VERY LONG Some of you may remember, I posted about 2 weeks ago

[catlvr976]

about my BIL's gf. She had had her baby and was breastfeeding and I was concerned about her seeming to wanting to be putting the baby on a schedule.

Well, I saw them last night and she is still nursing and things are going REALLY well for them. I was so happy for her and the baby! I asked her how long she thought she would nurse for and she said that she'd like to nurse for a year at least, but that she'll see how things go when she goes back to work. She said that she has 2 different pumps, so hopefully things work out for her. She also said that she can't leave her baby to cry and that she doesn't think that she can spoil her baby. I can't believe it, someone else in the family thinks like me!

DH and I even told her about our cosleeping with dd, she didn't even seem shocked by it.

ANYWAY.....

Now onto the rest of the story. The reason why I saw them last night was b/c my MIL had a cookout at her house. I prepared myself for the onslaught of criticisms of our parenting. Things were going pretty well for a time until I started to talk about my anxiety attacks (these stupid things started happening 3 weeks ago and I've had at least 2 a week since then). Well, my MIL and my SIL started going on saying that I need to get away from dd and that's probably the reason I'm having these attacks. DH started school last month and works overnights, so they think I'm stressed out. MIL said that I should start dd on a bottle (yeah, at 9 months, I don't think so), and give her to her to watch for a couple hours while I do "nothing." Thing is, I don't believe it's dd; I'm a SAHM, and I WORRY about EVERYTHING. I've always been this way. I worry about dd and whether she'll be ok, I worry about whether we will have enough money (we're doing fine, we're living paycheck to paycheck, but we have enough to pay our bills and buy food and clothes and an occasional night out), and things like that.

When it was time to eat, she told me that I could put dd in a playpen so I could eat. Mind you, no one was in this room that had the playpen. I was not about to leave dd in a room by herself so that I could eat. I got my food and went outside with dd and found dh and sat with him. DH's mom and grandma think playpens are wonderful. They say that dd needs to be in one with her toys and learn to stand, and the like, so that I can do whatever I need to. I don't like playpens (no offense to anyone here that uses one, I just don't want to use one with dd) as I think they inhibit a baby's natural urge to explore and learn things. I told DH not to bring ours out (it's been in a closet in it's box since my baby shower almost a year ago); that I don't subscribe to the leave a baby in a playpen with it's toys with a bottle shoved in it's face while I do my thing selfish school of parenting.

I swear my MIL has a massive problem with the way that we are doing things with dd. Aside from dd and the new baby, there was another little girl there who is almost 2. I didn't hear my MIL say anything to the new baby's mom or the other little girl's mom about anything. For instance, I was sitting and holding dd and the little girl was at my knee and dd started crying (she's starting to get jealous when I hold another baby or a little kid hangs by me). DH explained that to his mom and she was like that's NOT GOOD, that's NOT GOOD. DH was like, mom, she's a baby for goodness' sake! The new mom and I just looked at each other.

When I started nursing dd, MIL had DH convinced that dd was starving, that she wasn't getting enough, yadda, yadda, yadda. No matter how many times we told her that she was doing fine and the dr agreed, it never made a difference. Actually, she STILL thinks dd isn't getting enough. Well, the new baby seems to be going through a growth spurt and MIL said nothing to the new mom about the baby starving to death. I swear she thinks that DH and I are stupid. It's truly amazing that dd has made it to 9 months with such stupid parents.

Another note, my SIL just found out on Thursday that she is expecting her second child. Well, someone asked her last night if she's going to nurse and she was like "NO, I don't have time for that, I value having my own time." Then she made mention of the fact that the dr told her to quit smoking and she said (rather proudly, I might add) that she told the dr that he was "out of his tree, that she isn't going to quit smoking." The new mom and I (who were fanatical about keeping ourselves healthy and avoiding their cig smoke and caffeine and whatnot, just looked at each other and didn't say a word). MY mil said to her, it's ok, I smoked with my kids (yeah and i guess that's why DH was 5 lbs when he was born, huh). It's sad and sickening. Once again, I am sorry if anyone here smoked while pg, I just find it utterly disgusting; not only that, my SIL is even more so b/c she just has such a blatant disregard for the health and well being of her unborn child.

I'm sorry if I offended anyone here with my talk of playpens and smoking while pg. I just really needed to vent about this and how his family is so uneducated and try to push their views onto my DH and I. Why they think I want to hear any of their advice is beyond me.

