How would you respond??

[minsch1]

So my MIL had spread the news far and wide that we are expecting again (this is okay with us - it's how she is and we knew as soon as we told her the secret would be out). This pregnancy was not unplanned, we just weren't actively TTC either.

My question is this: How do you respond when people ask you if it was planned?

This is #3 for us, and while I think it is really nobody's business, I know the question is coming. Frankly, I just don't want to answer it. But I don't want to be completely rude, because I know most of the people who ask will be people from our church.

So I was thinking maybe just staying something like "Wow, that's an incredibly personal question" and leaving it at that, or maybe adding something like "I can't believe you just asked me that." I could say something snarky like, "Well, obviously my bedroom life's great, how's yours?" but again, I don't want to be offensive.

So, anyone have any suggestions?

[hyz]

I think your first answer is probably the best, but here are a couple more to consider:
"I can't imagine why you'd want to know that"
OR
"I'm surprised you'd ask such a personal question"
OR
"Wouldn't it be a bit awkward to answer that question if it weren't planned?"
OR
"How would you feel if I said 'no'?"
OR maybe something a bit cryptic like
"Men plan, God laughs."

They could all come off a little snarky, but then again, it's an obnoxious question to ask an acquaintance.

[BakerALM]

Just say "we are just so excited:." It answers the question in a round about way but also avoids the ACTUAL rude question.

[Tenk]

I like this one suggested from the PP....


"I'm surprised you'd ask such a personal question"

[homebirthing]

My mother asked me that question.

She said "So I assume this was planned"...and I wish I would have thought of one of those answers! It is such a rude thing to ask.

I just said yes it was. Who asks that?

[Valian]

I'm lurking here while I wait for confirmation that I'll be due next August. But, we were asked this A LOT with Ds.

I usually responded with, "Does it matter?" in a non-confrontational way or,
"Why do you want to know?" Some people were asking out of curiosity, others I think were asking to give me the opportunity to express a range of feelings other than excitement, sort of waiting for my cue about how to respond and in acknowledgement that not all pg are uncomplicatedly joyful news.

[mama_at_home]

I agree with the "We are so excited" approach. And if the person persisted after that, I wouldn't have a problem telling them that they are being awfully rude and nosey.

[oldermom]

FWIW, the "We are so excited" response is what Miss Manners would endorse.

[Pyrodjm]

Originally Posted by minsch1

My question is this: How do you respond when people ask you if it was planned?

I know I will be asked this at work and by my family. I intend to answer with "Doesn't really matter now does it?" With a look that says you are rude and dumb for asking and an dismissive tone.It's none of their business. I never say any more than "congrats" and "when are you due?" when I find out people are pregnant.

[happyhippiemama]

Ugh, we haven't told DP's parents that we're pg yet, almost for this very reason.

I have no doubt that in the hailstorm of negative conversation about to come pelting our way, not only "was this planned?" will come up, but we'll actually hear "weren't you using birth control?"

I'm going with "I don't think our sex life is any of your business."

but for casual (rude) acquaintainces, I'd be more polite and less F* off. Heh.