Our birth day wish list: a vbac with a very small CNM group here in town. I want a home birth but I cannot sway my wife to that camp. Perhaps if she saw the business of being born, it would help. It sure worked with supersize me. 
My nefarious plan: to claim to Jo that I am laboring at home for as long as I can and then, in the end, be so far along that we couldn't possibly make it to the hospital (on the other side of town), so I'll have to give birth at home anyway. (Only a dream. I won't really do this... I don't think.)
Some of my essentials are:
1. The small midwife group. Last time I had a STELLAR midwife whom I saw through the whole pregnancy (she got a big
from me because not only did she not need me to clarify who my partner was but she actually laughed out loud at the answer I had filled in for "birth control method previously used": lesbianism), but in the end, we had a different midwife for our birth and she and I did NOT click at all and I think that it made a big difference in my birth experience. The group we will be going to has 3 midwives and 1 consulting OB. They used to have two midwives and their joke was that you either got tweedledee or tweedledum.
2. Different childbirth prep classes: primarily for my wife. We did hypnobirthing which, for us, was a major waste of money. I'm thinking Bradley this time. There is a dyke mama in town who is a Bradley instructor now. I think when T was born Jo was scared sh*less and didn't know what to do for me. And, I honestly think there were some times during T's birth that it would have been better if she had not been there. Harsh-sounding but true. She was just not ready for it. We were not ready for it, as a couple, but we went into it as a couple.
3. My own personal, hand-picked birthing support group consisting of my strongest, bossiest, most loving friends who have all given birth before. Quite possibly on a rotating basis, or as they are able to stop by. (Another reason why I'd rather be at home...) Maybe also my herbalist, a homeopath and my chiropractor if she can make it and is willing to come. I need someone or multiple someones, during birth, to kick my a*, to tell me what to do, to rub my back, pet my hair, force me to drink fluids, and just talk to me - like actually have a conversation with me - and act like what I'm doing is normal. I need to be around people who can make me relax, who have faith in the process and can get me to feel that while I'm laboring. I got a lot of well-intentioned platitudes during my last birth and while my doula understood that it was actually normal to sort of zone out and go somewhere else during childbirth, my wife was expecting me to be with it and it freaked her out when I wasn't "there" (cognizant) until I had an epidural. For this reason I think I tried too hard to be there for her and didn't surrender to the process... and consequently never dilated beyond 4 cm, and my son never descended.
And quite frankly - that's all. If I can VBAC I will be elated. If I can VBAC and my milk comes in and is enough to feed my baby, why, you will hear me singing praises and gratitude from all the way across the country.
But if I have a CBAC and end up nursing with an SNS again but have a healthy baby... I will still be counting my blessings.
My nefarious plan: to claim to Jo that I am laboring at home for as long as I can and then, in the end, be so far along that we couldn't possibly make it to the hospital (on the other side of town), so I'll have to give birth at home anyway. (Only a dream. I won't really do this... I don't think.)
Some of my essentials are:
1. The small midwife group. Last time I had a STELLAR midwife whom I saw through the whole pregnancy (she got a big
from me because not only did she not need me to clarify who my partner was but she actually laughed out loud at the answer I had filled in for "birth control method previously used": lesbianism), but in the end, we had a different midwife for our birth and she and I did NOT click at all and I think that it made a big difference in my birth experience. The group we will be going to has 3 midwives and 1 consulting OB. They used to have two midwives and their joke was that you either got tweedledee or tweedledum.2. Different childbirth prep classes: primarily for my wife. We did hypnobirthing which, for us, was a major waste of money. I'm thinking Bradley this time. There is a dyke mama in town who is a Bradley instructor now. I think when T was born Jo was scared sh*less and didn't know what to do for me. And, I honestly think there were some times during T's birth that it would have been better if she had not been there. Harsh-sounding but true. She was just not ready for it. We were not ready for it, as a couple, but we went into it as a couple.
3. My own personal, hand-picked birthing support group consisting of my strongest, bossiest, most loving friends who have all given birth before. Quite possibly on a rotating basis, or as they are able to stop by. (Another reason why I'd rather be at home...) Maybe also my herbalist, a homeopath and my chiropractor if she can make it and is willing to come. I need someone or multiple someones, during birth, to kick my a*, to tell me what to do, to rub my back, pet my hair, force me to drink fluids, and just talk to me - like actually have a conversation with me - and act like what I'm doing is normal. I need to be around people who can make me relax, who have faith in the process and can get me to feel that while I'm laboring. I got a lot of well-intentioned platitudes during my last birth and while my doula understood that it was actually normal to sort of zone out and go somewhere else during childbirth, my wife was expecting me to be with it and it freaked her out when I wasn't "there" (cognizant) until I had an epidural. For this reason I think I tried too hard to be there for her and didn't surrender to the process... and consequently never dilated beyond 4 cm, and my son never descended.
And quite frankly - that's all. If I can VBAC I will be elated. If I can VBAC and my milk comes in and is enough to feed my baby, why, you will hear me singing praises and gratitude from all the way across the country.
But if I have a CBAC and end up nursing with an SNS again but have a healthy baby... I will still be counting my blessings.
Now only if I could convince my partner to get a but more involved in the thread...
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Gak. I'm a bit of a dunce.
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