It's December, November 05 mamas!!! - Page 3

[*Amy*]

Thanks for all of the birthday wishes. We had a really great day yesterday; we took Brynn to Dinosaur World, which (as you can imagine) was a big hit! I've posted a blog and pics about our festivities.

Gunter, that was so sweet. Thank you. : Oh, did you want me to find out about getting a print or digital copy of the sketch?

Jen, that picture of the kids was too funny!! It reminded me of this one we took last year. I really wanted to send it in our Christmas cards but DH flat-out refused. He actually wanted me to destroy the picture altogether, but I never did. The picture of Ellie and Killie smiling was beautiful, though! They are so photogenic.

Spughy, re: the nursing manners, you need to read this thread!

Kaspirant, what's going on with the cabin? Any news?

We set up our Nativity table today, which was fun. So far we've got Joseph and pregnant Mary and the donkey starting off on their journey. I am going to try to build a little stable this week, and they will walk a step closer to it each night. We also have an Advent calendar that Brynn loves, which is fun for me; I always loved them when I was little too. We'll get our tree this weekend, and then I will be baking pumpkin bread and making fudge to send out as gifts. I think we'll be having visitors every weekend from now until after Christmas, so that is going to be fun. I really love the Holidays, and it's so much more fun this year now that Brynn is aware of what's going on. Oh, and tomorrow night we'll put some chocolate coins and maybe a couple of other treats in her shoe for St. Nicholas day on the 6th. Fun!

Oh, do any of you do Santa Claus? If so, how do you go about it?

[Queen of Cups]

We do Santa. I don't know what exactly you mean by "go about it" but we have some gifts that are from DH and I to the kids, and some that are from Santa to the kids. (I even use different wrapping paper!) DH reads "Twas the Night Before Christmas" to the kids on Christmas Eve and we leave out cookies and coffee and a note for Santa. Last year we went to a party where one of my friend's uncles came dressed as Santa and we took a picture, but I don't know that we'll try to do a mall or anything this year for the kids to see Santa. Killy hasn't asked about it, so I doubt we will - DH hates crowds. That's about it, we don't make a HUGE deal about it ahead of time. Everyone keeps asking Killy if Santa's going to bring him toys, and he told me grandmother, "Yes! Santa will bring me presents because I'm not going to say poo-poo anymore!" (we've been struggling with preschool potty-mouth, a lot of poo-poo, doo-doo, and such at non-appropriate times. I hate to be old-fashioned and restrictive about language, but would anyone appreciate being called "mommy-poo-poo?") He must have picked up at preschool the idea that Santa brings toys if you're "good" because we don't bother with that concept in our mentionings of Santa.

Oh, and Ellie has picked up the potty mouth and thinks its hilarious to yell, "Stinky bottom!" at the grocery store. Our bizarre solution is to ask the kids to yell "coco" instead, and it usually works.

Ellie has also developed this weird way of saying Mommy, starting a couple weeks ago she says, "Man-ny" which honestly bugs the crap out of me! She has excellent articulation otherwise, I don't know why she's gotten into this weird habit. I tried correcting her for a few days, but she's just imprinted on saying it that way, so I'm trying to get her to call me "Mama" or "Mom" instead. So, now she either calls me "Man-ny" or "Ma!"

[DreamsInDigital]

We don't "do" Santa but Winter knows who he is. He's too scared to sit on the mall Santa's lap so we're just sort of ignoring the whole santa aspect of Christmas until he's a little older and can handle the idea without being afraid.

I got my beads yesterday! They are gorgeous!!!!

Tomorrow's my sweet little baby boy's birthday. How can he be two????

[*Amy*]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WINTER!!!!! And happy birthing day, Lydia!

