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Rude questions people ask when you are pregnant.... - Page 3

post #41 of 105
12/1/07 at 5:59pm
Thread Starter 
This isn't really rude but just annoying. People that keep asking if "I'm sure" in regards to eating or drinking. For example, today I was out with my Mom and we went to get a bagel. She asked if I wanted a drink to go with it and I said "No thank you". And she keeps saying "Are you sure?" And I keep saying "Yes I'm sure". It's as if now that I'm pregnant, I can't be allowed to make up my mind. People are also always offering me food and when I refuse, they keep saying "Are you sure?". I know they are trying to be nice but it does get annoying like the "How are you feeling?" ALL THE TIME!

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post #42 of 105
12/1/07 at 8:41pm
JennaW, that 'are you sure' thing - so true! People are always trying to stuff my face it is irritating.


I get really offended with the "are you crazy?" remarks. I haven't had it yet this time, but I'm sure it's coming. The worst part is that they will always say that in front of my children. Like they're worthless or something.

I once had a boss comment on my eating (I was pg with my first, and was super skinny except for my bump, fwiw) - someone brought donuts to work. He saw me eat one, and then asked quite seriously if i 'really thought that was a good idea'. I laughed it off but I was MAD.

The worst, for me: when I was pg with dd, and didn't know she was a girl, and frankly would have been very happy with another ds. Everywhere I went, with my two small boys: "Oh, you must just want a girl SO badly!!! What will you do if you have another boy?!" Um, love it lots, thanks. I never, ever, said yes to that one, always made a point of saying I'd love another boy. I just didn't appreciate people making a big stink like that right in front of the boys.
post #43 of 105
12/1/07 at 11:01pm
i personally dont find it rude... at least coming from people i know... strangers now thats another thing. I ask my friends the same question and they dont mind either. The reason I asked, at least at the time that I did, was that we were ttc and statistically i wanted to know who got lucky enough to get pg without really trying or if they were how long just to see where we fit in. again its probably something you will only ask those you are close to. however what i DO find rude are people who ask you if your pg and you clearly are not (happend to me and no im not a big girl where you might confuse that) or when I was 4 months pg some guy I didnt even know said hey pregnant lady...so your gonna pop any day now... i was like no im not even half way and my belly is not that big... I actually have not even gained a pound yet.
post #44 of 105
12/2/07 at 2:16am
I had someone ask a friend if I knew who the father is. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and we work together. It actually made me laugh hysterically.

My other fave is people saying "she can't do that she's pregnant". And it's always ridiculous stuff. Someone said I couldn't fix a broken light cord in case I had to get up on a chair! The other day someone's car died and I got my handy little emergency kit out of my car with jumper cables and they wouldn't start the jump until I was in the building 200 feet away. Or if they see me put a pepcid or a tylenol in my mouth I get, "Are you allowed to do that?

The food thing too I find annoying. People are saying crap like. See if Laura wants it, she's pregnant. Suddenly I've become the garbage disposal for my co workers crappy food too.
post #45 of 105
12/2/07 at 2:22am
Just because a baby is not "planned" does not mean the baby is not loved. None of mine have been planned. I think people say a lot of rude things to pregnant women.


When are you due

Have you had the baby yet

You look like you are going to pop

Is it twins

How many children are you going to have

Dont you think thats enough children etc etc

People just dont think before they speak or they dont seem to think it will affect anybody.
post #46 of 105
12/2/07 at 11:27am
I hate the Planned question because I firmly believe in not/not'ing, meaning that whenever GOD has planned for us to have another, we'll get pg (which happened!). So if people in church ask, I always say "of course! We left it open to God's plan"

Now, only once did someone in the family say something to me about twins... I gained 60+lbs with DS1... He said, rubbing my belly, 'are there two in there?' I started rubbing his and said 'only if there's THREE in THERE.' He laughed, no one else asked
post #47 of 105
12/2/07 at 11:36am
Quote:
Originally Posted by JennaW View Post
The other one is when people say in this "you probably don't know this but" tone of voice "A baby changes your whole life." As if it was some flippant decision. "Oh really, I thought things would just go on as normal". Please.
My FIL said this to DH when we called up with our happy, exciting news. "You know, a baby changes your whole life." In that stupid serious warning tone. DH later told his mom he really wanted to ask him "Really? Do you think it's too late?" or "Does that mean I should leave when the kid turns 10 like you did?"

