Problematic Teacher. Serious and Time Sensitive. - Page 3

[b|ue_Ash]

Update *

Well I never got to meet with that special ed teacher I know, yet. The one everyone would like to see me speak with before going to the principle (or whom ever with in the school) about any of this.

She swears that we will meet up this week... here's to hoping because I can't wait forever.

Today while we were all driving in the car, my dd suddenly said "I want to go to church, WE should all go to church."

We didn't get upset, specially not with her, but we were inquisitive.
Some how my dd learned a lot more about church compared to what she knew what... a week ago?

Today, was also the first time that she stole from a store. I gave her many chances to come clean with out confronting her, and then even when confronting her and then with evidence of what she had done. It was like talking to a blank piece of paper, nothing there... no emotion, no acknowledgement, or comprehension.

The last time she did something terribly wrong... her solution was to beat the living crud out of our pet dogs, so that she wouldn't get in trouble with her parents again. Just, having a conversation with her self, over hearing her say all these vial and mean things she wanted to do to the dogs to "teach them a lesson".

The last thing I need or rather, the last thing SHE needs, is some crazy teacher.

[Viewfinder]

Keep a mini tape recorder handy, and use it.

I tape recorded my child's parent teacher conference, which caused the teacher to request the principals' presence, and now I have these two boobs on tape demonstrating all of their worst, most troublemaking and idiotic behaviors. Neither of them will meet my eyes anymore, which I take as a good thing. They are scared, and they should be. It has given me some power in this otherwise powerless game between schools these days and parents.

Tape record her. Ask her to explain her teaching values, goals, etc., so you can take them to your pastor for interpretation. When she reacts with shock or disbelief, just IGNORE that and ask another question.

Also, it's really good to sit in class with your child sometimes, just drop in. They try to get me to give them some warning that I'm coming, but I don't. They are trying real hard to keep me OUT of the classroom, but, they can't. I go. On Friday, I had to pick up dd early by 45 minutes; secretary wanted to call the teacher and have dd sent to the office. I wanted to go to her class, sit there if dd was in the middle of something, and then discuss whether she wanted to go with me (on kind of a long, open-ended day trip) or go to after care and a friend's house.

"Oh, no, this will distract the kids, the teachers hate for me to do that," says the secy/power tripper.

Oh, really? That's what I'm going to do. The teacher and the kids in dd's class handle it very well; I know from the previous half dozen times I've gone it. DD's teacher is a screwball like your child's teacher: a very destructive, self-aggrandizing, know-it-all loser, who dared to claim, "My students are my children!" No, they're not. They're your STUDENTS, and OTHER PEOPLE'S CHILDREN.

The secretary tries hard to bully me into doing things her way, but I don't let her. I tell her how I'm going to do it. Give me the pass, I'm signed in, daughter's signed out, I'll go get her personally after I visit her classroom for a few minutes. When I did, teacher ignored me, I sat quietly, respectfully, in the rear... my dd didn't even notice me for some time, then I only waved her to come to me when the section of study was over and may kids jumped up and moved around, which she did, whereupon the teacher demanded she return to her seat. I said, "She's coming with me." Is she signed out? Yes. And she insists she must call the office to see if my dd is signed out before I, her mother, can escort her out. It's a territory war... whose child is this; who has control, who has a stronger influence?

Your child's teacher sounds like a real piece of work. Nasty, destructive, paranoid, drama queen. Give her a book on drama addiction. Ask her what church she goes to, cause you're looking for one. Give it back to her... demand from the school district to know if that teacher has ever been brought up on charges of child abuse... if she has complaints from other parents about the teacher not respecting the child's boundaries, both physical and spiritual. Make a preemptive strike. They all tell each other. I've been dealing with the school and district on a few matters that are somewhat similar, and I find that I drop a hint at one desk, and it starts flying around like a busted balloon, and calls are clearly made about my remarks that make other staff and such back the f off of us. They're trying to control our kids, like the Nazi schools, little by little, the parents are pushed OUT of their own kid's lives.

