I think I know why the idea of 'restoration' makes me uncomfortable...

[Couz]

I am VERY anti-circ. I am in health care, and use the opportunity to educate people before the damage is done to their infant sons whenever I can (including at my recent prenatal class, much to my husband's chagrin!).

But the idea of restoration makes me uncomfortable and I haven't really understood why. If I'm so very anti-circ, shouldn't I be pro-restoration?

I guess my problem lies with telling anyone at any age that their bodies aren't good enough. They had no say in whether or not they were circ'd, so aside from educating them so that they don't do the same to their own infant sons I don't think that 'foreskin restoration' is really appropriate. KWIM? The circ'd penis will NEVER be the same as the natural penis, regardless of what procedures are performed to make it look uncut. Why give men a complex over what can't be undone?

Does anyone else feel this way, or am I a freak over here? :

[Mommiska]

I definitely agree with you that men should not be given a complex over something they had NO control over. And it makes me so sad to think that there are circed men who feel that their body isn't 'good enough'.

However, that said - I think that restoration is very empowering for men who chose to restore. They are taking back control over their own bodies - they are deciding for themselves how they want their body to look, feel and function.

If I'd been circed against my will as a child, and had the opportunity to undo at least some of the harm that had been done - I would do it gladly...both for myself and as a two fingers up sign to the doctor who cut me in the first place, you know?

For men who chose to restore, they are taking control of their own bodies and their own sexuality - and that has to be a positive thing, I think.

I do think that restoration is a very personal decision that a man must make on his own. And there is obviously a lot of 'coming to terms with what was done in the past' that a man must do before he starts down the path of restoration. So it is a delicate subject and can't be forced.

However - in a longterm sexual relationship, there are two people involved. In many cases, circ causes significant sexual problems for both the cut man and his partner. So, like it or not, the cut penis does not function the way it was intended to.

And it often causes pain/discomfort for the partner of the cut man.

This is a reality that has to be faced, I think. It sucks, and it isn't fair. And I don't think any man should be made to feel that his body isn't 'good enough'.

At the same time, I think we have to acknowledge and accept that in many (although not all, obviously) cases, the circumcision HAS caused sex to be painful/uncomfortable/etc for the man and/or his partner.

I think we have to acknowledge that in order to end circumcision, the men who are currently cut and the babies now being cut, are going to have to face the fact that - at the very least - their penis does not work the way it was intended to work, and this can and does have negative consequences for their and their partner's sexuality.

I think restoration is a very powerful way of acknowledging this fact, but at the same time taking control of your own body and not letting anyone else dictate to you how your own body should look and function.

[Organicavocado]

Originally Posted by Couz

I guess my problem lies with telling anyone at any age that their bodies aren't good enough. They had no say in whether or not they were circ'd, so aside from educating them so that they don't do the same to their own infant sons I don't think that 'foreskin restoration' is really appropriate. KWIM? The circ'd penis will NEVER be the same as the natural penis, regardless of what procedures are performed to make it look uncut. Why give men a complex over what can't be undone?

Does anyone else feel this way, or am I a freak over here? :

Part of me agrees with you, most of me disagrees. Not everyone is going to take the option of restoration (Since Ive never heard of someone telling a circ'd man he "should" restore) as an insult to their imperfections as it really isn't anything they had control over. My husband seems to view it as an opportunity to reclaim a bit of what he never knew existed, as a way to improve.. not to say he was incomplete before. He's curious, I'm curious.

I posted a while ago about how I thought it was hard to spread the anti-circ message to men (or, especially teenage boys) without offending them by making them think their bodies are imperfect/making them defensive (and thus failing at the purpose of the message)... it seems easier to spread it to women who then carefully breach the subject with their husbands and sons. I feel more strongly about that issue than I do about restoration as I don't see any pressure toward restoring.. this, unlike RIC, is a personal choice. I'm sure some men do it because they feel inadequate, I can't say because I don't personally know very many men who are, but in my experience it doesn't appear that way for the majority.

