Need help dealing with my parents

[GooeyRN]

I am due to deliver any day. I don't know what I am having, but I have a strange feeling it is a boy. I am anti-circ, b/c I don't think it is necessary. We aren't Jewish or any other religion that requires it. (We are Catholic) I don't think its normal or necessary to cut off something that isn't diseased. That is my main reason, that and it is not my penis to mess with.

My parents are rather mainstream. I did have the conversation with my mom several months ago about not circing a boy, and she though I was nuts. He would be different from his peers. I wonder if boys really do stare at each others genitals. I mean, a quick glance, yeah, but to look long enough to see if there is a foreskin? I doubt it. Wouldn't they get labeled as gay if they got caught? I can handle my mom.... Even though it will be difficult.

But my dad is the problem. We don't get along the greatest and I don't want to hurt things futher. I don't think he will get my reasoning. He is circ'd. I thought about saying that our insurance doesn't cover it and we can't afford it (Which is no lie, it DOESN'T cover it, and we couldn't afford it even if we wanted it.) but then I know he would offer to pay for it. Its not something that can be kept a complete secret, unless I change every diaper in private. That isn't reasonable IMO.

My question is, how do I gently explain to my dad that we are not getting a boy circ'd and not cause a huge fight? He tends to be a hot head if ya know what I mean...

[SharonAnne]

My first question is, why do your parents care whether your son has a foreskin or not? I mean, maybe it will just be a non-issue. (Maybe it won't be, I don't know for sure, but you might be worrying for nothing )

If it were me, I'd just be quiet about it. If someone asks, I'd say "No, we're not planning to" and kind of leave it at that. If they demand more information or further explanation, you can decide how far into it you want to delve. I probably wouldn't go past the "Well, it's his penis so we figure we'll let him make that decision when he's old enough, and we can be sure adequate anesthesia is used."

After the birth, if it's brought up, you can use the same tactic, but honestly, once they see their perfect grandson and fall in love with him, there's a very slim chance they'll want to inflict any pain on him

So there's my opinion. Don't ask, don't tell. :

[attachedmamaof3]

I don't understand why you're talking with your parents about this. Just don't do it.

As far as the whole "they'll be different" thing. Yah. That's BS. I don't know any boy who goes around looking at someone else's genitals. The "locker room" thing pretty much doesn't exist anymore since no one showers after gym.

Personally, if my parents tried to inflict their personal beliefs onto my child's penis, the last thing I'd be worried about is whether or not I caused a fight. There'd be a fight all right, trust that.

If you choose to continue talking with them about some of your non-mainstream ideas, you probably need to start putting your foot down now.

Or, like a PP said, don't ask don't tell.

[LavenderMae]

You could just wait and see if he even says anything. If he does I would just be honest and say circ is unnecessary so you didn't do it and leave it at that (hopefully he would accept that and not start an argument).

[Super Pickle]

I think "The AAP doesn't recommend it" should be good enough. If they press with the "He'll be different" angle, you could just shrug and say, "It's not as common as it used to be. These days it's about half and half."

[SharonAnne]

Another thought....a bit of a white lie, maybe, but might help: You can always tell them that your son's ped recommended against it. Sometimes it helps to have a "professional" opinion to back you up.

[SharonAnne]

: we cross posted, with almost the exact same thought

[GooeyRN]

Thanks for all of the idea's! I think I will try the "its not really recommended to be routine anymore" angle when they notice. I won't say anything at all until they do. They already think I am a whack-job with my parenting practices with my dd. Thanks so much.

[SharonAnne]

Yeah, really, I think it will end up being a non-issue. I wasn't ever planning on bringing it up with my parents at all, but one day, on a car ride (so I couldn't escape : ) my mom asked me "If it's a boy are you going to circ him?"

I'm sure I looked like a deer in headlights :

Both my parents disagreed with me, but when my mom realized that my midwife was actually also against RIC, she changed her tune and jumped on the bandwagon. That's why I mentioned using a medical opinion. It's what worked in my case.

