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Wanted: One Known Donor

post #1 of 44
Thread Starter 
Hello this is Matchterr's DW.
I am typing because she handed me the laptop. We are temping, have the OPK's and the changing table set up. BUT, we need the secret ingredient. Is there, by word of mouth, anyone in the Boston area avail and willing to help us out?

We don't want to use a bank, but we don't really have any guy friends (or know many guys in general) who could help us in our quest. :

Ok back to Matchterr....
Thanks for listening!
:
post #2 of 44
Oh gracious, this is such a hard thing, isn't it? I figured your sig was about that, which I love and cracks me up!

Have you tried craigslist? Or I know there's a local guy at knowndonor.org, or something like that. A bit strange that he sort of makes it his mission in life to donate.

Are you certain it has to be a KD? There's NE cryobank really close.....I know you say you want a KD, but perhaps it's not in the cards? It often takes a very particular relationship for it to work (but definitely not always!). I'd perhaps give a second consideration to frozen....

good luck!
megin
post #3 of 44

Good Luck!

We too are in the Boston area, but sad to say, have no known donors we know of. We had someone in mind, but the last time I saw him he was complaining about how he couldn't possibly move to a different country because he takes "lots of pills" every day and he wasn't sure where he would get them down there!
... the more I think about it, I think he had an idea where I might be headed and was cutting me off before I could even ask!

Good luck, I heartily endorse Northwest Cryobank if you decide to go with frozen and want it shipped to your house!
post #4 of 44
Thread Starter 

Ease of Delivery

We aren't for sure, other than financial reasons. But we are sure that we don't want the 'Who's my dad?' questions that we have no answer for. Since we don't know any or hang out with males, this way they can have more than familial influence. Did that come out right?

Thanks for responding even though no unknown of options came of it. This just is too difficult. Not in the regular way to complain about it. I just you know, wish it could oops. Hell I would have three by now if that were the case.

The match half of Matchterr.

The terr half wants to make mention that we investigated those routes so far.
post #5 of 44
Have I given you this advice before? Sorry if I have...

Consider sending out an email to all the women in your life asking if they know anyone. List exactly what it is that you're looking for - what you're prepared to negotiate on and what you're not.

We did this and ended up with 3 possibilities (though we ended up going with a friend who we had not previously considered)

Good Luck - it's such a hard process but so completely worthwhile.
post #6 of 44
Thread Starter 
We have spoken to a couple of people, but we haven't had much luck that route really. DW's aunt knows a great guy... but has issues asking or something.... I don't blame her... we aren't really sure about that either I guess. A friend in NJ said she would look around for us. My ex volunteered himself (of course he wants me to have one for him too), but DW said no go (and I pretty much agreed). She also found a willing donor from Vancouver, but I vetoed that one. Why must we be so freakin' picky?

OK we're off to enjoy our "bad for us food"
post #7 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by matchterr View Post
My ex volunteered himself (of course he wants me to have one for him too), but DW said no go (and I pretty much agreed). She also found a willing donor from Vancouver, but I vetoed that one. Why must we be so freakin' picky?

OK we're off to enjoy our "bad for us food"
You have to be picky! Using a KD can be complicated. If either one of you is even slightly uncomfortable with a donor-you have to nix it (IMHO). DP and I made a list of all of our male friends-and went through pros and cons. I think though because we just put our intention out there, we ended up finding our KD just by talking about our desire to have a child. We figured out that our friend wanted to be a donor-so it worked out. I say put your intention out there-get the word out-you might find someone faster than you think! But please BE PICKY!!
post #8 of 44
I found my kd on craigslist! I can't really recommend this process to anyone because it is technically not allowed to advertise for bodily fluids on craigslist. But we did and we found a great guy (after weeding through a lot of crazy responses!) who has no interest in being financially rewarded. Since finding him we have met two guys at a friend's party who are interested in being donors for us if anything changes with our current kd. I've found that asking around, talking about the fact that you are looking for kds and knowing your boundaries and limits you want in a kd relationship can bring unexpected results.