I think the curiosity cured by restoration has more to do with it, if that makes sense. Sorry if this is a bit jumbled, Im distracted

[Ecstatic]

I've never heard of restoration until this board. I don't think, I would ever ask my partner to restore Nor would I ever make him feel like his penis is any less ... arousing, lol, to me. Frankly, it isn't. I love him ... ALL of him. Just the way he is. I don't even think about the fact that he doesn't have a foreskin. The damage has been done, and it really makes no difference to me now. He pleases me, intellectually, emotionally, philosophically, physically, etc. We've not had any problems with his penis in terms of sex ... so, I think, why bother to go through such a process which still won't give him back what was lost?

If he wants to restore, it will only be because he wants it for himself. Which I doubt will happen. As he's happy with his body.

I'm glad the option is there for men who want it, but I would feel very uncomfortable asking my partner to restore or to go through such a process. For me, it's like him asking me to alter something about my own body that I've lived with for my whole life. I just think we can work around anything with the right attitude and creative solutions. Restoration, to me at least, sounds like a painful and not really enjoyable process.

[hakunangovi]

Mommiska, I think yours was a very good post. Restoration is something that some men choose to do to regain some of what they lost. It is a long and tedious process, that is not likely to be undertaken unless they acknowlege that something rather vital was taken from them and they are not happy with the status quo. Jim Bigelow, author of "The Joy of Uncircumcising" stated that restoration helps a man feel whole again. I think that about hits the nail on the head.

[frontierpsych]

I don't think it should be pushed on anybody, or even brought up unless the conversation points you in that direction (ie-- not talking about FR in a general circ convo, but possibly to someone who has confided that they have a tight circ, painful erections, etc, as a possible solution.) I think it's fine if it's what a guy wants to do, just like I don't have a problem with circ on a consenting adult (crying shame yeah, but it's their decision). I would never push it on anyone, there's no point. If they are happy with the way they are then why change it?

[jserral]

Good points so far... Some cut guys are perfectly fine with their bodies, some dont want to accept what was lost... however, you cant tip toe around the negatives or pretend they dont exist and expect them to agree circumcision shouldn't be done. Restoration, for me, is more about taking control of what was done and getting as close to what my body should have been as possible. Restoration is something that has to be decided by the individual.

This isn't something like obesity, having a really thin build, having a large nose, ears that stick out.... circumcision is a surgery forced upon the kid because his body isn't good enough... it alters him from his natural state. I am fine with the rest of my body because that is what I was born with... and restoration brings me as close as possible to being "whole" and any other benefit along the way is secondary to that.

[BamaDude]

Originally Posted by Couz

I guess my problem lies with telling anyone at any age that their bodies aren't good enough.

Telling someone about foreskin restoration isn't telling them their bodies aren't good enough, it's telling them that their bodies could be better.

Originally Posted by Couz

They had no say in whether or not they were circ'd, so aside from educating them so that they don't do the same to their own infant sons I don't think that 'foreskin restoration' is really appropriate. KWIM? The circ'd penis will NEVER be the same as the natural penis, regardless of what procedures are performed to make it look uncut. Why give men a complex over what can't be undone?

A restored foreskin will never be exactly the same as a natural intact one, but it's a whole heckuva lot better than no foreskin at all. For a guy whose only basis of comparison is a desensitized penis that was circ'd at birth, a restored foreskin is a revelation. For a guy with a tight circ who grew up believing that erections are always painful and that masturbation is impossible without applied lubrication, a restored foreskin is a Godsend. When these guys realize exactly what was taken from them through circumcision, they almost always become serious intactivists...they KNOW what they spent most of their life missing, and they don't want other guys to have to suffer the same issues they have.

[AXEius]

as a restoring husband i can say that a restored penis is a huge benefit to the man as well as the woman. Restoration isn't usually done just for appearances, in fact most men do it for the functional benefits. THE FORESKIN HAS NUMEROUS FUNCTIONS it is not there just for looks. Have you read about the functions of the foreskin? Understanding the functions will greatly increase your understanding of why a man would want to and, should seriously consider restoration. The nerves and muscles of the foreskin cannot be restored, however, the gliding action and the sensitivity regained from the glans and remaining inner foreskin dekeratinizing is such a huge and wonderful change that having a restored foreskin is unbelievably better than being without a foreskin at all (just like bamadude said). IF your sex life was "bad" and you knew it was because circumcision had removed sensation from your genitals and you found out that circumcision could bring back much of your sensation so that sex could feel "good", would you not want to restore to help repair the horrible damage done by circumcision?. Imagine if you were restored and sex went from bad to better than you could ever imagine directly because of the benefits gained my having a restored foreskin. that is my direct perspective of restoring

[Fi.]

regardless of what procedures are performed to make it look uncut.

