how i am feeling :(

[Momma Aimee]

i am starting to feel very depressed.

i have not slept well in too many nights to count -- and i am so tired... i was falling asleep last night rocking T in the chair (why i didn't get him to sleep i am sure) and i keep falling asleep nurseing C, thus pulling the boob out, thus making him cry, thus having to start over .... so i am even more tired .....

all i want to do is hide in bed, sleep, hide, sleep

i am having a really hard time -- i felel pulled apart by the needs of the two boys ... I feel totally isolated and alone

theo has been so clingy ... yesterday DH came hom early but it didn't help ... Theo still wants to crawl all over me, and i still ended up fighting him when i needed to take care of C ....it was just the same as if DH was at the office, save i also had T crying each time DH walked out of the room or whatever .. so actually it was worse......dh came home so i could nap with c and reast as i was (am) sick ... but that didn't happen, he did take T our for 45 miuntes, but i got him dressed and dh f-ed around ont eh computer for a hour before taking him so i had a ticked off 2 year old ............i just wish DH had stayed at work .....................

I alwsy feel i am neglecting one or the other ....... c is asleep and t is stanidn on my lap right now pulling my hair out

i was feeling better for a few days -- but feeling sick night before last, all day yestreday and today is reallly really really a drain and i am having a realy really really hard time.

i feel so loney

i feel so tired

i feel like i am doing really badly with the boys -- one is almost a;ways upset .. and taking care of T takes so much time (to get him to eat or whatever) and he doesn't like to be rushed and totally shuts down whatever he is doing -- won't eat at all if rushed, grumpy all day if rushed out of bed in the morning -- and i feel like i am always having to rush him, or push him off because of Charles. but i can brely nurse C .. never get to sit and gaze and nurse and talk and cuddle like i got to with Theo .. cuz Theo won't give me a break, he is climbing on us all the time, trying to hold C, trying to touch his face, getting into a giggaling fit and so i have to put C away in the cradle or crib jsut to keep him safe .... so really BOTH boys are unhappy and neglexcted...................

i am having a really hard time, yesterdy and today are just plain awful.

AImee

[amylizpat]

Hugs, Mama. Right now is such an isolating time for many of us and it sucks. At some point every day I really can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I know it's there somewhere. It's there for you, too, I promise. Is there any possible way you can get out of the house alone for just a bit? I went to the store yesterday by myself (and took the long way home) and I swear it got me through another day.

Hang in there.

[Isaac'sMa]

hugs, Amy. Is there any way you could get a pp doula or sitter to watch T. for a few hours while you sleep. I'm sure if you could get some sleep your outlook would improve...that is what I am struggling with here. Caleb has a cold (already! at 2 weeks) he caught from Isaac. So, I hear you. You might be lonely but you are not alone.

[maisiedotes]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I can't imagine life with 2 children post partum... for me just one is taking its toll. It is so hard to not have the sleep, plus all the other things that go along with newborns. Hang in there!

[renaissanceed]

Hugs Aimee. I feel the same way much of the time even though Silas is much better sleeper than Miriam ever was and I am able to put him down a lot. But then I feel like I never interact with him at all because I take every opportunity to put him down and play with Miriam because she's so clingy.

I think the first 6 weeks will probably be the worst and hopefully things will start to settle down a bit. it's a huge adjustment for everyone - you, Theo and Charles - and like every major change, it will take time for everyone to figure out a new routine.

Being tired and sick makes things worse - I'm getting a cold and not looking forward to the next week.

Whenever I think that things are really really awful, I try to remind myself that in two weeks it will be different. Better in some ways, worse possibly in others, but this stage will not last forever. Hard to remember when you're in the thick of things but I try to say this as my mantra. Things will be different in two weeks. Things will be different in two weeks.

[GinaRae]

Awww Aimee, I know you're pretty isolated out there where you are. Bummer. I wish I could pop in and see you and let Theo poke my baby for a bit instead

Is there anyone else you can call and vent to? Your friend in another state? Have a good cry.

You may need to really work on Theo to back off a bit so that Charles can get what he needs too. But at this point, I am sure Charles is NOT feeling neglected! It's all going to be okay.

Get noisy with that husband though - if he's going to be home, he should be helping and NOT on the computer.

[Momma Aimee]

I feel the same way much of the time even though Silas is much better sleeper than Miriam ever was and I am able to put him down a lot. But then I feel like I never interact with him at all because I take every opportunity to put him down and play with Miriam because she's so clingy.

charles is soooooooooooooooooooo much better sleeper than T -- and i feel that is part of why he gets "neglected" I can lay him down -- even awake he will lay alone (T never would, or i never tried, not sure )

I feel that cuz he is easy i don't do with him as much as i did with T (cuz T wasn't as easy or cuz T was first?????????) ...........

Thanks Gina

no there is no one ...........we have two sets of friends, not close by any means but all we got in iowa ....one was back up care for T who came to see Chrles the first week we were home and have not called since they are 30 minnutes by country roads (snowed here yesterday) but due to road work they are now an hour .....and hse wah 2 days a week, goes to MOPS, goes to church play gorup and so on ... busy lady..........................other set is an hour away and the sahw doesn't drive (her dh works with mine) adn had heart sugery this summer and can't even lift T so while she is nice, she can't help and can't get here anyway .........................no real freinds in Iowa

Thanks everyone

hey what are we gonna do to stay together when this DDC ends

[chrysalis]

hugs aimee....

i've asked the same question about our DDC somehow carrying on...mabe we could make a yahoo group? or if MDC has them, playgroups for nov 07? (i haven't seen any though...) i'd be lost w/out you all...