For those who live in high circ areas - Page 2

[bluetoes]

The right thing to do isn't always the easiest thing to do or the popular decision. I could never live with myself if I did something I knew to be so fundamentally and horribly wrong just to fit in with mainstream society.

[MaryJaneLouise]

I could have written your OP. It's hard. My boys are only 2, and sometimes people commented on their intact status when they were little during diaper changes. I guess we just have to be pioneers, and cite how Europeans and other states are seeing the light, and that red states are an aberration.

[SleeplessMommy]

My husband is from an religion that discourages circ. (Hinduism) We have absolutely never considered it for our son, never regretted his intactness.

[Pumpkinheadmommy]

I live in a high-circ area too. My dh is intact and says he was never teased or looked at in locker rooms and never noticed if anyone else was circ'd or not.

Many years ago, I worked with a group of young 19- and 20-year old guys. You know how guys that age will tease each other mercilessly. Well one of them was British and one day he told the others "you Americans aren't real men because you're missing an important part of your manhood!" The other guys just stared at first, not even knowing what he was talking about. Then one of them said "oh, I'm a real man - my pedro wears a pancho!" So then the two of them ganged up on the others about not being "real men" and all the circ'd guys could say was "Aw shut up! We can't help it!" I actually felt sorry for them.

It made me think about how to handle anyone who teased my ds. I'll make sure he knows HE is the lucky one.

[BamaDude]

Originally Posted by Pumpkinheadmommy

Many years ago, I worked with a group of young 19- and 20-year old guys. You know how guys that age will tease each other mercilessly. Well one of them was British and one day he told the others "you Americans aren't real men because you're missing an important part of your manhood!" The other guys just stared at first, not even knowing what he was talking about. Then one of them said "oh, I'm a real man - my pedro wears a pancho!" So then the two of them ganged up on the others about not being "real men" and all the circ'd guys could say was "Aw shut up! We can't help it!" I actually felt sorry for them.

It made me think about how to handle anyone who teased my ds. I'll make sure he knows HE is the lucky one.

I suspect that as circumcision becomes less common, intact guys teasing circ'd guys for being cut will be much more common than cut guys teasing intact guys ever was...because let's face it, the intact guys have better ammunition to work with. Although that might be tough for the cut guys to deal with, hopefully they will be the ones to say "I was made fun of in the locker room for being circ'd, so no way I'm making my son go through that!".

[Mrs-Mama]

Didn't read all the responses, so I apologize if I'm repeating, but:

DH was left intact in the 70s (when pretty much everyone circed) so he was surely in the minority. He has never wished to be circed and is grateful that his parents chose to leave him perfectly whole. Also, he can't tell me if any of his friends were or weren't because it just wasn't an issue.

[mommy_e]

I have never doubted leaving my boys intact was the right thing to do. Even here in the Midwest, the last stats I saw showed 80% circ. Yes, that is very high (too high) compared to CA's 35%, but it isn't so high that he will be the only one. In an average class of 25 boys in gym, there would be 5 intact, enough that it won't be a complete oddity. Red hair would be even rarer (2%). I will certainly talk to them about it and the responses that they can give so that they hopefully can have a good enough body image to weather any teasing.

[KBecks]

I know what you are saying and this in part is what led me to circ my 2nd son, and it is hard knowing you will be different from pretty much all the other kids. But, your son will have his whole body and you can explain to him what circ is and why you didn't want that for him. He will be fine. My husband knows of only one of his peers who is intact and yes he was made fun of, but I think that teasing time is only a short period of a boy's life, compared to a whole life of having less than what what he's supposed to have.

Anyway, I encourage you to help change the numbers here in the Midwest! Good for you and congratulations!

[Mamm2]

I live in the deep south and everyone circs around here: I count myself lucky that I learned about circ and will teach ds to be proud that his "pedro has a poncho" My son will have unconditional love from his family and that will hopefully help him if this ever becomes an issue. I truly believe the locker room issue is an urban legend so I don't expect any problems. Either way this was never a concern for me..15 yrs into the future is too far in the future for me to worry about and performing cosmetic surgery just in case:

The tides are changing and I believe one day the circ will be in the minority...

[DklovesMkandJK]

One of my brothers was born in PA in 83 when everyone else was circ'ed, the other in 89 when circ'ing was still very popular.
They both (now 24 and 18) say that they never once had anyone say anything about being intact. (and the latter is a jock and in more than his fair share of locker rooms ) The only comments I have ever heard about J's intactness were from my MIL (who hates me anyway!)

I think that the locker room 'trauma' is so severely exaggerated by pro-circ'ers that it doesn't even hold water. I'm sure it's happened to someone somewhere but I have never heard from a guy that said it happened to him.

Personally I am teaching J that intact is the way penises are supposed to be and he should feel bad for anyone whose parents decided to cut off a part of thier penis. I don't feel that circ'ing is a parental decision and will not teach my son that 'some parents just make that choice" or some other piece of bull. I think a part of the feeling different battle needs to be early education about circ'ing so he won't be surprised by a penis that looks different.

