Need help

[spirit19]

I am new to MDC but I am loving all of the support. This particular forum couldn't be better timed for me!

My parents were spankers and yellers. I will NOT do that to my children!

Problem is I can say that all I want but in the heat of the moment it takes a lot for me to remember that. I have a 15 mo old who loves to scream and seems to need my constant undivided attention (napping now) I guess these in and of them selves aren't so bad but I can feel my tension rising now - what will I do when Ds is 2 or 3??

I am looking for books or sites you all found particularly helpful.

I just realized reading a few post "duh how can I change history if I don't learn how"

So any books, sites, anything you think would be helpful to get more information on "HOW" to become a gentle discipline parent.

After all what good is saying I want to be a gentle dicsipline parent if I don't take any steps to make that happen.

Thanks in advance for the help!

[mamaduck]

Hi Kari, and welcome! Your 15 mo. old sounds very normal -- you may be able to expect things to get easier in the yelling and screaming department as he gets older and learns to talk. It becomes easier to direct kids to "use your words" when they start bellowing at you! And at 2 or 3, they can usually play independently for 15-20 min. (not always though.)

There are a ton of great books out there.

"Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles," is the book that gave me the most concrete ideas for how to handle specific situations. I found that it took practise and effort to learn the strategies -- but that'll probably be true of anything, ya know?

"Kids are Worth It," is my favorite GD book. Not a lot of practical ideas, but it definately works on shifting your mental paradigm about discipline. Its very convincing, and coherent.

"For Your Own Good," by Alice Miller -- is a dense thick book, but excellent. It helped me to look at my own childhood and to articulate why I want to do things differently with my own children.

Those are just my favorites -- I'm sure the other mamas here will have lots of great ideas!

[lunar forest]

Welcome to MDC! As mamaduck said, your 15 month old sounds perfectly normal to me. I had a screemer (he still is from time to time at 22 months,) and the best thing for me was to put it in perspective. Screeming, as annoying as it is, is not the end of the world. I found that it really helped to ignor the screeming, and explain to ds that I cannot understand what his screeming means, and he needs to find another way to tell me what he needs. I like to remind myself that children (and babies) can understand far more than we expect, or believe they do. Explaining things calmly to him helped me to calm down, put things in perspective, and just deal with my feelings better. I try to make myself be patient and relaxed for his sake, as well as mine. It's amazing what you can do when you put your mind to it!

[lunar forest]

Oh, I thought this site might help you find some practical ideas. http://parentleaders.org/articles.html

Also, we have a thread with a list of books and links for gentle Discipline.GD Book Recommendations

I really like this book:
Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking: Practical Solutions to the Most Common Preschool Behavior Problems
by Jerry Wyckoff & Barbara Undell.
I think it has a lot of good practical ideas and examples. Like when your child does X, you can try A, B, C, D, and when that doesn't work try E." It is easy to read and is liad out in an easy to use way.