Good grief.
post #48 of 105
12/2/07 at 1:57pm
When my sister and her dh found out their 2nd baby would be girl #2 they called and told everyone their news. When her dh told his mother that this baby is a girl too she said, "oh, honey, I'm so sorry." Good lord, having another girl is bad?

When I discovered my pregnancy this time (baby #3) one of my uncles said, "I'm happy to hear it but don't you think it's time to stop now? I mean this makes 3 kids with 3 different dads! HELLO!!" I was so upset that I was in tears. My exdh and I divorced 10 years ago (dd) and then my ds's dad DIED 4.5 years ago - ... what am I supposed to do? Stay single for the rest of my life? I'm only 30 and really wanted one more before calling it quits. My DF also wanted another so, although we didn't expect this one to come so soon, we were definitely planning to have another baby in the near future. Even though we don't know this baby's gender we're super happy to bring the little stinker into the world. We're both so in love with this baby already that we can barely stand it.
post #49 of 105
12/2/07 at 2:44pm
It never ceases to amaze me how rude people can be!

I get tired of the "You've got your hands full" too!

One that I remember most was during my last pregnancy. We were out to eat and DH placed the entire order. So the waitress asks "Are you pregnant?" To which I respond "Yes" so she says "Oh, so that's why you ordered SO much!" If looks could kill! The one eating ALL that food was DH, who is not a large guy at all. He eats a ton and doesn't gain a lb! Must be for the fat chick though.:

Both DH and I have younger sisters that were unexpected and have been told they were mistakes their whole lives. Sometimes I think our families think it's humorous when they say it. Ugh! It's so hurtful and uncalled for. Our first was the greatest unexpected blessing we've ever received. She was also conceived on birth control. I plan to tell her at some point when it comes up, but not that she was a "mistake" or anything along those lines. She was a very special gift and we didn't know just how much we wanted her until she was conceived. We have never felt any less than blessed to have her!
post #50 of 105
12/2/07 at 2:59pm
Thread Starter 
Mama in PA- I can't believe that. The only appropriate response when someone tells you they are pregnant is "Congratulations". I'm sorry your uncle was so hurtful.
post #51 of 105
12/2/07 at 3:01pm
Thread Starter 
For those Mama's with male partners, have you had people say to your DP/DF/DH "Oh, better watch out for the mail man" or something stupid like that implying that your male partner is not the daddy. I find this to be incredibly insulting, even if it is a joke.
post #52 of 105
12/2/07 at 4:31pm
This time around, #4 I get more rude comments then ever. We have 3 ds, 10 7, and our youngest is 16mo. So yes people see me pregnant again so soon, and their responses have been: Do you need me to buy you a t.v. so you have something to do, or my personal favorite: so, when is your DH getting fixed? Like they just assume that we should be done. : What business is it of theirs, it's not like I"m asking them to help me support it. What if we want to have 10 kids it's none of their darn business. As you can see, that one really bugs me.
post #53 of 105
12/2/07 at 5:37pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by JennaW View Post
Mama in PA- I can't believe that. The only appropriate response when someone tells you they are pregnant is "Congratulations". I'm sorry your uncle was so hurtful.
Thank you. It actually started a big war in the family so I've just taken to not speaking to them (we were never very close anyway). I can only imagine their opinions on other things I do (or don't do). I can see it now... "what? your son isn't circumcised?" or, "how can you not immunize? that's child abuse!" So I'd just prefer not to deal with it at all. I stay in my little corner of the world (2500 miles away, LOL) and try to forget about them. I prefer to surround myself with positive influences and people who love me and my family unconditionally. I have no use for people who have nothing better to do than to nit-pick at my choices whether they're family or not. I'm not a pacifist and sometimes get into trouble by standing up for myself and my family but if I don't do it nobody else will. I want my kids to see that I fight back so that they will do the same when they're adults. I'm still waiting for someone to touch my belly again so that I can feel them up. I would love to see the look on their face. DF, in his sick way, wants to see me do it too. LOL.
post #54 of 105
12/2/07 at 6:33pm
As for the planned/not planned question, I actually don't mind that from close friends. And I see no reason to hide the fact from my daughter that she was a "surprise." I would never use the term "mistake," though.