[titania8]

i also live in the midwest, and no, i dont ever second guess or doubt that leaving our boys intact was the best thing to do. i don't worry about them being embarassed about having all of their body parts, or being teased for it. i just feel bad for all their circ'd friends.

[snowcrocus]

Originally Posted by newmama8824

One of the women said "I look at it as if i had to go through pain of giving birth, they had to go through pain with me"

i'd just like to point out that, in discussing circumcision, you have uncovered one of the serious issues in the approach to childbirth in our culture.

[Mommiska]

Originally Posted by titania8

i don't worry about them being embarassed about having all of their body parts, or being teased for it. i just feel bad for all their circ'd friends.

I think this sums up how I feel - especially the bold part.

Not that I'm going to teach my children to pity boys who have been circed. But they will know that it is a very damaging, painful thing, that has life-long repercussions.

So I expect that my children will feel the way I do about people who are circed (male or female) - I just feel terribly sad that that happened to them. And I wish they had all of their body parts.

And I'm SO glad that all of my children have all of their body parts.

This was an issue with a friend of mine who circed her son, in fact - she was really upset by the fact that I felt sorry for her son (which I did, and still do).

[Dabble]

Midwest here too - our area (small-ish town) has at least an 85-90% circ rate, at last report. But just look at how many Midwest mamas have chimed in here, saying they didn't circ. The numbers are growing.

It's hard to imagine our kids being teased. I read a comment on MDC once, and I think I'm going to offer it to my son to use when he gets older. If he is ever teased, he can say "Wait, let me get this straight... you're teasing me because part of your penis was cut off?" That really turns the tables!

I think the key is raising a child who is confident. Remember that the ones doing the teasing are the ones who already feel insecure about themselves for whatever reason. I'd like to think that when my son gets older, he will be confident enough to understand the reason why people tease, even if that doesn't make it easier for him.

Good luck mama, and I'm proud of you for sticking to it even though it feels very much like he'll be the only one. Only dead fish go with the flow!

[mija y mijo]

The right thing to do isn't always the easiest thing to do or the popular decision. I could never live with myself if I did something I knew to be so fundamentally and horribly wrong just to fit in with mainstream society.

Well said.

[KBecks]

I asked my husband about teasing because he said his friends gave one of their group who was uncircumcised a hard time. So I asked specifically about how he was teased. (He never would share this when we were debating circ.)

The guys would say "you're not circumcised".

I asked, what did Matt say?

"So?"

And that is what my husband described as how the intact guy got harassed. NO BIG DEAL! This group harasses each other for all kinds of stuff, and if this is all they did about circumcision, that's nothing.

I'm sure my husband still is uncomfortable with doing things different, but this teasing is really nothing at all to be worried about.

[Kimono]

I admire mamas in high-circ areas who leave their sons intact. I can understand secondguessing, when most people around you think circ is the way to go. But as for being a minority, you never know where boys/men will end up. Perhaps your family will move to a low-circ state. Maybe as a young man, your son will go to college in a low-circ area, or take a job somewhere where circ is uncommon. We are such a mobile society, and the rates are dropping. Circ is not done very often in western Europe, Canada, or Australia. You may not think that's very relevant, but I am an American who has spent the last 5 years in the UK and Canada--who knows where life will take your son? You can be proud of your decision--I suspect he'll thank you someday--all the benefits of having a foreskin will become more and more commonly known in the US as the years go by.

[nd_deadhead]

I have twins boys - they are a delight!

We live in the midwest as well, and I assume that most (if not all) of my sons' friends are circumcised - but we don't really know, because my sons and their friends don't parade around naked. My boys are 13 years old, in 8th grade, and no one has ever commented on their foreskins. They don't shower at school, and they don't undress in front of others - not because they are ashamed of their foreksin, but because they are modest. Their friends are the same way. My sons don't even want to change clothes in front of each other!

They HAVE been teased for acne, being clumsy, being tall, and even for being identical twins. Rather than surgically alter them to fit in, we taught them how to deal with bullies and with teasing.

They are very glad they are intact, and can't understand why anyone would want it done - much less do it to a helpless infant.

[My*Scorpio]

I'm also in the Midwest - circ capital of the world. It helps associating with other MDC'ers in real life. I keep trying to educate pregnant women on the topic - and I've actually changed a few minds!

I have no regrets. I don't worry about my son being teased. He can choose who sees him naked.

[Alyantavid]

Yeah kind of. I don't know irl of any boys who aren't circed. My dh is intact as well and was teased in high school. In fact when our first was only days old he came to see him and said "please tell me you got him circumcised."

My son is now in kindergarten in a very very teeny town and some teasing has started. One kid told him he had a "small weiner" in the bathroom one day. He just ignored him so hopefully that will continue. But I don't doubt that there will be some teasing as he and my other son get older.