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Dec07 thread for May04 Mamas -- just waiting for a new Ducette... - Page 4

post #61 of 386
Originally Posted by fiddlefern View Post
Am appreciating the discussion. Immediately after posting last night I wanted to delete, as I felt like such a whiner. I mean, I have this awesome dh, i'm not doing it all on my own, but sometimes, man, I just want my freedom. And then the kids are sweet and I appreciate them so much.
Dude, you're so not a whiner. We all have different challenges with our kid(s), we all have different talents and resources. (Btw, I've been meaning to tell you that you're not a whiner about the HfH thing, either. It's totally legit to have a reaction of, "Y'know, I wouldn't mind some of that help, too" which is where I think you were coming from. The other day, someone from the "caring committee" at our church, which admittedly does a pretty crappy job of helping our minister with pastoral care but which is trying to improve, asked me if I could help another member whom I don't know *at all* with emergency childcare.... I felt bad saying it, but I just said no... I just don't have the energy right now to try to watch a stranger's toddlers.... I also sort of kind of let it be known that I could use some pastoral care myself, but I probably should have said it more directly). Hmm... just hijacked that thought. :

And I for one really appreciate any conversation where mamas will say that they don't enjoy their little darlins 100% of the time, that they're not perfect mothers (or vegan nuns), etc. There's so much self-criticism in this job, and our society has incredibly bizarre and unrealistic expectations of mothers (moreso than fathers).

UG on putting kids to bed solo. I can do it when it's the once every so often daddy's night out, and generally, I just read to them all in our bed, we all fall asleep, and dh has to carry them to the correct beds when he comes home. Several nights in a row I don't do well. : Mama needs her sleep.

I was wondering when MCSB was gonna be done, too. Is it one more semester?

Jess, how long can you defer the big decision? Or can you say yes and modify it/postpone it? What does Doug think? (I think you should go for it...)

I dreamt last night that dh was hiding chocolate crayons from me (in the fridge) and that he had secretly eaten all of them except for the tips. : I've been teasing him about it this morning.

Okay, off to story time at the library. Sunny today, possibility of snow Thurs.-Sun...:
post #62 of 386

ugh. i am really torn (read: sleepless) over this decision. i probably need to respond in a few days or so. and i wont' be able to change my mind. doug wants me to do it. i'm scared. i talked to M (former boss) about it yesterday. she said she wants absolutely nothing to do with it so i would have to contract directly with them. i'd probably have 2 people at my disposal to work on it (i haven't talked to them about it). but contracting would be a BIG pita. i'd contract with a big engineering firm who has contracted with the state. so verrry nitpicky. i also don't have access to an editor anymore so i'd have to contract with someone for that. all in all the contracting is scaring me away! but it really would be good for my rep. M said she would do senior review at least. oy vey. i'm less confident about it today. plus the kid's care. and i started looking at offices to rent. i found a tiny one for $245/mo but i don't have the resources to go get it right now. and that is the cheapest i've seen (most are 300-500 sometimes just for a cube-space). i need somewhere with a door to take the kids when i need to.

so that was the long way of saying i am undecided the project manager said 'pretty please' and i do like him though. i think i should do it too because it is a limited duration thing. just several months of insanity and then it would be over. except it never works like that. there are months and cycles of comments and revisions

claudia - i hope you're hangin in there better this morning!

