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Queer TTC December 2007 - Page 6

post #101 of 369
I'm sorry, Snoopy! god, i remember my first BFN. it sucked so hard. Every month has been hard, but for me, that was the hardest, I think because now when i have "symptoms" I know i've felt them--or something very similar--before, and nothing happened (although part of me is STILL convinced i actually was pregnant for a couple days the first try....). It helps me manage my expectations now.

Take care.
post #102 of 369
Hi all,

Oh the tww sucks! I had bfn on thursday, but still no period. It's 13 dpo. My last cycle i got my period on 13dpo, but the first cycle we tried it was 17 days after we inseminated, but i wonder if i ovulated late. I was really sad on thursday and now i am back on the "i could still be pregnant".

I have always been an optimist, "the sun will come out tomorrow" type, but this process, month after month of holding out hope until the end makes me feel like such a fool. I think I am pregnant every damn time and after six times, it just starts to feel ridiculous.

I want to thank everyone for welcoming me. any votes on when to test?
post #103 of 369
Quote:
Originally Posted by sprout's futuremom View Post
Oh the tww sucks! I think I am pregnant every damn time and after six times, it just starts to feel ridiculous.
I hear ya sister, but all the self awareness in the world can't make you stop thinking it right?? Its like you have to keep a positive attitude, but there is a sliver thin line between positive visualizations and unhealthy obsessive thought patterns---Damn... But in the words of Journey, "Don't Stop Be----liev----ing!!"--yup I went there sorry y'all

Quote:
Originally Posted by sprout's futuremom View Post
any votes on when to test?
This is such a pissah!! Its like if you don't test then you are convinced you are definitely pregnant, but even when those BFNs roll in you think, "Well its sooo early. The test can't possibly be accurate" and we still think we're pregnant. We always thinks we'll grow immune to the sting of the BFN but that immunity never comes each BFN cuts like knife (yes I could bust into Bryan Adams here but I will reserve this post for Journey only). We all know that we wont be convinced until AF comes and usually not even then for the first couple of hours until there is NO MORE denying it--It is definitely NOT implantation spotting

Ahhhh the joys of TTC
post #104 of 369
for the BFNs. I hope BFPs are close on their heels!

I am having just the strangest cycle (for me). After a chemical pregnancy last month, this month is just weird. I thought I'd be Oing this weekend or Monday at the very latest, but all the OPKs I've done show ZERO line. Usually I have at least a faint line! I've even tried two different kinds of tests (walgreens brand and one internet cheapie from a friend). This is so odd, as my cycles are usually rock solid and regular. I feel sad about it as each new OPK shows zilch. For me, this is feeling worse than the BFNs I've gotten, because in this case I feel like I can't even try
post #105 of 369
Quote:
Originally Posted by kjm View Post
I hear ya sister, but all the self awareness in the world can't make you stop thinking it right?? Its like you have to keep a positive attitude, but there is a sliver thin line between positive visualizations and unhealthy obsessive thought patterns---Damn... But in the words of Journey, "Don't Stop Be----liev----ing!!"--yup I went there sorry y'all



This is such a pissah!! Its like if you don't test then you are convinced you are definitely pregnant, but even when those BFNs roll in you think, "Well its sooo early. The test can't possibly be accurate" and we still think we're pregnant. We always thinks we'll grow immune to the sting of the BFN but that immunity never comes each BFN cuts like knife (yes I could bust into Bryan Adams here but I will reserve this post for Journey only). We all know that we wont be convinced until AF comes and usually not even then for the first couple of hours until there is NO MORE denying it--It is definitely NOT implantation spotting

Ahhhh the joys of TTC


Oh my god! You just completely described my tww to a tee - does that mean that i am not alone in the insanity? And bonus for quoting journey. No matter how much I try to be rational about it all, I can't fight the feeling ( a la Reo Speedwagon) that it will happen this time ( oh and everytime before that) despite the BFN and yes despite even getting my period. Has anyone else tested after their period started just in case it's spotting. That's how long i hold onto the hope for.

thanks all for understanding, my dp thinks i'm a little obsessed - ah, well, she's right....

baby baby momma, so sorry to hear about the chemical pregnancy. i know that i o up to a week or so late if I have been very stressed, so hang in there.
post #106 of 369
okay, you guys wanna hear totally crazy? Some months when we try to get Heather pregnant I'm the one who ends up with symptoms... and then I start to think, well, we did have sex right after the insem, so some of those swimmers could have wandered over to me... and I could be this insanely fertile person who could get pregnant with their pants on! It could happen! I could be pregnant and then we wouldn't have to stress anymore!!! Just because I ovulated two days before Heather doesn't mean anything!! I could totally be pregnant!!!

yeah, totally off the deep end some months...