We used Brills "The Ultimate Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy and Birth" as a resource for our negotiations with our kd.
post #9 of 44
hey match and terr,

just wanted to let you know that I "myspaced" both of the Boston males I know and a good lady friend in Cambridge to see if she knows anybody.

No harm in asking right???:
post #10 of 44
Thread Starter 

Thank you!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by expectantmami View Post
You have to be picky! Using a KD can be complicated. If either one of you is even slightly uncomfortable with a donor-you have to nix it (IMHO). DP and I made a list of all of our male friends-and went through pros and cons. I think though because we just put our intention out there, we ended up finding our KD just by talking about our desire to have a child. We figured out that our friend wanted to be a donor-so it worked out. I say put your intention out there-get the word out-you might find someone faster than you think! But please BE PICKY!!
Thank you for saying that. I think I really needed to hear it. I couldn't explain in words why I didn't want the Canadian donor after we met. The only thing I could up with is that his breath smelled bad! Match thought my ex looked funny (and he does... did then too, sweet guy... just funny looking). We're slowly putting the word out. I even told my mom... and she didn't fall over dead! It will come. I know I will. :

Quote:
Originally Posted by kjm View Post
hey match and terr,

just wanted to let you know that I "myspaced" both of the Boston males I know and a good lady friend in Cambridge to see if she knows anybody.

No harm in asking right???:
You are amazing! Thank you so much. That was so sweet of you. (We also myspace... we put a few feelers out, but haven't received any responses. We kinda felt like Tina and Bet when they were trying to hook up with a guy soley to "steal his sperm.") Please let me know if anyone bites!

Ok...So is there a way to put a rush on finding a donor? Match (who dislikes me calling her DW) is currently putting together a new dresser... for a baby we don't yet have. (This of course in addition to the bins of baby clothes, toys and books we already have).
post #11 of 44
Just wanted to give you a link :

http://www.alternativefamilies.org/afm_services.html

I know the woman who founded this organization, and she has a daughter now (who is like 14 now!) that she conceived with two guys that she coparents with, but didn't know before she started looking for a donor.

good luck
post #12 of 44
Thread Starter 

Possibilty

Talked to a donor tonight that hasn't told his wife and won't send a pic only webcam. Hmm. NO right?
post #13 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by matchterr View Post
Talked to a donor tonight that hasn't told his wife and won't send a pic only webcam. Hmm. NO right?
Sounds strange. I'd say it's a no.

Good luck!
megin
post #14 of 44
I agree-remember picky, picky, picky!
post #15 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by matchterr View Post
Talked to a donor tonight that hasn't told his wife and won't send a pic only webcam. Hmm. NO right?
No No No! Definitely no!
post #16 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by matchterr View Post
Talked to a donor tonight that hasn't told his wife and won't send a pic only webcam. Hmm. NO right?
Run. Run like the wind!
post #17 of 44
I'm new to MDC and due in March. I'm not gay but I was curious and nosing around the forums. I stumbled on this thread and it definitely peaked my interest. I asked my DF if he would consider being a donor and he said he would in a heartbeat. We've never talked about it before so we're very curious about how it all works. What sort of criteria, aside from the obvious, would we (he) be up against?
post #18 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama_in_PA View Post
I'm new to MDC and due in March. I'm not gay but I was curious and nosing around the forums. I stumbled on this thread and it definitely peaked my interest. I asked my DF if he would consider being a donor and he said he would in a heartbeat. We've never talked about it before so we're very curious about how it all works. What sort of criteria, aside from the obvious, would we (he) be up against?
I think it depends on who you ask. We screened our KD for STD's , and had lots of LONG conversations about him giving up parental rights so that my DP could pursue a second parent adoption (legal in Illinois-not sure about PA).

We were also picky about who it was. The guy we chose is a professional, smart and a kind person. We thought about the genes we were passing on. I know that I nixed my partner's best friend because I just think he has no ambition-and I'd worry about passing that on. (Silly-but it was my criteria).
post #19 of 44
I don't know anyone in Boston, but if I happen to 'myspace it' with anyone I'll pass the word.

I'll see if any of my gay friends know anyone up that way!

GL!
post #20 of 44
Can you also perhaps say a bit more about why you don't want to use a bank?

be well,
megin
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