Mothering › Forums › Archives › Pregnancy Archives › November 2007 › Helper Stress
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Helper Stress  

post #1 of 19
12/1/07 at 3:18pm
Thread Starter 
I am STRESSED. I can go into it more in about 3-4 days. But until then, why not make me feel better by telling me how your family/friends/helpers have been stressing you out since the birth. I can't take much more! Drama drama drama.
post #2 of 19
12/1/07 at 4:16pm
my mom just left this morning, and i feel so much better:. don't get me wrong, i love her to death...but 2 weeks is more than enough time together!! she moped around a lot. took no initiative to do fun things with DS...unless you call filling him with sugar fun!: and if i heard "you should try laying her (mabel) down more" one more time i was going to throw my mom out the window!!!:

ok....i have tons more if you want it
post #3 of 19
12/1/07 at 5:32pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by adon View Post
ok....i have tons more if you want it

Want it. Yes. Fill me full. Purge yourself.
post #4 of 19
12/1/07 at 5:57pm
OOH! I have some! I had the audacity to take a picture of Mairaed with no hat on and my mother has asked me EVERY TIME WE SPEAK "is mairaed wearing a hat?" She also has been full full full of breastfeeding advice despite the fact that we have our own frigging lactation consultant. My mother said "does she have any experience? Does she have any sort of degree or is she someone off the street?" Yes, ma, she is some hobo they hired off the street and she has NO KNOWLEDGE of breastfeeding at all. That is how we are in Maine. Ugh.

I am on the verge of screaming because of the damn phone ringing incessantly, and people dropping by and not leaving. Take the dang hint- if the baby is crying and I am on the verge of tears, JUST LEAVE.

And DH... well, I feel bad even saying this but he is making me crazy too. He is back at work and keeps calling and calling, and asking me to bring the baby into work "by 11:30" or whatever. He does not know how difficult it is to get out of the house with a newborn! And if he makes us late for one more appointment he is not allowed to come anymore. He seems to think it takes us 10 minutes to get 22 miles. IT DOESN'T! We have yet to be on time to a single appointment- I have resorted to telling him our appointment is 15 minutes earlier than it actually is and we are STILL 5 minutes late.

OK, climbing off my soap box...
post #5 of 19
12/1/07 at 7:24pm
No details here either because they are here, but anyway, my parents have been here all day and I have not had a moment to myself unlike most days, DD has refused to nap because she wants to see Grandma and Papa and my mother can't stop asking me if Silas is cold. We keep our house at 22 degrees, and she keeps her at 17 degrees - why would she think he's cold at our house???
post #6 of 19
12/1/07 at 7:45pm
Oh, and better yet, DD, who is, admittedly, undernapped, overstimulated and possibly hungry, just bit my mother. My mother has now left in a huff, with threats of spanking and other nasty verbal recriminations having been said.
post #7 of 19
12/1/07 at 8:03pm
my mil keeps telling me to give dean oatmeal and put him to sleep in a crib on his stomach like they did bc us girls these days on't know what they did..... arghhh ogg and to give formula so he sleeps since i am not giving him enough and he is cryibg bc he is hungry................ see hyperlactation post for comic relief !!
post #8 of 19
12/1/07 at 8:45pm
And another thing! Between my stepmother telling me to let the baby cry it out, and my mother telling me not to pick her up so much because it will become the only way she will settle down.... I WANT to hold my baby. I don't want to let her cry it out. I want to cuddle her all the time!
post #9 of 19
12/1/07 at 10:01pm
why, gina......i'm insulted. aren't MY posts full of enough drama and woe and misery and bitching for you?! hmmm i need to come up w/ another one. read my thread on my cRaZy mother...that's a good one. : good to know i'm NOT the only one either.

