DECEMBER dating thread!!! - Page 8

[Zeta]

Oh ladies, I am so smitten with this guy. We had a great date, fancy dinner, long walk, much kissing. I am going to miss him until next week.

[BelovedK]

Originally Posted by Zeta

Oh ladies, I am so smitten with this guy. We had a great date, fancy dinner, long walk, much kissing. I am going to miss him until next week.

[Medusa]

Originally Posted by Zeta

Oh ladies, I am so smitten with this guy. We had a great date, fancy dinner, long walk, much kissing. I am going to miss him until next week.

That rocks!

[Still_Snarky]

still really enjoying myself with d. it's been 2.5 months. we talk a couple times a day, he usually is over here 5 days a week. enjoying the benefits of couplehood immensely.

[Zeta]

Thanks BelovedK and Medusa. It's so wonderful to be able to share the ups and downs in this community. I feel so supported...

Originally Posted by Still_Snarky

still really enjoying myself with d. it's been 2.5 months. we talk a couple times a day, he usually is over here 5 days a week. enjoying the benefits of couplehood immensely.

Still Snarky, I saw some of the photos up on your blog and you are your bf are SOOO cute together! oh my goodness. I am so happy for you.

(...And I am so looking forward to enjoying those same benefits someday! )



I want to wish all the dating and would-be dating mamas on this thread a wonderful holiday. I keep reminding myself that regardless of whether there is a man in my life, I have learend so much in the last year about being good to myself and loving myself. Here's to us being enough, just as we are!

[robinchap1]

Hi again.
Medusa: Thank you for your reply last week about my wondering if I want to find the time to date and be away from DS. Good advice.

So... I have arranged to meet this person tomorrow night (yes, I realize that's Christmas Eve! I am Jewish and he does not have his kids or other plans until Christmas day). It's perfect in terms of DS, because he will be with his father. If we end up wanting to see each other more... I'll figure it out as I go, right?

We have talked on the phone twice for over an hour each time. He's easy to talk to. He's really interesting. I actually have the fear that I am going to sound unintelligent to him! I really need to get better about following current events! But we talked about parenting tonight. He has 50% custody of his 2 kids. I mentioned attachment parenting. He didn't know that term but said how he and his ex believed in co-sleeping, bfing, non-CIO (we had a good conversation about that one and creating secure attachments)... !!! Wow. That's the 1st person I've met (other than on this board) with similar parenting ideas to mine!

Anyway... we're meeting for Japanese food. Yum. I'm finding myself VERY nervous. And excited. And wishing I'd gotten my hair cut sometime in the last 10 months...

Here's my main question: WHAT DO I WEAR??? I feel like I have no clothes. Nothing that excites me. Are nice jeans ok for a 1st date? (My online profile, where I met him, does say that I'm a casual person). Jeans and a sweater? I don't have any other pants that make me feel good right now. In the summer I went on a few dates and always did the flow-y skirt thing with sandals and that felt perfect. But I don't even have a good winter skirt outfit. I hate stockings. And it's COLD here! I do have a fun new pair of cordoruys... but they don't feel 1st datish for some reason. Please advise!!!!

Also... any dos or don'ts??? Any conversation ideas? Although I guess we haven't had trouble with that on the phone.

Oh... crying baby.
Thank you.
Robin

[Spring Sun]

Originally Posted by robinchap1

Hi again.
Medusa: Thank you for your reply last week about my wondering if I want to find the time to date and be away from DS. Good advice.

So... I have arranged to meet this person tomorrow night (yes, I realize that's Christmas Eve! I am Jewish and he does not have his kids or other plans until Christmas day). It's perfect in terms of DS, because he will be with his father. If we end up wanting to see each other more... I'll figure it out as I go, right?

We have talked on the phone twice for over an hour each time. He's easy to talk to. He's really interesting. I actually have the fear that I am going to sound unintelligent to him! I really need to get better about following current events! But we talked about parenting tonight. He has 50% custody of his 2 kids. I mentioned attachment parenting. He didn't know that term but said how he and his ex believed in co-sleeping, bfing, non-CIO (we had a good conversation about that one and creating secure attachments)... !!! Wow. That's the 1st person I've met (other than on this board) with similar parenting ideas to mine!

Anyway... we're meeting for Japanese food. Yum. I'm finding myself VERY nervous. And excited. And wishing I'd gotten my hair cut sometime in the last 10 months...

Here's my main question: WHAT DO I WEAR??? I feel like I have no clothes. Nothing that excites me. Are nice jeans ok for a 1st date? (My online profile, where I met him, does say that I'm a casual person). Jeans and a sweater? I don't have any other pants that make me feel good right now. In the summer I went on a few dates and always did the flow-y skirt thing with sandals and that felt perfect. But I don't even have a good winter skirt outfit. I hate stockings. And it's COLD here! I do have a fun new pair of cordoruys... but they don't feel 1st datish for some reason. Please advise!!!!

