DECEMBER dating thread!!! - Page 6

[LLobsterTV]

Originally Posted by Zeta

Girls I am going on my first date in 17 years tonight!





I'm hoping to get kissed.




I have dressed in such a way as to help it occur to him.



My housemate helped me dress up, it was so much fun. She said, Well, whatever happens with your date, *we* had fun! And it's true! Girlfriends rock. I feel so lucky that she is living with me.


I promise to dish.

good luck! remember to be yourself and have fun! :

[Zeta]

Originally Posted by LLobsterTV

good luck! remember to be yourself and have fun! :

Thanks! I will definitely remember to be myself and to breathe.

[BelovedK]

OK, I had the weirdest thing happen with the guy I went out with the other night. We had a nice time and I like him , though am being careful. Well, he came to one of my performances and was going to film my dancing and help me produce a video of good quality.

He just left the venue without saying goodbye and when I looked for him, he was gone (shrug)

I emailed him about it and he responded right away. He was basically very critical of the fire performers though he liked it, he had 'suggestions' He said that he didn't film me because it wasn't crowded enough and he wanted to be inconspicuous, he apologized for not saying goodbye and then that was it.

wtheck?

He didn't hang out with me, watched the fire, yet I didn't know he was even outside, and left without a word.

What??!?

otoh, the other guy I am emailing is very nice. I hold out no 'false' hopes, but if it is meant to be.....well, you know

The place I am dancing at on NYE is VERY posh, very nice (I better be good ) I can comp in one guest and I honestly have no one to ask. I was thinking of asking someone I know who does photography and web designing so he can enjoy a very nice evening out and I can get him to photo the event for my upcoming website.. I don't need a NY date, I chose to work instead, though it'll be fun. I am sorta let down though... I am all over the place. I'm happy, Im hopeful, I'm sad, I'm angry (that he left without saying 'bye') I want a date, I don't care.

[sparklefairy]

Every week, I come down to the one day that stbx has the kids and every week I fail to plan a date.

I'm really ready to get my feet wet.

You all are giving me hope!

[BelovedK]

Zeta...I'm thinking about you I hope everything is going well

[CookieMonsterMommy]

Originally Posted by sparklefairy

Every week, I come down to the one day that stbx has the kids and every week I fail to plan a date.

I'm really ready to get my feet wet.

You all are giving me hope!

Do itttttt!



At the very least, even if you don't get anything serious, it's fun and exciting!

[Zeta]

Originally Posted by BelovedK

Zeta...I'm thinking about you I hope everything is going well

Thank you!!!

Well I got my kiss. A few times over! We talked for a long time and had dinner, then took a long walk, then kissed at an arboretum (which will never seem the same!). At my door we were kissing again and it was hard to quit and say goodnight... every time we would I would see his cute face again.


He just seems like such a sweet, kind, *good* man.

I have a lot of fears coming up, because stbx seemed like the paragon of male virtue so I am just trying to keep my eyes open and enjoy the process and lighten up.

It's funny to me that I am not used to kissing and not dtd! Old married lady that I am! It'll be interesting to revert to kissing and such being an end in itself for a while. If we do become an item, dtd will become routine soon enough. My body doesn't get it but I know that the rest of me will need to build some serious trust.

Anyway.......

[Zeta]

Originally Posted by BelovedK

He didn't hang out with me, watched the fire, yet I didn't know he was even outside, and left without a word.

What??!?

This is very very strange. It just makes no sense. At any rate, without knowing the inside scoop, it seems you know enough to step arouuuuund this guy. Yeesh.


You've got a line of suitors winding around the block.

NEXT!

[green]

So much going on here! I am waiting for someone to give Mamagoose some excellent advice because I am considering the same thought...I am not ready to introduce yet, but am looking for a good answer (or path).

I gotta go for now. Just hoping for some insight.

[Holland73]

Originally Posted by green

So much going on here! I am waiting for someone to give Mamagoose some excellent advice because I am considering the same thought...I am not ready to introduce yet, but am looking for a good answer (or path).

I gotta go for now. Just hoping for some insight.