sigh..............i sometimes think there is something wrong w/ me as i seem to have had a LOAD of conflict w/ certain women and definitely men thruout my adult life. as a child too at times...but i am coming to realize it is mostly THEM and there are so many healthy great loving respectful people who do NOT make me feel so crappy and angry and hurt and confused. so it can't be me. not even half way. it is obvious there are just some people who like to stir shit up for their own benefit w/out maybe realizing they are drama addicts or control freaks or martyrs or whatever. my mother is one of them. and of course, being my mother, she triggers me and now that i have 2 children of my own, i get even more into it w/ her as i'm trying my damndest to let her know who MY children are...MINE. and that i am a competent wonderful mama who is HUMAN like my friend jasmine says and no i'm not perfect...but pretty close. :

oh i must tell you about this mother at the pediatricians last night when i took sheamas in for lethargy...(he is fine btw...just much more sleepy during day...hard to wake at times and it scared me when my MW was worried about it...) megh was playing on this slide thing in the kids area and there was a ladder to get up to the platform area. i was watching her play actually and saw this one girl about the same age climb up the ladder (only about 3 ft high) and when she got up to climb onto the platform, there was megh telling her she couldn't come up, that it was 'their castle' (megh and some other girls). i was like omg megh in my thoughts....i heard megh say this and said megh!!! i was going to get up as megh wouldn't come to me to talk. in the meantime, this girl climbs down, stands tehre for about 2 seconds and starts to cry a real dramatic slow tearful cry.........then she runs over to her mother (who is this huge tall bully looking of a woman...) saying 'someone pushed me'! i didn't think it was megh as i was watching and didn't see megh push her. but maybe she did. the girl wasn't hurt physically or anything but obviously her feelings were and i don't blame her one bit. so the mom goes "WHO pushed you.....show me." and they walk over there fast like the mom meant business w/ whichever child (mine! yikes!) pushed her dd. so i stood up and walked over there FAST. megh was at this point UNDER the whole playset in the corner terrified of this woman. the girl pointed out megh after the mom was asking the other 2 girls if THEY were the one to push her daughter. i wanted to say to the mom, WHAT do you plan to do about this, anyway, you big oaf?! i said megh, come on out, its ok honey, i'm here. the mother not ONCE looked at ME or talked w/ ME about this scenario. i wasn't about to let her talk to MY dd w/out talking to ME first. excuse me you big ugly b*tch but *i* will handle my dd. it was kind of scary and stressful. i thought i might brawl w/ this chick. i just told megh it isn't right to push other people or tell them they can't play on something that is for ALL the kids at the dr's to play on...i asked if she pushed her...she said no.....then eventually i asked again and said honey you can tell me if you really did, i won't be mad at you... that is as far as i got...she said yes, she did. anyway, that was it. and we got out of there...i mumbled the whole time something about that these kids are KIDS and jeesh and don't mess w/ ME, chicky, who doesn't even LOOK at me..................and especially w/ MY dd......i understand why she was so protective but jeesh..........don't you bully ME by bullying my dd and don't you bully my dd. ooo it reminded me of a 'home improvement' episode i saw the other night where the mom got into it w/ a big bully of a mom at karate class for the youngest boy...other parents can be so WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!! :

how's that for some drama...at the freakin' pediatricians office!!!!! of all places!!!
post #10 of 19
12/1/07 at 10:36pm
it's okay. My in laws were here when I got home from the hospital. They are so irritating to say the least. The dad is really wound tight and freaks over everything and just creates a stressful environment by just breathing. He was trying to be helpful-but I hate when people mess with my kitchen. The mom is so annoyong. This is my second child so the first time I had to listen to her recall everything about her birth in comparison to mine over and over..... She is constantly repeating herself. So this time around she did it too! And let me tell you....she doesn't just give it to you in a nutshell. And I am in a nutshell kind of gal...She talks like she is writing a Jane austen novel. Another thing I feel guilty about. The whole time they are here I just want them to go away-and then they leave and I feel bad for all the hating....ugh....

On thanksgiving, my husband and his mom cooked dinner and then went to his cousins for dessert. within 15 minutes of being there she was puking all over their bathroom. I was home and in bed and my husband came home later to fill me in and it was too late. They had come back to my house, and decided it would be better for her to sleep on my living room couch to be closer to the bathroom. Since now it was coming out both ends...ewww... Too much info for me...thank you. But still, I woke up the next morning to find her sprawled out on my couch, snoring and talking in her sleep like a crazy person untill noon! THEN she decided it would be a good idea to go downstairs where she can't spread her germs. I was thinking home would be a better choice, but I also felt like the damage was done, she contaminated everything already.

