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DECEMBER dating thread!!!

post #1 of 190
Thread Starter 
Hi everyone

This is the thread to discuss all things 'dating' I'm eager to hear updates.

For me, I have rejoined match.com and am talking to a great guy who has alot in common with me. I am not holding out much hope for anything magically special and I don't expect to be 'twitterpated' If it happens I will be nicely surprised

Dating is of low priority to me after my disaster of the last two months. I actually still talk to the old object of my affection, but not as often. I feel like I have a healthy outlook on things.

what about you???
post #2 of 190
So...I feel mentally and emotionally ready to date but just don't know how to meet the men!!! I lived overseas for most of my twenties and met and married someone from a culture very different from my own - point being that I haven't dated an 'american man' in over 10 years - and I'm not sure how to go about doing it! I've tried online - eHarmony and match.com but have not been impressed with the results. My baby is with me everywhere I go - which is probably not the 'I'm available' signal men are looking for Any advice/tips/encouraging stories would be welcomed! :
post #3 of 190
Hi, I haven't posted on the dating thread in, well years.

I pretty well gave up the idea of dating when my son was born (7 YEARS ago)

After coming to a place where I pretty much thought I would never date again, things well changed

I was walking down the street and I guy I was really good friends with and dated about 10 years ago came running out of a building yelling my name.

We've been dating for 4 months now. He's a single dad with a DS just a bit younger than mine. The kids have met and adore one another. BF is AMAZING with my son.

Everything seems...well, Peachy!

I'm kinda in shock that I'm actually in a relationship. I have a lot of fears. First an foremost is that my DS has never had a father figure in his life and I'm worried about him becoming attached to BF. I'm afraid of being committed to this relationship and possibly getting my heart broken. I'm afraid of becoming attached to HIS DS...and so many other nameless swirling fears...

BUT, I'm happy. I'm thrilled to have this guy back in my life. He's the one that when I was younger made me think "crap! this guy is perfect for me! I better skip town!" (see the commitment issues have been around for a while)

I'm working with my issues though. I'm taking a chance to really live, and to go beyond my fears and defenses.
post #4 of 190
Thread Starter 
That's great Medusa Thank you for posting more positive stuff, I, for one, need to keep my mind on good outcomes.
post #5 of 190
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by lld View Post
So...I feel mentally and emotionally ready to date but just don't know how to meet the men!!! I lived overseas for most of my twenties and met and married someone from a culture very different from my own - point being that I haven't dated an 'american man' in over 10 years - and I'm not sure how to go about doing it! I've tried online - eHarmony and match.com but have not been impressed with the results. My baby is with me everywhere I go - which is probably not the 'I'm available' signal men are looking for Any advice/tips/encouraging stories would be welcomed! :
Leslie, see medusa's post things happen when you least expect it.

I rejoined match and have been inactive, just waiting, sifting through the emails I receive and every now and then I am startled by the quality of man that I connect with. So far, no mutual 'love' matches, but I have made some lasting friendships and one of them actually introduced me to the guy from last month (who is a good guy, just not emotionally available)

so, my advice there is , just keep your line in, check to see who is contacting you, and don't meet them unless you get a good feeling in your gut. That's how I am playing it, and though I am nt attached to the idea of being in a relationship, I would like it (hence me hanging out in a dating thread
post #6 of 190
guess who's off the market? *psst! pick me! pick me!*

we had "the talk" yesterday. i'm swooning!
post #7 of 190
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by LLobsterTV View Post
guess who's off the market? *psst! pick me! pick me!*

we had "the talk" yesterday. i'm swooning!
Oh, I'm so happy for you I LOVE that feeling, Enjoy it
post #8 of 190
I've met someone who is the first man that i have had a connection with since i left my ex. He asked me on a playdate with his kiddo and mine but i haven't taken him up on it yet. We have had some good talks when we run into each other and there is defintely something there. I'm ready to at least slowly start a friendship and see where it goes. I am not willing to settle for anything less then what i and my kids deserve. I wasted nine years in a really bad relationship and now that i have another chance i am going to be really careful. I am totally up for seeing where this goes though because he seems like an amazing person.

I have found that there are quite a few single dads at my kiddo's schools. I always walk my kids in and hang out for a few minutes and i meet other parents. I think it is a great way to find involved single dads!
post #9 of 190
Quote:
Originally Posted by LLobsterTV View Post
guess who's off the market? *psst! pick me! pick me!*

we had "the talk" yesterday. i'm swooning!
What is the "talk"? Tell!
post #10 of 190
Quote:
Originally Posted by Avani View Post
I have found that there are quite a few single dads at my kiddo's schools. I always walk my kids in and hang out for a few minutes and i meet other parents. I think it is a great way to find involved single dads!
Yep, since I have been single I have been semi-serious with a guy with no kids, and one with a child. I really like being with the guy I am with now for a million reasons, but it is so nice that we can relate on the one thing that is the biggest parts of each of our lives. It makes it a little challenging though to spend time together, but in the end, I love seeing the he is already a great father and doesn't care when Elijah is screaming his head off. I don't ever have to feel bad about being a mom first. He totally gets it because he is a dad first.

Btw, how weird is this? His son's mother googled my name "xxx" since she knew that was my name and my business, and the threads from this forum come up! How freaking awful is that? Should I stop posting? It seems like anyone could just be reading what I am writing...
post #11 of 190
Yikes, well i guess that is the problem with public boards and google! I actually had to change my username here during my "situation". He kept coming here and finding out my plans so i changed it.Now i don't care what he reads.Some mama's have had their posts here subopened for divorce cases.
post #12 of 190
Okay I know this is totally ridiculous, this being a *dating* thread, but I am feeling disappointed that the guy from pof that I liked by email hasn't emailed me in two days. I think this is an indication that I may not be ready yet. I mean, really. I keep checking email. I know that is totally lame and pathetic. Sigh.

