It's December, November 05 mamas!!! - Page 4

[*Amy*]

Originally Posted by Susannah M

I hope she called while your phone was off!

She didn't, yesterday or today. Oh well! Kavita, you are totally right in everything you said, and DH and I have said *many* times that my mom is missing the "mothering" gene. I decided to just let it go rather than take issue with her about it, and I feel a lot better. Brynn's not missing out on anything, that is for sure. Thanks for your thoughts, and letting me highjack the thread temporarily!

Monique, sorry you are having such a rough time lately. I hope you get to feeling more like yourself soon.

[*Amy*]

Originally Posted by willemsmamma

Amy, you must have been writing your post as I was writing mine.

And we did it again! We're on the same wavelength today!

Originally Posted by willemsmamma

...every time I look at your blog I'm reminded of what an amazing person you are, and such a wonderful, nurturing mother. Brynn is so blessed by having you as her mother and your apple has fallen far from your tree (as in I seriously doubt you have any threads of similarity in mothering with your own mother).

Monique, that means so much to me. It brought tears to my eyes. My heart's desire is that Brynn will never know anything but the feeling of being loved and treasured by us. I am so grateful that I had a daughter, because mothering her heals me every day.

[flyingspaghettimama]

flying in...anyone have a blessingway (now called a "mother blessing")?

We don't do santa either. we do rudolph! just in a make-believe fun kinda way.

amy, i'm not talking to my mom anymore either. long story, but it sort of begins with her "forgetting" multiple things after promising the kids calls/stuff/things she'd do and ends with her buying pot from my crazy sister. I grew up with it, and decided my kids shouldn't have to as well.

[spughy]

I think I'm going to call my mother tonight and tell her I'm glad she's an actual mom, not just someone who happened to a have a kid or two. s Monique, Amy, & FSM. You guys are breaking the cycle, for sure!

I got my beads today! Yay! They're all so pretty! I think I'm going to get some cords and make a couple of necklaces out of them, because there are some nifty themes going on there.

Someone at playgroup today commented that Rowan seems to do everything (in the realm of growing up) so FAST. She was standing on the top of the slidey-climbey toy, pushing toy trucks down the slide, laughing her head off then yelling "Did you see that Mummy? Did you see that?" It's true - it's not just verbal stuff, she's tall(ish), and super well-coordinated for a two-year-old, and seems to be getting over her shy phase and will talk to other adults now, and they mostly understand her. And I thought, yeah - and I kind of want her to slow down. Is that bad? Anyone else want their babies to stay babies for longer?

[Phoenix_Rising]

Originally Posted by spughy

And I thought, yeah - and I kind of want her to slow down. Is that bad? Anyone else want their babies to stay babies for longer?

Yeah, I keep telling Keagan he isn't allowed to grow up so fast.

[3for3hb]

Thanks for all the 's

Any extended time (as in more than a couple hours) spent around my mom sends me spiraling into this funk. And it's really hard to see the bright side of anything. In addition to the parent issue, which I am completely ignoring for sake of my sanity (really, if they call and say anything characteristic I'll fly off the handle.... it's been a looong time), I'm frustrated with how dh is running the business and our ensuing financial stilt. I understand his side of things but you gotta kinda stick your neck out to make things work. And hiring someone for the front desk seems to be a block for him. He's spread too thin doing everything. I just wish he saw himself as the doctor in the office, and not the office manager, the billing coordinator, the receptionist etc etc. And because we're in this stilt we can't save for a downpayment for a house and that's got me in the dumps in a bad way. Especially because it's already such a tight squeeze here and there is no room for a baby. Honestly. It's not so much the square footage, it's the layout and flow (or lack thereof).
And it's little things irking me like dh not wanting to take down the boys' bunk beds and store them in the basement. They really prefer sleeping on the floor so we've got a ton of blankets and pillows down for them and there is literally NO room in their room. And they share that space.
I've been having dh freecycle a lot of stuff (he has the account set up with his email) and have been over on the decluttering and simplifying forum alot, lurking mostly. I realize how much stuff we have but need and don't have room to keep (in reality, it's not really THAT much for a family of four with one on the way). And it's so hard for me to decide what to keep and what to get rid of. And what to sell. Or rather keep to sell at the annual spring yard sale our neighborhood has.
On the homekeeping front, it doesn't help that I'm already waddling around and trying to keep my two tornadoes from totally destroying the house and themselves. It's just damage control at this point.
Sigh.

