Almost 3yo Being Sneaky

[kokonutmama]

Just in the past week ds has begun to take things he knows I sometimes say "no" to (gum, granola bars, tape, etc) and some things he knows I always say "no" to (juice boxes in the house, the sugar bowl with a spoon, etc) and hiding someplace to consume them. It's not always food, but often is. I do feed him, honest, and he doesn't seem to be doing it to get attention, since he will curl deeper into his hiding spot and tell me to go away if I say anything to him. I don't react all crazy, either.

He obviously knows I don't approve, so all I've been doing so far is reinforcing that verbally ("No you may not eat sugar from the sugar bowl, please put it back where you found it.") then going through the 5 steps of telling him (put it back please) telling him again (put the lid on and put it back on the counter where you found it) offering to help (shall I help you, should I pick you up?) and then helping (you can put it back before I count to three or I'll have to help you) which until lately has sent him instantly into motion to do whatever is in question but has lately sent him instead running accross the house to get away.

At that point I'm at a loss.

I think he's just testing boundries and wondering if any of you have good responses to this sort of thing. What I don't want to do is put everything out of his reach. I feel that he's mature enough to have self control and not take things without permission.

Help?

[Roar]

Originally Posted by kokonutmama

I think he's just testing boundries and wondering if any of you have good responses to this sort of thing. What I don't want to do is put everything out of his reach. I feel that he's mature enough to have self control and not take things without permission.

Help?

You feel he's mature enough...why? What has he done to demonstrate he has this maturity? Your description makes it clear that he's showing you through his behavior again and again that this is a struggle for him. A large percentage of three year olds really don't have this kind of maturity so I'm wondering what indicates to you that he does.

I would suggest helping him build the maturity by giving him access to appropriate food now. Would it be possible for him to have a snack shelf (in the fridge and the cupboard) that has foods that he can get on his own?

[kokonutmama]

hmm. you're right that's a statement that needs evaluating. He does have his own snack drawer, and he knows which snacks and toys he may take and which ones are off limits. He was able to reach things he was not allowed to have for months before he started sneaking off with them. He would ask, express frustration at being told "no" and move on. That's what makes me think he has the ability to not take something he wants because he knows he shouldn't.

I guess I'm just going to work this out.

[Roar]

Originally Posted by kokonutmama

He would ask, express frustration at being told "no" and move on. That's what makes me think he has the ability to not take something he wants because he knows he shouldn't.

The ability to control impulses when no one is looking is something totally different though. And, something that many, if not most, three year olds don't have.

Honestly I'd just put the sugar bowl away and make all of your lives easier. You can wait until he's ready for you can struggle with it every day. Seems easier just to wait.

[MissSJ]

Originally Posted by Roar

The ability to control impulses when no one is looking is something totally different though. And, something that many, if not most, three year olds don't have.

Honestly I'd just put the sugar bowl away and make all of your lives easier. You can wait until he's ready for you can struggle with it every day. Seems easier just to wait.

:
That is exactly what I was going to say. I think being unable to control his impulses is what is happening when you find him hiding with the sugar bowl. It is like he knows he isn't supposed to (he is hiding) but he just can't help himself.

I also agree that part of it is testing boundaries. My ds1 does this, he knows he isn't supposed to but does anyways sometimes while watching myself or dh to see what our reaction is. In these cases I think they want to make sure the response is the same each time, kind of like validating that there is order in their world.

[kokonutmama]

I absolutely agree that it's better to wait if he's not ready, and it may be possible that he's not ready... it's something to examine if this ever comes back. For now, it seems to have blown over. we had a whole day of no sneakiness today, in contrast to a week with several sneaks per day, so... we'll see... Thanks for your replies, sometimes it's so great to have other people's points of views.

[mamabeca]

Yk what? I think it's a lot about YOUR family values/needs, and if you don't want to hide/stash stuff, then don't. Be prepared for him to make mistakes, be there to guide him back to the boundaries that are safe and that you will constantly adjust given his place in life, and do what you need to do. I don't hide much around here, my ds is 1 month younger. He sometimes runs off with the butter dish, but mostly he doesn't. He's been caught out a few times, and only once has he been yelled at - so he's not AFRAID, just knows that these are not things that are good for him. I DO explain that we don't eat all the sugar because it will cause his blood problems (that's as far as I go w/it so far), we don't eat out of the hot chocolate box because beside it causeing a terrible mess (yup, btdt) it isn't good for his body, so he can say these things back to himself when the moment comes. I did this exactly the same way w/dd who is now 9 and she is wonderful about making good choices 99% of the time when she's alone. When she's influenced by friends it's different, but that is a topic of a different color.

Anyway, if you don't WANT to stash stuff away, then don't. I think if you are going to stay on the same wave length you are on, you are doing GREAT! You are patient and persistent and consitnent,nd he couldn't ask for more in a mama! So just hang in there! They are only small for a short while.