Anyone else have family like this?

[MaggiesMom]

Oh, so sorry!

And about the smoking comment. Um, yeah, it's really good for babies. That's why the package says it may harm fetuses. Whatever!

My family, while they may not always understand, never gives me a hard time about any of our choices. My sis parents the same way I do, so I have at least one ally. You should point your BIL's gf in this direction so she can learn more about AP. Then you'll really have someone on your side (besides DH) when it comes to your MIL.

[Ravin]

You have a lot of tact. If it was me, I'd have given SIL what-for and her ears would have still been burning for a week afterward. Few things piss me off more than people with such disregard for their baby's well-being that they continue to smoke/drink/do drugs/etc. while pregnant.

[captain optimism]

Don't tell your MIL you have anxiety attacks. it's none of her business. The only people you need to tell that are people who are going to offer you support. That's the "need to know" basis for your personal info. Under no circumstances is the answer to your anxiety to leave your baby with your MIL! But thank her so much for thinking of your welfare. It sounds like she is full of....

interesting ideas. And you should tell her to stick them....

in a list under a magnet on her fridge so you can examine them later.

[Viola]

Congratulations on your BIL's gf doing so well with nursing. That is wonderful!

But, oy, your MIL! The next time she has anything to say about breastfeeding and your child not getting enough, tell her you don't put much stock in the opinions of those who think it is OK to smoke while pregnant and that formula feeding is better. My MIL is not critical at all, but my mom can be. She gave me the worried, "but how do you know that she is getting enough, you can't really know" and I just told her that women have been doing it for thousands of years and the human race has survived. She said, "I know, I know, I just worry." But later she saw me pumping and said that it looked like nice, rich milk. LOL

[village idiot]

amywillo

ITA with this statement that you made

tell her you don't put much stock in the opinions of those who think it is OK to smoke while pregnant and that formula feeding is better.

[Firemom]

So sorry you are going thru this

Some people really amaze me.

[Mona]

Sound like your MIL might be giving you anxiety attacks!!
:

[catlvr976]

Mona!! LOLOLOL!!!!!!!!

That's what my mom said.

Someone mentioned not telling her about my anxiety attacks. Believe me, from now on, I won't tell her. You'd think I'd have learned by now after dealing with her for the 8 years I've been with DH.

About the smoking SIL, I told DH what I saw, he couldn't believe it. I told him that I wouldn't say anything to her b/c it's not my place. DH said that the next time he sees her, he was going to say something. Well, DH saw her yesterday puffing away on a cig. He told me that he looked at her and said "what are you doing?" (in a horrified tone) and she told him, "so, the thing is this (making a tiny measurement with her fingers) small." Then, he said that MIL chimed in and was like, "I smoked with you guys!" and DH said that he said, "well, that would explain my brother and sister and the way they act!" (he was trying to be funny, but at the same time, try to get them to see the light).

I think I mentioned this here once before, but, after dd was born, she was like, "no one can smoke around her right now, at least not until she's older. " I thought, lady, you've got another thing coming. A couple of weeks ago, we were over there and she took dd into the living room where people were smoking, I saw her and said, "isn't it a little smoky in there?" she looked at me and said, "do you want me to take her into the other room?" and I looked at her and said, "YEAH!" This woman thinks that there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with smoking around a child or while pg. I don't understand it.

[becca29]

Oh, I feel your pain!!! I'm lucky to have a super supportive mother, but my in-laws....they mean well and love DS so much, but they just don't get it. All have made commebnts about how we have to let him CIO. When DS was three weeks old MIL kept saying how I have to put him down and "let him kick" and then whenever they would call we'd get a comment like "did you put that baby down yet?" When SIL cam for the baptism and a long visit, we had a long conversation abotu parenting (starting with the CIO debate) and she said to me (and I must say she was trying hard to be respectful, and she does not have a bay yet, so...) but she said "The difference between you and I is that you are adjusting your life to fit your baby, I want my baby to adjust to fit MY life." Although she also said she has a lot to learn and will have to do some reading about what I was talking about, so there's still hope.

About the anxiety...I've had problems with that too and I'm a constant worrier. The one thing I tried that helped me so much was yoga. I 've taken classes for the last two years and it has made a huge difference. I've only been to one class since DS was born, but I also found this great book called Baby Om, where you do yoga with your baby. DS loves it. PM me if you want to chat more about it