way ahead of myself here, but...

[MommytoTwo]

...it kinda makes me sad to think about my grandchildren because I have two sons so I know I wont be able to really say much about their feeding choices with their kids. I feel like with my DD I can say a few things here or there when she is pg but lets be honest, if our MILs told us how to feed our babies we wouldnt appreciate that. Not that I am going to TELL DD how to do it....I just feel like I will have more influence on her kwim? I am hoping that raising my sons to know BFing is normal and natural that they can influence their wives...

Anyone else think about that?

[AnalogWife]

Hmmm...I'm a fairly new boy mommy (6.5 months) so I never have thought about that. I don't have a whole lot of contact with my mil, but she's close to dh's sister and sil bf'd her 3 kids so I know that mil's at least conscious of how it works in today's society (sil bf'd in front of us all) but mil was verrrrrrrrrrrrrrry ecstatic to have the opportunity to bottlefeed ebm to ds, so there's always that.

Not the same, but I remember my dad gingerly asking me if I was going to BF...and his sense of relief when I said yes. He didn't want to offend or upset me if I said no, but once I said that I was, he was all "oh good. It really gives them the best start in life." My DH was pretty adamant that I give ds the best nutrition possible, and even though I was already planning on bfing, his enthusiasm for it certainly helps keep me going.

I was still pregnant when the Notes from the Underground episode of when the husband was promoting bf, saying that he was smarter and had thicker hair, etc, having been bf'd---and then he learned that his mother hadn't bf'd him and instantly he grew all insecure and fretted over not being musically talented, why he wasn't good at sports, etc. I was just kinda sitting on the couch watching but my dh was rofling about it. The twist was, the character was wetnursed by a neighbor, but I was always so impressed how that little storyline tickled and spoke to my DH. Your boys can be lactivists too!

[My4Boys]

I completely understand where you are coming from. I've had to go through the mourning process, so to speak, about the fact that I will probably not be part of the birth of my grandchildren they way my mother was with mine - I will likely be involved the way my MIL was. It does make me sad to have never had a daughter sometimes. I also stress about how I would feel if a DIL weaned early or (it hurts to think about it) chose not to breastfeed at all. I hope that my boys are supportive, loving, encouraging husbands, who marry thoughtful, loving, intelligent women. I hope that all of my DIL's choose to breastfeed, and have the social support in place to be successful. I hope that they all believe in AP. But, if any one of them don't, I hope I have the strength of character to be loving and supportive of their parenting decisions. In the end, it is not so much my fear of how my DIL's might choose to raise their children, it is my fear of my own inability to be accepting of their decisions, KWIM? Luckily, I have quite a few years to prepare myself! And, I take every opportunity to point out to my boys lactivist issues.

[hubris]

I've thought about my potential future daughters-in-law, mostly because of my own relationship with my MIL. MIL has two sons, the younger of whom is my DH. She really seems to think that my relationship with her should be the same as my relationship with my mother. Well, it isn't. My mommy raised me, MIL didn't. And I've learned a lot by watching MIL with her sons and my mom with her daughters and her DILs (I have two married brothers).

I have two sons and a third on the way. I mourn the loss of the potential mother-daughter relationship and I know that the best I can hope for is that I raise sons who become men with good critical thinking skills, who will choose spouses with good critical thinking skills, and that they will use those skills to make parenting decisions that are truly beneficial to their children, not based on convenience to the parents. Hopefully my sons will be feminists who know a LOT about birth and babies and breastfeeding and the reasons not to circ and attachment parenting, etc etc etc. They're already off to a good start.

And like a PP said, I hope that if/when my children and their spouses make decisions with which I don't agree, that I will react with grace and accept their decisions and/or choose appropriate, considerate ways to show them alternatives.

[llamalluv]

Originally Posted by MommytoTwo

...it kinda makes me sad to think about my grandchildren because I have two sons so I know I wont be able to really say much about their feeding choices with their kids. I feel like with my DD I can say a few things here or there when she is pg but lets be honest, if our MILs told us how to feed our babies we wouldnt appreciate that. Not that I am going to TELL DD how to do it....I just feel like I will have more influence on her kwim? I am hoping that raising my sons to know BFing is normal and natural that they can influence their wives...

Anyone else think about that?

Well, first off, what makes you think you "have a say" in how your theoretical daughters feed their babies? :

And secondly, why not focus on raising your sons to seek out women who will do what is BEST for their family, including their children, instead of worrying about them marrying women who are mainstream, bottle-feeding, CIO-advocates, who like to burn down forest preserves in their spare time?

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by llamalluv

Well, first off, what makes you think you "have a say" in how your theoretical daughters feed their babies? :

She didn't say she "had a say" just that you can speak with your own daughters in a way that would not fly with a DIL. Not a revelation, really.

[Perdita_in_Ontario]

You know what? By nursing your kids, you've had far more influence by your actions than any words could ever have. My gut feeling is that the more women in a new mother's family have breastfed, the more likely they are also to breastfeed (probably because they haven't heard "I didn't have enough milk/wasn't good enough quality/baby's mouth wasn't big enough (my mother's reason for not bf-ing me... )").

Your sons will be supportive of their wives because they were raised that way. Don't you know that a man's mother can do no wrong? LOL. Whether or not your theoretical future DILs do bf or not, you'll know that your sons were raised with bf-ing as normal, and so they'll be supportive of all their efforts rather than enabling them to give up if it gets tough.

You've done more than you know already.