Personally, I have never postponed introducing ds to men (aka "friends") that I have dated. But, I also haven't dated a lot of men (2-3 in one year).

It is not like there are new "friends" coming in and out of our house. If that were the case, I would see a big problem.

IMO, introduce them. Consider your child's personality and how they typically relate with new people. If your child tends to be a bit "territorial" or nervous/anxious, meet at a neutral place, such as a park or library.

If your child is like my ds, who views everyone (child and adult) as a new playmate, bring him to your house--if you feel comfortable with that.

Then, step back a little and see what happens.

My only word of caution: I wouldn't be more affectionate with your "friend" than you would be with any other friend though.

Good luck!

[green]

I totally understand this perspective and actually wonder if I make a bigger deal out of something that should be handled more casually. Because this life is full of people coming into our lives and leaving our lives - the thought of keeping my boys separated from someone I am spending time with at moments squeezed in here and there seems unnatural, really. I appreciate this perspective...

thanks -

[Zeta]

I am struggling with this as well. I really like that perspective. At the moment I feel like I have to delay it until I know we're pretty committed just because my son is so prone to making attachments and he is particularly needy of male attention. But even that feels so pointless... I mean, what's pretty committed? Say we're together 6 months, a year, does that give me any guarantee we'd be together in two years? Relationships have a life of their own.

[BelovedK]

Originally Posted by Zeta

This is very very strange. It just makes no sense. At any rate, without knowing the inside scoop, it seems you know enough to step arouuuuund this guy. Yeesh.


You've got a line of suitors winding around the block.

NEXT!

Oh, this one is history. I am actually not caring too much about having dates in December, I WILL want a few in Jan I'm sure though, slow month that it is.

I'm glad your date went well, I had a feeling it would.. Now I wanna know what you were wearing

[Holland73]

Originally Posted by Zeta

At the moment I feel like I have to delay it until I know we're pretty committed just because my son is so prone to making attachments and he is particularly needy of male attention.

Attachments will be made and broken fairly frequently throughout all of our lives; from family, friends, teachers, significant others, etc.

IMO, I think the key is teaching and/or helping/supporting your child on the healthy how-tos of dealing with broken attachments and disappointments. Also, as the parent...being an example of how to deal with such issues.

I wish I could spare ds from the many heartaches/disappointments he will endure through the various relationships in his life, but it is impossible.

So, I will focus on giving him a healthy, positive attitude and various tools for dealing with such hurt and disappointments. In addition, to making sure I am always there for him when he goes through such issues.

Originally Posted by Zeta

But even that feels so pointless... I mean, what's pretty committed? Say we're together 6 months, a year, does that give me any guarantee we'd be together in two years? Relationships have a life of their own.

Yeah, my marriage is a testament to this one.

But, for me, I couldn't make commit to someone before I watched them interact with ds. Imagine if you commit to someone, keep them secluded from your dc, fall in love, etc, etc. Then, when you finally introduce them **kapow** it all goes kaputt.

I learn so much about people, especially men, based on how they interact with ds. I have to know these things before I can commit.

[Holland73]

Originally Posted by BelovedK

I WILL want a few in Jan I'm sure though, slow month that it is.

You are really funny, Kelly!

[Medusa]

Originally Posted by Holland73

Attachments will be made and broken fairly frequently throughout all of our lives; from family, friends, teachers, significant others, etc.

IMO, I think the key is teaching and/or helping/supporting your child on the healthy how-tos of dealing with broken attachments and disappointments. Also, as the parent...being an example of how to deal with such issues.

I wish I could spare ds from the many heartaches/disappointments he will endure through the various relationships in his life, but it is impossible.

So, I will focus on giving him a healthy, positive attitude and various tools for dealing with such hurt and disappointments. In addition, to making sure I am always there for him when he goes through such issues.

But, for me, I couldn't make commit to someone before I watched them interact with DS. Imagine if you commit to someone, keep them secluded from your dc, fall in love, etc, etc. Then, when you finally introduce them **kapow** it all goes kaputt.

I learn so much about people, especially men, based on how they interact with DS. I have to know these things before I can commit.

: to all of that!

