Originally Posted by MujerMamaMismo
I'm in Australia and not 100% clear on US laws but I think in states where there is second parent adoption, all rights and responsibilities are automatically relinquished by the donor.
PleasantStreets - I don't agree entirely with what you've said - I can imagine a situation where prospective parents would prefer not to use their savings to get pregnant so that they can ensure a reasonable cushion for emergency situations once the child/ren are born. I also think that you need to consider class in queer babymaking situations. Everyone who has the love and commitment to raising children should be able to. As queers, we consider and plan babymaking / child rearing with such detail and intensity and should be trusted to make our own responsible decisions. If someone on a low income wants to have a child, they should be supported and encouraged in doing so. Their finances and associated struggles are their own business as is the case with poor hetero parents.
For the second parent adoption - yes, the parental rights are relinquished in the adoption, but you want to make sure the sperm donor is willing to relinquish them. If he won't give up his legal rights/responsibilities, the second parent adoption won't happen.
I agree with what you say about $$$.
I used to have full coverage through my union for fertility treatments, including sperm. I was in Canada then, and it cost $700 per month for two vials, and that was with the cheap (local) shipping. If I had bought the sperm through the fertility clinic instead of through my doctor's office, they add a markup for a bunch of tests (sperm counts, mostly) that they run - $1100 + $300 for two IUIs = $1400 per month.
That would have bankrupted me. I know that kids cost money, but here's the thing - I would rather toss that $1400 per month in the bank and have it buy me an extra month off work, a month of daycare, or whatever.
In three tries, I spent about $6,000 including transportation, sperm, OPKs, medication, IUIs, semen analysis, etc. That was on top of what was covered by provincial health care. I got almost all of it back, and I'm not including time off work, though I only missed a couple of hours here and there. I was only working part time as a nanny, but I was a full time grad student and it all went down in the summer months. It didn't have an impact on my teaching, though it did impact my work time, but as an academic, that doesn't translate into dollars as easily, though it's not without value.
However, financial reasons aren't the main reason that I've changed from a anonymous donor to looking for a known donor.
I'm now looking (in a half-hearted way - let's say I'm open to beginning negotiations if I meet the right guy, and the search will ramp up in May or so) for a known donor. That was my first choice anyway, but I had gone with the sperm bank and an anonymous donor because of various factors. While cost is not my primary consideration, it's certainly a factor, and it shouldn't be underestimated how much of a role cost can play.
Of course, class factors as well. I know a few middle-class with working-class roots families who chose a known donor in part because of cost - while they had the money, they couldn't fathom spending it on sperm. I think similarly.