hi all, my beautiful baby boy has been born!!! i am sooo utterly in love, more than i EVER thought i could be. i will fill you in on more but here are a little tidbits to sum it all up:
Sheamas Bodhe was born at 4:08pm on monday 11/26. and...i DID IT MAMAS!!!!!!!! it was a successful VBAC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
went to the birth center and met w/ my MW. she wasn't comfortable w/ all the thick greenish/brownish meconium in the AF that kept gushing... i was having ctx's consistently upon waking at 3:30am and water breaking. they were 10 mins apart, then once i got o birth center around 4:30am they were 5 mins apart...then closer. i agreed to transfer to the hosp. it is known as a good one here in bend. MW went w/ me......to make a long story short, she provided me w/ such loving stable labor support the whole time, til after Sheamas was born. i love my MW!!! my mom and megh stayed the whole time too.
the dr. who was on call was so-so and thankfully went off shift at 7am. she was looking tired and annoyed...i had an awesome nurse from 7am til 7pm so the same one was there for his birth. she was so sweet. the dr. who came on i totally feel is a gift from the goddess as i have heard of her before. she let me do my thing. i labored and labored til i couldn't take the pain anymore...baby had turned OP. MW suggested some narcotics to take the edge off. i at first was floored she would suggest that but now i feel she was intuitive about my pain tolerance and i don't resent her for that...it helped more when i went for an epidural. i was feeling like a wimp and like i was not going to wind up VBACing........but you know what, the anesthesiologist who gave me the epidural was awesome at that art and it provided me w/ some incredible relief where i still could feel the pressure of ctx's on my rectum and it was just perfect. i started pushing around 11am or so i think-i had progressed to 10 cm so fast...i kept hearing that guns and roses song "running like a freight train, riding like a hurricane..." then decided to labor down as much as i could (which means i now know, not pushing...). but that didn't last long. i wanted to push more... maybe it wasn't 11am when i started pushing...maybe it was 1pm...i'll have to find that out. so anyway...was getting good leverage and baby was moving down...i could feel him moving down and pushing off w/ his feet. it was amazing. all i kept wanting was to have him to relieve the HUGE feeling i had to take a giant poop...i hate being constipated and this one topped the cake.
i can't believe how you feel it all in your rectum like that!!! i didn't have that experience w/ megh as i never progressed that far and had a ceserean eventually...so anyway, i kept asking the dr. and nurse if he was moving down, if it was looking promising and they said yes. whew. wonderful! so i kept going for it and pulling on my knees w/ feet up on the squat bar to stablize me and sometimes pulling back on my knees w/ feet up. chin to chest, took many breaths real deep and then held it as i pushed out and up of my rectum. finally, Sheamas was born. the crowning was something else!!! holy cow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
once his head was out i knew he was going to come out and i'd feel relieved as i've seen so many mamas as a doula be...i was right. they asked me if had wanted to feel his head and i turned it down (wish now i hadn't...) but all i kept thinknig about was i wanted some ice cold water to drink since all i was allowed were drops of water and ice chips...sorry but it wasn't cuttin' it! so i was just looking forward to that water sooo badly. i think i kept the cold washcloth over my eyes too i was sooo determined to just birth him and get that water. i felt him slip out of me and wow, it was amazing. meghan and my mom were witness and the staff were all so amazed at my dd watching and waiting in there for 11 hours...she is so amazing.
i didn't mind that Sheamas was taken to the warmer and i didn't hold him for about a half hour or maybe less. he needed his cord cut right away and i didn't feel bothered by that either...i knew they were going to be doing all this due to the meconium. thankfully the mec had thinned out a lot towards the end...boy did i have a LOT of AF in there!!! he didn't cry just kinda of grunted and sing songed...which is good as they didn't want him too worked up w/ the mec in his system. he is very healthy and doing great!!!!!!! all his CVC tests and blood gas tests came up fine......he sounds much better and i'm so blessed because he could be much worse.
he is soooooooo absoluely beautiful. i will post pics tomorrow..........i'm hurting and oh i had a 3rd degree tear. dr. was talking episiotomy at one point and i said noooooo! it may have been a good idea but either way i'm ok w/ how it all turned ou. thankfully the tear didn't go into my rectal muscles but i'm also very swollen and bruised on my labor and rectum. it HURTS. i even said to my MW that i thought there was something in my butt.....i had her look and she got the dr. nothing in there, just was swollen big time and dr. was worried a possible hemotode (i think that is what it is called) was there due to the trauma and such but thankfully there isn't one and i didn't need surgery for that...phew!