[cschick]

Originally Posted by MommytoTwo

...it kinda makes me sad to think about my grandchildren because I have two sons so I know I wont be able to really say much about their feeding choices with their kids. I feel like with my DD I can say a few things here or there when she is pg but lets be honest, if our MILs told us how to feed our babies we wouldnt appreciate that. Not that I am going to TELL DD how to do it....I just feel like I will have more influence on her kwim? I am hoping that raising my sons to know BFing is normal and natural that they can influence their wives...

Anyone else think about that?

I have a lot of issues with my MIL--but one of the things that has greatly improved our current relationship is her support of breastfeeding.

Once a baby is born, everyone wants to be involved. Everyone wants to visit and coo over the baby, and etc. I had no negativity in my home about breastfeeding during those "everyone wants to visit" days. Both my mother and my MIL were supportive.

Also--probably due to her influence, my DH was all about the natural childbirth and breastfeeding (my mother and MIL did both in the early 1970s and supports both). Those are the ways you can help: make breastfeeding a natural part of life for your sons so that they can support their wives, and when the time comes, be as supportive as you can to everyone involved.

[frontierpsych]

My two best friends' husbands (none have kids yet) are very pro breastfeeding and have both told their wives that they just couldn't support them if they chose to ff unless absolutely necessary. (Both friends plan to bf). I'm glad to see men who take that side rather than shoot down their wives' desire to breastfeed.

[kawa kamuri]

I have three sons so yeah, I think about it. I know that I'm doing everything I can as their mom to normalise and promote breastfeeding in their lives and I'm sure they'll be men who feel mama milk is superior. They're little lactivists now!

I hope to have a good relationship with future grandbabies mamas - I'll resepect whatever feeding choices but I naturally would be thrilled to have BF grandbabies.

[ruhbehka]

I suspect that husbands influence their wives' decisions to BF more than anyone else.

I fully planned to FF, having not really been exposed to BF as a teenager or younger. But when my husband and I were dating, I mentioned that I'd probably FF, and he looked at me like I had two heads and said, "Breastmilk is free and healthier. Why would you use formula?"

And I kind of scratched my head for a second and changed my mind.

The rest is history.

[MommytoTwo]

thanks Emmaline - that is what I meant. Also, my daughter is not theoretical - she is climbing on my back right now. Glad to know I am not alone!!! LOL

[MilkTrance]

Originally Posted by Perdita_in_Ontario

You know what? By nursing your kids, you've had far more influence by your actions than any words could ever have. My gut feeling is that the more women in a new mother's family have breastfed, the more likely they are also to breastfeed (probably because they haven't heard "I didn't have enough milk/wasn't good enough quality/baby's mouth wasn't big enough (my mother's reason for not bf-ing me... )").

Your sons will be supportive of their wives because they were raised that way. Don't you know that a man's mother can do no wrong? LOL. Whether or not your theoretical future DILs do bf or not, you'll know that your sons were raised with bf-ing as normal, and so they'll be supportive of all their efforts rather than enabling them to give up if it gets tough.

You've done more than you know already.

This is true. My best friend has a rocky relationship with his mama, but he was breastfed, and we had a very interesting conversation about breastfeeding (picture a very metrosexual, perpetually-single guy lecturing a new mama, in public, about BF) the other night.

[xixstar]

I agree with the positive impact you can have on their sons and their partners. Just last night I was talking to dh about upcoming breastfeeding and how much I like my breasts to just be mine and needing to get over that. He just hugs me and says I'll have to learn to share with his baby. It was such a sweet thing to hear, cause he knows I will breastfeed and how he wants the best for the baby too.

Of course, not sure how much that is from his momma, or just from knowing that breast is best from all my ramblings.

[llamalluv]

Originally Posted by Emmeline II

She didn't say she "had a say" just that you can speak with your own daughters in a way that would not fly with a DIL. Not a revelation, really.

And how is that not "having a say"? :

She has just as much opportunity to brainwash her sons against bottlefeeding as she does her daughter!

[llamalluv]

Originally Posted by MommytoTwo

thanks Emmaline - that is what I meant. Also, my daughter is not theoretical - she is climbing on my back right now. Glad to know I am not alone!!! LOL

I thought you were talking about your two sons and THEIR future wives?

[AlbertaJes]

Don't discount your boys' influence. My mom never thought about breastfeeding until my dad started talking about it.

[julie128]

One of the biggest factors as to whether a mother will breastfeed is if her husband wants her to.

And, I don't think you're getting ahead of yourself. How much of what we do is for the generation after?

[Tine]

Huh. I'd never thought about that. Thanks a lot -- now I have a new worry to fret over!

Just kidding.

Actually, I figure things have worked out perfectly for me, family-lactivism-wise. Though my son didn't nurse long enough to remember it (19 mos.), he's learning a ton from his little sister.

Because DS is older (4.5 yrs.), he is seeing me not only nurse DD (20 mos.), but nurse her for a long time. Nursing DD has given me LOTS of opportunities to talk about breastfeeding with DS. He knows that little babies should eat ONLY mommy milk, and that mommy milk is great for toddlers too, and he'll be happy to tell that to anyone who asks!

As for DD... She shows no signs of stopping. I'm hoping, at any rate, that she'll nurse long enough to remember it. Whenever she stops, I'll start reminiscing aloud about our nursing relationship and pointing out other nursing couples, so she realizes just how important it is.

[nikihodges]

well its nice to hear that someone else has thought about this..i have gotten into several heated discussions at work about it...i have three boys...my dh says no more babies sooo not only have i mourned the idea of not having a daughter i am apprehensive that my boys will not choose women who will want to bf my grandchildren...right now they are absolutley lactivists i just hope that never changes and that they make it a priority when choosing a mate