Queer TTC December 2007 - Page 3

[frog]

Jen, I've been sitting here, totally amazed at the donor numbers and how nicely they line up.

It only JUST occurred to me that those aren't really the numbers. :

[frog]

Originally Posted by JenInMpls

She thinks that the way our friends did it - found out at Thanksgiving that there might be a baby to adopt, brought her home December 2 - is really the way to go!! :

Wow. If only!

[JenInMpls]

frog it was kind of eerie though when we were first looking at donors and saw that one of them was the year we were both born. We thought that was a good sign!

Also the cramming pregnancy into 6 days thing can be good but really scary too. That was their first adoption and they were not in the least bit prepared for a baby. They feel at least a little bit more ready this time around - stuff-wise, at least...

[Hulahoop]

Originally Posted by BurtsGirl

Hula, I figured out last month just how much alcohol effects my chart! I mean my temp took a HUGE jump (Nov chart - CD11, if you want to take a look, link in sig) This was after having quite a bit to drink and going to bed late the night before.

wow, yeah, i totally see the jump! it's scary how easily the temps can change, and even a small jump can have a big difference in your chart.

Jen...I hear you about how the stress can affect your relationship. i've been with my partner for 10 awesomest-ever years, and even though we are on the same page with all the aspects of TTCing, just the low-grade stress and sadness has affected our relationship this last cycle. I think it weighs so much on each of our mind's that our fuses are a little short, and any tiny differences in communication styles that normally aren't a big deal or you can usually ignore are brought to the forefront. I find comfort in knowing that's to be expected.

[astraphell]

Originally Posted by JenInMpls

angela and mamastotwo - thanks for your thoughts. I know you are right. I think that the whole pregnancy thing is so absolutely frightening to her (much less exciting at the beginning). She thinks that the way our friends did it - found out at Thanksgiving that there might be a baby to adopt, brought her home December 2 - is really the way to go!! :

ps astraphell: hot pokers through the nipples sounds awful, yet promising. Here's to good timing :

I have friends who adopted from a relative, so they have no idea about the whole ttc thing. She says, "Why don't you just go get a baby like we did?"

And thanks, I have fingers, toes and everything else crossed! We're probably going to test on Saturday.

Originally Posted by mamastotwo

Jeninmpls - you and your DP remind me sooooooooooo much of me and my DP - esp. the email! I have had RE's tell me not to try two donors in one cycle as the sperm can fight each other. Though you hear all the time of women getting pregnant and the father could be one of several me so i don't know. None of our RE's would let us do it. Good luck!

We're in this position this month. We insemmed too early, then I drove to Chicago to pick up more, but they didn't have the same one, so we went with a different donor (who was our original first pick). We're laughing because if this is the month, we of all people didn't think we'd ever have to deal with the "who's the baby daddy?" question!

[simcon]

Originally Posted by JenInMpls

erthe_mama
What I said was that the kids of glbtq folks (and children who are adopted) are the most wanted. Perhaps I should have added on the words "before we get pregnant with them", maybe I should have said "are conceived with the most intention", but that leaves out the folks who adopt.

I think this statement would likely infuriate those over on the infertility board (where I occasionally lurk). Of course they say things like this there too, about children who join families in whatever way after struggles with infertility, and it doesn't make much sense to me to rank intention or affection there either. That said, I do love to see my queer friends cherish their little ones so much! And it's so wonderful to see women who have worked so hard--for years and years in some cases--to start a family start one.

Originally Posted by Hulahoop

Matchterr, I second Angela M's point about looking at your cervix. This is the first month we did it and I'm so bummed we didn't start sooner! My OPKs and monitor were wacky this month, so it was very reassuring to be able to look at my cervix and be like, "Yep, it's totally open," or "Nope, it's definitely closed now."

Here's a third for that one--we conceived twice, very easily (2nd and 1st try), with cervix gazing as our primary method of timing. No OPKs to be seen either time (or rather, no positive ones anyway!), and I did temp, but mostly to confirm ovulation, since the temps are not as predictive as other things, particularly in any one cycle.

Originally Posted by astraphell

Okay, I think I figured it out! :
Thanks BurtsGirl!

