I think I am going through labor alone.....any advise?

[Carlito's_wife]

Well as a lot of you may know my husband is over seas right now. I had very high hopes of them letting him come home on R&R and him being here in time for the birth but reality is kind of sinking in. I just don't think it is going to happen. I have never went through labor alone and the thought of it is making me so nervous and worried that I feel I am starting to get depressed over it. I am having thougts about getting my tubes tied even though DH is dead set against it because I have been very resentful about the fact that I have done this pregnancy alone, I may be going through labor alone, as well as the first year of Jaslene's life will be spent with a single parent.

I moved to NY about 9 months ago and since then I haven't made any friends at all because I am just kind of a private person. I am 25 years old and it seems a lot of other people my age on base are just not as into their family and their marriage as I am and I don't like being around other people who live a totally different life than I do. I think it adds up to trouble to be hanging around women who still drink and go out to clubs and do things that shouldn't be done when you are married.

I am trying to tell myself I am a strong woman and I can go this alone and be ok but I worry about what I will do with my other two children while I am in labor and how I will be able to take care of them and get them to school and things like that while I am in the hospital. I have considered having the baby and just leaving the hospital immediatly so I know that they will not suffer negativly by me going into labor. I also worry about how I will handle the stress of labor with no one there. I know there must be many women who have done it and not complained so I feel really bad about becoming such a baby about it. I don't know why I am so scared, but I am.

I have asked a lot of my family if they would be able to make it down. They would love to be able to but it just isn't in the cards because they have work and families of their own. So I think it really is time for me to start making a good plan now and just accept the fact that I won't have any help.

Problem is I don't know where to start. I just have no idea how to go about this in a way that is productive to my children and myself. I have thought of having them there but I know they would not understand seeing me in all that pain. Especially my youngest. He already is having a lot of problems accepting the fact that I am pregnant and I don't want him to see me hurting and feel like it is the babies fault.

Anybody been through something like this and have good ideas?

[Mommy2Austin]

First of all

One thing you could look at doing is hiring a doula for the labor support. She'll be able to help you relax and focus on the birth!

For your kids, do they have any friends they could stay with? If not do you have any friends from another base you would trust to fly in and take care of them?

I hope for your sake your DH will be able to make it home!

[Maluhia]

s

A doula.

Better yet - PM me - my entire IL family lives near Ft. Drum including my AWESOME cousin-in-law (she's 30 but had her first about 22) with four children who loves her marriage and is a Christian. I'd love to introduce you two so you could meet more women with your value for family, etc.

[True Blue]

Only time for a quick note...but there is a free doula service for wives whose DH's are serving....can't remember the name offhand but I bet if you google it you'll find it! That might give some peace of mind.

[bloominmamas]

I would try to find a birth doula as well as a post partum doula, they would both be able to supply some support for you...Also try a Le Leche League group to try to meet up with some people, or a MOMS Club. I know the MOMS Club I was a part of would help with meals and laundry, and they have playgroups which would help if you bonded with the women to get your kids to school...

[mom2tillie]

Not familiar with the area, but I commend you for being dedicated to your marraige and family... doula, definately... and I hope that you find some other moms that may be able to help you more.

-Iris

[CalebsMama05]

Originally Posted by Carlito's_wife

Well as a lot of you may know my husband is over seas right now. I had very high hopes of them letting him come home on R&R and him being here in time for the birth but reality is kind of sinking in. I just don't think it is going to happen. I have never went through labor alone and the thought of it is making me so nervous and worried that I feel I am starting to get depressed over it. I am having thougts about getting my tubes tied even though DH is dead set against it because I have been very resentful about the fact that I have done this pregnancy alone, I may be going through labor alone, as well as the first year of Jaslene's life will be spent with a single parent.

I moved to NY about 9 months ago and since then I haven't made any friends at all because I am just kind of a private person. I am 25 years old and it seems a lot of other people my age on base are just not as into their family and their marriage as I am and I don't like being around other people who live a totally different life than I do. I think it adds up to trouble to be hanging around women who still drink and go out to clubs and do things that shouldn't be done when you are married.

I am trying to tell myself I am a strong woman and I can go this alone and be ok but I worry about what I will do with my other two children while I am in labor and how I will be able to take care of them and get them to school and things like that while I am in the hospital. I have considered having the baby and just leaving the hospital immediatly so I know that they will not suffer negativly by me going into labor. I also worry about how I will handle the stress of labor with no one there. I know there must be many women who have done it and not complained so I feel really bad about becoming such a baby about it. I don't know why I am so scared, but I am.

I have asked a lot of my family if they would be able to make it down. They would love to be able to but it just isn't in the cards because they have work and families of their own. So I think it really is time for me to start making a good plan now and just accept the fact that I won't have any help.

Problem is I don't know where to start. I just have no idea how to go about this in a way that is productive to my children and myself. I have thought of having them there but I know they would not understand seeing me in all that pain. Especially my youngest. He already is having a lot of problems accepting the fact that I am pregnant and I don't want him to see me hurting and feel like it is the babies fault.

Anybody been through something like this and have good ideas?

I am an extreme introvert (with social anxiety disorder) so I would LOVE to give birth alone...I hope that you can find an experienced doula as well as some mama help.

[SamuraiMom]

Originally Posted by True Blue

Only time for a quick note...but there is a free doula service for wives whose DH's are serving....can't remember the name offhand but I bet if you google it you'll find it! That might give some peace of mind.

:, I wish I could come be with you and your dc's while you are in the hospital so that you can have a peaceful birth, but for now I will pray that your DH is home for baby's arrival and in the meantime I hope you can find a doula.

[smokeylo]

Operation Special Delivery!

They will hook you up with a free doula! I did this for my first birth as a doula and it was SO GREAT to help out a mama who couldn't have her partner there.

[flapjack]

Is your sister still able to come and be with you? I know you were worrying about her intruding a while back, but it seems like her support might be helpful. I'd look at the doula scheme Lauren mentioned, and also seriously look at the social networking available and the help available on base. I used to live on the army estate here (not an army family) and the camaraderie between the mums was amazing. Don't judge them, they're just doing what it takes to get through with small children, their partners away and their braincells and stress levels intact.

[Gunter]

my dad was stationed overseas when my mom was preggo with my bro and sis but he did make it home in time for their births. i hope the same for you!

ITA with people who wrote about getting a doula!

[LoveChild421]

I would get both a labor doula and a post-partum doula who can stay with you at your home and help with things like cleaning, cooking, and making sure your family is taken care of so you don't have to worry. Being in NYC you should have lots of good doulas to choose from.

[the elyse]

ditto on the doula. find one that you mesh with well.

if you don't want a doula and want to try to do it alone, have a plan. load up your ipod with songs that relax you, write yourself letters ahead of time to read to calm you down, maybe do hypnobirthing, start prepairing yourself now just by getting used to the idea. if it's what you have to do, we're all here to support you, emotionaly at least!!

[Lolafanana]

Are you in the NYC area?

[Jujubie]

I'm a military brat and also served 4 years myself (about 15 years ago...). I'm pretty sure every base/post/camp has a family support center. Also, check with DH's unit (they usually leave a small group behind that don't deploy), i'm sure you can find other Mom's who's DH's are deployed with yours. That would be a good start to find someone who could help you and maybe even someone that could also use your help as well.

to you!