WTH?...Stalled and Discouraged...

[wwisdomskr]

Nothing is happening, Mamas. We've missed Thanksgiving dinner; my midwives kids missed having their mom with them for Thanksgiving dinner, too. I feel like a big jerk.

No more fluid and contractions have fizzled out. My parents arrive in about 27 hours. My zen feelings about the whole matter are gone. Sooo discouraged and upset. I really can't handle them being here for the birth. I would rather wait until they leave.

I finally get my head right about being ready to meet this baby and feeling up for the birth...and...then...nothing...

Course dh had to call everyone with a heads up since it was Thanksgiving.: We would NOT have called any other day and I'm really, really questioning the faulty logic that went into that decision in the first place.

This sucks.

[yogamama74]

Don't feel too bad, sometimes there are false starts...I'm sure no one blames you or your uterus...

Here's hoping you can all relax until its the real thing.

[*GreenMama*]

Oh mama, how upsetting for you. I hate false starts. I was actually admitted to the hospital and all for my first one and sent home the next day... Its disheartning, but know that you will be feeling 1000x better when you are holding baby in your arms REAL soon!

[strawberryfields08]

Here we are again in similar situations! My water broke this morning I was certain. Then almost nothing all day after I told everyone that my water broke and today would be the day ect. Also because it was Thanksgiving and everyone was counting on us. Well I started to question if it was really water but the little I had throughout the day made me feel it had to be because of smell ect. Everyone is just waiting on me and I hate the pressure of it. And all the questions that went along with it. Well I have had more gushes tonight and I am certain it is water, but very little contractions. MW is sending her assistant over to evaluate in about an hour or so. So maybe I will have my baby soon tonight or early morning....but FIL is already here and man oh man this is the most unrelaxing house right now and I don't know if that is why things are slow or not. I hope I can just relax and get this labor going soon.
I am sure your baby will be here soon. All of that work wasn't for nothing. And it looks like I will have my baby soon which means you must because we seem to be on the same schedule!
Hopefully yours will be before your company gets there. I have been working on having peace with the way it is going to have to go and I know I will survive even if it is not perfect.
Birthing Vibes to you mama!

[Curlita]

Sorry that babe is being reluctant... hang in there.

[Kontessa]

Everyone I am sure knows you did not mean or have any control over what happened today.

My false starts where horrible as well.

Labor is hard work had different meaning for me. It was not the physical that was the hard part. The emotional was the worst. I fetl like I was putting others out to help me, like I was being needy, and had a hard time asking for help and what I needed. I finally had to get angry with the midwives wanting me to wait for the best time for them to come out and induce and my water had been broken for well over 24 hours and all they wanted was waivers from me, no help to get baby out. Nothing was going as planned. I got mad enough to let go of my expectations of the situation. I would have my baby and not in accord with everyone else.

[*Lindsey*]

[Isaac'sMa]

:

[chrysalis]

oh mama!!! (((HUGS))) that must feel really frustrating to be put on a watch/timer so to speak w/ others... don't despair, before you know it baby will be here...try not to worry so much about others and focus on baby and you. i can't imagine how you are feeling... thinking of you.
love,
lis

ps-just realized you posted this yesterday...maybe more is happening now???

[wwisdomskr]

Thanks for the hugs. Still nothing and now it's "too late." I really need baby to wait until at least the evening of December 1. My mom leaves mid-afternoon on that day.

I had a big emotional breakdown last night. I feel so beaten down...this pregnancy has just been so hard. I don't know how much more I can bend.

Dh and our midwife are trying really hard to relieve my stress and reassure me that everything will be okay even if baby chooses this week to be born. I am so blessed and well-cared for. But, I am in a bad place and don't feel good about it at all...no matter what they say. I've taken risks with her too many times to be naive about it.

Honestly, I'm not sure how to deal with my mother this week whether I give birth or not. I was so sure that I would be at least a few weeks postpartum by the time she arrived...and she would be so busy with the kids that we wouldn't have the chance to bother/hurt one another. But, now she's going to be right up in my space all week long...

The "deal" in our relationship, as I finally figured out about 5 years ago, is that I only speak and engage with her when I am feeling well and strong. I really don't feel safe with her while I am in such a vulnerable place.

But...what am I going to do... I have no input in the matter at all...