It's not just about LOOKING. It's a huge improvement in sensation for the man as well.

[Organicavocado]

Originally Posted by Fi.

It's not just about LOOKING. It's a huge improvement in sensation for the man as well.

And more comfortable for his partner. IME anyway, so far :

[njeb]

When I first started posting here, I showed my dh some threads on this subject, saying, "Look at this! What do you think of this?" His response was complete indifference. Whether his indifference is caused by denial or a total lack of interest in the subject, I don't know. In any case, I decided not to bring it up again. His penis, his choice.

What I did NOT do was make him think his penis was inferior in any way. I knew that would be completely counterproductive.

So, you CAN broach the subject to your dh/dp without making them feel inadequate.

[transformed]

what exactly is involved in restoration? How long can it take?

My dh know's its possible but he is hugely affected by the media and...I have to assume, porn...(I just get the feeling )

I doubt my dh will ever restore. Unless he starts to feel the issues with sensation...then he will be glad he has a penis educated wife. LOL

I would never ask him to though. I love him for who he is. I love his penis too.

[Organicavocado]

Foreskin Restoration Sticky.

I don't think it's really something you can ask them to do, it's a personal thing. You can bring it up and you can say "hey, this is neat, read this!" but ultimately it has to be him that makes the commitment.

[gabysmom617]

Originally Posted by Couz

I am VERY anti-circ. I am in health care, and use the opportunity to educate people before the damage is done to their infant sons whenever I can (including at my recent prenatal class, much to my husband's chagrin!).

But the idea of restoration makes me uncomfortable and I haven't really understood why. If I'm so very anti-circ, shouldn't I be pro-restoration?

I guess my problem lies with telling anyone at any age that their bodies aren't good enough. They had no say in whether or not they were circ'd, so aside from educating them so that they don't do the same to their own infant sons I don't think that 'foreskin restoration' is really appropriate. KWIM? The circ'd penis will NEVER be the same as the natural penis, regardless of what procedures are performed to make it look uncut. Why give men a complex over what can't be undone?

Does anyone else feel this way, or am I a freak over here? :

EVERYTHING lost with a circ can't be undone, but a WHOLE HECK OF A LOT can be returned with restoration.

Once the glans is covered and the calloused skin cells come off and the glans is an internal organ like it was supposed to be in the first place, a whole new world of sensation opens up for the man.

I know this because my husband is restoring. So far his corona has become MAJORLY sensitive, I mean, 100 times moreso than before he started restoring. If I brush up against "down there" by mistake now, he jumps from the unexpected rush of sensations from newly awake nerves that weren't there before he started restoring. Sex is a whole new world for him, he is more vocal than I ever thought he could ever be.

Sure he won't feel the same as if he was left intact, but it's still a whole lot better than not being restored (or, in the process of restoring...)

He went from being deadset against restoration (although extremely anti circ) to having his own Yahoo group promoting restoration to other circ'ed men.

But it's up to the man whether or not he wants to feel a close simulation of the sensations that was stolen from him when he was circumcised or not. I see a lot of men just dump out the thought of restoration with the thought of "what's the use? It would never be the same"....But they are missing out on a lot by not restoring.

[SammyJr]

Like circumcision, restoration should be entirely up to the man. Unlike circumcision, restoration results in improved sex for both the man and his partner.

It's not so much a matter of telling them that their bodies aren't good enough - I think that implies that they have always been that way like a birth defect. Its the man coming to terms with the fact that he was wronged and sex could and should be a lot better. Some men never get there and that's fine, but the most important thing is that they don't wrong their son in the same way.