Ditto what everyone else has said. I also wanted to highlight this:
Originally Posted by Mtnmumma
So I have been dating a wonderful person for the last 4 months. He is perfect does everything for me and my son. Wants to take parenting classes. Has a good paying job that could support us in the future since we have talked about marriage a couple of times.
First, I'm concerned about your separation between him being "wonderful" and "perfect" in respect to care-taking behaviors (and accepting of your beauty imperfections) ... and the other stuff. I don't know how to put this but it seems very compartmentalized; these things seem to give him a grade of A, and the other stuff it's as if it ...doesn't enter into the grading scheme but just threatens to make you turn away from a grade A guy.
I can relate to that compartmentalized kind of thinking from my marriage and it was almost entirely responsible for my putting myself and my children in danger.
I would also comment that the things you describe as rendering him perfect and wonderful are nearly all about taking care of you in some way and/or affirming of you. This is another red flag for me. I think abusers cultivate a sense of being needed by the spouse, and it helps them get a "pass" for their "misbehaviors." If it were just a guy who does those things it wouldn't be a red flag for me, it's the combination of those behaviors with the obviously troubling behaviors, PLUS your reluctance to let it take away from the happy story that the A-behaviors seem to be telling you.
I hope my words express this interpretation as I intend it, with compassion and familiarity, and concern for you. On the other hand, I'm not sure my words will make any sense, it's a hard thing for me to express! All the best to you. I know you will find your way through as you need to.