Anyone else cringe now when they discuss birth?

[Emilie]

I hate talking to pg women. INevitably they will tell me how their baby is getting TOO big and they will be induced soon( like um- but you just got pg!!!)
And that they have BIG babies so they are having a c/s- ( Um yah- 7.9 oz- ouch!)

I HATE THIS. It empowers me more and more to follow my desire to become a CBE and doula but at the same time- how do I reconcile these intense feelings against what is now the norm for bringing our children into the world??????


WOMEN!!!!!
Em:

[sing4jy]

Sometimes I just have to bite my tongue. I've had so many people tell me they wanted to go natural but they needed pitocin so they HAD to get an epidural. Um....I still went natural so it can be done. You just don't get that gradual build up of contractions. Yeah, and I hate that people think they need to be induced early due to 8 pound babies....especially when those babies are born and turn out to be 6.5 lbs. Oops...guess they were wrong.

Man, I sound so cynical...

[elspethshimon]

All the time.

I had to leave the last conversation because I was dismissed for my inexperience (because I've never had a baby myself), despite the fact that I own and have read more pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding books than most of the women with whom I was talking.

[southernmommie]

the whole inducing or c-section just because of a big baby gets me. I'm a petite woman and my first child was 9 lbs. 15.4 oz. How's that for vaginal delivery without vacuum or forceps!! I don't get it either. And now, 5 years later, I hear there is a name for it... Fetal Microsomnia. Wow. Udder disbelief!

[attachedmamaof3]

Always.

I especially hate the part where they start talking about hospital "stuff" and then ask me how I did regarding x,y,z or commiserating about epidurals or long labors after inductions, etc.

I cringe internally every single time. Every time. *sigh*

[barefootpoetry]

Yeah, I just can't do it. Esp. when it's a friend who said previously that she wanted a natural birth, and now the first thing out of her mouth is, "Oh, the epidural was AWESOME!" :

Or the ones who were lucky enough to have a vaginal birth but then complain about the whole thing and say, "I'm just gonna sign up for a C-section next time!"

I only talk about birth online. I know NO ONE IRL who cares about natural birth, let alone homebirth.

[southernmommie]

Originally Posted by barefootpoetry

I only talk about birth online. I know NO ONE IRL who cares about natural birth, let alone homebirth.

Me too.

[charmander]

This summer my coworker's wife was due to give birth right about the time I was about to take a month off work. I remember my coworker telling me that if she didn't go into labor within 3 days of her due date, her doctor was going to induce her. Gag. I just smiled and said nothing - what can you say?? They'd already drunk the kool-aid by then - nothing I could say would change their minds; the doctor knows what he is doing, etc. etc.

When I got back from my vacation, she had given birth and brought the baby in. I just couldn't ask - probably because I didn't want to know - if she ended up going into labor or was induced. I still wonder......

[3xx1xyFamily]

I am a manager for Motherhood Maternity... I was recruited shortly after my traumatic c-section birth and I never thought I'd care so much how women give birth. I have no intention of going back to work after baby #2 arrives for this reason, I don't think I can bite my tongue anymore (my MW is impressed that I can at all)
It offends me greatly that women after women complains about not being induced, that pregnancy is the worst thing in the world c-sections are great. Most women's jaws hit the ground when I talk about my upcoming HB. I do what I can to break "pregnancy, labor & delivery myths" but so many women have bought into the modern-western medical ideals of care that they've blocked out anything that is outside of that way of thinking.

[njbeachgirl]

My pet peeve is when women talk about how long "THEY LET" you go. Oh are they going to let you go 2 weeks? Don't let that baby get too big! are they going to let you eat during labor, let you walk around, let you make any choices at all?

Dude, it's YOUR choice. not "theirs". :

[rad]

I always cringe when discussing birth with most women. I've found it better just to walk away and do something else or just bite my tongue really hard. Just listening to their lists of interventions and horror stories about them is bad enough. If I do speak up and talk about my births, they either just say "oh, well, you're weird" or somehting like that because I homebirth (I guess that means I don't have the right to talk about childbirth) or they get all pissy with me because I can't complain with them. I guess misery really does love company and I just don't fit in.

[BeanyMama]

Drives me crazy as well. Everyone likes to tell these morbid birth stories that end with a life saving c section for a big baby or something. I also can't stand the silence after I answer when they ask where I'm delivering and who my Dr is.

[1Plus2]

It is hard for me. It makes it even harder that my friend is pg with her 4th baby and it will be her 3rd scheduled c-section. I'm having a homebirth and she talks to ME about the risks of what I'm doing!!

But my DP is the funniest....he truly gets angry when talks turn to induction, pitocin, epidurals. I love that man!

[ABand3]

I hate to admit it, but I avoid pregnant women and new mothers for just this reason. I'm not outwardly cruel or rude, I mean I'll smile and say congratulations or how cute or something, but then try to get as far from the conversation as I can. Or just mentally put my fingers in my ears and say "lalalalalalala".

Oh yeah, over thanksgiving I was watching Wheel of Fortune with my MIL and one of the contestants was introduced as an OB who has delivered thousands of babies and saved hundreds of women's lives. Gag.

[natural_mama89]

Yeah, I do. I just had a perfect homebirth and a friend of mine who is due in about a week was talking about how she is going to labor in the jacuzzi at the hospital and try for an unmedicated birth this time, which is great. She then mentioned how she hopes they will "let her" not push on her back.:

[dimibella]

Originally Posted by Emilie

I hate talking to pg women. INevitably they will tell me how their baby is getting TOO big and they will be induced soon( like um- but you just got pg!!!)
And that they have BIG babies so they are having a c/s- ( Um yah- 7.9 oz- ouch!)

