Did you tell your doctor? - Page 2

[akvtmama]

Originally Posted by All together ooky

Yup, I told mine. Saw her a couple time during the last pregnancy just to establish a good rep with her (she was going to be DD's doctor too). She was really great. Even came to my house the day after just to check up on me and the baby.

Before I got pregnant with this one I went in for a check-up and she asked if I was planning to homebirth again and I said yes. She said just to let her know when I get pregnant. No big deal. (Hmmm...I haven't let her know yet though)

Ditto with our doctor! she did the same with DD2 , I think it just depends on the doctor but I liked her knowing because for us Home Birth is a value and the more my doctors learns our familie's values the better she can serve our family such as not always offering antibiotics first, telling me the natural ways to treat things first and knowing that I trust my body to heal it self most of the time

[kdaisy]

I am so glad I found this thread. I have been dealing with this issue recently. And I am jealous of those of you who have seamless parallel care!

I am currently 23 weeks pregnant. Before I got pregnant, my husband and I really were interested in a homebirth (for various reasons). I asked my gynecologist about it and whether or not my asthma and hypothyroidism would make me too risky of a candidate, she said she couldn't say but of course directed me against it. And promised she could recommend an OB who was "more inline with what I wanted from childbirth". So when I got pregnant this summer I went ahead with her recommendation.

I should add that we live in a community of around 100k people, and midwife options are very limited. And I knew nothing about the one midwife in town who does homebirths.

During the course of my pregnancy I read "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" by Ina May Gaskin. It was such a wonderful book and completely sold me on homebirth. And I was increasingly unsatisfied with my OB's care. Don't get me wrong, it isn't awful but for example...She rushes me, has a near 100% episiotomy rate (you will tear anyway," you might as well get cut"), and at this last appointment accused me of reading too much. (I had informed her that I had had a few Braxton-Hick's contractions.) That was the last straw. We had found out more about our local (one in town) homebirth midwife, and my husband urged me to call for an appt.

So we saw the midwife and of course fell in love with her. We attended a childbirth class of hers that was outstanding and we decided to switch to her. She needed to see my OB records first, and suggested if it was possible to continue seeing my OB just for the fact that my OB can better handle my thyroid levels and write prescriptions, etc.

So I called the dr.'s office and asked for a copy of records be sent to the midwife. My hope was that I would be able to get by with not telling the OB about the midwife and continue with both. I knew that this OB would not be open to homebirth.

The next morning the OB called (something that has never happened, it is impossible to get her on the phone!). And she wanted to "sit down and talk" with me and my husband over what we are doing. She said she doesn't approve, but that she won't argue against our decision (?) She just wants to talk. But she did say that she is willing to continue seeing me for thyroid, etc even if I am determined on a homebirth with the midwife. According to my MW that is about as agreeable as I could hope for. But then the OB added, "Of course I can't guarantee that I will be there for you when the MW takes you to the hospital." Not IF, but WHEN. Lady, you are in a rotating practice of 7 dr.s, there was never a guarantee of your being there in the first place!

We have yet to have this "sit down discussion" with her. That is scheduled for Monday. I have been dreading it. It is probably better to be open and honest with everyone. But I am so bad at confrontation. I have social anxiety. I picture myself breaking down crying at this next appointment and not being able to speak or get my feelings across, and my husband getting confrontational with the OB! (he feels very strongly for the homebirth, and has been pretty obstinate with the OB's "routine" tests.)

I am so glad I came upon this thread. I just felt like I failed. I should have seen the midwife from the start. Now I have this mess, etc. But now I think this parallel care can be done. I just hope she doesn't try to scare me.

Wow! I didn't mean to write a book!

[Maltagirl]

I unfortunately have had bad experiences with this. I told my OBs at 36 weeks that I was planning my first homebirth (I'm on active duty in the Army, and my commander required that I maintain parallel care with the OBs, even knowing I had a competent midwife). At the 38-week visit, one of the doctors presented me with a litany of everything "tragic" he had ever seen in obstetrics (all in hospitals, of course), he changed my due date to a week earlier based on an ultrasound we had gotten at 8 weeks (and I had NO QUESTION about my dates), and threatened to call CPS on me if I attempted to have the midwife attend a birth beyond the NYS "legal" 42 week limit. Then he handed me my "goody bag" with a formula sample in it and I about went crazy on him.

This time, the clinic nurse saw me for orientation and rolled her eyes "Oh, you're pregnant again?" There is a different male OB (the female one is the same, and while she is not encouraging me, she doesn't bother arguing with me because she knows I have an answer for everything she might bring up) and every visit I've had with him has started and ended with his practically begging me to "reconsider" (including a plea that we sit down and he'll "offer anything" to bend the hospital protocols so I have the baby there...I told him I knew it wasn't possible for him to allow me everything I wanted, which is why I am choosing homebirth!). My last visit with him at 36 weeks basically consisted of him reading me the ACOG statement against homebirth in the U.S. and asking me to sign a copy so that he's "covered." I stressed to him that the very fact that I was having a homebirth meant that I prefer to assume responsibility and liability for the outcome...and that no matter what happened, I wouldn't consider him liable unless I was in the hospital and he did something negligent or improper.

If I have another, I will try to convince my commander that I should not have the parallel care, because it has been nothing but a negative, energy sucking, unpleasant experience for me. It's been nice to get all of my labs, etc. done for free (referred by the OBs and covered by my insurance, which is not covering my birth), but the negativity and hassles and constant having to defend my choices aren't worth it.

I'm glad to see others have had different experiences. I know there are doctors out there who have open minds!

[Snow~Pea]

kdaisy, I know this was not the point of your post, but I just had to point out how great your Hubby sounds! You are a very lucky girl to have a partner who is so totally on board with you birthing choice, and who you know would defend it for you, even if maybe a little too vehemently. Good for you, and good luck at your appt tomorrow.

[Kidzaplenty]

I mentioned having had homebirths with my previous children to one doctor and they got very defensive. So I never told them.

With the next doctor I just ran over my desired birth plans (you know, natural, no meds, little to no interventions, nothing so extraordinary) and never mentioned homebirth at all, and ya'know, a week later I get a "Find another doctor" letter in the mail.

So now, I don't mention it at all. When asked about previous births I give states (I have birthed in several states) and "vaginal" deliver. Beyond that, I don't give them a clue until I cancel the last appointment.

[kdaisy]

Originally Posted by A-Veg-123

kdaisy, I know this was not the point of your post, but I just had to point out how great your Hubby sounds! You are a very lucky girl to have a partner who is so totally on board with you birthing choice, and who you know would defend it for you, even if maybe a little too vehemently. Good for you, and good luck at your appt tomorrow.

Yeah, I think he is pretty special too!

And I just wanted to say that I had my big appointment today and...she didn't even bring it up! So either she is totally cool with it when she knew that we still wanted to see her in tandem. Or (and this is my thinking) that it is just a perfect example of her type of care and she totally forgot! (She has forgotten plenty, too.) So I am officially going to stop worrying about it!