i'm so glad i could feel the birthing..................................i feel like sending the anesthesiologist a thank you card cuz really that is a big deal for me.
oh...and did i mention Sheamas was 10 lbs, 7 oz and 21.5" long? yeah baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! woop! woop! he is a BIG BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
he's nursing like a champ, my milk came in on day 2 and i love my little man.
i'm a bit emotional re. my mother at times and our relating, and also about how megh was tonight. i hate myself for telling her to shut her mouth a few times cuz i don't normally talk that way to her. i know she is just excited and also needing me emotionally and physically but omg sometimes she is so RUDE and i ask her to keep it down and not wake Sheamas and she keeps going and makes a big to-do and anyway i feel just awful cuz i lost it w/ her and threatened to spank her and she was so upset w/ me....i don't blame her. but i'm alone here and she really pushes me so far it upsets me and i'm hurting so much physically that i couldn't take it anymore. now i'm protective w/ TWO children and very much so w/ Sheamas where i didn't think i would be.........i feel like a horrible mother. our first night home and i lose it on my precious dd and become this monster in response. soooo i'm going to get into some therapy for myself ASAP as well as some for megh. i can't keep losing it w/ her like that. she was so upset and then i logged on here to write to all of you sobbing my eyes out for my guilt and pain around that. can anyone relate to this? man oh man...................a person can only take so much. megh is a master at pushing me and going in the opposite direction behaviorally when what she wants is just my love and attention and affection. i'm going to go wake her up if she's fallen asleep and hold her and tell her i'm sorry and i was wrong for responding that way and to please try harder at being patient w/ me and loving. god i love my children soooo much. i don't ever want megh to feel i don't love or want her. or that she is 2nd to Sheamas or any of those feelings.......i would imagine she fell asleep in there feeling that way.............................and that SUCKS. i'm not perfect...especially when i'm in pain or wanting my son to stay asleep and not hear some tantrumatic 5 yo sister of his being so rude and loud. ugh.
anyway...........so that is my scoop for now. going to go back and sleep. pics tomorrow. i feel like such a sh*tty mom to meghan now. i hope i can forgive myself. i am so blessed w/ these 2 beautiful precious children.................
love,
lisbeth
Sheamas Bodhe was born at 4:08pm on monday 11/26. and...i DID IT MAMAS!!!!!!!! it was a successful VBAC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
went to the birth center and met w/ my MW. she wasn't comfortable w/ all the thick greenish/brownish meconium in the AF that kept gushing... i was having ctx's consistently upon waking at 3:30am and water breaking. they were 10 mins apart, then once i got o birth center around 4:30am they were 5 mins apart...then closer. i agreed to transfer to the hosp. it is known as a good one here in bend. MW went w/ me......to make a long story short, she provided me w/ such loving stable labor support the whole time, til after Sheamas was born. i love my MW!!! my mom and megh stayed the whole time too.
the dr. who was on call was so-so and thankfully went off shift at 7am. she was looking tired and annoyed...i had an awesome nurse from 7am til 7pm so the same one was there for his birth. she was so sweet. the dr. who came on i totally feel is a gift from the goddess as i have heard of her before. she let me do my thing. i labored and labored til i couldn't take the pain anymore...baby had turned OP. MW suggested some narcotics to take the edge off. i at first was floored she would suggest that but now i feel she was intuitive about my pain tolerance and i don't resent her for that...it helped more when i went for an epidural. i was feeling like a wimp and like i was not going to wind up VBACing........but you know what, the anesthesiologist who gave me the epidural was awesome at that art and it provided me w/ some incredible relief where i still could feel the pressure of ctx's on my rectum and it was just perfect. i started pushing around 11am or so i think-i had progressed to 10 cm so fast...i kept hearing that guns and roses song "running like a freight train, riding like a hurricane..." then decided to labor down as much as i could (which means i now know, not pushing...). but that didn't last long. i wanted to push more... maybe it wasn't 11am when i started pushing...maybe it was 1pm...i'll have to find that out. so anyway...was getting good leverage and baby was moving down...i could feel him moving down and pushing off w/ his feet. it was amazing. all i kept wanting was to have him to relieve the HUGE feeling i had to take a giant poop...i hate being constipated and this one topped the cake.
