On September 20, 2007 my DH and I's best friend of over 10 years took his own life.
This is not the first time suicide has touched me so close to home. My uncle took his own life in Jan. 2006. However, this time I feel a tremendous amount of guilt.
2 days before my best friend died, he called me. He wanted DH and I to come visit him because he and his girlfriend were having problems. He always came to me with that sort of thing. You could kind of say he was my "girlfriend" because we always had "girl talk" and he and my DH would do the "guy" things together.
Anyway, that day I was feeling particularly crummy and hugely pregnant so I told him I didn't feel like hanging out. He had always had a history of depression and feeling suicidal so I should've been there for him that day. I feel so terrible that I wasn't.
The rational part of me knows it wasn't my fault...that ultimately he chose to pull the trigger. But I can't help but think about how he was feeling in those final hours. Did he think I didn't love him? Did he think I had forgotten about him? That I wouldn't have come rushing to him if only I had known how he really felt that day?
: I would give anything to have one last chance to tell him how I feel.
This is not the first time suicide has touched me so close to home. My uncle took his own life in Jan. 2006. However, this time I feel a tremendous amount of guilt.
2 days before my best friend died, he called me. He wanted DH and I to come visit him because he and his girlfriend were having problems. He always came to me with that sort of thing. You could kind of say he was my "girlfriend" because we always had "girl talk" and he and my DH would do the "guy" things together.
Anyway, that day I was feeling particularly crummy and hugely pregnant so I told him I didn't feel like hanging out. He had always had a history of depression and feeling suicidal so I should've been there for him that day. I feel so terrible that I wasn't.
The rational part of me knows it wasn't my fault...that ultimately he chose to pull the trigger. But I can't help but think about how he was feeling in those final hours. Did he think I didn't love him? Did he think I had forgotten about him? That I wouldn't have come rushing to him if only I had known how he really felt that day?
: I would give anything to have one last chance to tell him how I feel.
