Queer TTC December 2007 - Page 2

[Hulahoop]

happy belated birthday, KJM. Since TTC'ing (the past four months), I've quit caffeine and soda and cut way back on alcohol, and that alone has been super hard. I've heard that quitting smoking is the hardest of all--so good job! it's amazing you've done all that!

Welcome, sprout's futuremom. I'm newish here, too, and am very happy i came out of lurkdom. this board is saving my (and my partners') sanity this 2WW.

burtsgirl, best of luck at your dye test. sounds like your doctor is taking your situation seriously and doing everything they can to make the process as easy as possible. sometimes i think that's half the battle!

thinking good thoughts for everyone....

[pranava]

So Good to be Back!

Driving 32 hrs and working 20 in 4 days time is not much fun, so I'm glad to be back home Well, today's O day, but with no insem - kind of depressing. I am happy to report that the Vitex seems to be changing my cycle for the better. I had a stronger + OPK this month than ever before, and I have EWCM today. Normally I get EWCM 5, 4, and 3 days prior to O, then I dry up. So things look promising for next month.

Happy belated B-Day KJM! :

Good Luck BurtsGirl!! I hope all goes smoothly

[kk_davey]

Happy happy big big 31st (?) birthday kjm! I hope you soaked up your health, happy love with Molly and all birthday and happy related things!

I hope the taking a break thing didn't eat in to your day too much. If you think that you could still be back there on the wild side of life, with no aspirations for a family and a hangover every other day, or you could be where you are now, living a healthy, true existence with someone you love, and thinking about your future family, I don't think it's hard to choose. Even with all the trials and tribulations of ttc. It's a privilege to be in a position to be even trying. That's how I felt anyway, given my history. And I couldn't believe my life was such that a man wanted to give me his sperm and two people wanted to start a family with me.

Re the kids of glbtq folks (and children who are adopted) being the most wanted. My experience with this was that my twin sister (whose straight) got pregnant accidentally, while I obviously had to plan it and go through all the temp charting etc etc. Our attitudes to the first trimester were so amazingly different. For her, it was this idea that was sprung on her, and she was adjusting her future plans to cater for. She wasn't at all paranoid about miscarrying in the first trimester because, although it would have been sad, she would have gone back to her original plans for her immediate future. Obviously the longer she carried the baby the more she became attached, but in the first weeks. For me, it was my future plan. So I spent my first trimester (of which I'm now nearing the end) in utter paranoia. We talked about this difference, and how it stemmed from her surprise pregnancy and my planned pregnancy.

Of course now her son is her life. But I don't think that's what Jen's trying to say at all. There's no judgement being made on how mothers love their kids. Just the difference in the intention and initial stages.

[matchterr]

How long should you temp before ttc? We just started temping and were curious how long we should wait before we start? Not sure how long it takes to see a good pattern. Suggestions?? Thanks!

[erthe_mama]

Re the kids of glbtq folks, etc

It's still a generalisation. Although I respect your opinion about it.

Also, I had always wanted a baby before I got pregnant. It was unintentional at the time it happened, but it was still a very exciting time. And yes, I did worry that I would miscarry (I'd done so twice before that). I'm not trying to downplay your experiences or the time and effort you put into ttc'ing, but it just doesn't seem fair to judge who wanted their kid more than who. Kwim?

[astraphell]

Ok so I've been trying not to get my hopes up too much but i can't deny how incredibly sore my breasts have been for the past four days. When I say sore I mean SORE! Like hot pokers going right into the nipples. I know, lovely imagery right? FF says I'm 5DPO right now but I'm wondering what you all think. How do I link my chart here for you to see?

[JenInMpls]

I am not judging. I am marveling at what I see as a strange, ridiculous irony. And gosh, I thought I could at least say it here where I am surrounded by other people who are trying as hard as I am to get knocked up, where we are all walking in similar shoes, if not the same.

[AngelaM]

Originally Posted by BurtsGirl

Angela- How is pregnancy treating you, mama?

Hey, I'm back lurking! Pregnancy is... actually, kind of terrifying. It's funny, I spent sooo long trying to get pregnant, and now that it's happened, I feel sort of emotionally shell-shocked. (I've just started blogging about it- there's a link in my signature.) I think that part of the problem is that I'm afraid to get my hopes up in case something goes wrong again, so instead of being excited, I'm just sitting around with all of my fears and anxieties. Not so fun. And man these hormones make me cry all of the time!

Originally Posted by BurtsGirl

I've scheduled my HSG Dye test for Thursday and I'm scared to death. They told me to take 4 advil and their going to give me a valium in the hopes that I won't have another vagal response.

Fingers crossed that it's a safe and productive experience! I have several friends who've gotten pregnant in the cycle following the HSG. I'll be thinking of you!