This game is crazy!
post #107 of 369
Osker - You're not alone in that thought! My DW has said the same thing, thinking that she laid the syringe on her leg and wouldn't it be crazy if . . .

It's a funny notion, but I do have to admit that it made me a little (hmm hard to describe the emotion) jealous/miffed/sad? for her to think she could get pregnant so easily and the sperm is shot directly into my uterus and I can't. Not a logical rational feeling, I know - but this process is causing me to take things so personally. I can't help but think there is something wrong with me and I'm failing myself, and DW each month when I don't get pregnant.
post #108 of 369
Quote:
Originally Posted by pranava View Post
Osker - You're not alone in that thought! My DW has said the same thing, thinking that she laid the syringe on her leg and wouldn't it be crazy if . . .

It's a funny notion, but I do have to admit that it made me a little (hmm hard to describe the emotion) jealous/miffed/sad? for her to think she could get pregnant so easily and the sperm is shot directly into my uterus and I can't. Not a logical rational feeling, I know - but this process is causing me to take things so personally. I can't help but think there is something wrong with me and I'm failing myself, and DW each month when I don't get pregnant.
I know what you mean about taking it personally. And this is only our 2nd try!

I was taking the OPKs twice a day every day and getting more and more frustrated every time it was negative. For some reason I haven't found an OPK that works for me. Pretty sure I ovulate, but I have yet to see a positive on those things. I would get really upset that it wasn't working. (And this is just the OPK!!)

My partner decided she would try one just for laughs, and got a huge strong positive right away! She really really doesn't want to be pregnant, but seeing that positive gave her a fleeting "what if?" thought. I was really upset about that.... I know she doesn't want to, but I realized that if she did get pregnant I would be very jealous and angry, and that's an emotion that I wasn't prepared for.

On a related note, I was wondering about how OPKs don't work for me, and whether I will come across that problem with the HPTs as well. Any suggestions for really really sensitive ones, just in case I have some strange thing where my body doesn't process hormones in my urine well?
post #109 of 369
Quote:
Originally Posted by astraphell View Post
Any suggestions for really really sensitive ones, just in case I have some strange thing where my body doesn't process hormones in my urine well?
OvuQuick is a very sensitive OPK. Hard to find in ordinary drug stores, can sometimes find at clinic pharmacies, easiest to find on the internet, cheapest at americarx.com (which I have found through lots of looking and price comparison).

I know how you feel about the anger and jealousy. My partner has a clockwork 28-day cycle which would be great for conceiving as opposed to mine which is fairly random... but more so I am jealous of her breasts because I have this suspicion that she would have more success at breastfeeding than I did. Then again she has a lot of classic PCOS symptoms and PCOS mamas sometimes have difficulty breastfeeding so I may be COMPLETELY wrong.

Something that I just thought of while standing in the shower: a donor may have a pregnancy under his belt (ha, ha, sorry, really lousy pun, I swear it wasn't intentional) and it's not listed in the catalog because some clinics - like mine - only report their pregnancies back to the sperm bank once a year. Somehow they got the word, though (did i call them?! I can't remember) because they sent us a congratulations card when we chose that donor he was new and didn't have any pregnancies listed but I got pregnant with his sperm on the first try as opposed to the previous 6 tries which were all with donors with pregnancies reported. So I say: follow your gut on a donor...