I stressed myself out about this with DS and BF early on. When BF and I first started hanging out I had no clue that it would turn into a relationship, I thought I was reconnecting with an old friend, so I thought nothing of him an DS hanging out KWIM?
Then things started heating up between BF and I, and suddenly I thought "crap, guess he can't be spending time with DS anymore!"

Then I realized that they were already buddies, and it wouldn't be fair to either of them if I shoved an artificial wall between them.

The major revelation for me was that even though it is my role to look out for and protect DS his relationship with BF was just that HIS, and other than protecting DS from harm or abuse I really needed to step back and let him figure it out and develop it on his own

As we grow up all kinds of people come and go in our lives, attachments are made and broken we live through it an learn from it. I do think we need to watch out for having tons of lovers coming and going in our children's lives, but if you're in the process of creating and building a relationship with someone keeping it completely separate from your kids isn't really a genuine way to go about it.

For most of us our children are the majority of life, so how can you have a real relationship if your kids aren't involved in it in someway?

[Zeta]

Originally Posted by BelovedK

I'm glad your date went well, I had a feeling it would.. Now I wanna know what you were wearing

Alright.... Let me first say that I live in a toasty climate. I wore a short light blue eyelet skirt, black camisole, black low heels, hair down, simple silver necklace. My legs are my best feature...so I featured them! I did get a bit cold on our walk (had left my cardigan in his car) so he kept me warm. For a lot of our walk I just carried my shoes (and then he did) because who needs to take a long walk in heels? To me they're just for fun, I'm a tomboy at heart.



And now I have a dilemma. Today my dear friend tried to give me hightlights and instead my hair is a super blonde / orange/ weirdo mess! HELP! Can I just dye it light brown on top and be done with it? Or will it turn more orange?

[Zeta]

Originally Posted by Holland73

So, I will focus on giving him a healthy, positive attitude and various tools for dealing with such hurt and disappointments. In addition, to making sure I am always there for him when he goes through such issues.

Thanks for your wonderfully insightful comments. And thanks, Medusa! You have all given me so much to think about. At this point I'm under a lot of scrutiny, but maybe when the divorce is final and no-one can ding me, I'll let it flow.

I do think friends/family will look at me disapprovingly, because it's such the classic advice, and they will think I'm being selfish, not putting the kids first. It's hard to deal with that, when I am having to work so hard to just survive as a single mama. But that shouldn't be my motivation for keeping up a wall.

I worry about my son getting really attached and then my feeling guilty if the guy's sell-by date comes up, but you are right that ultimately I can support him through that.


OT:
Tonight at church someone came up to me and said, "Are you a single mother?" (who me, with three kids crawling on me, why would you think that?) and she gave me a huge hug and stuck some $ in my hand and said, "Take this and do something special for your kids! You are NOT alone." I really know that, I am not alone. Thanks mamas.

[Medusa]

OH MY!

I just got asked to go on a joint vacation this summer! :

As in load both our kids up in the car, rent a house and laze at the beach for a week.



I'm making plans for something more than half a year away!

To hell with commitment issues!

[BelovedK]

Originally Posted by Zeta

Alright.... Let me first say that I live in a toasty climate. I wore a short light blue eyelet skirt, black camisole, black low heels, hair down, simple silver necklace. My legs are my best feature...so I featured them! I did get a bit cold on our walk (had left my cardigan in his car) so he kept me warm. For a lot of our walk I just carried my shoes (and then he did) because who needs to take a long walk in heels? To me they're just for fun, I'm a tomboy at heart.



And now I have a dilemma. Today my dear friend tried to give me hightlights and instead my hair is a super blonde / orange/ weirdo mess! HELP! Can I just dye it light brown on top and be done with it? Or will it turn more orange?

I am a hairdresser If you dye it back, use a *no lift* haircolor, a stain, something with very low volume or no peroxide. That is all I would recommend sight unseen for someone doing it themselves. You want to pick a color that is not too warm to counteract the yellows and brassiness and make sure the color is dark enough. Can you link a pic?

I wish I were close to you, I would help you out, it does sound like you would be better off going to a pro and getting it stained I'm sorry that happened.