Just saw this posted on another list.
Quote:
| Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a trial run, we decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect. Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not decorated with swags of Indian corn and fall foliage. Instead, I've gotten the kids involved in the decorating by having them track in colorful autumn leaves from the front yard. The mud was their idea. The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic veggie tales plate and the blue clues napkins. We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while you wait. As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying. We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to stick with tradition. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will not ask the children to sit at a separate table. In a separate room. Next door. Now I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I stress "private" meaning: Do not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat. Before I forget, there is one additional difference between my Thanksgiving dinner and that suggested by my good friend Martha Stewart. Instead of offering a choice of 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints. You will still have your choice of: take it or leave it. God Bless, and Be Thankful! |