Where's the thread for Wishing I Were Dating But I Am Instead Home With My Kids Avoiding Housework?
post #13 of 190
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zeta View Post

Where's the thread for Wishing I Were Dating But I Am Instead Home With My Kids Avoiding Housework?
You are there We are not all in dating bliss, it is a journey. I am avoiding housework too.

I have a date with a guy I met on match.com next wed. I am not feeling very hopeful or excited. I am ready for a healthy relationship, but hate the process of 'interviewing' and seeking them out. LOVE the initial drunken feelings of being in love, but I already know this man is not the match. I am asking myself why I am going, all I can say is that I told myself that I would at least give the benefit of the doubt, I never know when I will actually 'click' with someone.

I'm sure I will update. I just hope it is not unpleasant.
post #14 of 190
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spring Sun View Post
What is the "talk"? Tell!
well, if you insist! we were hanging out at my favorite local watering hole, and he jokingly held up his beer and declared, "*insert beer brand* is my girlfriend." to which i replied, "what am i? chopped liver?" he said, "no, you're my other girlfriend." i was a little shocked (albeit, pleasantly shocked), so i thought i'd give him a hard time and said, "wait a minute! i don't remember agreeing to be your girlfriend." he pretended to be offended so i said, "well i guess i will be if you want me to." he did!

and belovedk, you're absolutely right about the early stages of the relationship: it is a feeling that can sometimes take my breath away.
post #15 of 190
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zeta View Post
Okay I know this is totally ridiculous, this being a *dating* thread, but I am feeling disappointed that the guy from pof that I liked by email hasn't emailed me in two days. I think this is an indication that I may not be ready yet. I mean, really. I keep checking email. I know that is totally lame and pathetic. Sigh.

Where's the thread for Wishing I Were Dating But I Am Instead Home With My Kids Avoiding Housework?
I'll jump on that thread with you!!! That's me to a T!!! You should see the piles of laundry and stuff around here. :

Yeah... I have a tendency to do that email obsessive checking thing too. I think part of it really is that it's just something DIFFERENT, you know? A break in the routine... potential for all the things we wish for in life... I don't necessarily think it's always that we're SO into the guy, you know? I've obsessively checked even when I've already figured out I'm not that into the guy! But I do also know that feeling when you're starting to feel potential and you don't hear back... Hang in there! The ups and downs and obsessive checking do get less once you get used to the whole thing.

I'm trying to decide whether to try the online thing again.

I'm sort of feeling like I'm more likely to meet the right sort of guy for me in a less intentional way... but waiting is hard! It's not like I meet so many people in my life these days!

And then there's that biological clock...

sigh...

Yikes on the Google thing... I'm going to go Google myself and see what comes up...

lld: I've tried Match and Eharmony as well and not been so thrilled. Granted I didn't try either for very long...

Avani... not sure if you've seen your crush lately... but I was thinking the other day (and just didn't have a chance to post)... you're friends at the very least (or on your way to friends... he asked for a playdate, he wants SOMETHING). I'd just ask him what's up with his DC's mother... in a friendly way. In a way that you wouldn't mind him asking you, you know?

Oh... crying baby...
post #16 of 190
Quote:
Originally Posted by BelovedK View Post
I have a date with a guy I met on match.com next wed. I am not feeling very hopeful or excited. I am ready for a healthy relationship, but hate the process of 'interviewing' and seeking them out. LOVE the initial drunken feelings of being in love, but I already know this man is not the match. I am asking myself why I am going, all I can say is that I told myself that I would at least give the benefit of the doubt, I never know when I will actually 'click' with someone.

I'm sure I will update. I just hope it is not unpleasant.
I feel this way a lot. I make plans with someone I know isn't a match, I ask myself, "Why am I doing this?" I dread the date, it's a drain on my energy and I do it all over again! Why? I tell myself you never know, give him a change, it will be a good learning experience.... I get burned out.

I tend to make men feel comfortable by being too nice, filling in the gaps of the conversation, finding them interesting, agreeing with them, making them feel good, laughing at their jokes. So I get myself into situations where I don't want a second date, yet I made them think I would. So it's draining. I need to work on not being too nice, not giving the wrong impression and saying thanks but no thanks.

I only get a babysitter twice a week. And I have so many fun projects I want to do but never have time to. So I've decided that my time is too valuable for what feels like blind dates. I'm gonna ask for more recent pictures and get to know him more online, first. So that if there are deal breakers, I haven't given up my me time.
post #17 of 190
Subbing. Things with JD are going nicely--we're also officially a couple.
post #18 of 190
Quote:
Originally Posted by SillyLilStinkweed View Post
I tend to make men feel comfortable by being too nice, filling in the gaps of the conversation, finding them interesting, agreeing with them, making them feel good, laughing at their jokes. So I get myself into situations where I don't want a second date, yet I made them think I would. So it's draining. I need to work on not being too nice, not giving the wrong impression and saying thanks but no thanks.
:
post #19 of 190
I'm sneaking in here, but am not going to say much yet.

I'm seeing someone long distance, a guy that I've known for almost 10 years and who was a dear friend to me when we used to live up in DC. Problem is, I have no idea how to tell the ex, because he's going to freak out (they know each other). I'm going to wait until after the holidays and then just let the chips fall where they may.

My divorce is final, so why am I so nervous about the ex's reaction?
post #20 of 190
Well i ran into him this morning and set up a "playdate" with him,his son and me and my 2 youngest kiddo's. He asked for my number and we are getting together on Wed.We shall see...
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