ok. must get going. we are on a really *late* wakeup schedule around here with all the nightwakings.
post #63 of 386
Thread Starter 
sherri: yes, it was just difficult getting the littles BACK to sleep after they awoke in the middle of the night. usually bill and i divide and conquer, because marek hates stefan's screaming and starts whining and crying himself, and stefan, well, he's a screamer. but no bill, so after changing marek's diaper and clothes (the diaper wasn't even that wet, he must have scratched his parts and misaligned his unit and peed down his leg instead) and double checking his sheets (not wet...??? how did that happen?) and nursing stefan and then changing his dipe (ended up being poopy... again, how did that happen? he never poops during the night.) i put them both in the car at 230am and drove for about 20 minutes on foggy roads. i can't take my usual darkened, no street light roads right now because a local creek flooded and the water is high in assorted places out here in farm country, so i had to drive a little longer than usual. then i pull back into the garage and stefan wakes up, which wakes up marek, so i bring marek in, hoping that he will be groggy enough to just go back to sleep, but no, he's whiny, and stefan is still screamy, so 20 minutes later, i put them back in the car AGAIN and we go for a LOOOOOOOOOng drive and i can feel my eyelids starting to close each time we leave a streetlit section but i push on because i know they are not asleep. stefan falls asleep, but marek is still awake as i pull into the garage, i leave stefan in the car and bring marek in and lay down with him and try not to fall asleep because i will have to bring stefan in shortly so he doesn't freeze and so i can hear him when he wakes up. finally, marek falls asleep, i bring stefan in, i am not tired, i write my post(s???), lay down in bed and play sudoku on my cell phone (my make-me-tired ritual) and fall asleep until 640, when stefan decides it's time to get up. :

hopefully, he will have a marathon nap today again like he usually does. of course, now that i've said that, he may not.

thank god stefan hasn't discovered the power button on my computer yet, as marek had already decided it was a fun thing to press at that age.

today is a starbucks day.

post #64 of 386
oh claudia. i do the driving in the car a lot, but never in the middle of the night.

mmmmmmm.... starbucks gingerbread latte.

jstar, tough decision. hope you come to a conclusion you feel good about.

i STRUGGLE with the depth and breadth of mama responsibility. suffocating is an understatement. i know it plays a role in my depressive state. it's not just postpartum hormones. the increased responsibilities contribute, as well.

john and i were just talking about this last night. i am currently in the midst of Project Megan. i am revamping my wardrobe (trying to break out of my jeans & t shirts mommy uniform) and trying to pick up some sort of hobby for myself. having an infant is something i surrender my whole self to, and as good as i feel about that in terms of what i am offering my children, it is stifling and very difficult for me mentally. and it's the #1 reason i know i am done having babies. i just can't do it again. i LOVE babies, but they drown me. jett is 19 mo and i am breaking out of infant care mode. it feels good, but is also kind of scary. i still feel nervous about going and talking with people socially (about things other than kids).

on that note, i am getting a bit of a break tonight. we are going to the city for john's company christmas party. it's at a swanky upscale nightclub and we have a hotel room booked. my mom is staying with the kids. we even have a fab place picked out for breakfast. totally looking forward to it, despite my fears that no one will want to talk to me about my boring life.

oh, these days mia is into..... eating. constantly. and drawing, cutting, gluing, pouring, phonics, writing letters, etc.

oh man, it's after 10. i hafta go.
post #65 of 386
Okay okay.. I'll check in. It's going to be a selfish post again.

I am out of school on Monday... I CAN'T WAIT!!!!

Dominic's Development and cute things:

He recognizes a LOT of letters of the alphabet since he started preschool. He even tells us what one is uppercase and which is lowercase. He is very good at naming A, B, C, D, H, I, K, M, N, O, P and W. Although one of the ways they've taught the kids the alphabet is through letter people so sometimes he'll say "Mr. N". It's really pretty cute.

His teacher did an evalutation the other day and said she is amazed at his cognitive abilities, that he's somewhere in the 2nd grade with the things he can do at his age. It felt great to hear her say that after all the negative I usually get about his motor skills. (He absolutely refuses to try stairs without holding on, walks a little with his feet outwards, can't ride a bike very well- although he loves to try- he mostly pedals backwards or scoots.)

He loves drawing letters, but we can't get him to draw much else besides shapes or tracing. It's really hard for him to keep a grip on the drawing utensil as his hands don't have the best muscle development either.