Originally Posted by Queen of Cups

We do Santa. I don't know what exactly you mean by "go about it"

Oh I just meant, what are your traditions, what do you tell the kids, etc? We are still trying to figure out what we want to do. Jason is *very* against "lying" to her by telling her that Santa comes and gives gifts (he was traumatized when he found out that Santa wasn't real (OK, this is random but I just misspelled Santa as I typed it and realized that Santa is an anagram for Satan. Yikes!) - anyway, so he doesn't want to perpetrate that myth. I thought we might do St. Nicholas (which is tonight) and leave her some candy in her shoe, but he said that's a lie too....so I don't think we are going to do anything of that nature. One idea I had was to teach her about St. Nicholas and how he bacame Santa, and that he loved children and helped those in need, so maybe on Christmas Eve we will "be" Santa as a family and take gifts and clothes to the Home of the Innocents for the little orphan children. I would really like to do that, and make the focus of Santa the *giving* instead of receiving. We are really trying to counter the commercial aspect of the holidays, so we are limiting ourselves to 3 gifts each, and one has to be hand-made. I'm also making little gifts for our extended family rather than buying stuff, and then the charity thing with my side of the family.

Speaking of gifts, I just realized last night that I hadn't heard from my mother on Brynn's birthday - no call or email or anything. She usually sends gifts for holidays and of course her birthday, so I was a little surprised and thought it was weird. Then she sends me an email this morning saying that she had thought that Brynn's b-day was the 6th!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could NOT BELIEVE it! This is my mother's only grandchild - how could she not have this date committed to memory? Not only that but I have had this birthday countdown ticker on Brynn's blog for the past two months!! I mean, really Mom! :

[3for3hb]

Lydia, You are one HOT mama!!! Beautiful pics! I loved your dress!!! Congrats again.

[Queen of Cups]

Amy, I have a friend who just explained to her kids that Santa symbolizes the Spirit of Christmas and Giving and that some people believe there's a real Santa and some people don't, and out of the two that were old enough to understand one decided he believed in Santa and one decided he didn't. I had a teacher in high school who was convinced that part of the reason Americans are so innovative and creative is because we're raised in this culture of Santa - Eater Bunny - Tooth Fairy and all the focus on pretending creates creative people. I don't know that I believe that, but I thought it was kind of neat. (Although, obviously, he was pretty biased toward Americans!) DH and I both grew up with families that did Santa and both of us came to the gradual realization that there wasn't a real Santa, but enjoyed continuing to play along - to this day! My in-laws still do "Santa" every year!

[Kavita]

Well, I will chime in on the holiday discussion to say,


Happy Hanukkah!!

[DreamsInDigital]

Happy birthday Winter!!!! How did he get so big????

[Phoenix_Rising]

Originally Posted by *Amy*

Jen, that picture of the kids was too funny!! It reminded me of this one we took last year. I really wanted to send it in our Christmas cards but DH flat-out refused. He actually wanted me to destroy the picture altogether, but I never did.

I'm really curious to see this pic but the link says the session timed out.

Originally Posted by Kavita

Well, I will chime in on the holiday discussion to say,


Happy Hanukkah!!

Happy Hanukkah


Happy birthday Winter, and happy birthing day, Lydia!

[*Amy*]

That's weird, Susannah. It works when I click it. Maybe try this one?

[*Amy*]

That's weird, Susannah. It works when I click it. Maybe try this one.

[kaspirant]

Originally Posted by *Amy*

Kaspirant, what's going on with the cabin? Any news?

YES! We put in our notice at the apartment and are moving in the new place the between christmas and new years!!! I'm so excited!!! This is the most amazing adventure!!

We called our families and told them we have jumped off a cliff (a proverbial cliff of course) and turned in our 30 day notice at the apartment. We haven't been *inside* the cabin yet. We are going on Saturday, but we went up and explored the property. I'll post pics. It's cute and cozy. We are going to be in a tiny tiny space, but it's short term and we'll be saving nearly $900 a month. Totally going to be worth it!!!

