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What do your kids call their step-grandparents? - Page 2

post #21 of 38
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by wasabi View Post
Well have they had the step-father and therefore his familiar ties longer than you and your family have been in the picture? I mean that might make a difference especially if they were still pretty little when he joined the family and are older now and more like to not feel your parents are their grandparents at all.

My stepmom was my stepmom before I had kids and already had grandkids so she's MeMe to my kids as well. My stepdad raised me from a very young age and he is Grandpa. STBX's stepfather was likewise already in the family before kids and he is Paw-Paw. I think it's far more likely that step-grandparents get typical grandparent names when they are there at the time of the birth kwim? Meaning basically when the grandparent is the step-parent of the bio-parent vs the bioparent of a step-parent kwim?
Actually, my family has been in their lives longer but we didn't get married until this year. So I guess that is why it is bothering me so much because my mom truely acts as a grandmother to them but she doesn't seem to get the title. They have only seen their step-dad's family a handful of times but my family lives around us and they see them at least once a month and at all the holidays and birthdays.
post #22 of 38
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by offwing View Post
Is there a reason you aren't just letting the kids and the grandparents find their own answers to this? Especically seeing as they are older?

One of the trickiest things about blended families is letting everyone handle the relationships they with the others. Eventually everyone tends to work out for themelves how they can relate to each other.

(obviously I do not meant that anyone should ignore a child in a harmful relationship)
We (DH and I) have had some conversations with the kids about what they would like to call the people in my family. They were open to calling them by titles (Grandma, Aunt, Uncle, etc.) but it hasn't stuck. I haven't pushed it and truthfully I feel like referring to them as "Grandma D***", etc. is kind of pushing to hard with them. I don't want them to feel as though they have to call them by these names if they don't view them as their grandmother or grandfather, KWIM?

I do want them to work it out on their own but I guess I am getting a little impatient because it has been over six months since we were married and I thought they would have switched over by now.
post #23 of 38

They call them

Grandma and pop-pop, because that's what the sd's were calling them.

On the flip side, the SD's don't really call my parents anything, however, they don't see them nearly as much. My mother lives in KY and my dad only comes around sporadically when the skids are at my house (we also end up going to the IL's house alot when we have the skids too).
post #24 of 38
I would say let the grandparents decide what they want to be called, then you just call them that. If you feel like it is appropriate, let the kids know that they can make a choice about what to call them. The kids will either make the switch or not. If it's an issue of respect or values (for example, in our family, kids pretty much don't call adults by their first name unless they are "Aunt" or "Uncle" so-and-so, even if it is just an honorary title) then that's one thing. But it sounds like you don't want to force them to call them family names, you just want the kids to WANT to call them that... in which case, you just have to wait for them to want to... if those names are what they hear (from you, hubby, and the relatives in question), they will be more likely to switch if they are inclined to. While they are getting mixed messages about it, they are going to be less likely to make a switch.

If you are stuck for a name that seems to fit, there are tons of suggestions on the internet for what to call grandparents!
post #25 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnieA View Post
Actually, my family has been in their lives longer but we didn't get married until this year. So I guess that is why it is bothering me so much because my mom truely acts as a grandmother to them but she doesn't seem to get the title. They have only seen their step-dad's family a handful of times but my family lives around us and they see them at least once a month and at all the holidays and birthdays.
I see. From my pov as someone who as a child have a step-father and his entire family foisted on me a substitue father/father's family from the second my mom married him I would say you need to continue being careful not to push this. They will call them familial names when they're ready to. Whether your mom acts that way or not they may not feel that way about her. So just sit back and see what happens. Honestly six months doesn't seem very long to me.
post #26 of 38
I called my step grandparents Grandma Mary and Grampa John - after my stepdad started calling them that to me.

I know that my parents would like to be called Grandma and Grandpa ___ - but I haven't been able to bring myself to call them that to DSD, I don't know why. I think if I had biokids it would be easier.
post #27 of 38
My Grandparents are Gramma and Grampa B (just "B", because their last name starts with "B"). My Mother is Gramma Anne her fiance is Grampa Chris. My Father-in-Law is Grampa (because we see him more often) or, when we need to clarify, he's Grampa Frank. My Hubby's Mother, who passed away almost 20 years ago, is refered to as Gramma Katherine when we talk about her. All the Granparents are considered both my son and my stepdaughter's Grandparents. It just kinda became natural for everyone, once my Hubby and I got seriously involved.
post #28 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by UptownZoo View Post
My kids all call their step-grandparents the same thing all their bio-grandkids call them. So my in-laws are known as Nana and Papa by all kids, and my folks are known as Grandma and Grandpa by all the kids.
-- cept dh has grammy & grampy.

