Originally Posted by lactivist
Oh how I can relate. Eavan has been an ongoing struggle since the beginning. It is an every day task to focus on his good traits and to not resent him. He wants to nurse all the time and does the same thing with waking her up and then wonders why he can't nurse. ACK! He did sleep through the night, last night, the first time since she was born. Some days I can barely take it all. I have been known to hide in the bathroom and scream and cry.
: I do think he is finally starting to settle down a tiny bit but that doesn't change his personality which was super intense before Dahlia ever got here.
Please know that I understand all that you are feeling. I am here if you need to talk about. You can pm me if you don't want to share publicly.
The only word I can think of that isn't derogatory is "intense". Haylee is my very intense little jewel (her middle name, ironically). Everything she does is with intensity, and while it is a somewhat endearing trait, right now it is harmful to Waylon and maddening to me. I love her, but you are right...sometimes with high needs kiddos its very difficult not to resent them. I hate it, too, that people that don't/haven't had one think it means I for some reason don't love her, which isn't the case.
And now that I am back to work, its even worse, because she gets even less of me and when I am home wants to be ON me all the time. She is in my face or on top of me. We have a rule...no touching the baby's face (because she is careless and might just poke his eyes out). So she says, "Touch Mama's face?" all the while poking at my eyes and mouth. And why is it that when he is nursing, she comes up to the rocker on the side he is nursing on and wants up on that side? I tell her, "You can come over to the other side and get up" and she has a fit that she can't get up on that side, waking him up and enraging me. Of course, I have to start the going to sleep process all over again, which usually means putting him in the carrier and bouncing up and down the hall because now he is terrified that the next time he falls asleep he will be woken by the shrieks of a 2 yo. So, not only can I not hold her and rock/read to her on my lap, but I can't pay ANY attention to her because I am trying to get this one to sleep.
I did learn a good trick--hide and seek. I can play it with him in the carrier. But I think she's on to me. Its like she knows if I am not giving her 100% devotion. In her world, multi-tasking is out of the question :rofl.
And I know this is supposed to be about the baby, but none of our problems are because of something he is doing...I mean, its about him, but it has to do with sister and mama. He is sleeping better at night...up to 6 hours one night, but most of the time more like 4, then 2, then 1.5, then 1.5. Which is pretty darn good, considering Haylee is up that often or more! He is still a catnapper during the day, which is part of the problem, because i feel like i spend so much time GETTING him to sleep.