As for me-

Still pregnant, still contracting. Day and night... it just doesn't stop. I'm a VERY natural mama when it comes to birth... but man sometimes I wish it would just START or STOP! : I've only got two weeks left till I'm due... I've never gone overdue... so I know I'm in the homestretch. Is it okay to admit that everyone saying 3 is such a challenge is making me a tidbit nervous? I think two is the bomb. I feel like it's a breeze. It took me until Isaac was a year old to feel that way.... : but now I feel like I finally have it down and I'm worried everythings going to be thrown off.

Alone time....
Don't get much of that unless it's while I'm IN class... and to me- that DOES NOT count. I don't crave it so much as days where I'm really exhausted I reminisce in my head about "Man... I remember when I could just take a nap whenever... when I could sleep all day if I wanted to..." But I'm having such a blast with the boys my life would never be the same without them. One day without them tears me apart. It's great to get away- but sometimes I wonder why I want that when I spend the whole time wondering how they are doing or thinking about how cute they are.

I think in mothering, as in anything, there are just some real highs and sometimes real lows and it all pans out in the end.

And els- I'll try to check in more often. Let the stalking recommence.
post #66 of 386
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by DucetteMama21842 View Post
Let the stalking recommence.
*imagining silent vegetables peering around corners*

: : :

(thanks, meg, for reminding me of that.)
post #67 of 386
My opinions on three are directly proportional to how much sleep I'm getting! Actually, it's not so bad most days as HJ is quite mellow usually and the girls keep each other and now him amused. He's conveniently napping now so we were able to get outside to play in the snow. Girls had a blast.

Danile--interesting on Dom's gross/fine motor stuff. Sounds a lot like C (dyspraxia) though she has made huge leaps in the past couple months w/ 3x a week PT and the hippotherapy.

C's one huge interest has always been the alphabet/numbers. She was really wanting to learn to write all the letters and w/ her dyspraxia sequencing/teaching can be a bit of a headache (for me!) so I got the handwriting without tears set and she took to it on her own and now is a writing fool. Her and Lily could be penpals! She loves to write everyone's names, but no "no monsters" signs yet. That's too cute!

I picked up the northrup book at the library today (thanks TC!) and I should start reading that while I can!

KK--so bummed that you're having more pain. No fun! Have you tried castor oil packs? That's one thing that popped up when I was searching on the topic.

Okay off to read and enjoy the quiet house!
post #68 of 386
claudia that sounds awful is bill home tonight or tomorrow???

meg - your night in the city sounds GREAT! and that is cool you're focusing on yourself. i feel sucked in by the baby thing too. i bought some postpartum summer clothes because i needed something that fit. but my new shoes are the first winter thing i've bought for myself and i thought WOW i used to really care and get excited about clothes this is also the first time since college....10 years ago....that i have not had a job to dress for 5 days a week. i am wearing jeans every single day and starting to feel a bit wierd about it. not that i miss work clothes per se, just that maybe i should make some sort of effort kwim?

speaking of effort I WENT TO THE GYM : ebin turned 6 months and can now go to the kid's room. so today was the first time and i did a quick 30 mins cardio, stretched for 2 minutes and heard 'jessica to the kid's room' it was too close to his naptime but hey i got a whole 30 mins of cardio!!!!!!!!!! woo wooo wooooooooooooo. i think i'll take isaac on friday. he is dying to go.

i'm going to email those other 2 people and see how they feel about the project. maybe that will be elucidating.

danile - very stalky stalky celery stalky i bet your mind and body will *release* after monday. i had a list of things at work that i wanted to finish before ebin was born. well i finished the last one at 4pm friday afternoon and birthed ebin at 8:40pm that evening. the body KNOWS :

i am now going to commence paying the dreaded bills and figuring out cash flow for the month and uh.....we've been in denial spending mode so i know it won't be pretty. ugh.
post #69 of 386
Monday would be cool with me... I am making a trip to a friend's house this weekend... so I'd rather be back at home for my HOME birth than have to drive an hour and a half home to achieve it.
post #70 of 386
That driving the car middle of night reminds me of T, 11 mos. : indeed. How many more days?

