You are all so lovely and wonderful and supportive and I'm so thrilled to have this group of women here with shoulders to cry on who truly understand the heinous nature of queer babymaking. Thank you all.
I can't possibly respond to every single one of your responses - instead, I've grabbed a cross section
Originally Posted by lemurmommies
I would definitely write a letter of complaint. Hopefully that way the doctor will realize how homophobic her statement was, and it won't have to happen to anyone else.
I've been writing the letter in my head all day...
Originally Posted by AngelaM
Please, her behavior is so unbelievably unacceptable that my head is spinning. And don't hold yourself to this standard of never being emotional - ttc is emotional. It's a hard, exhausting process, even for straight folks doing it the "old fashioned" way. For those of us who have to do loads of extra work and coordination, the emotional stakes are even higher.
And that was exactly it...there's a positive spin to this and that is that I realised that I was seeing this doc with rose coloured glasses. She may practice the kind of medicine I want to utilise and we may have similar values on that front but beyond that, she doesn't understand me at all. The last thing I said to her before walking out of her office and bursting into tears was "this is just so much more stressful..." to which she just smiled and shrugged.
And the raw emotion of this has been good too. This is the first cycle that I've really lost the plot...sure I've felt batshit crazy during each 2ww, but I hadn't cried before and I think it's important that I do - it's far healthier than just talking myself into being ok.
Originally Posted by frog
Dear MMM's doctor,
I'm writing to express my utter disbelief at your suggestion that MMM might get knocked up if she just had sex with the donor. Surely during your medical training, "lesbian" was covered as a concept, and I can only hope that "has sex with women" and the accompanying "doesn't have sex with men" were included during the unit on dykes.
It would be appalling enough if a run-of-the-mill doc made such an asinine suggestion, but the fact that a doctor who proclaims herself "queer friendly" did so is simply beyond the pale.
I've enclosed a copy of the Big Lesbian Sex Book and Box Lunch: A Layperson's Guide to Cunnilingus for your perusal. If you find a chapter on how lesbians far and wide are having sex with men, do let me know. Please note that JoAnn Loulan should not be seen as an example of lesbians having sex with men.
For the love of Maude, woman, get a freakin' clue.
All the best,
you're gorgeous frog. thank you for the tears of hilarity. Once the letter is written, I will indeed bring it here for everyones thoughts and input.
Originally Posted by JenInMpls
frog you are so hilarious I could pee my pants.
I wanted to add: does the doc have her own office or is she part of a practice with other doctors? I just had a bad, bad experience with a physician's assistant at our practice and I was able to write a letter to their administrator who is technically his direct supervisor. I felt it was important that someone other than him hear about what a jerk he was to me, even if there is no disciplinary action against him per se. So i would say: CC anyone and EVERYONE who might have a stake in this - if you really want action. Depends on how far you want to take it, I suppose.
It's her practice. She set it up as an integrative health clinic. I am thinking that I'll send the letter to her and CC it to the practice manager though. I'm also going to refer her to the great research done by a local dyke doctor (i'd see her but she went and had a baby and is now on mat. leave) about the specific health needs of lesbians and lesbian mothers. Stupid me assumed that she would be familiar with it.
I'm pretty sure she'll be really embarrassed when I point out how homophobic she is and how ill informed she is. Grrr.
Frog, you can put me in the taking a month off category - our wonderful donor boy and his gorgeous girly are away until the day after i ovulate in Jan...which is lucky really because a Jan pregnancy will mean a Virgo baby and me and Virgo's don't really mix!
And seriously - after the intensity of this cycle, a month off is probably a really good idea.
You women rock my socks...thanks