Also... any dos or don'ts??? Any conversation ideas? Although I guess we haven't had trouble with that on the phone.

Oh... crying baby.
Thank you.
Robin

Okay, def wear your nice jeans, and NOT a sweater. Unless it is a sexy sweater. If you feel nervous just ask about him, his job, his life, family, and build from there. Try to see what you have in common with him and then keep talking. Oh, and have a drink to make you less nervous. I have not been on a lot of first dates, but my last one was four months ago and was perfect. Of course, I fell in love with him that night, and had the most incredible kiss, and smiled the whole way home. And was still smiling for at least two weeks straight. And actually, I think I am still smiling. I hope you have that kind of first date. Good luck!

[Spring Sun]

Originally Posted by rubelin

Stacey, it's been really good practice to keep reminding myself that DBF is NOT DEx and I am NOT the same person I was a decade ago when I met DEx. Whenever I get all freaked about DBF seeing the messy house or telling him something DEx would freak about, I just have to suck it up and say something to him and most of the time he reminds me through his awesome resonses, how much he really isn't my ex. The only way to not sabotage something is to just not sabotage it You just have to keep being open to him, trusting him, not hiding those things you are worried about, etc. It might ultimately not work out, but wouldn't you rather it not work out because there's something better out there for each of you or because it was an awesome thing that you messed up because you didn't trust it?

Thank you all for responding. Just what I needed to hear. We spent the weekend doing family things. Really, his parents took us all into the mountains on a sleigh ride, then we had his family's annual Fondu Christmas dinner. His mother straight out adopted my son. Played with him non stop and told me how much she loved him every other moment. It was wonderful.

I noticed every so often I would remind him "this *insert reason here* is why we could never live together." I didn't notice I was doing it until later. Talk about creating your own reality. That is sabatoge.

So, we had another perfect weekend. And we stayed at his house. And I am still trying to figure out why it won't work. For example, I actually examine him to find reasons why I should not be with him.

Man, I am lucky he is sticking this out with me.

I am going to apply more awareness to what I am doing, and tell him flat out why I am doing what I am doing and let him know that I am working on it.

I am totally in love with him, but just can't let it go. Time. I just need some time.

There are a ton of pics on my blog of the kids together if anyone wants to see them. My son is the younger one. Scroll down to the sledding pics and tell me I should not be happy to have this.

[whateverdidiwants]

Spring Sun - Hubba hubba! He looks like an incredibly nice guy.

[Medusa]

Robin, good for you! I hope the date went great.

[robinchap1]

Thanks for the clothing advice, Spring Sun! I went with the jeans, black boots, and a fitted sweater (I think it's a little sexy, how should I know! Wow am I out of the loop!).

So... I had such a wonderful time. I was out with him for 5 1/2 hours!!! We had dinner and were enjoying talking and the restaurant pretty much cleared out so we found this bar down the street and sat and talked a lot more. Then we sat in my car in the parking lot and talked some more! And yes, , there was a little kissing!!! And it was SOOO nice.

I think I'm a little smitten.

I can't stop smiling right now.

It's weird to me to kiss someone I hardly know. Anyone I've ever ended up dating I was friends with 1st. But he asked and I wanted to.

I don't even know when I have time to see him again... I'll never have this kind of free time again! Ok, not never... but it is an anomaly...

OMG I have to sleep.
And MAN did I have to pump when I got home.

Thank you all.
It's really nice to come here and share. I don't know what to make of this... this is all so new to me.
I know... I shouldn't make anything of it. Just enjoy, relax and see... right?

Merry Christmas to you all!

[robinchap1]

ps... I don't have another outfit for a 2nd date if he does ask and if I could find time!!!! This was hard enough!!!

[Zeta]

robinchap1, I am so happy for you! How exciting!

I really relate to your story, the excitement and also the sense that this person is still a stranger!

I got together with my sweetie yesterday, unexpectedly, just realized that it could happen and we were able to take a long walk and kiss for a couple hours. He said he has never clicked this much with anyone ever before, and I had to just shake my head in confused agreement. I never knew this amount of compatibility and connection was possible. Thank you, universe!

All we do at this point is kiss, and yet it is so intense I sometimes have to stop him I get so overwhelmed. He gives me the shivers! And I never knew my lower back was an erogenous zone--but it turns out it is! I really want to take the physical stuff slow, and I hope I am able to. He said, Well, we'll just have to stay out in public! -- but we are probably going to have our next date at his place. It's myself I don't trust, he is totally able to be patient. Yet another wonder about this man.

