real dilation or effacement, and I started with contractions at about 5:00am, and had her by 9:30am, so yes, you can go from no signs to baby. I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you. I'm also sorry to hear about your mom.

[chrysalis]

ohhhh lisa...HUGS mama.

first off, i want to say if you can, do your best not to think you are 'overdue'. its just an EDD. that is all. you still have 2 more wx. hopefully not for your wishes, i totally understand how you feel. tomorrow i'm at 40 wx... i'm ready to meet my baby. i'm so done w/ being pg as well. i have no signs really either...baby is still low and anterior which is great...i'm just waiting for labor to start i suppose.

i hear your anxiety re. having baby soon so your mom can spend time w/ her before she may pass... i can't imagine the pain and stress and sadness and every emotion you must be feeling... i will be thinking of you... come on baby............come on.........

hang in there...talk more w/ your MW about how you feel and your fears, etc. what does she say about your pelvis size? about all you are fearing/dreading, etc.? my MW has such a great way of helping me to trust in birth and in my body and that i CAN do this VBAC and so forth. she is very reassuring when i express fears such as dying or U/R or whatever and explaining how unlikely that is etc. my MW has told me that 2nd time mamas (or 3rd or whatever after the first one that is...) often have little signs (including dilation/effacement) before they go into labor...so hang in there, try to keep your chin up and not doubt that this WILL happen for you and you WILL be holding your baby before you know it!

well meghy wants me to get her out of the tub....hang in there........before you know it, it'll be your turn.

[cheeseRjedi]

I'm sorry you are going through all this, Lisa. I don't have words of wisdom to share with you but wanted to let you know that I was where you are just a few days ago and it stunk. I had no signs of impending labor, no dilation, just a ripened cervix...one night out of the blue I lost my mucous plug and I was holding my boy 6 hours later. Your body is slowly working its way towards this birth and you will be holding your sweet girl soon.

I am so sorry of the whole situation with your mom - it sounds stressful, as does the constant barrage of people expecting you to go into labor at any second. Towards the end, DH dreaded going to work and having to answer the same questions over and over and over. All his shifts were scheduled with people on call in case he had to leave so basically everyone at his work was waiting for me to go into labor. It was stressful but once I let go of the 'any day now' watched pot feeling, I moved forward and had my baby. I hope things turn around quickly for you - I'll be thinking of you and your fam.

[Kontessa]

All this fear and worry can not be good. ((((Hugs)))) Please try and redirect your emotions and trust, take the leap of faith, put this in the hands of a higher power of what ever kind works for you, and rest. Be determind that you WILL have this baby. It WILL be at home. It WILL be smooth and peaceful, and your mother WILL connect with this child.

My baby did not come till I got over the fear and got ANGRY. It gave me the will to relax and trust. I set out my options in my head and ONLY talked to people who would support me at that point. I screened my calls even.

Some babies NEED 42 weeks and even then they are not huge. Trust your body to grow a baby you can birth.

Ok, enough of the hard love pep talk from me. I was a mess at the end too!

[MamaHippo]

I'm getting scared because the baby is so quiet. I have never been this pregnant or had a baby this big, so I dont know how much movement is normal at this stage. She's been a total spitfire this whole pregnancy and the last month she's been very quiet, but especially so the last 24 hours. I was up for hours last night trying to get her to move. After rolling around and poking her forever she finally gave a little wiggly movement but no good kicks. I'm up getting ready to drive 55 miles to see my midwife's chiropractor, whom she says is great at opening up the pelvis to get a baby to drop, and I have a message in to her to see if she can check heart tones for me while we're down there.

[*Lindsey*]

[Googy]

If the baby's movement is unusually slow, then you should call your MW and go in for a NST. That is really important at this stage! A NST will tell you a LOT more than just hearttone.

[Undercover Hippie]

Oh sweetie, I'm sorry. I feel like my baby is never going to come either, and I don't have half the stress that you are going through.

Me personally, I am totally screening my calls and even kind of withdrawing from calling my support people... no matter how much I love them I just don't want to talk anymore. I don't want anything except to have my baby and nothing they say is going to help.

I'm glad you can go to the chiropracter today and hopefully get checked out by your MW. I'm sure baby is fine... my MW was just telling me that our babies sleep a lot deeper now inside us than they used to, so sometimes it is hard to wake them up and get them moving... hopefully that is all that your little stinker was doing. Also I know baby being up so high is really frustrating, but maybe she was settling in a bad position and had to pull herself back up to start over? I know we can guess all we want, but I'm sure your body has a wisdom that it is following... it's just so hard that we never know what that is until it's over!

I just hope you feel better after seeing everyone today. (((HUGS)))

[MamaHippo]

I drank a full-sugar coke in the car on the way to the chiro, and after about 45 mins on the road, she started moving. I got ahold of my midwife but she was out with her kids for her first day off in weeks, so we talked for a couple mins and she said if the baby is moving after the good dose of sugar, she's most likely just fine, and was just sleepy last night as a pp suggested. I feel silly for interrupting her day with her kids now . I go back to see her on Friday for a full visit and she'll take a good long look at her then.
How often DO fullterm large babies move in utero? I dont know if I'm just so busy/stressed that i'm not noticing her moving, or if her movements are just so deep that I dont feel them very strongly. She's sideways, facing towards my right side.

[yogamama74]

I think they just settle in and snuggle down towards the end...I've noticed the baby seems less super-active recently too and I remember that being so with my other babies also.

Maybe they are resting up for all that work to be born.

That, and we're too pre-occupied with labor thoughts to notice much...I keep forgetting things and notice my brain is so clogged full of nonsense...maybe we're just not noticing as much....I've left my keys in the van ignition 3 times this week

[Ivanhoe]

Stay in the center, or, better, put yourself in the center of the stage. I know it's diffucult but forget about your husband, your son and your dear mother. You need to be the star to make this birth happen.

Love,
I.

[BarefootinBrooklyn]

My Dr. today said that the baby should still be moving 10 times in two hours. I hadn't been timing exactly lately, since I knew she'd be slowing down toward the end (I was due yesterday)....