I HATE THIS. It empowers me more and more to follow my desire to become a CBE and doula but at the same time- how do I reconcile these intense feelings against what is now the norm for bringing our children into the world??????


WOMEN!!!!!
Em:

I feel the same way!!! It drives me nuts and makes me :

[elspethshimon]

The other thing that sometimes happens is that when I talk about my desires for a homebirth and so forth, is that my plans become "interesting" as if I'm doing something strange and exotic and not completely normal. I suppose that's better than being dismissed or laughed at because I am "guaranteed" to change my mind with my first contraction, but it's still frustrating that the idea of home birth or even unmedicated birth is so odd in our society.

[salt_phoenix]

I don't like to discuss childbirth or pregnancy with MOST people... but then there are the ones who HAVE TO ASK...
I don't even brace myself, wait, or look for reactions when I answer honestly and say:
"Oh, I have all my babies at home, I can't imagine doing it anywhere else."
As if I am the one surprised that they wouldn't assume it's the default, and the hospital is the odd place out. lol.
It's such a definite statement, even if they think I'm insane, they'd never let on! I've answered, "your so brave!" a few times with, "oh, and I think YOU are so brave to let those strangers anywhere NEAR you and your baby... I've heard and read the hospital statistics, no thanks... and all those GERMS!"

I get really uncomfortable though if they start to bring up THEIR births or birth plans. I honestly get sick to my stomach. The needles, the meds, the strangers, the lights, the noise, the positions, the HAZARDS! It sounds so awful and traumatic. I can't talk about "routine" care because nothing that they experience as "routine" I can even relate to!
Needless to say, HERE Is where I can read threads, talk about things and actually discuss pg and childbirth without ill effects.

I made the mistake recently to state that "there is nothing natural about a hospital birth" on a mainstream forum. Even though it was in a HOMEBIRTH thread. Well, I was dogpiled by a few of the more rabidly pro-intervention ladies (remember this was a homebirth thread) for "insulting" their births by calling them "un-natural". Since when did hospitals become a natural birthing place? Even if you GO natural in a hospital, it's NOT NATURAL. Again, who cares, if they were so happy with their choices, why insulted? They didn't seem very happy at all. *shrug*
Needless to say, I decided that some people prefer to be ignorant or let others take their power... I steer clear of any mainstream forums, homebirth topics or no. lol.
I still don't know ANYTHING about the details of a close friends birth. I know she let the doctors induce her for being 3 days late, and that she ended up with an epidural (said she wanted to go natural/don't they all) but I didn't ask ANYTHING, that just kind of came out during a half attempt to tell me "I really wish I could have gone natural."
But after a discussion I ended up being "the jerk" in several months earlier while she was still pg, I overheard her saying something about "the baby's circumcision". I spun around on my heels and blurted out: "YOU AREN'T GOING TO CUT THE END OF YOUR BABY'S PENIS OFF, ARE YOU?!" She looked at me like it was none of my business, and how DARE I say something so mean about her baby! It was then, that I decided I couldn't save the world from the medical biz. sigh...
Yes, they cut the end of their baby's penis off, after making him enter the world on a day he didn't choose as his own birthday. There was nothing wrong with my friend or the baby. They are/were both perfectly healthy.
I never hide my opinions, but I honestly go out of my way to not discuss them either. It's just too painful for everyone involved. lol.

I give thanks every single time this stuff comes up that I didn't have to endure any of the nightmares of the medical world in order to find my natural birthing place. That is, unhindered, AT HOME. Even though I was young, I still managed to have a "perfect home birth" the first time around. And the second. And I am not so patiently awaiting my THIRD!!!

I was a post partum doula for a few years when DD#1 was young. I honestly had to get out of it, I am too partial. I burned out too quickly seeing all the unnecessary interventions and the women who swear they "saved their lives". : I got tired of having more faith in women and their bodies than THEY did. :

[Juvysen]

Yes. It's hard for me not to feel compelled to fully inform the women. Mostly I just nod and smile but then I feel like crap for not informing them... I hate the decision completely.

I usually end up saying I had a hospital birth with my first and a homebirth with my second and there's no way in he** I would go back to the hospital unless something was seriously wrong.

[guestmama9904]

i too get these really intense reactions when i hear other peoples stories, i especially get my panties in a bunch over women who dont breastfeed, i mean it i just appaling to me. i try to have empathy and imagine why they might have chosen this path but i just want to shake them sometimes! i am a certified medical assistant and went to school with all these women and i am not kidding most of them never breastfed, they didnt want their boobs to look weird. ahh! ok a bit off the subject, sorry.

as far as babies being too big, where does this come from? i mean it really isn't logical. why would a normal womans body grow a baby that couldnt get out of her body??? my mom home birthed my "little" brother who weighed 12 lbs, 4 oz, and no, she wasn't diabetic, she just has huge babies. i was 9lbs, 4 oz, her first birth! some how we all made it out fine. my son was 11 days "overdue" and my rn midwife though my belly looked small to date so i had an us and the md preforming the us said "oh this baby is gonna be at least 10 lbs, you better get him out of there fast!", well lo and behold my son was born 1 week after this us and was only 8 lbs, 4 oz.