I was glad, when I got pregnant with her unexpectedly, to be able to talk to some of my friends about my feelings about it. And I'm not sure I would have if they hadn't asked, "Were you planning this?" But they asked it in a supportive way and not in any judgmental way.
post #55 of 105
12/2/07 at 8:48pm
Maybe because I TTC so long (6 years) or I'm not sure but my dad even at 20 weeks is still saying this - every time he calls or I call - "So, are you still pregnant?"

I have felt a LOT of people in just the subtle ways they ask me or act around me that they didn't expect this to work out. It's kind of sad when everyone has such low expectations for you.
post #56 of 105
12/2/07 at 9:48pm
I haven't had too many rude comments. However I did get one a few weeks ago. I am the leader of a not for profit weight loss support group and I was sitting at the table when my members were coming in. One of our newer members was up at the table and she said to me "When is the baby due?" I said early February and she said with her eyes wide "Your HUGE!" I was just sitting there with my mouth opened. I felt like saying "Yeah well at least I have a good excuse!" : but figured that wasn't being very supportive. I mean seriously at that point I was 28 weeks pregnant had only gained 15 pounds and was only measuring 2 weeks ahead, yes I started this pregnancy overweight but I am healthy (ran my first 5km race at 9 wks pg). I was really insulted, why do people feel it is ok to comment on your size when you are pregnant?
post #57 of 105
12/3/07 at 12:29am
My first two are 11.5 months apart. I've gotten everything from an honest "How do you do it?" to "That's just irresponsible". Hmm okay well I'm married and in a stable relationship and care for and love all of my children regardless of when they happen to make their entrance into our lives...not sure how that qualifies as irresponsible. Now we're expecting #3, who was planned, and the first thing MIL asks is "How can you afford it?" My violin professor also asked the same thing immediately. Why is everyone so hung up on money? I honestly pity people who think about life in terms of "affording it".
post #58 of 105
12/3/07 at 1:40am
Quote:
Originally Posted by JennaW View Post
Mama in PA- I can't believe that. The only appropriate response when someone tells you they are pregnant is "Congratulations". I'm sorry your uncle was so hurtful.
Oh, I can believe it alright. This is my second time being a pregnant single mommy, and it is SO much easier at 42 than it was at 22.

When I told my best friend about Phoenix (who wasn't planned but was very much wanted) instead of "Congratulations!" she said, "Oh, no, I'm not driving you to the clinic or lending you the money for an abortion! You're going to have to get whoever it was who knocked you up to do that or take the bus like everybody else!" and then when I tried to explain that I was planning on keeping the baby and that I was happy about the pregnancy, she kind of exploded with, "But you don't DESERVE to have a baby! You haven't done anything to EARN the right to have a baby! Of course you're getting an abortion and you'd better hurry up and make the appointment before you have to get the more expensive kind!"

This time around, the most hurtful thing is that I expected the people who were supportive when I told them I was TTC to be thrilled that the AI finally worked. When they aren't, it makes me realize that they were just humouring the pathetic old lady who was "babbling nonsense" and never really thought I'd succeed in the first place.

I've been surprised at the heartfelt "Congratulations!"es I've gotten from men, though, although I found out tonight that my greatest supporter didn't understand that this was an AI baby and might have just felt sorry for me thinking that my nonexistant boyfriend walked out on me.

Oh well. It's their problem, not mine.
post #59 of 105
12/3/07 at 9:59am
noordinaryspider...

Congratulations! I'm glad that you are taking your dream and turning it into a reality. Now THAT is an admiral trait to have, one most people seem to be born without or lose as they grow older.



Un-hijacking
"So, isn't nursing going to kill your new baby?" (as in, nursing while pregnant)
"But isn't the change in milk going to make [ds1] sick?"

And "How are you going to afford TWO in diapers?"

Well, first of all, we cloth diaper. Second of all, kids who are cloth diapered (and part time EC'd) tend to potty learn SOONER... so I won't have two in diapers too long!

I really hate "But you can barely afford this one!"

...yeah... we don't have any problem affording this one. Babies don't NEED much... you know, a boob, a sling, and some diapers. Whoop-dee-doo. :
post #60 of 105
12/3/07 at 10:07am
Quote:
Originally Posted by noordinaryspider View Post
she kind of exploded with, "But you don't DESERVE to have a baby! You haven't done anything to EARN the right to have a baby! Of course you're getting an abortion and you'd better hurry up and make the appointment before you have to get the more expensive kind!"
: Is she still your best friend?

By the way, CONGRATULATIONS!
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