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DECEMBER dating thread!!! - Page 2

post #21 of 190
Quote:
Originally Posted by Avani View Post
Well i ran into him this morning and set up a "playdate" with him,his son and me and my 2 youngest kiddo's. He asked for my number and we are getting together on Wed.We shall see...
oh snap! avani's getting her groove back!
post #22 of 190
post #23 of 190
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zeta View Post
Okay I know this is totally ridiculous, this being a *dating* thread, but I am feeling disappointed that the guy from pof that I liked by email hasn't emailed me in two days. I think this is an indication that I may not be ready yet. I mean, really. I keep checking email. I know that is totally lame and pathetic. Sigh.

Where's the thread for Wishing I Were Dating But I Am Instead Home With My Kids Avoiding Housework?

I hate it when guys take forever to write back, but they do usually come around, after you've given up on the possibility of ever hearing from them again. : I've been checking obsessively today, I don't take it as a sign of not being ready, I see it as a sign that I'm way past ready.
post #24 of 190
Quote:
Originally Posted by mz_libbie22 View Post
I hate it when guys take forever to write back, but they do usually come around, after you've given up on the possibility of ever hearing from them again. : I've been checking obsessively today, I don't take it as a sign of not being ready, I see it as a sign that I'm way past ready.
Thanks for the peptalk!

Well I can report that the joke was on me. My email had bounced, as I found out this morning. No doubt he thought I was blowing HIM off. So we'll see what develops.

What makes me think I'm not ready is how easily I let a man rent space in my head for free. That's not a good pattern for me, and I also tend to fall for guys who are not available.
post #25 of 190
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zeta View Post
Thanks for the peptalk!

Well I can report that the joke was on me. My email had bounced, as I found out this morning. No doubt he thought I was blowing HIM off. So we'll see what develops.

What makes me think I'm not ready is how easily I let a man rent space in my head for free. That's not a good pattern for me, and I also tend to fall for guys who are not available.
This is something I've had to work through too. What I came to realize was that the guy as an individual wasn't as important as the place he held in my head as "other". So any individual was really acting as a place holder for the idea of "male" or the animus of Jungian theory.

When I got to a place where I was able to recognize the qualities of the Animus as existing within and was able to embrace that rather than looking for it in the outer world I was able to look at men on a more balanced level.
I spent A LOT of time examining who I am verses what I was seeking and it seems that the more I am able to find within myself the more I am able to allow others to be in my life without taking up so much space or energy in my mind.

...um, hopefully that didn't come across as a bunch of nonsensical psychobabble.
post #26 of 190
Thread Starter 
OMG. The most attractive and compelling man just contacted me through match.com...I wrote him back, he is a single dad who seems really attached to his DD. I really hope I get to meet him

I am meeting another compelling man this Wed for coffee.

hmmmm
post #27 of 190
Quote:
Originally Posted by BelovedK View Post
OMG. The most attractive and compelling man just contacted me through match.com...I wrote him back, he is a single dad who seems really attached to his DD. I really hope I get to meet him

I am meeting another compelling man this Wed for coffee.

hmmmm
MMMM is right! Please report back.
post #28 of 190
Quote:
Originally Posted by Medusa View Post
This is something I've had to work through too. What I came to realize was that the guy as an individual wasn't as important as the place he held in my head as "other". So any individual was really acting as a place holder for the idea of "male" or the animus of Jungian theory.

When I got to a place where I was able to recognize the qualities of the Animus as existing within and was able to embrace that rather than looking for it in the outer world I was able to look at men on a more balanced level.
I spent A LOT of time examining who I am verses what I was seeking and it seems that the more I am able to find within myself the more I am able to allow others to be in my life without taking up so much space or energy in my mind.

...um, hopefully that didn't come across as a bunch of nonsensical psychobabble.
I think I really get what you are talking about. It is very important for me to understand this because I am committed to keeping my center --or at least regaining it-- no matter what life throws me. I am at the center of my life, and I do not want to yield that spot so easily to people, places, or things. Cute guys, however, are my downfall.