Someone wave a magic wand and make this cold go away, puh-leeze!!!
post #110 of 369
Thank you to all of you who mentioned jealousy and anger around this issue of getting "the other one" pregnant. This is a tough subject for us because we don't know what to do here. I do feel like I would get pregnant right away, but Heather felt that way originally too. So is it just a bit of narcissism? Sometimes I feel like it wouldn't matter who the pregnant one was, as long as we ended up with a baby at the end. But I know that it doesn't feel that way to Heather. It gets more confusing that we both do want to be pregnant at some point. There are reasons why it would make more sense for me to get pregnant right now, and sometimes I get frustrated that heather won't consider it... but I know that mostly that's just my impatience and I forget that it can make her feel jealous and angry...
So, thanks for helping me listen...
post #111 of 369
Quote:
Originally Posted by kk_davey View Post
Another big factor for me is that I really want to increase the number of emotionally-educated, critical thinking, open-minded people in the world. I used to think I couldn't bring a child in to this world, even though I really wanted to. It really haunted me - how to deal with the dilemma of wanting children but hating the current world environment. Then I realised that if all the people who thought like me didn't have children, then we'd let the bastards win. And we certainly can't have that!
I cannot agree more... I've wanted kids for as long as I can remember but the world is so jacked up it seems so selfish... and there are so many in need of good homes it seems even more selfish to have our own instead of fostering/adopting. There is just such the want and need to carry my own that it overrides the rest. And you're absolutely right... we can't let 'em win!

Back to the original question at hand... it's been a while since I checked MDC... I kinda got a little wrapped up with finding a potential KD.

I've always known I wanted kids... an urge that is even stronger in my DW. I've never really been able to put it into words... just a feeling, desire, need, want. Me and DW has so much love to give and things to teach. I had an ex that had a baby... she was three months when I met her mom. I was in her life until life took one of those nasty turns as it sometimes does when she was four (she's now five going on six in March). Those were the best years, watching her grow and learn... seeing the world according to my little bug. I also got really REALLY burned from that situation. It made me almost not want to have kids... to ever have to think about that kind of hurt and pain again... to live in fear that someone may take my kid away from me again. But time heals all wounds and I've since gotten back on the horse. I remember those first steps, the sleepless nights, the smiles, the running through sprinklers, riding her bike for the first time, Christmas, birthdays, the list could go on as long as time. I remember those things and long for that... and this time with a child no one will take away from me... or us for that matter. I think about all the love that her mother never gave her, the attention she never saw from her... that me and DW could and did give her... and that we will now give to our own child once she/he arrives.
post #112 of 369

Temping issues

So I'm just looking at my chart and it looks *crazy*! I think I know part of the issue (tho it doesn't explain all of it)... what I came up with is kinda funny...

On the weekends I set my alarm for like 4:30 which is when I wake for work during the week... problem is I usually go to bed earlier in the week and I know I have to get up to get ready... on the weekends I don't have to get up and I know it so I barely wake up enough to stick the thermometer in my face and then promptly begin drifting back off to sleep. I think my temp is lower due to being so damn tired I take it out of my mouth every 5 seconds or it falls out cause I've fallen asleep. Temping is so not working out in my favor.
post #113 of 369
Quote:
Originally Posted by kk_davey View Post
Another big factor for me is that I really want to increase the number of emotionally-educated, critical thinking, open-minded people in the world. I used to think I couldn't bring a child in to this world, even though I really wanted to. It really haunted me - how to deal with the dilemma of wanting children but hating the current world environment. Then I realised that if all the people who thought like me didn't have children, then we'd let the bastards win. And we certainly can't have that!
Wow, great thinking!! This was a dilemma for me as well, but now I can justify it. : Thanks!
post #114 of 369
Quote:
Originally Posted by JenInMpls View Post
Draya what you said about social intelligence is - in my book - SPOT on. Jo still doesn't quite know how to pull her weight in some areas and I think if she had had a sibling that she would have more of that social aptitude. She also didn't have a lot of playmates as a little kid and I wonder sometimes if that had something to do with it too...
Thanks! Same with my little dude... I really think sib(s) would benefit him.
post #115 of 369
This is a delayed response to the sibling spacing question...

We all come from 4 sibling families and so we all want 4 kids. How lucky is that?! I've always wanted 4 but never thought I'd find one person - let alone 2 - that would want to raise a troop that size with me. My family structure is 2 singleton-boys, followed by twin girls, which worked really really well. It'd be awesome if we managed that as well, but the chances are pretty slim really.

As for spacing, we're doing the first 2 really close together - my baby is due 1 year after Ali was born (1 year and 5 days to be exact!), then we want to have 2 - 2.5 years until the next pair, which will hopefully be twins, else 1 year apart also.

One of the lesser motivations for the quick work is Rob's age - he's 36, and from the plan we'll be popping out kids for the 6 years, so he'll be 42 for the last one. Which isn't old, but we didn't want to go too much past that.