FF thinks I Od on CD20, but you can see a temp spike on CD 16, which was what freaked us out and caused us to insem so early. If I did O on CD 20, and we inseminated again at 10pm on CDs 18 & 19, that's pretty decent timing, right?

That seems like excellent timing to me--good luck!

Originally Posted by AngelaM

On a very selfish note, it vaguely reassures me to see that even those of you who are happily, stably, coupled still have arguments and tensions over ttc and parenting.

We have been together going on 10 years (this Feb), and are happy and stable by all accounts, and still ttc and parenting are sources of tension. The thing is that I'd rather work out that tension with her than anyone (but tensions do seem to abound with both of these things--both ttc and parenting can be challenging and vexing to one's very core in my experience! Worth it, though, IMNSHO).

[JenInMpls]

Originally Posted by simcon

I think this statement would likely infuriate those over on the infertility board (where I occasionally lurk). Of course they say things like this there too, about children who join families in whatever way after struggles with infertility, and it doesn't make much sense to me to rank intention or affection there either.

OK, OK, I get everyone's point now. I was just trying to put a positive spin on all of the crazy-making, and contemplating the irony of how hard we try to get pregnant when others don't try at all, but I guess we really aren't anything special after all.

I know the misery of infertility very well. The friends of ours who adopted did 3 years worth of infertility treatments and stopped just short of IVF. They are our best friends, and I was always the first phone call when my friend got another BFN, or was going crazy on Clomid. I got pregnant with my son when they were just throwing in the towel on the whole trying-to-get-pregnant thing. I had no idea how to tell my friend for whom everything looked absolutely perfect - ovaries, tubes, uterus, eggs, follicles, etc - that I the dyke was pregnant when she the straight woman with a fertile husband had not been able to conceive for 7 years. I simply couldn't see how she could hear that news and actually be happy for me. Felt like I was kicking her in the stomach.

And I could point out that there are hurdles that we face as glbtq folks that they do not, simply due to our heteronormic society - but I'm not sticking my neck out again, so I'll leave it at "we all face our unique challenges and it doesn't matter how a kid comes into a family and one person's (or group's) experience isn't better or worse or harder or easier than another's as long as everyone is happy."

[kk_davey]

Originally Posted by JenInMpls

OK, OK, I get everyone's point now. I was just trying to put a positive spin on all of the crazy-making, and contemplating the irony of how hard we try to get pregnant when others don't try at all, but I guess we really aren't anything special after all.

I'm with you Jen. I think it's an interesting difference. It's not a judgement at all, just a noted difference, and interesting to ponder. And of course it's a generalisation and isn't relevant to every single baby-making story, but notable points are about different trends, not hard and fast rules. I think it's important to be able to ponder and discuss that sort of stuff here. Where the hell else would you be able to?!

On a different note, I have my downs-syndrome scan on Monday, and I'm terrified! I'm 10 days away from the end of my 1st trimester, which is a real relief (although after 2happymamas story I'm treading with care & not allowing myself to consider the danger as over). It feels like when you overcome one fear/hurdle your presented with another. I have age on my side, and health, and family history though, which I'm eternally grateful for.

Angela - are you getting very sick? I've been nauseas as hell and really really tired, but it's just starting to ease up, thank god. I've heard so many horror stories about people being sick right up to their labour day. I just don't think I could handle it. I've already been in tears a few times from the 6 - 7 weeks of it. Imagine 9 months!

[pranava]

Cervix Gazing?

I need some advice. . . I've tried this, put it seems that the speculum actually pulls my cervix open. I've wondered if I have it in too far. But if I pull it out a bit before I open it, I see nothing. Anyone else have this problem? Is my cervix always open as it appears, or an I "opening" it with the speculum? :

[Hulahoop]

Hmmmm. I'll ask my partner (the speculum wielder) about that tonight. Off-hand, I'd say the os is too small to be opened by the speculum. Or maybe mine is just smaller than normal...

Once she found my cervix, it was always easy to tell if it was open or closed, but I'm sure all womens' bodies differ a lot in that dept. Are you positive it's the cervix you're seeing? From what my partner said, it was hard to find at first! She initially thought something else was my cervix until she poked around more....