This is something I posted on another thread. Can you tell me if I am on the right track with the process you followed?


Quote:
As for what I plan to do before dating, is like others have said, seriously healing the stuff from way back that led me to make the choice I did. Otherwise I will make another unhealthy choice, no matter how great and different the guy seems at first. I think that we attract and are attracted to people of the same emotional/spiritual healthiness. There's a fit at that unconscious level. So I feel extremely motivated to become healthier myself so I can fit with someone healthy.

I have heard the expression, "Become what you want to attract." If I want someone who takes care of himself in postive ways, I need to do that for myself. If I want someone with a healthy and whole sense of self, not looking for other people or addictions to make him feel worthy and good, I need to do that for myself.

Maybe a correlary to that is, "Be the partner to yourself that you want to find." If I want my partner to make me feel loved and special, I need to give that gift to myself. If I want my partner to make life adventurous and fun, I need to go out and make my life adventurous and fun.

I could shift parts of the OP's plan to fit into that vision, as well. If I want to have a life with a partner that includes basic tidiness and sit-down meals, then I need to institute those things for myself. But not as some form of auditioning for the part of girlfriend. That would feed into my old stuff of wanting to measure up, be good enough, in someone else's eyes. That has brought me the wrong kind of relationships.

When I worry about starting another relationship with a man who appears perfect but turns out to have all kinds of unhealthy problems (lying, cheating, lots of ick), I remind myself that I do have some control over the kind of person I attract and am attracted to, by healing myself, learning to love myself, and bringing into my life the qualities that I imagine a partner bringing.
Is there anything you -- or anyone here-- would clarify or add to this strategy, based on your experience? I am all ears!
post #29 of 190
Quote:
Maybe a correlary to that is, "Be the partner to yourself that you want to find." If I want my partner to make me feel loved and special, I need to give that gift to myself. If I want my partner to make life adventurous and fun, I need to go out and make my life adventurous and fun.

I could shift parts of the OP's plan to fit into that vision, as well. If I want to have a life with a partner that includes basic tidiness and sit-down meals, then I need to institute those things for myself. But not as some form of auditioning for the part of girlfriend. That would feed into my old stuff of wanting to measure up, be good enough, in someone else's eyes. That has brought me the wrong kind of relationships.

When I worry about starting another relationship with a man who appears perfect but turns out to have all kinds of unhealthy problems (lying, cheating, lots of ick), I remind myself that I do have some control over the kind of person I attract and am attracted to, by healing myself, learning to love myself, and bringing into my life the qualities that I imagine a partner bringing.
Yeah! That's a lot of it in a nutshell.

The only thing I would add is that for me it was important to look into the subtle gender assumptions that were embedded in what I expected a man to bring into my life and to really break those down.

By doing so it really let me expand my view of who I am, and now that I'm in a relationship it gives me a freedom to accept and embrace my partner as a more full and genuine human being. KWIM?

I'd also say that more of the focus of looking at who I truly am now and coming to love that person in entirety has been way more helpful, instead of setting up a list of "who I need to become".

For a longtime I had the "list" in my head of who I needed to become before I could allow myself self-love and acceptance. The person I am RIGHT NOW with all my flaws and short coming NEEDS that love and self acceptance in order to grow and blossom.
post #30 of 190
Thread Starter 
OMG OMG, I just got another email from the 'match' guy, he sounds so much like he would be compatible with me, he is also AP friendly
post #31 of 190
Yay, BelovedK!!! How exciting. You know that song, "I'm gonna wash that man right out of my hair..."?

You're making me want to try out match.com. Is it expensive?

For those mamas on okcupid - what the heck is a "woo" and what am I supposed to do when I get one?
post #32 of 190
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post #33 of 190
Anyone here remember that, "It's raining men" song? Yeah, well I'm about to whip out my umbrella. It's getting a little ridiculous. Just today, I had a friend from middle and high school confess to me that he's had a crush on me since he first laid eyes on me. When J hung out at my local watering hole, I had a guy I went out with a couple of times trying to compete for my attention. Seriously, I don't know what I've done! Maybe I have sexy pheromones?