Originally Posted by *Amy*

We set up our Nativity table today, which was fun. So far we've got Joseph and pregnant Mary and the donkey starting off on their journey. I am going to try to build a little stable this week, and they will walk a step closer to it each night. We also have an Advent calendar that Brynn loves, which is fun for me; I always loved them when I was little too. We'll get our tree this weekend, and then I will be baking pumpkin bread and making fudge to send out as gifts. I think we'll be having visitors every weekend from now until after Christmas, so that is going to be fun. I really love the Holidays, and it's so much more fun this year now that Brynn is aware of what's going on. Oh, and tomorrow night we'll put some chocolate coins and maybe a couple of other treats in her shoe for St. Nicholas day on the 6th. Fun!

Oh, do any of you do Santa Claus? If so, how do you go about it?

I'm so jealous...I love my nativity but my ex is holding it hostage right now adn I don't know if or when I'll ever see it again. We have a ton of holiday traditions almost all on hold this year since we are moving. (I posted a bunch of our usual things on the Holiday Traditions thread here. I am so looking forward to a Holiday season at home. We do Santa, but he's not a big focus of our Christmas.

Originally Posted by Kavita

Well, I will chime in on the holiday discussion to say,


Happy Hanukkah!!

Happy Hanukkah!!! We didn't get our menorah out this year But, I think I'm gonna try to dig it out tonight. I miss the tradition of celebrating...but with moving *in two weeks* I can't convince myself to decorate the apartment when I'm boxing everything else up. We also are sad that we aren't sure how to have latkes with Jacob allergic to eggs I need to google vegan latkes and see if I can figure out a way to make them *edible* without egg.

[Phoenix_Rising]

Originally Posted by *Amy*

That's weird, Susannah. It works when I click it. Maybe try this one?

Yup, it works. And of course so does the first one you posted now. Seriously, what is up with me today? :

ETA That is a GREAT photo. I think you should use it this year

[flapjack]

Happy birthday, Winter! And Happy Hanukkah, to everyone who celebrates...

The good news? Our builders are hoping to be done everything by Xmas. The bad news? My kitchen is covered in a 3" layer of dust...

Happy cabin days, kaspirant! Oh, and may the universe send you a beautiful nativity before next year...

[*Amy*]

Can I ask y'all for your thoughts on what to do about my mom? As I posted yesterday, she emailed me and said that she hadn't sent anything for Brynn because she mistakenly thought her birthday was today instead of Monday. In her email yesterday, she said "I will call today to wish her a happy birthday." Well, she never called. I left my phone on til 9:00, when Brynn went to bed, and then I turned it off. My mom is pacific time, so I guess she could have called after we went to bed but I haven't turned my phone on yet this morning.

Right now part of me feels like, "Well, she sucks. What else is new?" and letting it blow over, and another part of me feels like calling her out on it. I mean, "Grandparents, forgetting a birthday? They LIVE for that shit!" I guess my struggle is in feeling like my mom isn't going to change, and our relationship is already so weird as it is; do I want to add more tension? On the other hand, if I don't honestly communicate my dismay, I feel like I'm just going along with her twisted perception of reality, which is part of the reason I stopped talking to her 5 years ago in the first place.

So I don't really know what to do. Any thoughts?

Helen, that's great about your kitchen! Oh and I tried your technique of tantrum-calming and it really seems to help. I remember that's the main tenent of the Happiest Toddler on the Block, but I had forgotten about that til you mentioned it.

Kaspirant, that is awesome about the cabin!

And Happy Hannukah to alll!