It really seems like this is the beginning of something big. I have been scared about that, but he is just grateful, appreciating how rare this is. I guess I'm reading to roll with it now, and just trust the process, knowing that I will be okay no matter what develops.

swoon

thanks for listening.

[robinchap1]

Thanks Zeta. And I'm so happy for you. Things sound GREAT. Slow is just how I'd need to take things (if they actually go anywhere!)... it sounds like you're finding a great balance.

He sent a sweet little text today, which made my day. You know how the more hours that pass after a 1st kiss, the more you wonder if he's as into you as you are him? Then he called tonight, but I missed his call b/c DS was having a tough time settling. He left a message that he was exhausted and going to bed after having big Xmas dinner at his house and he'd call tomorrow. I'm so sad I missed his call! Silly, I know.

Ok, here's a little bit of the insane way my mind sometimes works: Do any of you ever think you're going to jinx something good by talking or thinking about it too much? I know that's so silly. But I think that. But I'm feeling good and excited and want to talk about it and think about it.

Spring Sun: You sound like you're making sense. You can see what you're doing and it's great that you can recognize it. I wouldn't be too hard on yourself. Give yourself permission to take all the time you need. If things are great but you're finding yourself making up reasons why living together wouldn't work, why not take living together off the table for the time being? Maybe when you come up with these reasons/thoughts about why such and such could never work, maybe you should journal them, write it all down. Then maybe later when you read it, it will help you work through it. Maybe you'll see patterns that come from your old relationships and be better able to let go of that, or maybe you'll see issues you need clarified or strengthened in your current one. But I think if you let yourself feel and think and express these things, you eventually will be more secure in this relationship because you'll know you're not repressing anything, you know? This is from my vast resource of post-divorce dating experience (practically nil-- so you might not want to listen to me!!!). You sound really happy with this guy... that's so wonderful!!! You deserve this (could that be an issue as well...? Feeling like you don't?).

[Zeta]

Originally Posted by robinchap1

Ok, here's a little bit of the insane way my mind sometimes works: Do any of you ever think you're going to jinx something good by talking or thinking about it too much? I know that's so silly. But I think that. But I'm feeling good and excited and want to talk about it and think about it.

Oh totally. I've been wanting to do nothing but sit quietly and think about him. He's on my mind so much. And that scares me, because it seems over the top, and I don't like feeling like there's something or someone who can eclipse my ordinary being-in-the-moment. That's how my relationship with stbx started, sort of addictively like that, so i feel doubly scared.

But here's where i am with it now: I'm just feeling willing to notice it and accept it. It is where I'm at right now. That doesn't mean that therefore I'm going to find myself in another bad relationship--that's a distortion, and fear speaking. I'm just feeling what I'm feeling, and that's that. I'm not acting on it particularly, eg., calling him every five minutes like I might prefer.

I think it's really common--and natural--to have this surge of hormones and brain chemicals circling around a new love interest. I think it's what our species does. It doesn't have to be a bad omen. I don't have to add a big layer of fear and a big scary story to it. It is what it is.

[nepenthesea]

New to this forum and this thread...

I left my husband five months ago, and am just now beginning to check out this forum, sadly enough.

I started seeing a new guy about 2 months ago. He is a friend of 11 years, so not a complete stranger, which is nice. He is WONDERFUL, and loves me and my kids, and actually WANTS to spend time with us (unlike the girls' father). He has a 9-year old son, and has done the single parent thing, so he knows how all of that goes.

It's so weird to consider myself "dating" anyone. I was with stbx for 12 years, married to him for 8. I thought I would be with him the rest of my life. But, dammit, I'm happy now! And in love ...

It's so nice just to KISS again!

[female18-]

Date a guy you're not sexually attracted to?

Would you date a guy you aren't sexually attracted to?

I ask because I know a guy who I like as a person, im attracted to his personality not his looks. He's not ugly but hes not gorgeous either. So would you date someone you didnt have the sexual attraction for or not? I want to because I like his personality so I want to give it a go, personality is way more important than looks imo. I dont have a high sex drive anyway so It would take someone really gorgeous for me to be like "omg I want him in my bed!" lol kwim?

Im just confused and not sure whats ok and what would be wrong. I haven't dated anyone for years. Please give me your opinions/experiences on this subject.

[whateverdidiwants]

I'd say give it a chance. You never know what can develop down the road.

The guy I'm dating now is someone I've been friends with for nearly 1o years and I nevere thought of in any sort of sexual way until recently. Ends up all those years of developing a friendship and trust *do* make him sexually attractive to me. He's physically very different than my usual "type", so it was a surprise to me how quickly my feelings changed.

[llamalluv]

LOL! Well, I did that and what do you know? He's my husband now!

And it didn't take that long to go from 0 to 60, either.

[incorrigible]

.