But mainly the motivation is friendship. I absolutely loved having a twin sister, so we're getting as close as we can to that really. Also, this way Annie and I will both be stay-at-home mums at the same time. From what I've seen one of the main draw-backs from being a stay at home mum is the isolation, so I feel really lucky to be able to do it with my best friend and partner.

One concern is that being close in age the kids will be competitive. But that's up to us to raise them with a positive mentality so that's not an issue. I think we can manage that...
post #116 of 369
Quote:
Originally Posted by astraphell View Post
On a related note, I was wondering about how OPKs don't work for me, and whether I will come across that problem with the HPTs as well. Any suggestions for really really sensitive ones, just in case I have some strange thing where my body doesn't process hormones in my urine well?
I never got a single positive OPK, but I got pregnant fine. FF said that it means you have a fast peak then drop. But I was even testing twice a day and still nada. Must be a VERY fast peak! Fortunately for me my temps were textbook so I could go from them. Else I woulda' been up sh*t creek because my CM is bollocks. Doesn't do anything like what it should.

Anyway, the only definite sign that you've ovulated is the temp rise after. Since the OPKs use the LH surge before ovulation it's possible to get the surge but not ovulate. But it's not possible to get the post-O temp rise without ovulating. Useful for hindsight but not so useful for planning insems around!

baby_baby_mommy - I had a chemical pregnancy and it threw both my period and cycle around a bit, which I think is pretty common.
post #117 of 369
Af just arrived. So, i guess that means we won't be trying until prob. March. due to financial reasons. We are going to meet with a known donor that is a friend of a friend, but even if that works, it would take a couple of months to create a contract and make sure everyone s comfortable.

I just feel like such a failure, that if I were different this would have already worked. In my saddest moments, I feel like it's a sign from the universe that I would be a lousy parent. I know that's completely not true for anyone else that it is taking a while for, so I know it's flawed thinking. I guess I'm just really sad.

Good luck to everyone who is still in the tww.
post #118 of 369
sprouts-- I'm sorry mama!! Its a bummer. But please don't beat yourself up!!! How would your little sprout feel to hear someone saying such awful things about his/her future mom huh?? And then to have it be herself?? It would break a lil sprout's heart.

Sadness is important, take the time to think of the loss of spending even more time away from your child, allow yourself that space and emotion and then grab a hold of those reigns and meet that KD--

KDership is the best part of this journey for me. He is excited, he is supportive, he is wonderful--but he isn't riding the same roller coaster as Moll and I. Each month that we've failed he puts it into perspective, "Ok, so what days do you predict for next month?" He just picks up and keeps us going.

Be well lady and take care of yourself--you deserve it!!
post #119 of 369
Quote:
Originally Posted by sprout's futuremom View Post
I guess I'm just really sad.
of course you are! And you have a right to be. Keep your chin up...
post #120 of 369

Slow response...I had to think about it.

Why do I want a child? I think it's a multi-leveled thing.

My initial response is because I just do. In many ways it feels like an incredibly implicit thing. Maybe even a selfish thing. I've always loved kids, they've always brought me great joy and it's something I've always wanted for myself. And I look forward to the great challenges of parenting.

When I examine this desire further I think about all the love I have to give. And about what a wonderful mum my DP will be.

And then, like many of you, I feel that it's crucial to this world that we provide it with smart, savvy, socially responsible, emotionally developed inhabitants. I've considered this issue at length. I am terrified of the prospect that our kids will be faced with the prospect of no water and no resources on a dead planet with crappy values. But my kids don't have to be part of the problem and I intend to give them all the tools to become part of the solution. We need warriors to lead the charge and I will do my damnedest to ensure that my kids are at the forefront.

And on siblings:

I'm torn. DP is from a family of 4 kids. I have just one sister. I oscillate between having 1 and 2 kids. DP would like up to 3. I think that I will be a better parent if I have just one child. I want to be able to travel and provide great experiences for my kid/s - while this isn't at all caught up in materialism, it does cost in a financial and emotional/energy sense and I think I'd be best placed to do it with just one child. I do understand the value of siblings though and am completely open to a 2nd if/when the desire/situation/circumstances are all lined up. However, I will say that I do know of several only children who really loved their childhoods and didn't feel as though they were lacking at all. Everyone's different. Oh, and on spacing, I think for my peace of mind, a second child would not be a consideration for at least 3 years.

All comments here are subject to change though!
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