[pranava]

I'm certain it's the cervix I'm looking at. Mine is easier to find than most because my uterus is retroverted. This puts my cervix directly in the middle front and center.

[astraphell]

Originally Posted by pranava

I'm certain it's the cervix I'm looking at. Mine is easier to find than most because my uterus is retroverted. This puts my cervix directly in the middle front and center.

You know, I never thought of that before, but I too have a tipped uterus and have never actually seen my cervix closed! We usually get sick of checking by the time we actually insem, so I've never looked at it later in my cycle.

I'll check it out and report back!

[Hulahoop]

I asked the wife last night and she said, that, with my cervix and our speculum, at least, she couldn't imagine it opening the cervix, but maybe it's different for different people? I'm sorry...I wish I had something more to tell you.

[stel]

implantation cramping?

What does it feel like? Is it like a menstral cramp or different? stronger? more accute? less acute? I've been fantasizing that I've been having it yesterday and today (can it last more than one day?) but fantasy played an over active role during my last not pregnant cycle and I'm trying hard to keep my expectations in check. Did anyone experience this?

-stel

[mamastotwo]

stel - for me implantation cramping has always been more localized then menstral cramping. But i also tend to have low grade menstral like cramps - more like my uterus feeling heavy - when i am preggers. I've never had implantation spotting, but many people do around the time of the cramping. Fingers crossed for you!

[Hulahoop]

Stel, i've also noticed what may be implantation cramping, just last night and today. at least, it feels different than the last three cycles. I also had a temp dip today from 97.5 to 97.0, below the coverline. No spotting, though, and I'm unsure if maybe the dip is just making me think my cramps are something special!

Last night it was almost like a feeling of when you feel a pinch or something pushing on your bladder and you have to urinate, but you don't actually have to. Today it feels a bit more like low-grade AF, plus a kind of unsettled feeling down there. i have a long LP, so there's no way my period is due until next Tuesday, at the earliest.

Has anyone else experience an implantation dip before a BFP, like mamastotwo? From what I've read, it sounds like some people believe in it absolutely and some people maintain that it's a myth.

[MujerMamaMismo]

Round 3! Ding Ding Ding. Our donor is all set for an 8pm deposit tonight (Thurs). As we enter into this 3rd round of insems I'm neither hopeful, nor pessimistic. I hope I can remain this chilled about it all.

We'll insem a second time early on Saturday morning, 'cos Friday is a complete write off for us both, which I think should still be ok timing - I seem to have longish periods of fertility.

Am having some acupuncture this afternoon and again early next week to assist with implantation.

Where are my cycle buddies? I know I'm a bit early, but what can you do....?

[JenInMpls]

MMM, I'm right in the ring with you. This cycle is a comedy of errors and if it works I will probably laugh so hard I pee my pants. Then again, the insem that got me pregnant with my son was a big comedy of errors, too.

So today's insem (frog you can move me to waiting to know, thanks) at 8 AM actually took place at about 9. I got there at 8:30. The doc doing the insem got there around 8:45. It snowed yesterday, can you tell? But there I was, running through the parking lot, totally freaking out, and I get there and the nice receptionist says "hey, take a breath, he's not here yet himself." So I did - and I calmed the heck down - and it was ok. And the doctor who did it - whom I hadn't met before, but *shrug* - was so funny. It made me contemplate whether male ob/gyns go to greater lengths to establish a rapport with their clients in order to put them at ease with the gender difference. He had a great sense of humor and he laughed like crazy when I told him about whoever it is here (sorry I can't remember which one of you it is!) who calls their sperm "the swim team".

Anyway, today's program is brought to you by the number 109 million, I nearly sh* a brick at that number... at first I thought it was 10.9 but we compared the sample label to the chart and no, yes, 109 million. Let's hope that just one of them finds their mark, because I f*ed up big time and forgot to call and schedule my insem for tomorrow. DUH. Sheer forgetfulness. I guess it's because I'm not used to this 2 insems per cycle concept and since I didn't have to test my pee today... yeah.

Anyway, : and MMM can I be your cycle buddy?

[MujerMamaMismo]

Jen, you can totally be my cycle buddy. I think though that we may have a whole posse hiding out there ...:

[frog]

MMM, do you want to be moved or would you rather wait until after you're done insemming?