Originally Posted by pranava

Driving 32 hrs and working 20 in 4 days time is not much fun, so I'm glad to be back home Well, today's O day, but with no insem - kind of depressing. I am happy to report that the Vitex seems to be changing my cycle for the better. I had a stronger + OPK this month than ever before, and I have EWCM today. Normally I get EWCM 5, 4, and 3 days prior to O, then I dry up. So things look promising for next month.

Hey Pran, good to hear from you, and I'm glad you're safely back home after all those travels! Here's hoping the Vitex does the trick, and that you're all set for a fertile next cycle!

Originally Posted by matchterr

How long should you temp before ttc? We just started temping and were curious how long we should wait before we start? Not sure how long it takes to see a good pattern. Suggestions?? Thanks!

Matchterr, I started charting three months before my first insemination, but the first month of charting was kind of a bust, so I wish I'd started a month or so earlier. Of course, by the time all was said and done, I charted nine months, and quite frankly, I never want to take my temperature again, especially not at 6:30 in the morning. I'm sure you've read lots about charting, but these are the two things that made a big difference to me- a good thermometer, and a consistent wake-up time. I'm a big fan of the BD Flexible Tip Rapid Response thermometer (and I own six other brands, so I've definitely done some comparison shopping...). It gave me the most consistent readings. The first month, I charted with a CVS brand "basal" digital thermometer, and I thought I was having an anovulatory cycle, my temps were so crazy! Also, take it at the same time every day, even if you just wake up for a minute, take your temp, and roll over and go back to sleep.

The other thing that I found really helpful was using a speculum to look at my cervical opening. I didn't start doing this until after I had started inseminating, and it was such good information that I really wished I'd started sooner. Brill's Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy, etc. has good instructions on to look at your cervix if you haven't done it before.

Originally Posted by astraphell

Ok so I've been trying not to get my hopes up too much but i can't deny how incredibly sore my breasts have been for the past four days. When I say sore I mean SORE! Like hot pokers going right into the nipples. I know, lovely imagery right? FF says I'm 5DPO right now but I'm wondering what you all think. How do I link my chart here for you to see?

Ooh, good luck! Both of my pregnant cycles included sore breasts at 4 to 5 dpo! Fingers crossed!

And to everyone else, much baby dust!

[frog]

matchterr, I've been charting for something like three years, pretty much all the time. I think I'd charted for just over a year when we tried for the first time. It's not necessary, but I liked having the data.

[BurtsGirl]

Thanks for the well wishes and support for Thursday everyone!

Originally Posted by matchterr

How long should you temp before ttc? We just started temping and were curious how long we should wait before we start? Not sure how long it takes to see a good pattern. Suggestions?? Thanks!

I charted around 7-8 months before we started inseming. I'll second Angela's advice on temping consistantly and at the same time every morning. I have my own *special* alarm clock on my side of the bed that's just for me to roll over, stick the them. in my mouth, wait for beep, write down temp, roll back over, sleep. I also agree with frog it's not necessary to temp for X number of months but the data is nice to have as a comparision.

Originally Posted by astraphell

Ok so I've been trying not to get my hopes up too much but i can't deny how incredibly sore my breasts have been for the past four days. When I say sore I mean SORE! Like hot pokers going right into the nipples. I know, lovely imagery right? FF says I'm 5DPO right now but I'm wondering what you all think. How do I link my chart here for you to see?

Astraphell, that is so exciting!! To link your chart when you post to the thread there is a button with a World symbol and a chain link on it. Highlight the text you want to link. Then click the button. Copy and paste your chart link into the box and hit ok. Make sure your using your homepage from FF and not the page you logged into.

Originally Posted by pranava

Driving 32 hrs and working 20 in 4 days time is not much fun, so I'm glad to be back home Well, today's O day, but with no insem - kind of depressing. I am happy to report that the Vitex seems to be changing my cycle for the better. I had a stronger + OPK this month than ever before, and I have EWCM today. Normally I get EWCM 5, 4, and 3 days prior to O, then I dry up. So things look promising for next month.
Good Luck BurtsGirl!! I hope all goes smoothly

Pran, Wow what a schedule you have, sister. What do you do that requires such travel? I'm so glad I'm not the only one with this EWCM problem. I get the good stuff 1-2 days before O and then dry up. So glad the vitex is working well for you, next month is so our month!

Originally Posted by AngelaM

Hey, I'm back lurking! Pregnancy is... actually, kind of terrifying. It's funny, I spent sooo long trying to get pregnant, and now that it's happened, I feel sort of emotionally shell-shocked. (I've just started blogging about it- there's a link in my signature.) I think that part of the problem is that I'm afraid to get my hopes up in case something goes wrong again, so instead of being excited, I'm just sitting around with all of my fears and anxieties. Not so fun. And man these hormones make me cry all of the time!