I'd go out and get a book on paranoia, but they're staked out outside the apartment right now, counting the seconds til my baby is back under their roof, their influence. She's just a kid, she can't be expected to "take a stand." I have to do it. Take a stand. Draw a line in the sand, which, if you do draw a line, it should be actually behind you now. Time to fight for your child's right to an education (not an indoctrination.)

Good luck. I loathe that teacher you described... I know the feelings you're having. I've listened to that tape of the PT conference, and it makes my blood boil! They're such @@#$$%%%, they don't even hear themselves at all, how irrational, rude, uncommunicative, and obtuse they both were. I would HATE to be in a foxhole with either of them! Might as well drink cyanide, cause they're going to get me killed, or get me arrested for murder; or as I would think of it: justifiable homocide. At the very least, I would like to push a nasty pie in both of their faces. Is that wrong?

VF

[kathymuggle]

Originally Posted by b|ue_Ash

Update *



The last time she did something terribly wrong... her solution was to beat the living crud out of our pet dogs, so that she wouldn't get in trouble with her parents again. Just, having a conversation with her self, over hearing her say all these vial and mean things she wanted to do to the dogs to "teach them a lesson".

The last thing I need or rather, the last thing SHE needs, is some crazy teacher.

DD needs counselling. Animal cruelity is not a good sign...it is often a flag for future violent behavior. Please get her help.

As per the last line...you are so right. If she has issues, she needs many positive role models in her life, not the teacher.

I hope this is not OT - and that you do not take it wrong. Is she genuinely interested in church? If she seems to be, and in light of the fact that she is obviously struggling, it might not be a bad idea. There are some great churches out there - perhaps UU? Do some research, mama!

Big hugs,

Kathy

[b|ue_Ash]

kathymuggle:

That's just another side of this whole problem, my dd does have severe behavioral problems, it's no news to me and her father. We've found little help, rather people that were capable of helping her.
She does have a new therapist we are meeting her for our 3rd appointment later today.
dd does not yet have an actual diagnosis by anyone, but a few speculations. She's on the waiting list to see someone that "diagnosis" individuals in January. Along with some other doctor that is supposedly familiar with dealing with children whom are like my dd, but I have been unsuccessful in getting that doctor to return any of my calls thus far. I have no idea where is is located.
She also could use what I believe is called an IED which I still don't fully understand WHAT that is, but it would seem that once I get it, then her school will HAVE to comply with us to aid my dd in her learning environment.
So far, the many doctors and specialist she has seen, won't touch her issues with a 10 foot poll.
Her current therapist has admitted that she can not diagnose her, or solve our problems, but at least hopes that she can open up and form better communication between dd and her parents/peers.

I don't think my dd is honestly interested in attending church, it would appear that she has been taught by others that church is "cool" and that people would like her better if she went to church.
In reality my dd would hate every moment of church, she would find it very boring and unimportant.

My dd has been to several churches, in our family we have Mormons, Catholics, Jewish, Born Again Christian and Atheist/Agnostic.

I have recently considered attending a UU church with her, just to gain another experience, another view point.

I have been studying the worlds religions for over 13 years, it's a big hobby of mine. I feel it's important to learn about them, but I do not enforce my views or lack of views on my child. Ultimately the decision will be up to her.
But I'd like her to be as well informed as possible. And to not go with something out of "fear" or because all the cool kids are doing it.
In our area most of the parents of her age group are older and very highly religious.
I don't like the idea of anyone forcing my child into something blindly, from the stand point that she can't "fit in" unless she is one of *them*.

We are working hard to do something fun and educational for a different winter holiday aside from x-mas, and we are also concentrating on New Years in the hopes that she can have fun and bond with friends and family, and not feel so left out among all these celebrations.

[Leta]

Viewfinder has the right idea. Take the offensive.