i can't believe how you feel it all in your rectum like that!!! i didn't have that experience w/ megh as i never progressed that far and had a ceserean eventually...so anyway, i kept asking the dr. and nurse if he was moving down, if it was looking promising and they said yes. whew. wonderful! so i kept going for it and pulling on my knees w/ feet up on the squat bar to stablize me and sometimes pulling back on my knees w/ feet up. chin to chest, took many breaths real deep and then held it as i pushed out and up of my rectum. finally, Sheamas was born. the crowning was something else!!! holy cow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! once his head was out i knew he was going to come out and i'd feel relieved as i've seen so many mamas as a doula be...i was right. they asked me if had wanted to feel his head and i turned it down (wish now i hadn't...) but all i kept thinknig about was i wanted some ice cold water to drink since all i was allowed were drops of water and ice chips...sorry but it wasn't cuttin' it! so i was just looking forward to that water sooo badly. i think i kept the cold washcloth over my eyes too i was sooo determined to just birth him and get that water. i felt him slip out of me and wow, it was amazing. meghan and my mom were witness and the staff were all so amazed at my dd watching and waiting in there for 11 hours...she is so amazing.i didn't mind that Sheamas was taken to the warmer and i didn't hold him for about a half hour or maybe less. he needed his cord cut right away and i didn't feel bothered by that either...i knew they were going to be doing all this due to the meconium. thankfully the mec had thinned out a lot towards the end...boy did i have a LOT of AF in there!!! he didn't cry just kinda of grunted and sing songed...which is good as they didn't want him too worked up w/ the mec in his system. he is very healthy and doing great!!!!!!! all his CVC tests and blood gas tests came up fine......he sounds much better and i'm so blessed because he could be much worse.
he is soooooooo absoluely beautiful. i will post pics tomorrow..........i'm hurting and oh i had a 3rd degree tear. dr. was talking episiotomy at one point and i said noooooo! it may have been a good idea but either way i'm ok w/ how it all turned ou. thankfully the tear didn't go into my rectal muscles but i'm also very swollen and bruised on my labor and rectum. it HURTS. i even said to my MW that i thought there was something in my butt.....i had her look and she got the dr. nothing in there, just was swollen big time and dr. was worried a possible hemotode (i think that is what it is called) was there due to the trauma and such but thankfully there isn't one and i didn't need surgery for that...phew!
i'm so glad i could feel the birthing..................................i feel like sending the anesthesiologist a thank you card cuz really that is a big deal for me.oh...and did i mention Sheamas was 10 lbs, 7 oz and 21.5" long?
yeah baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! woop! woop! he is a BIG BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!he's nursing like a champ, my milk came in on day 2 and i love my little man.
i'm a bit emotional re. my mother at times and our relating, and also about how megh was tonight. i hate myself for telling her to shut her mouth a few times cuz i don't normally talk that way to her. i know she is just excited and also needing me emotionally and physically but omg sometimes she is so RUDE and i ask her to keep it down and not wake Sheamas and she keeps going and makes a big to-do and anyway i feel just awful cuz i lost it w/ her and threatened to spank her and she was so upset w/ me....i don't blame her. but i'm alone here and she really pushes me so far it upsets me and i'm hurting so much physically that i couldn't take it anymore. now i'm protective w/ TWO children and very much so w/ Sheamas where i didn't think i would be.........i feel like a horrible mother. our first night home and i lose it on my precious dd and become this monster in response. soooo i'm going to get into some therapy for myself ASAP as well as some for megh. i can't keep losing it w/ her like that. she was so upset and then i logged on here to write to all of you sobbing my eyes out for my guilt and pain around that. can anyone relate to this? man oh man...................a person can only take so much. megh is a master at pushing me and going in the opposite direction behaviorally when what she wants is just my love and attention and affection. i'm going to go wake her up if she's fallen asleep and hold her and tell her i'm sorry and i was wrong for responding that way and to please try harder at being patient w/ me and loving. god i love my children soooo much. i don't ever want megh to feel i don't love or want her. or that she is 2nd to Sheamas or any of those feelings.......i would imagine she fell asleep in there feeling that way.............................and that SUCKS. i'm not perfect...especially when i'm in pain or wanting my son to stay asleep and not hear some tantrumatic 5 yo sister of his being so rude and loud. ugh.
anyway...........so that is my scoop for now. going to go back and sleep. pics tomorrow. i feel like such a sh*tty mom to meghan now. i hope i can forgive myself. i am so blessed w/ these 2 beautiful precious children.................
love,
lisbeth
: thanks mamas!!! i wore my birth beads from this DDC the whole time, btw. thank you for being there w/ me. 
