how much--or no--socializing?

[junglefamily]

Hey everyone. so i live in a smaller town, pretty conservitive. my kids are 4 and 2. i have a few friends with children, but they are not close. When we get together to play (which happens rarely, once a week or so) the children seem to be uncompatable. My son goes to montessori for 3 hours a day, everyday. is that alone enough socialization for him? We are remodeling our home right now, it is a mess. i don't really want anyone over...and with my crazy 2 year old i just don't feel like going to other's homes! or anywhere else most of the time. is that alright for the 4 year old? i have no crunchy friends...it seems that when we go to the other's housees the kids put on videos....talk about stuff that my son has never heard of like TV, etc. advice? is school enough without outside interaction right now?

[onlyzombiecat]

If your dc is happy then it is fine IMO.
I'd let him be your guide.

[MeepyCat]

I'd be going stir-crazy myself. It's not enough social interaction for *me*. But honestly, I think that it depends on you and your kids.

That said, even if everyone seems happy with the situation, I would be looking *very* *hard* for some kind of community of like-minded people to hang with. I'd be hitting LLL meetings, and library story time. I would be accosting the other parents at Montessori school for conversation and plans to meet up at the playground. You need friends, people to lean on, someone you can call when you just want to chat.

But that is all my opinion. Your mileage may vary.

[junglefamily]

you see--both of the responses are on opposing sides! my husband, who spent his childhood in the woods mostly alone or with his one best friend feels that hanging out with family or with really good friends later on is fine. but mindless socializing, he feels is not necessary. i agree... i do feel under socialized! yet i feel this kind of deep down pull away from socializing right now because it is always so chaotic with my 2 year old...will it mess up my four year old if he only sees other kids at school? he is very happy as it is...i don't know...?! honestly, also, all of the Montessori parents are in their 30's....i'm 26....i feel so strange, it is hard to find common ground..they are are doctors, doctor's wives, etc...i'm just a silly little kid who wears clothes that don't match and don't play tennis. i suppose i should try to find common ground anyway.....its hard.

[Strong Mama]

I totally feel you, can you move here and we could hang out!! I am on the same page as you, small town, conservative, ds(3) rarely has friends to play with. My friend lives too far and when we meet up the boys fight like crazy so they are very uncompatible. I have even tried starting up my own playgroup and NOONE called.: Sigh. I am so bored.

[mamabeca]

If it's YOU that needs the socialization, then find it in ways that work around your limitations. IF it's your ds1, which it doesn't sound like it is, then I would try harder to find places either to meet neutrally (not a house) or at their house for a short (like 2 hr) play. You can do some shopping w/ds2 or if it is a nice day find a new playground or whatever. Doesn't sound like ds1 is having an issue with it - I think 3 hrs. a day every day is a LOT, personally! School is where MOST kids get MOST of their socializing done for the first 15 yrs or so! Then neighborhood, then family/family friends. Sounds like you might need some breaks, mama. You shoudl think about other stuff that dh can babysit while you do something like a book club, sport (doesn't HAVE to be tennis lol! but tennis is actually a very nice sport haha!), or other kind of thing that is YOURS. Exercise is a good way to get some of the steam off the day, and at the same time possibly make some connections... good luck, mama!

[junglefamily]

TRANSITIONS--where are you?

MAMABECA--I know, you're right, it is me. i keep fighting it, i think, because i've always been a loner....but yeah..in reality, i'm trying to finish my thesis right now and anytime i have away from the house/kids, i'm working on it...and it is not fun....my husband works a lot, and the kids don't really like my mom that much........but i guess the real question is, for me anyway, and you answered it....is school time a good start for my older son?

best,
regan

[mandib50]

i'm in a similar situation ... small town, i don't have any friends to speak of and i feel badly for my kids sometimes who are homeschooled. the 3 older ones do have friends, but my little boy who is turning 5 ... none at all. he doesn't seem to mind, he just plays with the kids but i feel badly. thing is ... i WOULD love to have friends and company, i miss having friends, just don't see how it's going to happen. :