This morning I was in such a bad mood. Dh asked what was wrong and how I was feeling and I just told him I was nauseous from not sleeping and went in my room to mope. I got a pad of paper and a pen out and wrote a list of things that I needed him to do. And I left it on his dresser. Then I came out of the room sobbing that could he please wake up earlier if he wanted to read the paper because he was basically sitting there ignoring us (which I'm usually okay with because he's reading the morning paper but I'd been up since 4am, cleaned, had made bfast and gotten both kids up and ready for the day and all he did was wake up, get a shower, make coffee for himself and sit down to eat the oats I made and drink his coffee and read). At least I prefaced my little outburst with "I probably shouldn't bring this up right now because of the state I'm in but..." Thankfully he was sensitive enough to put the paper aside and go in the kitchen to start on the dishes. He also took Gabriel to work with him so I didn't have to drag both kids to drop willem off at school.
I kept trying to think myself into a better mood and I felt a little voice say to try and think about somethign that happened the day before that made me truly happy. And I thought that finishing dh's mocs made me happy. That I'm able to read a pattern and turn a skein or ball of yarn into something unique and useable is really something that amazes me everytime. Then I thought about how enthralled the boys were yesterday at the aviary when we sat in the atrium and watched the toucan and then hawk fly overhead from trainer to trainer. And Willem's face when he fed mealworms to the african something or other bird was priceless. I just keep trying to remember those happy, bubbling up happy, feelings and knowing that my present circumstances are just that. Present. And they will pass. And my profession can wait for me, that I'll be there when the kids are ready. And I will have my house... sometime. But my kids will only be this enthralled with the little things for such a short time. I need to force myself to stop being so selfish and engrossed by my own discontent and see things as being truly beautiful. The way I used to when I was their age.

[Gunter]

Originally Posted by *Amy*

My heart's desire is that Brynn will never know anything but the feeling of being loved and treasured by us. I am so grateful that I had a daughter, because mothering her heals me every day.

I totally feel you on the whole mom thing, you know. And, i totally have the same sense of healing that mothering my daughter brings. We can overcome our lack of nurturing mothers; our crap relationships with our mothers do not have to prevent us from being great moms! You are an inspiration to me and all of us. You are so intentional with Brynn and how you love your family plus take care of yourself. You are real and honest and keep a great sense of humor and fun. I love being a mama with you, Amy.

[*Amy*]

You all have made me whole week, really.

Back to our regularly scheduled programming:

:Happy Birthday, Noah Sage!!!:

We miss you around here, SoulJourney!

[3for3hb]

Originally Posted by Gunter

I totally feel you on the whole mom thing, you know. And, i totally have the same sense of healing that mothering my daughter brings. We can overcome our lack of nurturing mothers; our crap relationships with our mothers do not have to prevent us from being great moms! You are an inspiration to me and all of us. You are so intentional with Brynn and how you love your family plus take care of yourself. You are real and honest and keep a great sense of humor and fun. I love being a mama with you, Amy.

... maybe I need a daughter to help me with the actual feeling of healing

[flyingspaghettimama]

Aw willemsmama, I hope you feel better soon. Maybe you should get him an intern from a local college as his christmas present -- for the OFFICE of course. A nice, unhot intern. Not named Monica. Or Bubbles.

Spughy, sometimes I feel like "don't grow up," but you know, it comes in fits and spurts. My first midwife said that that's why so many children are 1.5-3 years apart in age. The first one grows up!

[flapjack]

Yep- apparently the most common age spacing is 1.5-3 years, but it's more common to have a 5.5-6 year gap (IOW, conception around the time your youngest starts school) than a 4 year gap over here.
Monique, don't have a girl. Come and join me in the earplug club. I love Skye to little squishy bits and there are so many things that I'm looking forward to sharing with her as she grows, but you know what? Fundamentally, she's messy, noisy, destructive and covered in mud, just like her brothers. It's possible to grow girly bits, but the princess gene is harder work and she's completely deficient. Or I am. One or t'other.
I've pretty much given up stressing about Skye growing up, tbh. She has such a total sense of how the world should be and her place in it that my role seems to be first and foremost to run interference and help talk her through the points where she's being unreasonable whilst squishing anyone who tries to tell her that something isn't possible because she's either two or a girl.

[barcelona]

i just wrote a long post, but it got lost in a bad internet connection

i'm too sleepy to re-type, but sending hugs to everyone, and will catch up again soon!!!