Hey BelovedK, it appears you might need an umbrella too. Would you like for me to ship you one?

ETA: My old schoolmate *just* told me to let my boyfriend know that his trial period is almost up!
I'm speechless. :
post #34 of 190
Quote:
Originally Posted by incorrigible View Post
lol. a woo is a fliort message. It means he likes you. Its to encourage people that are a little shy about starting conversations to show interest. You know how your first message to someone always sounds uber lame. A lot of people just delete them and give up. Woo is like making eyes at you from across the room. =)

You can either woo him back or send him a message. or totally ignore it if you're not interested. lol I usually go straight for messages at any point. I'm blunt and to the point like that. :
Oooohhhhh. That makes sense. But I have no idea whether I'm interested because he has very little filled out on his profile. I guess it's worth a shot ...

Thanks! This whole internet dating thing is so strange ... but intriguing
post #35 of 190
Thread Starter 
Match.com is kinda expensive, but I just had a feeling so I rejoined and it seems like I am glad I did.. Two real possibilities, no, three (one just hasn't returned my email) I believe in following my intuition and I think it will pan out to be something good

I really like the guy who emailed me this morning :

I never had much luck with okcupid in my area, I mostly got ones who wanted 'casual encounters'

Why did I agree to go out with the guy I am seeing on Wed???? I don't get 'that' feeling, I don't feel right about canceling now.
post #36 of 190
I finally had some luck with a guy from okcupid. I agree though many of the guys seem to be looking for casual encounters. This guy met me at a coffee shop and for once I was actually alone (i have a nursing/solid food eating 10 month old). While we talked at the coffee shop it started to snow, so I suggested taking a walk. It was so beautiful, freezing but romantic. I am extremely attracted to him and I feel like I can talk to him about anything. He's also very understanding of my baby being first. We aren't currently in contact with dd father so it's all me but grandma helps when she can. We'll see what happens after our next date this weekend.
post #37 of 190
Wow! So many of you have exciting new dating adventures well underway, or in the making (Avani, BelovedK!)

I am thoroughly smitten with a guy I met through OkCupid a few months ago. We've been dating (and, uh, other stuff ) for several weeks now, and I really like him. Nothing is official yet, but we've agreed that we each like each other more than we expected to, and have decided to just let this run its course, whatever that may be. After an 11 year relationship with the ex, during which I was often starved for romance and intimacy, this guy is a welcome gift from the universe, for however long he's mine to enjoy.

post #38 of 190
Quote:
Originally Posted by kerplunk View Post

For those mamas on okcupid - what the heck is a "woo" and what am I supposed to do when I get one?

I quickly ended up changing my settings to block "woos." I think you'll find that the guys who send you a "woo" and no message are doing it because they have nothing interesting to say. And that gets old real quick.
post #39 of 190
Well I just took a walk with a guy who was more interested in me than I was in him, but I knew it would be a good conversation, and it was my first in-person meeting in this crazy internet dating world. It was exactly as I expected, and so I call that a success!

My main crush tried to message me while I was out. swoon

And my secondary crush said he's slammed at work and will be writing later in the week. okay I'll admit it: swoon for that, too.

I think it may be premature to get out my umbrella, but for this woman who hasn't dated since 1991, I feel like it may be starting to sprinkle. Which is just amazing to me.

I LOVE y'all's updates. I know mine are infinitesimally small but I am excited to have anything at all to say on the dating front! I've been reading y'all for months and months.

Thanks for holding my hand!
post #40 of 190
I am going on my first single Momma date on Friday.

I used to work with this guy a long time ago and he just so happens to be best friends with my best friend's husband. He just got out of the military and came over to hang out while I was still pregnant and we got along swimmingly.
After I had the kid on Halloween, everytime I hung out he'd ask me how things were going and when I got to go hang out one night without my babe, he asked "Where's the baby?" He brushed my hair out of my face at one point and said, "I like looking at your face when I'm talking to you."
Instant smitten, that bastard.
He's got a daughter, so he knows what it's like.

Our first "date" is this Friday...squee!!!!
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