[3for3hb]

I don't have the time to reply to everyone/everything I want to. I've been sort of lost in a funk (I predicted it post Thanksgiving, eh?), have had a horrible infection that I've had to deal with (and uncomfortably so) and am so behind on everything holiday related. Our tradition is to read an advent Christmas book each Sunday in December, decorate the house, make cookies, fill a thermos with hot cocoa or cider and ride around (or walk around now that we have a double stroller and live in a walking type neighborhood) to look at Christmast lights at least a couple times a week. We've done nothing but halfway decorate the office so far. Oh, wait, I did the outdoor bulletin board for the office too and it was holiday themed so I guess that counts for something. And dh strung the lights outside so I guess from the exterior we look like we're on track.
I've only made one gift thus far - felted mocs for dh that need still to be felted. We haven't bought any gifts for anyone yet either. We're in a bit of a financial stilt and don't want to borrow business money for personal use so I really don't know what we are going to do as far as gifts. Dh is playing up santa pretty big (along with the "better be good for santa" bit which makes me grit my teeth) and the whole Christmas thing in that regard is just getting on my nerves right now.
Anyway.
To get out of my funk I planned a few activities that will get us out of the house. Yesterday we went to the Aviary (and were the only ones there) and looked at all kinds of birds, got to feed some and pet some too. Story time was interesting as we were the only ones there (first big snowfall) and as soon as Gabriel was in the car he bonked out in the carseat. Got home, made a quick lunch of pork chops, smothered kale and braggs with steamed black eyed peas, and we were off again to their first gymnastics class. Gabriel actually ended up sitting in the lobby with me during Willem's class because we found out when we got there that there was not enough participation signed up so they dropped it. By the time we got back home we were all ready for a nap and as soon as we got all settled in and cozy Gabriel started to cough... and throw up. He continued to throw up every few minutes to every 20 minutes for about 3 hours. I got a little freaked out when his lips went pale and he got all limp and his eyes got a little roll but I think it was the throwing up nothing after his stomach was empty that just wore him out. He slept from about 5:45 pm to about 4 am, only waking for about 45 min when dh came home.
So I've been up since 4, getting him a snack (he went to bed on an empty stomach) and not being able to get back to sleep. I have plans for major decluttering so we can decorate the house today and get a tree up this weekend but I don't know if I will have the energy.
Gabriel is fine now. Completely back to himself. I figure he must have put his fingers in his mouth at the aviary after touching some crap... literally. I used hand sanitizer after every hallway and washed their hands good after the feeding. But apparently I wasn't vigilent enough.

Willem is currently ducking beneath the computer desk every time he sees the smiley with the tomato duck!:

Off to shower before the day really begins

[Kavita]

Originally Posted by *Amy*

Can I ask y'all for your thoughts on what to do about my mom? As I posted yesterday, she emailed me and said that she hadn't sent anything for Brynn because she mistakenly thought her birthday was today instead of Monday. In her email yesterday, she said "I will call today to wish her a happy birthday." Well, she never called. I left my phone on til 9:00, when Brynn went to bed, and then I turned it off. My mom is pacific time, so I guess she could have called after we went to bed but I haven't turned my phone on yet this morning.

Right now part of me feels like, "Well, she sucks. What else is new?" and letting it blow over, and another part of me feels like calling her out on it. I mean, "Grandparents, forgetting a birthday? They LIVE for that shit!" I guess my struggle is in feeling like my mom isn't going to change, and our relationship is already so weird as it is; do I want to add more tension? On the other hand, if I don't honestly communicate my dismay, I feel like I'm just going along with her twisted perception of reality, which is part of the reason I stopped talking to her 5 years ago in the first place.

So I don't really know what to do. Any thoughts?

Well, I guess my thoughts are that you should turn your phone on, for starters! She could have just gotten caught up and not called early enough, and so I would keep that in mind before taking any action or making any definite conclusions based on this one incident alone. Sometimes people say things like that casually or because it just seems like the thing to say, but don't really mean it or don't actually think that anybody else is going to take them at their word and be waiting for/expecting their call, etc.

