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Dating a possible prisoner - Page 3

post #41 of 70
The DUI thing may be true. I know people who have been kicked out for one DUI or alcohol related incident.

Trust your instincts on this one, you have the responsibility to your child first.
post #42 of 70
Have you read your posts?
Do yourself and YOUR CHILD a favour and end this relationship.

1- he does not respect you or your child
2- he is already showing signs of abuse and manipulative behaviour
3- you are falling for it
4- he WILL get worse

That is no roll model for your child and not a healthy loving relationship for you.
post #43 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by lisa49 View Post
ok, everyone seemed to skip over this, but....he had hallucinations and then got paranoid that you put sleeping pills in his drink. Can we say "paranoid schizophrenia?" Look into it.

Lisa
Crossed my mind.
post #44 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by whateverdidiwants View Post
Exactly! All the more reason to try to find out as much as possible!
Shamelessly quoting myself because I wanted to add this: To me, this man's behavior is the equivalent of walking into a room and having someone jump up and try to hide a big old box, and saying "Um, whatever you do, DON'T look in here! Really, nothing to see here, just trust me! Honest!" You bet your bippy I'm going to do my damnedest to find out what the heck is in that box.
post #45 of 70
Ditto what everyone else has said. I also wanted to highlight this:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mtnmumma View Post
So I have been dating a wonderful person for the last 4 months. He is perfect does everything for me and my son. Wants to take parenting classes. Has a good paying job that could support us in the future since we have talked about marriage a couple of times.
First, I'm concerned about your separation between him being "wonderful" and "perfect" in respect to care-taking behaviors (and accepting of your beauty imperfections) ... and the other stuff. I don't know how to put this but it seems very compartmentalized; these things seem to give him a grade of A, and the other stuff it's as if it ...doesn't enter into the grading scheme but just threatens to make you turn away from a grade A guy.

I can relate to that compartmentalized kind of thinking from my marriage and it was almost entirely responsible for my putting myself and my children in danger.

I would also comment that the things you describe as rendering him perfect and wonderful are nearly all about taking care of you in some way and/or affirming of you. This is another red flag for me. I think abusers cultivate a sense of being needed by the spouse, and it helps them get a "pass" for their "misbehaviors." If it were just a guy who does those things it wouldn't be a red flag for me, it's the combination of those behaviors with the obviously troubling behaviors, PLUS your reluctance to let it take away from the happy story that the A-behaviors seem to be telling you.

I hope my words express this interpretation as I intend it, with compassion and familiarity, and concern for you. On the other hand, I'm not sure my words will make any sense, it's a hard thing for me to express! All the best to you. I know you will find your way through as you need to.
post #46 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by whateverdidiwants View Post
Shamelessly quoting myself because I wanted to add this: To me, this man's behavior is the equivalent of walking into a room and having someone jump up and try to hide a big old box, and saying "Um, whatever you do, DON'T look in here! Really, nothing to see here, just trust me! Honest!" You bet your bippy I'm going to do my damnedest to find out what the heck is in that box.
i wouldn't stir up a hornets nest to see what would happen. I would get away from it asap. His behaviour has already shown that he is unstable.....imagine if she found out something and wanted to talk it over with him for clarity.

zeta.....do you know my ex
post #47 of 70
double post
post #48 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by BunnySlippers View Post
1- he does not respect you or your child
2- he is already showing signs of abuse and manipulative behaviour
3- you are falling for it
4- he WILL get worse
5. he sounds seriously mentally unstable. (hallucinating, accusing you of drugging him. Some types of crazy are endearing but this seems scary and like something you should be protecting your son from.)
post #49 of 70
Thread Starter 
The advice has been great. I have made the decision to end things. He doesn't live with me so thats good. The above statements concern me deeply. What if he freaks out.

It is better to get out now before it is too late. I am making this decision for my little one who has witnessed enough crap when I left my x.

Thanks everyone I have made a decision and I am going to stick to it.
post #50 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mtnmumma View Post
The advice has been great. I have made the decision to end things. He doesn't live with me so thats good. The above statements concern me deeply. What if he freaks out.

It is better to get out now before it is too late. I am making this decision for my little one who has witnessed enough crap when I left my x.

Thanks everyone I have made a decision and I am going to stick to it.
I am so glad to read this, I think you are making a very wise decision!
post #51 of 70
I'm glad to read this update!!!
post #52 of 70
post #53 of 70
I am so relieved.
post #54 of 70


mama, i know its hard

i think you made the right choice
post #55 of 70
Good for you, momma! You deserve someone you can love with no reservations. Hold out for someone really good.
Our intuition is usually right on.
I wish I had listened to my intuition when it told me to stay away from my former, abusive bf.
post #56 of 70
I'm sure it couldn't have been easy for you to arrive at this decision but I truly feel you've done the right thing.
post #57 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
I think this is a bad idea. If CPS finds him "unstable" and she chooses to stay with him anyway, she's at risk of losing her DS by "putting him in harm's way."
CPS should have no other involvment than doing background checks. They wouldn't be coming into the home and talking to them or evaluating anything. As long as she presents it as " Im a single mom and just want to be the safest possible. I really care for this guy and want things to be perfect."
If they do find something on the background check that denotes previous child/spousal abuse...she is a good mother and wouldn't stay with him over her childs safety. She seems caring enough to not allow that to be a sitation!
I only suggest this anyway because I have adopted through child services and have had background checks run for free on any and all baby sitters, or anyone in general that will be around my child. I have also had backgrounds done on friends boyfriends etc. that are single mothers. One of them turned out to be a child molester that legally wasn't allowed to be around children at all...she found out when I got the results and called hte police. He was put back in jail.
post #58 of 70
Glad you made your decision. Stick to it. Someone mentioned Gavin de Becker. In Protecting the Gift, he says if you're considering getting a nanny cam you should just fire your nanny. The fact you feel the need for a cam means that trust is missing--and you should not leave your child with someone you don't trust. In the same vein, if you're considering getting a background check on a boyfriend, you should save the money and dump him. You already know you can't trust him. No matter what the reason--maybe's he's not an abuser but simply in need of some psychiatric medication--your instinct is telling you you need to protect yourself from him. Glad to hear you're doing so.
post #59 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mtnmumma View Post
The advice has been great. I have made the decision to end things. He doesn't live with me so thats good. The above statements concern me deeply. What if he freaks out.

It is better to get out now before it is too late. I am making this decision for my little one who has witnessed enough crap when I left my x.

Thanks everyone I have made a decision and I am going to stick to it.
Wonderful news!!
post #60 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mtnmumma View Post
The advice has been great. I have made the decision to end things. He doesn't live with me so thats good. The above statements concern me deeply. What if he freaks out.

It is better to get out now before it is too late. I am making this decision for my little one who has witnessed enough crap when I left my x.

Thanks everyone I have made a decision and I am going to stick to it.
good girl..keep strong! you can do this!

i am so proud of you,
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