Of course, then the baby ended up being a girl, so moot point

[Fi.]

"Oh they thought it was better back in the day but it's really just not done anymore so we didn't bother. Plus there are more fun things to spend $500 on [laugh]"

Casual and to the point.

[hollytheteacher]

Originally Posted by Fi.

"Oh they thought it was better back in the day but it's really just not done anymore so we didn't bother. Plus there are more fun things to spend $500 on [laugh]"

Casual and to the point.

haha my dh (as a joke) told his mother that were weren't doing it so he could afford a flat screen tv!

[Getz]

Honestly? I wouldn't even discuss it with them. I guess I don't see why it is their business. I know I never discussed my decision to not circumcise with my parents.

Unless your dad is planning on changing diapers, I can't imagine him ever even knowing that your soon is intact.

If they do bring it up, I would use the insurance doesn't cover it excuse.

[layla983]

My dad offered to pay for ours when he found out we had to pre-pay for it (we were talking about insurance & what they covered, that's how it came up with my mom, who ran & announced her dismay with everyone around her). He refused to accept that we just didn't want it done. I'm sure that again it will come up in the hospital, as the last thing he said was "Well, when you come to your senses the money will still be there."

DH has assured me he has no clue what anyones penis looks like minus his own. He's even changed his nepews diaper & doesn't remember if he's circ because "there wasn't any reason to study his penis, I just changed his diaper."

It's going to have to come up with dh's family at some point. Either they will notice themselves before we leave the hospital, bring up caring for the circ, or I'll just have to flat out tell them because if they change diapers & such, I want to make sure they know how to care for him correctly.

But if anyone makes an issue or questions us, I figure on a simple, "It's not medically reccomended for all infants anymore" should work fine. It's the truth & I would hope it's enough to not go into some deep discussion over it.

[Mommiska]

If it gets brought up at all, it will probably be dropped fairly quickly if you use any of the responses above.

If they get really insistent, come back here and check out the 'Internet Resources' sticky - then you can print out a couple of the articles and hand them over for them to read!

From other posters, it does sound like not cutting a child tends to be a 7 day wonder, and then everyone forgets about it (once the child is out of diapers, they are pretty much never going to see his penis anyway, right?).

Hope they dont' give you too much of a hard time initially, though...

[Ron_Low]

Tell Gramps you can't cut the boy becuase it's AGAINST your religion. Official Catholic doctrine says NO CIRCUMCISING:

http://TLCTugger.com/FAQ-CHRISTIANITY.htm

[GooeyRN]

Originally Posted by Ron_Low

Tell Gramps you can't cut the boy becuase it's AGAINST your religion. Official Catholic doctrine says NO CIRCUMCISING:

http://TLCTugger.com/FAQ-CHRISTIANITY.htm

I had no idea that Catholicism was against RIC. Thanks for the link. :

[eepster]

Originally Posted by Ron_Low

Tell Gramps you can't cut the boy becuase it's AGAINST your religion. Official Catholic doctrine says NO CIRCUMCISING:

http://TLCTugger.com/FAQ-CHRISTIANITY.htm

Psst' Ron, We're suppose to PM all our religiuos stuff.

OP I'll send you another.

[GooeyRN]

Originally Posted by eepster

Psst' Ron, We're suppose to PM all our religiuos stuff.

OP I'll send you another.

Thanks for the link!!!

[newmama8824]

Some may say it might not be an issue, but for some reason EVERYONE tries to sway me to choose circumcision and I wish I would have never brought it up. My whole family thinks i'm a nut case for not doing it.... Ah, Oh well, If I could do it over again I would just not say anything about it. If they ask questions, just tell them your not doing it, it's not your penis to mess with. That is all the explanation you should give, in my opinion. If he wants it done later in life when he has the VOICE to CHOOSE then he can have it done and they can pay for it then....

[frenchie]

Your child, your decision. Your son's penis will hurt a lot more than your dad's feelings...KWIM? You don't owe them an explination at all.