[Awaken]

Well, after spending an hour or so catching up, I'm finally posting!

Lydia- congratulations! Beautiful wedding pics.

Helen- I've been thinking of you with the pregnancy, and everything else you've got going on with the renovations, and FIL.

Kaspirant- the cabin sounds like a good plan! Have you seen the inside yet? I hope it all works out! I love what Spughy said:

Originally Posted by spughy

Kaspirant, it seems the only reason not to do is the whole issue of adding something ELSE onto the Christmas season, and I think you'll feel better from a whole lotta sides if you ditch a big part of the food/gifts/visitation madness and just move. It sounds like a good deal. Make it your Christmas present to yourselves.

Amy- so glad Brynn's birthday was fun! I saw the blog and the pics, looks like a great time! I read your post about your mom. That is tough. I am amazed at what a wonderful and concientious mother you are, esp. considering you are learning this on your own and not from your mom's example. I have different issues and background w/ my mom, but suffice to to say I haven't been mothered, and find myself in a role of having to parent them, and lately I've been feeling the lack of a mother so acutely. She also has no idea how old my kids are...at Ezra's bday a few weeks ago she asked how old he was, is he 3??

Originally Posted by MelW

I'm also slooooowly accepting the season change- we ate the very last of my tomatoes that have been ripening on the windowsill today, and the local farmer's market has moved indoors and is fully into winter vegetables. I always have a bit of denial at this time of year, since I'm a summer lover at heart.

Mel- I am missing my fresh veggies, too!! Esp. the variety of gorgeous tomatoes I got from this woman who grew them and dropped them off for me each week. Canned (from a store) is no where near as good

Monique- scary about Gabriel throwing up like that!! I'm glad he's ok!

FSM- my birth group is having a meeting about blessingways, birth art, and rituals tomorrow night so I'll let you know if I hear about anything interesting!

Ok, now for my update!

My 2 yr old is exhibiting some really typical 2 yr old behaviors! It's so funny b/c it started right on his birthday, and he is so sweet normally that you just have to laugh. On his birthday he started saying "No! Don't do that! Stop!" to everything! If you look at him, hug him, say anything to him! I know he got it from Ethan (who is not at all natuarally smiley and pleasant!)! And, now he says "nope!" to everything- when I say time to change your diaper, have lunch, go to bed, or whatever, he says "Nope! Milk."

And finally, an announcement I NEVER thought I'd be making! Those of you who are on MDC a lot may have noticed I've been posting on the July DDC...I was kind of hoping that if I had to be there, some of you would be joining me! Anyone??? I haven't told anyone IRL yet. I can't even think of how to bring it up!

[*Amy*]

Originally Posted by Awaken

And finally, an announcement I NEVER thought I'd be making! Those of you who are on MDC a lot may have noticed I've been posting on the July DDC...!

OMG, Congratulations!!!!! How exciting!!

[3for3hb]

Originally Posted by flyingspaghettimama

A nice, unhot intern. Not named Monica. Or Bubbles.

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:b gbounce

[3for3hb]

Amy... where's the link to your blog? I can't find it. There was something I noticed on your Christmas wish/idea list that I was going to add to mine for the IL's and she wants it NOW. I can't for the life of me remember what it was. If feel like I've spent all this time writing an email list for her complete with links etc and I know she's probably not going to get any of it. Not that it really matters per se but I've told dh that if she gets any junk from the dollar store it's getting thrown out (or freecycled/thrifted) as soon as we get back. It's just "to give her an idea."
Anyway, gimme the link so I can remember, puleeeeeeeeeeez

[3for3hb]

