How far do you push w/pro-circ people?

[To-Fu]

I'm a member on some other, more "mainstream" forums. Circumcision comes up with some frequency, so I generally try to engage with people about it.

Does anyone else do this? If so, how far do you push the issue? If the person says they've done the research and decided that it's really not that big a deal to circumcise their son, do you just drop it?

I want to share information, but I don't want to be a jerk, you know?

[LavenderMae]

I do engage them. I offer info, links, pics, videos ect. Repeat as necessary. I do so calmly with out getting upset but I have been called names and basically been bashed plenty. Really I would expect that no matter how nicely you give info, pro-circ people do not want to hear it. But really it's not even about them it's about those reading that will look at the info.

[JJMother]

I've always felt that the best way to get people on your side is just to model behavior. Badgering, arguing, insulting, pressuring, threatening or accusing never get anyone to do anything in my experience. I have found that I've gotten more people on my "side" on issues of cosleeping, nursing, SAH parenting, cding, etc. just by being a really positive, happy example of our choices rather than someone who actively tries to convert others. So when I told some friends we would not be circumcising this boy, due in a few months, I was sure to leave out words like "mutilation" or "barbaric" or "stupid" and basically just explain that we felt it was unnecessary, carried some medical risks, and that we felt really positive about not having it done. I think that leaves the door open for others to consider, "Maybe this isn't something I need to have done to my child either" rather than "Jamie is a nutcase! What a Zealot! She made me feel terrible and guilty!"

It is hard to watch someone make a choice you feel is not right. I had to watch my best friend stop breastfeeding when her daughter was two weeks old because it was "just too difficult." I had to watch my sister marry I man I didn't think was a good match for her. I have friends who spank and I disagree with that. But bottom line is that I try not to be a hard@$$ about anything that isn't immediately endangering a child because I know it isn't going to get anyone anywhere. And honestly, I appreciate others letting me parent my child as I see fit so I try to extend the same respect to other parents even if I strongly disagree with their choices.

[Ruthla]

I personally think that the best way to handle it is to mainly get people to realize that circ IS a choice- not a requirement. So many people just think "baby boy = circ" and don't even stop to think about it. Some aren't even aware that circ is done at all and simply think that the circ'ed penis is what penises look like.

You can give all kinds of information about how circ can be harmful, but you can't force any parents to choose the same thing you did. All you can do is give information and links, and be available to answer any questions that may come up- and then you have to let go.

[Papai]

Originally Posted by JJMother

I've always felt that the best way to get people on your side is just to model behavior. Badgering, arguing, insulting, pressuring, threatening or accusing never get anyone to do anything in my experience. I have found that I've gotten more people on my "side" on issues of cosleeping, nursing, SAH parenting, cding, etc. just by being a really positive, happy example of our choices rather than someone who actively tries to convert others. So when I told some friends we would not be circumcising this boy, due in a few months, I was sure to leave out words like "mutilation" or "barbaric" or "stupid" and basically just explain that we felt it was unnecessary, carried some medical risks, and that we felt really positive about not having it done. I think that leaves the door open for others to consider, "Maybe this isn't something I need to have done to my child either" rather than "Jamie is a nutcase! What a Zealot! She made me feel terrible and guilty!"

It is hard to watch someone make a choice you feel is not right. I had to watch my best friend stop breastfeeding when her daughter was two weeks old because it was "just too difficult." I had to watch my sister marry I man I didn't think was a good match for her. I have friends who spank and I disagree with that. But bottom line is that I try not to be a hard@$$ about anything that isn't immediately endangering a child because I know it isn't going to get anyone anywhere. And honestly, I appreciate others letting me parent my child as I see fit so I try to extend the same respect to other parents even if I strongly disagree with their choices.

Totally agree 100 percent with this. That's how I try to operate, although I admit, on the internet I can tend to badger and beat up on some pro-circers. :

[philomom]

Yes, stay calm and matter of fact. Keep the links rolling. I always add that its only the United States and Israel where this is even a "fad". If possible, I get in the dig about why women brag about Latino lovers or French lovers..... it's because sex with them feels so much better. Then, I usually get the wife of an intact man to chime in saying "for real, it's sooo good!"

[Mommiska]

I agree with the others - it's good to stay calm and polite, and keep offering information.

I tend to phrase it in such a way as to give circing parents an 'out', so it will hopefully be easier for them to actually hear the information I'm giving - let them know that the information you are posting links to is usually not given by doctors in the States, etc, but here are the latest links, etc.

It's good, though - even if you get bashed a lot, you are posting information for the lurkers. And if you stay calm and polite and the pro-circs get nasty (which they invariably do, as they have no other arguments other than to call names , the lurkers can easily tell which side of the argument is rational and which is based on emotional defensiveness.