I'd just ask everybody what they want to be called.
post #29 of 38
We're having this issue around here also. DS and I moved down here to be with DP this summer. DP's parents live here too so we see them often. Before we moved ds wasn't too verbal so didn't call DP's parents anything. Now ds is verbal. DP and I had a conversation about what to call his parents. His parents would like to be called "Grandpa George and Grandma Sue". I agreed to that. But it just hasn't stuck. I call them George and Sue. Sometimes I add in the Grandma/Grandpa but not too often. DS knows who I'm referring to since it's the only George/Sue he knows. But I'm horrible with titles. I don't refer to my siblings as "Aunt X" or "Uncle Y". They are first name only. Occaisionally I add in the "aunt" or "uncle" part, but not often. But it was hard because when ds was born my little sister was just a year old and I was her nanny (5 days a week). So I was calling her by her first name all the time and never got in the habit of calling her "Aunt A". It felt weird to call a 1 year old his aunt! Now ds (at 4 years old) has a 1 year old uncle : My mom and dad are Grandma and Grandpa. DS's paternal grandma, on the rare time she's mentioned, is Grandma D. DS hasn't seen his paternal Grandpa in probably close to 2 years and never talks to him so.... he's just not named. Same with ds's dad. DS has no name for him, but he very rarely sees him. I have no idea what to call him if/when he does see him again But that's an issue for another thread
post #30 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by StephandOwen View Post
But it was hard because when ds was born my little sister was just a year old and I was her nanny (5 days a week). So I was calling her by her first name all the time and never got in the habit of calling her "Aunt A". It felt weird to call a 1 year old his aunt! Now ds (at 4 years old) has a 1 year old uncle :
Yeah I wouldn't call kids that close in age aunt and uncle. I would call them by their first names. I mean that's just odd to me. I see it as a honorific that is used for someone older than a child but recognizes the relationship. If I had an aunt who was younger than me I'd just call them by my first name like I would a cousin. I wouldn't call them Aunt Blah.
post #31 of 38
Gramma and Grampa, just like the bio kids do.
post #32 of 38
My stepkids call my mother Mama D____, which is funny because they call DH's mom just K__ and their mothers mom Grandma V__, like a woman who has no biological connection to them at all is closer to being Mama than their own grandparents.
post #33 of 38
My SS calls my parents by their first names. We married when he was 6 and that is what was comfortable for him.
post #34 of 38
Grandma and Grandpa. He also calls dh's stepdad "Grandpa" and his mom's stepdad "Grandpa." My mom was a stepmom, too, so my halfsibs kids call her grandma, too. On our wedding day, my parents took him aside and gave him a teddy bear and told him they were so excited to be getting a new grandson. He was really thrilled. I still remember him running around that day with his teddy bear telling everyone he had new grandparents. He was 4. I can see if he'd been the first grandchild I might have felt awkward to suddenly start refering to my parents as "grandma" and "grandpa."
post #35 of 38
(Background: Cora was conceived with someone else, but my first husband, B, was the one in her life from about a month prior to her birth, so he adopted her after we got maried.)

With B it was really simple, and kinda funny. When we got engaged, Cora was 2. She already knew B's parents really well, and we had even spent Christmas eve night and Christmas morning there (Santa came there.) They were so happy when we got engaged to be getting her as a granddaughter, that I'm not sure we had finished telling them we were engaged before they told her to call them Grandma and Grandpa!

So the next question was how to differentiate between the grandparents. Just Grandma FirstName and Grandma FirstName was fine, and Grandpa FirstName works for my dad, but my stepdad and B's dad have the same name! (My mom and stepdad lived very close to us, as did B's parents, so she saw them all at least once a week). I didn't like Pop-pop, which my stepdad wanted. So while we were kind of playing it by ear while trying to figure out an answer, Cora figured it out for us. You see, my stepdad is a pretty formal (read:anal) guy. He always wears a suit and tie, like at least six days a week, even though he worked at home, part-time, and even if he didn't leave the house. And B's dad is and was a very laid back retiree. So she started calling them "Grandpa FirstName with a tie" and "Grandpa FirstName without a tie"!!! :
post #36 of 38
my kids call thier step-grandparents grandma a pop-pop, since that is what my stepchildren (thier bio-grandchildren) were calling them. Since all the children were pretty young, all under 5 when DH and I met, this was the easiest way of going about it.
post #37 of 38
Oh, dear...

My SD just suggested calling my mom Grandma Firstname Alive. (Her late paternal grandmother has the same first name as my mother, as I stated upthread.)

This will not work. (Thankfully, it cracked my SO up rather than depressed him. It still is not a good idea.)
post #38 of 38
My boyfriend and I just went through this whole name deciding thing with my parents actually, for his daughter.

At first he was really possesive about it and didn't feel comfortable having her call them Grammy & Pappy or any for thereof...

I kept talking to him about it and laid it out as such... he said himself that he wanted my parents to be a part of his daughter's life. She is only three, so they will be around for most of her life... We plan on having children together, and I want all children to call them the same thing. I don't want the family to start off divided with one child calling them by their first names, and the other children calling them Grammy and such.

I had a long talk with my BF's Mom too, as her and I are close, and her family is a blended family, so I figured she could offer some insight. She agreed with me that my parents deserved grandparent names as they are already acting as grandparents (play with her, buy her things, all the grandparent-y things of spoiling, basically having a ball with it as this is the first grandchild in their lives, and my Mom has been wanting grandkids for sooo long). Her point was, either we are becoming a WHOLE family or we aren't... and the most healthy is to be a whole family and to stop sperating everything out... especially since Alex is so young and this is the family she will know for the majority of her life.

She talked to her son, and he came to the conclusion to ask my parents what they would be comfortable with her calling them. My parents were thrilled when I asked them, and without hesitation gave their answers! My Mom has always wanted to be Grammy... and to help differentiate (as both Alex's Mom's Mom and her Dad's Mom are Grammy), we tacked on the last name, Grammy Smith. My Dad said right away Poppy, which is not taken by anyone yet, so that works too.


So...talking to the grandparents about what name they would like is a good idea too.
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