Need help becoming the midwife I want to be...(student problems) - Page 2

[courtenay_e]

Well...in most performance reviews there is a place to write your view of things, and how you feel about the review. I'd say some of the things you have said here. And I WOULD go back, because if you think the review was so bad, there is only one place to go from here...up! I would sincerely thank her for her review, and tell her that now you KNOW where you need to work. And then do. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you to walk in that clinic and do your job. But maybe MsBlack is right...maybe doing so would help you grow those ovaries?...

[onlyboys]

I would talk to her about it. Really, while it might be both a philosophy outlook and a shyness issue, the review being as bold (I am assuming here) and as critical as it was suggests to me that she may be the type of person for whom feedback isn't connected to the person personally, but rather connected to their actions. Does that make sense?

I am a very sensitive person. When a comment is made about my performance (at births or not) I often feel personally attacked, though I never voice this. I need to remember that the point is that I am GETTING BETTER with these comments--no matter how much they may pain me. It's hard work becoming a midwife; at least it's been so for me.

As far as the shyness goes, I'm an introverted person who has had to overcome my introversion enough to establish my place at births. I have had to get over worrying about looking stupid (and just ASK the questions). I have had to step in full feet--the midwife/birth assistant can't be trailing me telling me what to do. I've been damn near pushed out of the way as I was attempting to get pit out of a CAPPED vial ( ). But really those moments are the ones that are the most able to teach me. Butter births are nice, but hey, they don't need much from a midwife or a student do they?

It sounds to me like you may benefit from a close look at what the midwife expects from you. Forget how many births you've seen, or been at. Really think about where you are as a student, focus on your needs and while it may be taking you longer than most, it doesn't really matter in the long run. If you get to the end or the middle of your journey and change your mind, it's okay too.

[pamamidwife]

I don't have much of anything to add here, but hugs. I know that I'm not a great preceptor (I try to be at least honest and accomodating now) and I think that is the issue that happens with most midwives.

When we have apprentices, we assume that they will be LIKE US. that they will approach conflict, situations, emergencies, and problem solving just like US. does that make sense? so it's so easy to judge someone that is very different in doing all of these things than us.

and the truth is, we need a huge VARIETY of midwives. I don't want apprentices to turn out cookie cutter versions of me (no matter how egocentric I can be)...I want them to challenge me and figure out new things, things that perhaps I'm outdated on, and to make decisions and conclusions on their own - even if it differs from me.

I would hope that I give the apprentice the chance to do those things. Well, actually, it's hard with me because I'm a huge talker and my apprentices have a tendency to be more quiet - and that's not their issue. It's mine. I did think, however, for a long time that it was *their* issue.

I hope all of this makes sense. I have made some huge mistakes as a preceptor and I will likely make more mistakes in the future. I just want you to know that it's not always easy - but sometimes it's what a preceptor EXPECTS someone to be like that is the issue. Not you personally, but this annoying expectation that somehow we can train you to be something different than you are in your heart.

We need all sorts of midwives - there are huge variances in families that we serve. There's also a big difference in how you'll present yourself in your own practice than when you're trapped in another practice wanting to stay aligned with that preceptor's beliefs/practices. Not only that, when your style is very different (your communication style, yoru approach with people, etc) from your preceptor's, doing anything skill-wise or communication-wise with clients is going to feel heavy. Your self-esteem will of course take hits...but is it because you're inept or because there is a difference in personality and approach?

I agree with what everyone has written here. It's not easy - and I don't know anyone that has apprenticed with someone and said, "she is exactly the type of midwife I want to be". Seriously. As preceptors, we need to get over that ourselves. Do we really want our apprentices to be exactly the type of apprentice we were or midwife we are?

[Joyce in the mts.]

You are so lucky, Apricot, to have others to talk to here, as well as just having all this really good support. (I am just returning to midwifery as a student after a very brief apprenticeship that I left for a lot of reasons- but that's my story and this is not about me)

Someone said

I WOULD go back, because if you think the review was so bad, there is only one place to go from here...up!

I agree with this. You have nothing to lose by sharing in a respectful and businesslike manner, your view of the experience. The road runs both ways, and perhaps if this midwife is as bold and open in her view sharing as she seems, then she will appreciate you meeting her in kind in this collaboration to come to a better understanding and move forward accordingly in a more appropriate manner.

I see the word, "expectations" used repeatedly in this thread also... this is an area wherein I feel that if there had been a clear understanding of expectations, then both myself and the midwife I was working with would have been on much more clear and a better footing to work together.

That, along with a trial period to see how things "fit" together between us- a time of logical and reasonable length in which to do so- this could have helped also.

"Communication" is another word I see here repeatedly... so this makes me feel that many folks in this thread agree that communication is an important issue.

What Ms. Black says about humility--- yes... I am a mere midwifery student (different from a student midwife, I think- I am not in an apprenticeship yet)

It seems that it is a role that requires some "alpha" characteristics in balance with a health sense of humility. I guess that what creates the balance is a kind of wisdom to know (and you don't know till you get there) when it's time for the alpha to come out and time for the humble one in awe, to come out.

One more thing that I, as a Reiki teacher (having taught for over a dozen years now) know that probably applies to most any space in which one is trying to gain a good healthy comfort level with role and skill: Practice makes perfect. And sometimes, to get the courage to act, one must fake it and follow through with what one knows to do.

With that, I'll close by saying, Apricot: You know what to do- you have skills and you know the process- so practice. This is your chance to make mistakes and have that highly skilled and more experienced someone there to support you if you need it. Don't look at her as someone better than you and feel silly... look at her as your safety net, look at her as a prime resource.

As an apprentice, not only do you work for her, but she works for you also. Take advantage of this time.

...And know that I am thinking of you, (wishing I had my former apprenticeship experience to do all over again in a more positive and creative manner.

I hope that nothing I have written has offended anyone, but I wanted to extend my support to you.

:heart
J.