Okay, so for my third post in a row
My day has been incredible. Despite being awaken by Gabriel at 3am when he crawled in bed with me coughed and kicked for a half hour and finally asked for a banana and to go pee. I dragged myself out of bed at 8am when I heard the kids up and at 'em and dh being sleepy and impatient (seriously, with those two, patience is a fleeting thought at times, even for me). Made broccoli/cheese/onion omlets and toast. Spent an hour or two gathering more items from around the house that haven't been used or are clutter and then posted a few biggies on craigslist and ebay.
Then, I started unloading the kids' bedroom into the dining room. Literally. Like I said before, their bunk beds, which go unused, took up almost a third of the space in the room and with their beds on the floor, there was maybe a foot and a half of floor space left from the door to the dresser and around Gabriel's trundle bed. I really should have taken a before picture because it was ridiculous that they have slept in that arrangement for over a month and a half. Anyway. A few minutes into the unloading I grabbed the video camera and took snapshots of the process. I can't believe how much stuff was in their room!!! Dh took the bunk beds apart, took the unneeded parts to the basement for storage, set up the one bed as a single and put the mattress under it (to function as the trundle Gabriel is used to). We also took the shelf that was on top of the dresser off and put it down on the floor. And we took the little shelves that were stacked on one another in a corner down and put puzzles and toys WITHIN THEIR REACH. My goal is to get some sort of evening routine where they go around and pick up all their toys and then put them away before bedtime. I can now even vaccum the floor in their room. There's even an echo!!!! It's amazing. We'll be able to hang the spider plant that Willem has been wanting in his room by the window too! I'm so glad dh finally decided to help me (the bunk beds are waaaaaaaaaay to heavy for me to deal with alone). And he begrudginly agreed that my idea was for the best. I should post pics.
Man, am I nesting? Yes. Because this entire place needs to be thorougly decluttered and reorganized before this baby comes. I need to feel more at home here and with the clutter that we have going on I just don't.
After the whole kids bedroom ordeal (I have an overflowing box and a few piles around the box of stuff to get rid from their room), we got dressed up and took the kids to their adopted grandparents house and then went to a neighbor friends Christmas party. I got all fancied up in knee boots and a glittery top and short skirt. Everyone kept commenting on the pregnant chic with the high heels, lol. I'm suffering for it now. I felt really great about myself and dh, of course, thought I was hot (I guess the black thigh highs helped too). The hostess commented (she's the play group mom in the neighborhood) on how I always look great even though I'm pregnant and it really made my day, considering how crappy I've felt about everything HAVING to come to me second hand etc. Ironic.
Anyway, hopefully things are moving along and I'm out of my funk. Sorry if this is all over the place and scattered. It is after midnight after all.

[HoneyTree]

Originally Posted by flapjack

She has such a total sense of how the world should be and her place in it that my role seems to be first and foremost to run interference and help talk her through the points where she's being unreasonable whilst squishing anyone who tries to tell her that something isn't possible because she's either two or a girl.

Helen, I love this idea, and I totally feel like this is my role, too. And it's funny, I would have thought there would be more, I don't know, doing for, or keeping from, or gods forbid saving from impending danger, but really it's mostly he and I bouncing around, doing stuff, with a few asides from me now and again to let him know how the world usually works.

Mary, OMG! And Congratulations!!!! I'm working on dh, but the soonest I'd be is fall of '08, and spring '09 would be far wiser. Dh is almost there; my past two cycles have been close calls, and he's been OK with that. My charts have been totally inscrutable these past few months, though; I have a felling it has to do with the crazy night nursing, but between an unpredictable cycle and two tired, working parents, I don't think it's going to be easy.

Monique, it sounds like you had a fabulous day! And you go wich ya bad self, black thigh highs and beautiful bump!

So it's 3:30 a.m. here, and I am back up because our party was big and loud and wonderful (amazingly, I did not have a panic attack), and the silence that came when everyone left actually woke me up. I went out to sit by the dying fire with dh and debrief. (I do love the post-event run-down.) This was definitely one of those nights that I realized why people become teams--partners, couples, families, etc.--I could NEVER have pulled this off, and never would have even tried, but I grinned through it for dh, because he lives for this kind of thing, and I had a great time.

The baby, however, did not wake back up, and so is going to expect "biff-kast" at 7:30, per usual. Let me be sane and try to go back to bed...

[flapjack]

Monique, I think I'm paying for your high heels, I think you sent your pelvis trauma vibes over here. My hip joints are on whole different planets. I'm glad you had a good day, and if you're reading this on Sunday morning then go back to bed and have a lie-in, you deserve it.

Hopefully, 10 building days to go. Please, keep sending speedy-builder vibes at me, I REALLY don't want them back after Xmas. It's world war 3 here at the moment- the weather's been foul last week and the chaps doing the floor left some boards lying around outside our back gate and our next door neighbour (the lovely one, the antenatal teacher, who comforted me through labour with the second twin back in February and who offered me her birth pool) fell over Not good.

Mary, congratulations! So, be honest, how many times have you been asked "so you're hoping for a girl this time?"

[*Amy*]

Originally Posted by willemsmamma

Amy... where's the link to your blog?

It's here. I don't put it in my signature anymore. Have fun!

Sounds like you looked gorgeous at the party, BTW.