However, this isn't an isolated incident, you have a strained relationship with your mom overall and a pattern of her acting in ways that cause you to feel neglected by her and angry with her and to put distance between you--on the other hand if you didn't want at least some degree of a relationship with her for yourself and for Brynn, you wouldn't be so upset by this. And I would imagine that you could easily extrapolate from that that if you let Brynn get close to her that she will end up feeling that way too, and want to protect her from that. The fact that she is able to travel and such but hasn't made an effort to meet Brynn in two years kind of says it all--she is not going to be involved in her life at least at this stage in a close or meaningful way. It seems like you mom is just missing some sort of "maternal behavior" protein from her DNA code!! If you are able to accept her for who/what she is and be peaceful with that, then I guess you will be able to have a relationship with her, and maybe just convey your feelings about what you expect without being invested in her changing, then that is an option. Otherwise, I would just kind of try to minimize her role in your lives for right now.

So it's a tough call. Right now, I think that you will just have to make peace with yourself that your mom wasn't the mom you needed for yourself, and she's not the grandmother you would wish for Brynn to have. And then decide where to go from there. I don't think this is going to matter that much to Brynn as it will to you, because she hasn't even met her so it's not like she even has the foggiest concept of how her maternal grandmother "should" act at this point, beyond whatever she will get from you. And it's what she will get from you that will make the difference for her in understanding her grandmother's behavior if she ever does get more involved with her life. I would not make any promises to her (B) of contact with your mom (ie, "oh, grandma's going to call you today!") because you know she's not reliable/dependable, but if you can make peace with the fact that you mom is going to be an occasional presence in your lives, and on her own terms because she's unable or unwilling to do it on your terms, then I think it will be okay.

Also, I have a book recommendation for you but I'll save it for later/in person! :-)

Gotta go, gone overtime on my online time and now I have to rush to get out the door! :-)

[DreamsInDigital]

We had a great time yesterday. We took the kids out for dinner and ice cream sundaes then we went shopping and found these awesome wooden stackers made out of bamboo that came from Germany, at Target of all places! I was so excited to find some toys not made in China there. He insisted on this blasted talking Diego backpack that is all plastic and noisy but he loves it. Oh well, can't win them all. Anyway, it was fun letting him pick out a few new things, the real celebration will be on Sunday when my family is coming over to cut out snowflakes and make banana splits.

[Phoenix_Rising]

Originally Posted by willemsmamma

I don't have the time to reply to everyone/everything I want to. I've been sort of lost in a funk (I predicted it post Thanksgiving, eh?)

I'm sorry you are in a funk. Those are hard to parent through
I'm super glad that Gabriel is okay though! That would have freaked me out when his eyes rolled back in his head!


Amy - my dad forgot about my sister's and Keagan's birthday (they are the same day) and when I told him how hurt my sister was about it he was like "oh yeah, I guess I should have called her" but then still didn't remember about Keagan's birthday. The way I see it he is missing out on getting to know his grandson by forgetting these things (and by not returning our phone calls ever but that is a different story). Thinking about it that way can sometimes be helpful to me. Keagan is missing out on getting to know his grandpa but if he doesn't know him he can't know what he is missing, right? I'm sorry you are having a hard time with your mom forgetting . . . I hope she called while your phone was off!

[3for3hb]

Amy, you must have been writing your post as I was writing mine.
I know that our situations are very different but I am always a better, more centered and complete person when I estrange myself from my mother. She, and many intertwining issues, is the main fuel for my post Thanksgiving funk. I have no desire to play into her manipulation and self-centeredness because the moment I give her the time of day she takes over (or thinks she does) and mass chaos ensues.
So my advice, be it as biased as it may, is to just let sleeping dogs lie, let well enough alone, and don't touch the shit else you make your hand stink (or something like that).
I know how frustrating parenting an adult can be. It's unfortunate that she is the way she is and that she hasn't changed but you have got to do the best for you and yours.
BTW, sorta on topic, every time I look at your blog I'm reminded of what an amazing person you are, and such a wonderful, nurturing mother. Brynn is so blessed by having you as her mother and your apple has fallen far from your tree (as in I seriously doubt you have any threads of similarity in mothering with your own mother).
Have I completely confused you?: I feel like I'm thinking in circles today.