Meg, good for you. You are responsible for a WHOLE LOT. (You're like that bicycling acrobatic person with 20 people balancing on your shoulders.) When you're done, I'll hand you over Project KK. : Seriously, I think I'm beginning to realize that if I don't salvage some me, there's going to be none left by the time the last leaves the house. (Anyone else feel that way?) Re jeans and t-shirts... I guess I'm just a J&TS kind of person. : But I try to keep them from being too schlumpy. double : : and

HF, one of the acupuncturists I talked to mentioned castor oil packs, but I haven't heard of them (at all, or wrt cysts). If you can, please share.

Danile, I'll keep Monday in mind for you.

Keep your fingers crossed.... dh may have a steady freelance (well, pt contract) gig lined up which would match a sizeable percentage of his former salary (somewhere between 50-100%). If it works out, it would provide the stability for him to keep up self-employment (maybe we're turning a corner!!).
post #71 of 386
Originally Posted by KKmama View Post
Keep your fingers crossed.... dh may have a steady freelance (well, pt contract) gig lined up
post #72 of 386
Oooh! Fingers crossed as I am the usual asker for finger crossedness- I'm excited to return the favor! :
post #73 of 386
Wanted to comment on Jstar's decision: My gut says, go for it. But, not sure, same reservations as you have...definitely less stress to NOT do it.
post #74 of 386
Hey all-
been reading, as usual.

KK-I'm hoping the freelancing gig pans out. I've been reading the OY posts, too, just haven't responded yet. Being unemployed is tough. You've been dealing with a lot lately...I do hope it all eases up. Let us know how the acupuncture goes. I found it really helpful when I was trying to conceive G. I didn't ever know why I had difficulty conceiving from a medical perspective, but whatever the acupuncturist did sure helped! I think TCM is great for many things, but especially the female stuff.

jess-I would be scared to take on a big project like that, too. But, you'll figure out how to make it work. Glad you got a few moments to work out! Oh, and I'd take a free "Parents" subscription (if you're still doing it)...my mom got me "Parenting" for two years, but it's about out. And, I feel like you do...I like to see the mainstream stuff for development and stages info. Oh, we TiVo'd Rudolph last night and watched today. G was scared of the Abominable Snowman, so I had to sit with him and tell him it was going to work out okay in the end. I'd forgotten about the scary parts!

danile-stalking with the rest. Next weeks sounds perfect!

meg-the night out sounds so fun! I hope you had a great time.

mcsarah-when you write about what you have left for this term, it reminds me of that good feeling I used to get at the end of a school semester--when all that's left is totally doable and then you can just chill for a while. I'm amazed at Lily's letters, too! G is asking us all the time what letter words start with. I don't think he's totally getting it yet, but it's a start.

els-your kids' bilingual language stories are so fun. G will make up words sometimes and say "that's spanish, mom" but it really isn't. He must just get it from Sesame Street.

TC-your middle of the night story sounds yucky. I'm sorry you had to go through all that! is all I've got, but I truly mean it!

Sherri-I feel the same way about not being so good at imaginative play. I like Sarah's way of responding to Lily, though. DH is so good at doing all the imaginative things that I truly feel lacking (this has always been his forte, though, and I felt inadequate when we were in college and he used his creative writing minor to write all these cool poems and works of fiction while I was Miss "follow the rules" thesis and three supporting points gal. I still wish I was better at this stuff, though). G definitely took after dh in this department and has a great imagination, of which I'm so proud. Just wish it didn't exhaust me so!

And, on that point, I definitely could use more "me" time. My two-hour-a-week shift at work is nice, but not cutting it. I know A is only 4 months old, but I, too, feel the need to be out more this time. I've already left her way more than I left G (but never longer than 3 hours at a time.) Plus, she's still so iffy with the bottle. She was taking it really good, so we thought a date night might be in the horizon, but then she totally rejected it while I worked this week. Anyway, I do feel exhausted by all of this, but I feel like if I can just make it through the next year or so, I can handle it. I love babies (mine especially ) but I'm so looking forward to what's next for me. Have no idea what *that* is, but I see time for me on the horizon and it looks so good!