[peaceful_mama]

the thing is an iep----individualized education plan. basically it is paperwork and a meeting where you would talk w/teacher & others involved w. dd (maybe therapist in her case--can be invited at your request even if not school employee) you would discuss strengths & weaknesses & set goals for what she struggles w.

i worked in preschool special ed 3 yrs. & now just had my 1st IEP for my ds, 3.

that aside, i would get your dd out of that school NOW. she does not need to be in same bldg. as her i think this woman would continue to harass her.

sorry 4 typos. NAK.

[momaste]

What's going on with this? How's your daughter doing? Has she left the classroom yet?

[minnowmomma]

I'm sorry that you are going through such a horrible experience with dd teacher. If i were you i would not avoid going to the principal, but i would take several witnesses with me .The principal might be completely unaware of what this teacher is doing and should be made aware that the teacher is trying to subvert your child and conducting religious instruction while at she is suppored to be teaching the 3 r's.At the same time you should go on the hslda.org website to find out what the homeschooling laws are in your state and also find out if you have a virtual charter school program in your area,that would allow you to homeschool your dd without the expense and research.I hope this helps.

[Viewfinder]

I have similar problem w dd's teacher

And it has just become a war... the office manager, the principal... the school board. This gang does not like to be wrong or have any of its members be called out as the incompetents and/or cruelly unsuited to the profession people that some of them ARE.

And this teacher has been warping the 3rd grade experiences of children for over 10 years before mine got into her class. The principal gives no support, and is in fact, short a full deck of cards himself (I'm one of a known NUMBER of parents who feel similarly). But it's so much easier to buckle under and go with the flow and just get your child through one awful year... I've been TRYING!! (She told the class in this past week, for example, that one little girl who was known to have stolen a handmade necklace of one of the kids, a student who was not even IN her classroom, that she was lucky she did not live in another country where her hand would be chopped off (she acted it out), and if she did it again, the other would be chopped off as well (also acted out). She told another 3rd grade girl who was asking a question to shut up, stop talking, "I am sick of you talking over me when I am trying to say something (A moon rocket could not talk OVER this teacher), you are such a brat, etc." Yelling, out of control. Totally inappropriate. Regularly threatens kids with not passing to the fourth grade. I have another child in the class at my house, she stayed the night, and she and my dd told me all of this latest stuff over dinner last night. I was sickened, absolutely sickened.

It's so aggravating. I've tried to get my dd out of the class, I've approached the principal and had a half hour sit-down with him in his office a month or so into the school year, while another parent pulled her children from the school they'd both attended happily for years. He put her on the "waiting list" to get out of it, and acknowledging that at least a few children were on it!

Three months later, after several classroom visits for parts of the day, just to observe, and, after the parent teacher conference where the woman did her usual "I AM THOR!" act--I conveniently tape-recorded it openly, having learned my lesson that she was the best one to bury herself with her own rhetoric and grating conversational style--requiring the principal to be present. He did nothing to address the trouble, and was such a complete nimrod in there... honestly. I FEAR for the children if some disaster puts him at the decision-making helm in a life or death situation. I played the tape for others, it's appalling in every way, except for my even-tempered calm in the storm of the teacher's and principal's WALL of VERBAL VOMIT. I simply kept the tape running, as I could not get a word in edgewise, at my PARENT/TEACHER conference.

This is a school with a very high API rating, one of the highest in the state. But there are bats in the belfry. The other teachers are allright as far as I know. Tough, but reasonable and don't make personal attacks like this one.

I don't want to homeschool. I want my dd educated in the public school system with her friends and all of the accoutrements of a public elementary school education and experience. I want to have a voice, I want to police the crazies out of the teaching and administrative aspects of education.

That is my wish, Santa Claus, if you are out there. Bring my daughter and her classmates a truly wonderful teacher, knowledgable, loving, effective, caring, appropriate, capable, and versatile. Thank you. I'll try to leave the cookies for you and not eat them myself.

Love,

Viewfinder

[Tradd]

I don't know the size of your area, but is it possible for your daughter to be transferred to another elementary school in the same district?