Then the dad suggested I spray down the living room and my couch with lysol. Now, we have a non-chem household. So I said NO...it's okay. Although I knew with a new baby I had to do something. I decide to do it and opened up all the windows, brought the baby upstairs, brought down the air purifier and sprayed the godforsaken lysol all over my living room on fear of my 3 day old getting sick. So then we took the baby to the doctor for a check in and came home to the father telling me he sprayed my couch down with lysol. I just looked at him and said I already did it. I was pissed because I know he doused my couch in lysol and the smell did not fade for days. So gross!

Then that evening I went downstairs to lower the heat nad I hear someone saying...hello?, hello? from the bathroom. I said "it's okay, goodnight". and ran upstairs. The next morning I find him sitting at my kitchen table one hand grasping a bottle of gatorade and the other around a box of my seventh generation tissues (that I can't afford in the first place) and he proceeds to tell me that he as up all night, and that it has been coming out both ends.... There was no sympathy from me. I just glared at him with disgust and walked upstairs and told my husband "Your parents have to leave now!" He agreed..and they ended up finally leaving and going down the street to stay with his cousin. I just can't believe they even came home from the cousins after the mom puked. I mean, really! I have a 3 day old baby home with no immune system. So ignorant!

What a relief when they left. I felt like they stole my babymoon. I just cried. I told my husband I would need to have another baby to make up for it....
post #11 of 19
12/1/07 at 11:36pm
Thread Starter 
To hell with it -- if she reads this, oh well!

The definition of insanity, according to the old saying, is to do the same thing over and over and expect a different outcome. My mother is therefore insane. And it's driving us insane in return!!

She refuses to listen to our requests, we step in and she resorts to crying fits, threats and refusing to help. The first week was fine, this week's been hell. Luckily dad is at the airport now and hopefully this will help keep her busy.

On their way out to the airport to get dad tonight mom started crying again (second time today!) and saying she can't do anything right. She stormed outside, and of course both crying fits today were witnessed by my kids. The first was in my car and I ended up yelling at her because I was SO sick of the bullshit.

Tonight it was because my husband asked her (for literally the 25th time in 16 days) to not do the boys' chores for them. She just wants it done fast and well and doesn't listen to us. PLEASE don't put those dishes away because you're essentially wasting months of work we've put into my very oppositional special needs son. PLEASE!!!

But I can't discuss it with her because she just yells something nasty, shuts down, and says she just wont do ANTHING then. She's here to help but a few days ago she flat out quit helping so I took on the full load of cleaning, laundry and the boys while she sat around hoping I would miss her help.


There are a GAZILLION things to complain about and I am SO stressed out with her behavior. I should not have to fight over ridiculous things with her. She clams up and refuses to talk it out but instead turns martyr. There's definitely a control issue going on. I'm not a little girl anymore.
post #12 of 19
12/1/07 at 11:37pm
Thread Starter 
Oh... and I can only imagine the terrible things she says about me to people like my cousins and brother and his wife because she tells me over and over the same negative things about them.
post #13 of 19
12/1/07 at 11:50pm
My mom seems to think I feed my baby too much and that she's fat. When I go to feed her, she keeps saying, "Are you sure she's hungry?" OK, so she's gained three pounds since she was born a month ago, but I was feeling pretty bada$$ about my milk. Then my mom sees her naked as I'm changing her diaper and says, "Oh, good--she's not fat." : Um, no, I wasn't worried! Can we at least wait until the teen years before we give girls a complex about their weight? Sheesh!
post #14 of 19
12/2/07 at 12:26am
Thread Starter 
Babies are supposed to be fat!
post #15 of 19
12/2/07 at 2:51am
no WONDER you don't say much about my mother threads gina...now i see why...it must trigger you...yours sounds similar to mine. i'm still getting the silent treatment although she did leave a msg saying she would watch sheamas while i grocery shopped (yeah........................righ!) : i don't THINK so!!! she was worried about the 'cold weather'. pfffff whatEVER. like i'm going to leave my newly born 5 day old son w/ her/them. i don't THINK so. all because its like 31 degrees!? lol i didn't go grocery shopping and i'm glad i let my cell VM pick up her call instead of talking with her cuz i would have gotten irked for sure about THAT offer.