I guess I feel like this is one season of my life...and it will be over before I know it. Plus, dh and I had 11 years together before G came along. As great as it was in some respects, I remember feeling like we had a hole in our life. I knew that hole was kids and we tried to hard to get G. We now feel complete. And exhausted and many times totally frustrated...but complete! We didn't even do anything too exciting in our "past lives." It was just the freedom and ability to jump in the car and go see a movie. I do miss that.

heatherfeather-the northrup book is great. I hope it's helpful.

And, finally....A's 4-month well visit was today. 13 lb. 6 oz., and 25 3/4 inches. Longish and leanish sorta. She's thriving and that's always nice to have told to me by someone else! A also smiles at everyone so much! G wasn't so much like that. He kept his smiles for certain people.

Okay, this has turned out to be sooooo long. Good night, everyone.
post #75 of 386
Jacqueline, I just now noticed that both your children were born on the 31st of the month! There's a pretty slim chance of that happening!
post #76 of 386
Hey everyone!

I'm feelin good tonight. W was fussy all evening after a short late nap, and then proceeded to stay up 2 hrs past bedtime. BUT. While he was up being annoyingly cheerful after bedtime, DH and I were putting the crib together for the first time ever. It has been sidecarred to our bed since L was tiny, but at 10 months old this is NOT working for W. He is so close to toppling over the side. We set up the crib with the mattress all the way down and both siderails on. I nursed W (again) and put him in. He stood up. I walked to the door. He complained. I walked back and laid him down and patted his back. He stood up. I walked to the door....(repeat ad naseum). He never got super upset, and he went to sleep IN THE CRIB BY HIMSELF. Woo hoo! Mama gets alone time! Rock on.

So much to respond to, where do I start? Thinkin stalky thoughts of Danile, resty thoughts for TC and HF, hopeful job thoughts for Jstar and KK's dh, happy thoughts for project Megan, celebratory thoughts for Sarah, and good thoughts in general for everyone else. OK, that's a sort of cheater way of responding, but really, I do appreciate what everyone shares! Indeed, I am appreciating all of you so much right now. You pull me through the rough times.

post #77 of 386
Awww FF feeling the MMF! love.

I NEED A CHRISTMAS TREE, we haven't been able to find one yet (although time to look has been, like, nonexistent).
post #78 of 386
We don't have ours yet either Els. We're planning on making a family night out of it (choosing, setting up, decorating, etc.) on Monday.
post #79 of 386
KK- thinking of you and decisions and getting gigs!

Hi, Jacqueline! Always great to hear from you.

I will be done with school *hopefully* in June, although there is a chance I may defer my integration (last quarter) and be done in August. Depends on how many births I get next quarter. For some reason the stars are aligning such that I've attended far fewer actual births than all of my classmates, which sucks.

My family has always gotten our tree fairly close to Christmas, so it still seems too early to have one to me. My parents will have one in Florida, so we're not going to get our own this year.

I need to pick something up from school today so Lily and I going to go ride the tram. It will be her first time - I hope she likes it and is not scared!

post #80 of 386
oooh i haven't ridden the tram yet. i used to get super-claustrophobic as a kid riding the cable cars in the alps skiing. they would cram 40 billion people in and it all felt a little insane

to do that job i would need professional liability insurance which i am going to get a quote on. i'm guessing $3000....which i don't have right now. but i am still leaning towards yes

i went to court today for a traffic violation. i pleaded not guilty to drag out the possiblity of having to pay the whopping fine and was hoping to take a class instead : so YAY i get to take a class. the cop was the nicest guy ever too. he said merry christmas!
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Mothering › Mothering Forums › Childhood and Beyond › The Childhood Years › Dec07 thread for May04 Mamas -- just waiting for a new Ducette...