What I really need to do is get to a space where I refuse to compromise on my birthing needs and just accept the consequences as they fall back down. I know that I will not be able to let go and birth with her in my space. Even on a shallow level...she has made comments about my body, etc, for my entire life. How am I supposed to feel safe enough to go into the primal birthing space. I always end up naked and loud and I don't want to have to feel ashamed or embarrassed about that. She would be likely to make comments and jokes about it later...thinking that she was being intimate or bonding with me, etc. Or she'll make comments about my hairy belly or my rash or my stretch marks or my hemroids...

I'm going to have to have dh and our midwives get her to leave and then accept that she will be hurt and angry....and won't understand...and that she will likely not speak to me again for a good while...

[BirthFree]

Just lurking (not a part of your DDC), but could she stay in another place (like hotel or otherwise)? So she won't be in your space if you don't want her to?

Sending my thoughts...

[wwisdomskr]

Originally Posted by BirthFree

Just lurking (not a part of your DDC), but could she stay in another place (like hotel or otherwise)? So she won't be in your space if you don't want her to?

Sending my thoughts...

I wish...

If I could ask her to stay in a hotel, then I could ask her to respect my space...kwim? She could never imagine that she would be a bother to anyone...

[renaissanceed]

What a tough situation. I know that I didn't want any one else around for the birth, particularly my mother (who also has a lot of negative energy/comments to share). Can you get your DH and MW to be aggressive with her and keep her out of the way during the birth, and then take the blame and tell them they thought it was for the best? They should really be helping you protect your space during that time.

[kathteach]

I am so sorry you have to deal with this at this time. It is so not fair. You should be supported and protected for your birth, not on the defense. I hope you, DP, and your MW can come up with a good plan to ensure you feel safe.

[chrysalis]

peace to you and your sacred birthing space. and hugs...big time hugs.

like you, i'm a little annoyed and concerned about my own mother being around the birth center while i'm laboring/birthing...she keeps saying how she doesn't deal well w/ me in pain...whatever. deal w/ it i say. get yourself together cuz you've got my dd to take care of and make sure she is ok. she also treats me nasty when i'm stressing or having a hard time whichever way or things aren't so 'pretty' in her eyes re. a situation i'm in dire straits about...she will turn against me rather than be loving and kind and affectionate. the other day i napped w/ her in her bed and i felt so alone...wondering WHY can't my OWN mother just throw her arms around me and tell me how much she truly loves me...there is such a distance, its so odd. mothers!!! at least THESE kinds of mothers... god i hope i'm not ever such a negative ick to meghan at times like this. pllllattt!

[Kontessa]

((((Hugs)))) You have so very much going on, how on earth can you get peaceful and down to having this baby?

I am worried about you.

[strawberryfields08]

I am just checking to see how things are going for you. I know that you didn't want to give birth with your mother there and I really hope that your birth team can come up with some "reasons" why she can't be around you while you are birthing.
I wanted to share with you a little about my experience because it ended up better than I could have expected. As you know I didn't want to give birth with FIL and step MIL here and sure enough the day after they arrived my water broke. All I could do was prepare myself that I was going to have to make the best of it. Luckily I didn't go into labor right away so I had the day to prepare myself and my birth environment. Step MIL kept trying to make excuses as to why they would need to be there and I just kept letting her know that I had everything all ready. (Like she wanted to take pictures don't even hardly know this woman! So I told her my sister was already going to do it, ect.)
DH had asked them to stay at the hotel which was a saving grace for us. During the day DH hung a makeshift curtain in the hallway separating the rest of the house from the bedrooms and bathroom. I figured that if they were going to be there at least this would send an off limits message. All I could do was think if they are going to be here they are going to see a side of birth they are not familiar with and they will probably talk about me later but I need to get into the right mindset and just birth, that is all I can do.
Somehow it worked out that FIL wanted to go to rest at the hotel just as my MW was coming to get things moving and we just never called them until morning after DS was born. They might have been a little put off but I birthed without them here! And I am confident that I was ready to do it with them here as well, I just lucked out.
I just wanted to share this with you in case you haven't given birth yet. I wanted you to know that it might work out better than you could have imagined it would. I know it is discouraging and so very frustrating. But in the end all that matters is I have my baby healthy in my arms. My inlaws talk about people a lot and I knew that they would take my happy experience and skew it into this terrible hard birth story that they would tell everyone but in the end I couldn't deal with that or control it. I just had to take care of me and baby. I really hope that something similar will come of your situation. Sometimes there are lessons for us to learn. And in the end it won't matter what your mother thought of your birth, but how you felt about it. Peace to you mama! Please let us know how you are doing.