Awe, That baby is so sticky it's not even funny but I can see how your feeling a little worried. I'm sure everything is going to be just perfect and your little cub will be with you right on time. *off to read your blog!*

[baby_baby_mommy]

KJM - Happy Belated Birthday!!! Hope it was a wonderful day

[Hulahoop]

Matchterr, I second Angela M's point about looking at your cervix. This is the first month we did it and I'm so bummed we didn't start sooner! My OPKs and monitor were wacky this month, so it was very reassuring to be able to look at my cervix and be like, "Yep, it's totally open," or "Nope, it's definitely closed now."

I temped for 6 months over a year ago and then stopped because I wasn't getting consistent temps at all. I just started again this cycle, and while I'm not totally convinced it works for me, it has been easier than before. I think that's because I've cut back so much on alcohol and just in general am being kinder to my body.

[astraphell]

Okay, I think I figured it out! :
Thanks BurtsGirl!

FF thinks I Od on CD20, but you can see a temp spike on CD 16, which was what freaked us out and caused us to insem so early. If I did O on CD 20, and we inseminated again at 10pm on CDs 18 & 19, that's pretty decent timing, right?

In addition to the insanely sore breasts, I've been pretty bloated yesterday and today. Even with my relatively short usual LP, 6DPO is too early for me to be feeling these things.

I have got to stop obsessing! FF doesn't want me to test until Dec 14, which would be 16DPO, but there is no way DP and I can wait that long!

[BurtsGirl]

Originally Posted by Hulahoop

I think that's because I've cut back so much on alcohol and just in general am being kinder to my body.

Hula, I figured out last month just how much alcohol effects my chart! I mean my temp took a HUGE jump (Nov chart - CD11, if you want to take a look, link in sig) This was after having quite a bit to drink and going to bed late the night before.

[JenInMpls]

Interesting Newsweek article

The cover story of Newsweek this week is about fertility and food. It was a very interesting read - I expected to basically read that it is going to be hard to conceive because my BMI is too high - but it is a fairly in-depth discussion of how certain foods affect ovulatory fertility.

Best part of the article: WHOLE MILK got the big along with its sister foods whole-milk yogurt, cottage cheese and ice cream !

[frog]

Yep, there's been a lot of research lately about how women's low-fat diets are increasing fertility rates negatively.

"Behold, the power of cheese!"

[JenInMpls]

What to think about this one?!

So I just got a + OPK and told my wife I'm insem'ing tomorrow (she's home today helping tend the boy since I'm kinda under the weather) and she asked "which donor?". I told her the number and she rolled her eyes?! To which I said "what?" - the donor we're using this month is her #2 pick, and my #1. When she told me (very hurriedly, via e-mail from work because she put off looking at donor profiles to the very, very last minute) her picks, it was essentially this:

1: 1234
2: 2345
3: 3456

No added notes or anything. And today when I tell her that we're using my #1 pick and she rolled her eyes, I said "but he was your second choice!" and she said "Yeah, a loooooong second." Which she'd never, ever said before!

If she had told me that it was a long second, I probably would have gone with her #1 pick, but in her true style, she said not a word and must have expected I would intuit it?! I would have gone on to her top pick donor this month except that we had a vial remaining from last cycle because I only got to insem once before we went on vacation, and I did not see insem'ing with 2 different donors during 1 cycle as being a wise choice.

If I get pregnant this round, I swear, we're going to have to go to therapy to get to the root of how she's going to feel about having a kid conceived by a donor who is her distant second choice. Guess I'll cross that bridge if and when I come to it.

*shake head* argh.

[AngelaM]

Jen- I'm so sorry. This process is emotional and crazy-making enough without fighting with your DP in the middle of it.

On a very selfish note, it vaguely reassures me to see that even those of you who are happily, stably, coupled still have arguments and tensions over ttc and parenting. My girlfriend and I have been dealing with some HARD STUFF since I got my BFP, and I've been constantly questioning my choice to become a parent right now. We've been together for about a year now, but this baby has always been my thing. Sometimes I have this idea that if I'd waited, there might have been this future in which I'd have this perfect supportive partner who was nothing but excited about the whole process. And I mean, maybe I would have. Maybe I still will. But it's good to remember that even with a great loving long-term partner, there are still tensions, anxieties, and negotiations.

Good luck getting through all of this. And I'm sure that once that baby is here, your partner is going to be so thrilled that she won't care who the donor was.

[mamastotwo]

Jeninmpls - you and your DP remind me sooooooooooo much of me and my DP - esp. the email! I have had RE's tell me not to try two donors in one cycle as the sperm can fight each other. Though you hear all the time of women getting pregnant and the father could be one of several me so i don't know. None of our RE's would let us do it. Good luck!

I also found that for us any ambivilence about a donor went away once the baby was born.

[JenInMpls]

angela and mamastotwo - thanks for your thoughts. I know you are right. I think that the whole pregnancy thing is so absolutely frightening to her (much less exciting at the beginning). She thinks that the way our friends did it - found out at Thanksgiving that there might be a baby to adopt, brought her home December 2 - is really the way to go!! :

ps astraphell: hot pokers through the nipples sounds awful, yet promising. Here's to good timing :