How My Husband Spent His Paternity Leave

[Curlita]

1. Reformatting his hard drive.
2. Playing video games.
3. Raking leaves.
4. Going to dentist appointment.
5. Going to physical therapy appointments.
6. Changing out all the outlets and light switches in the house.
7. Fiddling around on the internet.
8. Making trips to Lowe's for various home improvement supplies.
9. Reading magazines.
10. Acting confused and befuddled about why I spent so much time crying.

To his credit, he also did laundry and helped with middle of the night feedings. But overall, I am just as happy to have him go back to work at this point. If I'm going to feel completely alone in the house, I'd just as soon BE completely alone in the house.

:

[scheelimama]

Sounds like manly nesting.

[AimeeandBrian]

I would be crying too. It sounds totally frustrating.

[zinemama]

That would be unacceptable in these parts.

How did he get away with it?

[JustVanessa]

Some men need some direction. Maybe telling him what you need help with or what your expectations are would help.

[renaissanceed]

I'm am so there with you. DH took two weeks off work. I asked him before DS was born to take entire days off instead of half days because with DD, his 'half days' meant that he came home at 3:30 instead of 5. I emphasized to him that this time I wanted him to spend time with us as a family.

He goes back to work on Monday. I have actually seen him LESS than if he was working the last two weeks. He has spent the whole time working on the kitchen renovations. Every day, from when he gets up (9 a.m., after I've already been up for 2 -3 hrs with both kids) to when he goes to the den in the evening at 8 to play Nintendo Wii. Did I mention he bought a Wii right after Silas was born?

At this point, I also just want him OUT OF THE HOUSE and am so happy that he is going back to work so I don't have to be frustrated by the thought that there are technically two adults in the house, but only one taking care of children.

He did say to me the other day that he was sorry that I was a single parent with no sink, access to pots and pans and oven, or ability to do laundry for the last two weeks. So at least he realizes he's been a total slacka** in the child care department. Still doesn't make it better.

Oh, and he's never changed a diaper yet or helped with a feeding. In fact, he's barely held Silas at all.

[Momma Aimee]

my dh hunted a lot

he also did a lot of home imporvement stuff --

but

you

know

i expected it -- dh can hold a new born for a while ... and loves to ... but he is better off playing with Theo .... and PLAYING not batheing, not feeding, not ......

i think men just don't connect with new borns too well

it sucks though

I ageree with PP -- DH is CLUELESS ... when i finally freak about stuff that needs to be doen, he does it with a "why didn't you just ask / tell me" -- i write it off to lack of NOTICE on his own part

AImee

[chrysalis]

i'm so sorry...you sound like you feel totally let down by him...for the most part.

i hate to admit this but this is but one reason i am w/out a SO AGAIN...too much about most men just bugs me to no end...they can be so damn selfish and lacking in compassion and hurts me too much. not saying get rid of yours...i just totally understand how you must feel right now. i'm so sorry curlita. (((CURLITA))) come on here anytime and chat w/ us...no matter what is on your heart. that is what i love about this forum....even if it seems sometimes no one really cares to hear/read my vents. : i need to get it out to others who can 'hear' me.

[GinaRae]

Grrrrrr that would upset me too! Sounds like you will have LOADS to tell the therapist.

Whatever you do, don't feel alone - many many many many women are crying along with you right now for the same exact reason because their partner is equally as frustrating.

[kathteach]

Aw man! C'mon Mr. Curlita, your honey needs you now.

Curlita, I hope there is some way he can understand how he can best support you. Have you two been able to talk about it?

[Googy]

Ugh. That stinks! I'm so sorry. Men.

[lisarussell]

I don't think it would bother me- I mean, what can he really do anyways? I wouldn't want my husband messing with the laundry. I wouldn't want him cooking for me. I wouldn't mind if he mopped the kitchen floor, I am sure he would if I asked. I wouldn't want him stealing my snuggle-time with the new baby. I wouldn't care if he didn't change diapers, I mean, I dunno- After 5 kids, it's just not a chore anymore??? I think I would just be glad to have him here, to snuggle with, to talk to and to hang out with the big kids. We run our own business, and one of us needs to be there almost constantly.

I wish he could have a break from work, we don't even get weekends off.

[Jasmyn's Mum]

That sucks, Mama. You know, as much as I love dh, he was absolutely CLUELESS as to what to do with dd when she was a newborn. FWIW, she's almost 4 years old now and he is a fantastic daddy!

[*GreenMama*]

I just showed this to my DH and told him if that becomes him I'm going to smother him in his sleep... He promptly replied that he was in fact planning on doing some of those things.... "Its a vacation, right?"

I hope he's joking, and that your DH removes his head from his nether regions real soon.

[Maluhia]

[Heather Marie]

[maisiedotes]

Sorry curlita. That sucks. My DH was pretty good but only because my mother gave him a talking-to before Mairaed was born. Otherwise he would have been online the whole time. He ran alot of errands to Lowes and the grocery store- I suspect so he would appear to be too busy to help me.

He is back at work now too and I am kinda glad. I like to have the house more or less to myself.

[dubfam]

I am sorry that you aren't feeling more supported right now.

What is with some men anyway? It seems to be so common for the women to get stuck doing everything for the kids :

They (men) always seem to have time when it comes to Making the babies...


FTR not all guys are this way, though. DP is really helpful (as long as I tell him what needs to happen/when) and I know a few other dad's who are great...so don;t let them off the hook by saying this is just how men are!!

Hope things get better!

[Curlita]

Admittedly, I've been in my drama (thanks, Post Partum Hormones!) and haven't had a sit-down with him about it. I've been feeling pathetic and in the "well, if I have to ASK him to act like he cares about me, then what is the point?" place right now. So that part of it is my problem. Do I get points for self-awareness? It is hard to ask for support and affection when you feel like it should be forthcoming without the request.

When pressed, he will report for duty and do whatever it is that I need done, but as soon as his task list is complete, he disappears again.

I intended to talk to him BEFORE the baby was born about my expectations for his leave, since we ran into a lot of the same problems when Dylan was born, but we never got around to it, unfortunately.

[Isaac'sMa]

Oh, please talk to him soon, before the resentment sets in. I have been in that space before and it is not fun! I also feel like helping around the house is a way to show affection and caring, but dh just doesn't notice that certain things need unless I point it out. When I do, he's always happy to help. However, I tend to be a bit bossy anyway and I've really unleashed it on him since Caleb was born! Maybe you should unleash your inner bossy woman and tell him in no uncertain terms what needs to be done! If nothing else, it might make you feel better to get it off your chest I hope he wakes up soon!