megh and i went to the ice rink in our resort tonight from 5-7 for open skate (now anyone can figure out where i live...lol) and she skated her little heart out...she has been skating since she was 3...she loves it. i put a knitted scarf around sheamas' face as it has big enough holes for him to breathe fine (i know, i've used it too) and warm enough to keep out the chill, plus bundling him to the max AND wearing him in my maya wrap sling....hey gina, it worked good...i put him in upright position after watching the video on that on mayawrap.com it was so great to see megh so happy and to be w/ sheamas...he slept thru the whole thing...he doesn't even know he was outside 2 x today. i even nursed him inside once...felt so great. i love nursing. oh and did i mention how much i love my children.
post #16 of 19
12/2/07 at 1:42pm
Thread Starter 
Yah, Lis, I am in my own private hell right now. Luckily I have found myself changing ...mellowing... through the last few years for the good of my husband and kids.

We bought the tree yesterday (ouchie, my wallet hurts!) and while I rested with Lach on the couch the hubby coordinated the entire decorating party with the kids. The decorated the tree and the living room and did a stellar job!!!

Last night I told hubby how well they had done and he told me he was surprised at how I just let them do it. I used to control the whole thing. I said, "After dealing with my mother's behavior and control issues and realizing how it affects our whole family, how can I not change?"
post #17 of 19
12/2/07 at 4:19pm
i hear ya...totally.

meghan wanted to call my mom last night after ice skating at 7pm to see if she wanted to go to the hot tub w/ her. my mom didn't answer. no call back. not even for MEGHAN. pretty f*cked up if you ask me.

then this morning after my very wakeful night w/ sheamas (see my fussiness/gassy baby post) i called her around 10:45am to see if she'd run to the store (just 7 mins away or so) to 'do me a favor...no, i mean do SHEAMAS a favor..." i said...and get him some colic gripe water or hylands colic remedy...no call back yet...it is now a half hour later. not like her. she is NOT that busy. she barely has a life. she is so obviously ignoring me and letting me fend for myself. bee-otch. i'm sorry but that is NOT right. so now she's gonna play THIS game like how dare i ask anything of her, even for the kids' health??? and she said they CARE so much...yeah. RIGHT. doesn't seem like it to me. miss worried-about-sheamas-being-out-in-the-cold-weather yesterday and now i'm supposed to go out in this, plus bring him to a grocery store full of germs!? f*cked up if you ask me.

and still no call back to meghan re. meghs' wanting to go to the hot tub w/ her last night......that just is NOT right. can we say immature 60 yo woman??? self absorbed??? all about HER, even when she is giving financially or of her time, its really about HER being the martyr. selfish!!!!!!!!!!!!!! : fine, i'll go out myself when the weather dies down a little... snow is blowing pretty fast out there on an angle............................................. .......
post #18 of 19
12/2/07 at 10:03pm
Everybody really has been great... overall. I want to get that out first, so I don't sound ungrateful or anything.

Having said that MIL rearranged some of my kitchen cabinets/drawers while I was in labor! Who does this?? We come home with a brand-new infant after a rough labor in the birth center and a hospital transfer for James, so I have slept all of 15 minutes over 3 days and I can't find anything in my own kitchen!

I seriously thought I was hallucinating when I went to get a spoon and found dish towels in the drawer instead. Apparently the dish towels didn't fit right in the drawer I had them in, so she swapped with the silverware drawer. Of course they all didn't fit right - I've never had all of my towels clean at the same time!

She also rearranged the pantry and we're still trying to find where she put everything.
post #19 of 19
12/4/07 at 12:52am
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: November 2007
This thread is locked  
Mothering › Forums › Archives › Pregnancy Archives › November 2007 › Helper Stress