how to praise ds?

[jingwen]

Hi mamas,

I've been using gentle discipline when my ds is doing something he shouldn't be doing. Luckily my ds has been responding very well to gentle discipline.

This is silly but i don't know how to praise my 15 mos son when he does something "he should be doing"....for instance, what should i say when:


1. DS sits in his carseat without fighting or screaming( he was fighting it for 3 weeks prior).

2. When DS sits in the highchair at the restaurant without trying to climb out or run around the restaurant (before we never could go to restaurants because he wanted to run around).

I usually know what to say if he accomplishes something, like putting his block shapes in the right hole, but something like sitting in the carseat was a bit more challenging to think of what to say. Kwim?

Thank you!!!!

[tausborn]

Get his attention, make eye contact, give the happy mommy smile, and use an excited, happy voice, and say stuff like: "I really appreciate it when you sit in your seat for me!" "You are such a big boy to sit in your seat!" "You look great in your seat, you are such a big helper!" "Thank you for helping mommy!" "Look Daddy, what great sitting job!"

You can even just say mumbo jumbo stuff. It doesn't matter if they understand all the words. They get the general idea. It's really the positive, happy attention that reinforces good behavior.

[L.J.]

How about things like..........I really enjoy travelling with you". "This is fun to eat together in a restaurant." "I'm really enjoying sitting here with you."

[Piglet68]

moving this to Gentle Discipline...

[tausborn]

I wanted to add a few things.

It may feel "fakey" to you at first, but you'll quickly get over that when you see how your beautiful boy responds to you when you give him these kudos.

It's hard to know when to praise them too. Like, your example, when they are in a car seat, when? Say "Thank you for helping me get you in the car seat!" "What a great job!" at the beginning. Then, in the middle of the ride, make another big deal out of it. And, at the end, do more: "That was wonderful ride we just had!" "Thank you for cooperating!"

I think it's fun to use big words on them... it keeps you from sounding like a stuck record, and even though they don't know the words yet, they understand what you mean. And, hopefully, it helps expand their vocabulary later, right?

I'm on my second baby, who is 16 months old, I even clap for her to emphasize a positive thing. My 4-1/2 year old now tells me "Thank you for helping me mommy!" It's so cute! Of course, I still give her lots of praise for stuff, like sitting in her seat (still the car set!).

They go through lots of phases with that car seat. This positive reinforcement will make the car seat thing better and easier, but it will not permanently solve it. They go so through many development phases, and they just have to test their world at each one.

[lunar forest]

I think that when it comes to postive reinforcement (or when it comes to speaking to children in general,) I find it is quite important to keep in mind that children of young ages understand far more than we think they can.
When trying to reinforce behaviour (I hate to use that word - it sounds so detached) I try to explain to ds why what he is doing is good, how it makes me (and/or others) feel, etc. For example, when ds cooperates with me while getting into his car seat, I might say "I appreciate that you are helping me, and not fighting," and/or "It makes everyone (me, daddy, etc.) happy when you are happy," and/or "when we ride in the car you need to be buckled into the seat so that you are safe; if you are not in your seat you could get hurt!" Etc.

I like to show ds that his actions not only effect him, but they effect everyone he is with, be it a good attitude, or lying on the floor screeming.

I hope that helps - I'm probably just giving to much usless information, as usual.