[HikeYosemite]

I haven't read the entire thread, but if you are worried about CPS being contacted, I think a lawyer will tell you to document all that the teacher says and writes to you, if you can. Include dates. The teacher has no business interfering with your daughter's religious upbringing, and it is might even be against the law for her to be asking your daughter if she goes to church, etc. Call the clinic where the child got treatment and get documentation from the doctor. Just a few suggestions.

If you decide to homeschool for awhile, or forever!, in many states (are you in the US?) you can pull your daughter out at any time and write a letter notifying your school system that you are homeschooling. Here is one place to research homeschooling laws around the world:

http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/regional/Region.htm

Good luck!

Originally Posted by b|ue_Ash

Here in my home, we are not religious, and there are certain holidays we just don't celebrate, etc. The teacher said that my dd was disruptive towards the other children, meaning that her beliefs that her family doesn't believe in god, or that santa isn't real, or that we dont celebrate Christmast is WRONG, it's abnormal, LIES and disruptive. She even said to me "Your (dd) and I have made a pact to re-educate mommy (me) on these types of matters."

[siobhang]

I know very little about school politics and so forth (my kids are too little for this stuff, fortunately), but I do think the religious thing is her achilles heel.

The fact that she has out and out admitted to trying to convert your child means that you could have her license. If you can document this, you can get the ACLU on that school's ass in a flash. And they know it.

The rest of it is more serious, of course, but this is where you have the biggest weapon against her.

Just a thought.

Good luck! and let us know how it goes.

[mommy68]

Originally Posted by alegna

I would find a different school (private if need-be) or homeschool for now. I would pull her from the school- IMMEDIATELY. I would NOT send a child that young away from home.

I agree.

I think you should become involved at her school as much as you can. If you are an extremely involved parent then you can't go wrong. They will take you more seriously then.

[mommy68]

The teacher said that my dd was disruptive towards the other children, meaning that her beliefs that her family doesn't believe in god, or that santa isn't real, or that we dont celebrate Christmast is WRONG, it's abnormal, LIES and disruptive.
She even said to me "Your (dd) and I have made a pact to re-educate mommy (me) on these types of matters."

that comment would bother me. No one has a right to impose their beliefs on you, especially a teacher in a "public" school.

and FWIW, my child does wear socks with her Crocs in the winter months. I wouldn't dream of sending my child out of the house without socks in cold weather. In fact, I wouldn't let her wear Crocs in cold weather unless she wears socks. They look fine with socks. I think you need to make sure she has socks on. If that is the difference between her teacher possibly using neglect against you then the socks certainly will not hurt.

[mommy68]

Originally Posted by b|ue_Ash

I'm still afraid at this point that if I go in and talk to the principle or the councilor that the teacher will find out and feel challenged, and then I'll have an even bigger problem on my hands.

but as a parent you have a right to voice your opinion when it comes to YOUR child. If you have a problem with her teacher then you have every right to go to the principal or even the superintendent of schools if you so choose. You are in no way "required" to have your child in any public school at any time. You can homeschool at any time that you want. You gave birth to this child and it's your choice where you take her to get an education.

Here is the information for the state of Maryland for intent to homeschool:
http://www.hslda.org/laws/default.asp?State=MD

I have taken my older children in and out of both public and private school several times in elementary school. When I would take them out I had to have a little card from the state that showed that I was approved to homeschool then. You can get that card quick! You can have it mailed to you after you send in your intent to homeschool or you can go pick it up in person.

Remember, this is YOUR child. No one can tell you what to do regarding your child. I'd be all up the schools butt at this point, especially the teacher. In fact, my oldest child was in 3rd grade in public school for 3 weeks when I yanked him out. His teacher was rude, cold and I just didn't like her. Then the last day he was there before starting to homeschool she had the gall to be teary-eyed and said he was her best student.....all that after she had been telling me that he was "too quiet/shy" and that he didn't put forth any effort when school had just started 3 weeks earlier.

[NeedsTylenol]

as a parent you have a right to voice your opinion when it comes to YOUR child.

Please please please, remember that this is in fact, YOUR child. Schools have this way of trying to make you forget that they're our children and not just "their" students.

Hope things get sorted out soon.