way ahead of myself here, but... - Page 2

[RoadWorkAhead]

My DH would not have amrried a woman who wouldn't bf his children. Why? B/c he knew he was bf for 3 years and well...you just should. Ironically, I fell in love with him the day he told me that as my oldest switch nursed to cut a tooth for hours on end at the local coffee shop. I figure if my DS wants every animal, inanimate object and whatever else to get nursed, tandem nursed, and/or cross nursed now, and he's going to see me continue to BF until we're done having children, chances are good he will grow up and think about things like this. Now, I worry more about him having some fling, getting her pg, and her not bfing than any long term relationship. Flame me if you want, but DD has NO choice! I didn't BF her on a TED for months on end for nothing....If nothing else comes of it, she will be completely guilt tripped into nursing her own babies b/c of it...Or I'll do it for her

[CathMac]

Wow, too much to "multi-quote" here.

But, among other things, I really like the idea that BF'ing your children sets a precedent and increases the likelihood your grandchildren will be nursed.

As far as how much "say" or "input" you have: whether it's a lot or a little with a daughter the odds are it's even less with a son since you are once removed from the mom, the only person with any real "say".

Unless you are very lucky.

My MIL isn't a "Lactivist" by any stretch but she influenced me by example simply by nursing 3 of her 4 children for 8 weeks each and by recommending co-sleeping because DD1 was colicky and it was the only way she could see me and DH getting any sleep. What little influence she intentionally, but usually subtly, exerts in other areas is effective in large part because she hasn't given me any cheap grief over extended nursing and tandem nursing.

My mother isn't a Lactivist either and she only nursed the first of her 5 children and that was for 6 weeks. The doctor told her my sister wasn't gaining enough weight. However, my younger sister nursed my 11 year old nephew for almost one year. She was a single mom at the time and my mom was there for her every step of the way. My mom has been similarly supportive of my BF'ing my two daughters. During the work week she is literally there for me every day and doesn't bat an eye when I get home and tandem nurse the 3 1/4 year old and the 18 month old in front of her.

I think the lesson here for the future grandmothers here is: pick and choose your "battles" carefully, intrude as little as possible, be supportive of the parents whenever you can ... and you may have some credibility on the relatively rare occasion you voice an opinion that might otherwise be perceived as pushy and intrusive.

Thanks for the great thread. Someday I really need to send individual "Thank You" notes to all the moms in my life that have given me the intestinal fortitude to keep going, whether they intended to or not.

~Cath

[MSUmama]

As a mama of older and younger children, I'd like to share. My two oldest dd, now 14 and 12, were not bf. I was 17 and 19 when I had them, I tried but failed miserably and being on an army base in Germany, had no help to turn to. When we very unexpectedly found out were were expecting ds after years of trying, I knew I wanted to bf. The girls were 11 and 9 when ds was born and at first thought it was soooo gross. I had a ton of issues and they thought I should just give him a bottle. I had a lot of help and became passionate about bfing. DS was exclusive for 9 months and didn't wean until he was 26 mo, and even then it was only because I was pregnant and it wasn't the same.

Now, they are total little lactivists! They have both said they will nurse and practice baby led weaning, and I haven't asked. I try not to say anything because I don't want to be pushy and I don't have a good relationship with my own mother but so far so good. They get totally offended by ff and consider it lazy and just wrong. I actually think they are a little too judgemental sometimes, but I think that is due to maturity and will change with time and experience. I nurse our 5 mo dd in front of their friends and they never act like it's anything out of the ordinary. They tell their friends about my job as a bf peer counselor and have encouraged their cheer coach to nurse her ds she's expecting in March.

As for my ds, I can't imagine him marrying someone who is not passionate about bf'ing. Aside from the fact that he'd love to nurse now, he's latch is gone, we did try. He also thinks he should be able to nurse any baby who cries because as we all know that is the best way to soothe any baby. Everytime a baby cries he pulls his shirt up and asks "do you wanna nurse?" as sweetly as he can. He nurses his teddy bears and rubs dd's head while she nurses and watches her. I just can't imagine that something so important to him and such a huge part of his childhood would not be important later in life.

Amy

[Perdita_in_Ontario]

I wonder if there are any stats out there about how many women who(nowadays) breastfeed had mothers who also bf-d. I highly suspect that women whose mothers bf-d for any length of time, and especially those who saw sibs bf-d, are far more likely to bf.

I suspect this because the main arguments against bf-ing are "it's too hard and besides no one in my family could", "it's not as convenient", and "no one else can take care of the baby". Most women get these arguments from their mothers and close relatives, from what I can tell. So if they're having those arguments discounted by the simple fact that they were bf-d, and they see that it IS convenient and that the baby CAN be nurtured by others at the same time, then those arguments won't hold water simply because their reality will be different.

[MommytoTwo]

Very very true about the Dh's!!! I had no intention of BFing #1 till I found out DH assumed I would! LOL

So now I can brainwash all 3. mwahahahahaha

[Mrs-Mama]

Didn't read all the responses, but I'm betting that you'll still have some "say" in the matter By BFing your sons, it is normal to them, so they will be supportive of their wives BFing. Also, I don't ever remember talking to MIL about BFing or not while I was PG, but she bought me a couple of BFing books (including The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding ) after DS was born. I had planned to nurse for 6 months to a year, but the books (and of course internet resources) convinced me to keep going!

[llamalluv]

"it's not as convenient"

Is it bad that one of the reasons I am wanting to nurse is because I am too lazy to wash all those bottles and nipples by hand? (No automatic dishwasher....)

[Perdita_in_Ontario]

Originally Posted by llamalluv

Is it bad that one of the reasons I am wanting to nurse is because I am too lazy to wash all those bottles and nipples by hand? (No automatic dishwasher....)

There is no bad reason to want to nurse :-)

Actually, it's a very valid reason. I don't even enjoy washing a couple of sippy cups by hand let alone a whole basin full of bottles. I'm all for less work!