How on the same page were you with your midwife?

[rmzbm]

I have a MW in mind. I like her alot, we click. I think that's important. We do however disagree on a few things. Not *really* big things but things nontheless. She's said a couple things that really rub me the wrong way. OVERALL though her views on birth pretty well mesh with mine. I know no two people will ever agree on every aspect of everything but I guess what I'm asking is...how much leeway are you comfortable with? Did you have things you disagreed with your MW on but go on to have things go well? I have to give this woman $3500. The thought of paying that amt. of money to not agree with someone seems...eh. If things remain as they are now, ok...I just wonder if she will "change" closer to my due date. I guess it's a risk I will have to take to find out but I am wondering if others had similar experiences?

[LoveChild421]

what sort of things do you disagree on? I do see eye to eye on everything with my midwife so its hard for me to think of what sort of things you might be talking about.

[rmzbm]

Originally Posted by LoveChild421

what sort of things do you disagree on? I do see eye to eye on everything with my midwife so its hard for me to think of what sort of things you might be talking about.

Well, mostly little comments. The things that come to mind are:

*Labor position. She thinks VBACs need to be in bed on their side. I don't.
*She is uncomfortable with anything beyond 42ish weeks.
*She made the comment "My clients need to know who's in charge, me!" (Which I promptly refuted & she seemed ok with. Meaning, she didn't push it.)

All in all she is very positive about it all. Willing to not provide any prenatal care, at my request, and just be on hand for birth. Seems to genuinly beleive I can be successful, etc. I just can't help but wonder if she will go more in the other direction as I get farther along.

[mothragirl]

i would not hire a MW who thought that she was in charge. how are you supposed to effectively labor in bed on your side?

[rmzbm]

Originally Posted by mothragirl

i would not hire a MW who thought that she was in charge. how are you supposed to effectively labor in bed on your side?

Well, she thinks it's important in VBAC's because it puts less stress on the incision. Then I "can" get in the water. She also, for all births, doesn't want the mom in water before really active labor as it will "slow it down or make it stop." I assumed it would relax me & help me progress. *sigh*

[AngelaB]

I think I would be interviewing others just in case. I did push on my left side for both my vbacs but thats the position I found I could be most productive and comfortable in.
Did you ask her if you should lay down for your whole pregnancy to keep pressure off of the incision? If the incision is gunna hold it will hold no matter what position you labor in IMO. I think that being in the H2O is a trial and error kind of thing. If it relaxes you and you progress then its right for you. I had a hard time getting things going after my membranes ruptured with no contrax and the water would have been counter productive but once things got going it was great for relaxing.

i think that I would be a bit offended and worried about the whole shes in charge comment. Was it supposed to be taken as a joke? I would be a bit uncomfortable with her being at the birth and then panicing because she is not comfortable with the situation even if you feel fine.
ANgela

[elspethshimon]

Originally Posted by rmzbm

Well, mostly little comments. The things that come to mind are:

*Labor position. She thinks VBACs need to be in bed on their side. I don't.
*She is uncomfortable with anything beyond 42ish weeks.
*She made the comment "My clients need to know who's in charge, me!" (Which I promptly refuted & she seemed ok with. Meaning, she didn't push it.)

Those seem pretty significant. Personally, I would not feel comfortable with someone who said that she was in charge.

[rmzbm]

Originally Posted by AngelaB

i think that I would be a bit offended and worried about the whole shes in charge comment. Was it supposed to be taken as a joke? I would be a bit uncomfortable with her being at the birth and then panicing because she is not comfortable with the situation even if you feel fine.
ANgela

I was offended. I'm glad noone's saying I was overreacting, lol...

That's what I'm thinking. I don't wanna hear how "fine" it is until labor hits. I'm, surprisingly, pretty calm about it all...I don't need my person meant to keep me calm panicking, YK?

But I have to stress, she IS - VERY - encouraging & positive overall. I just dunno where the line is.

[rmzbm]

Originally Posted by elspethshimon

Those seem pretty significant. Personally, I would not feel comfortable with someone who said that she was in charge.

Yeah, I will address that with her...see how she responds. She said "I bring X yrs. experience & moms need to listen to me."

[elspethshimon]

Originally Posted by rmzbm

Well, she thinks it's important in VBAC's because it puts less stress on the incision. Then I "can" get in the water. She also, for all births, doesn't want the mom in water before really active labor as it will "slow it down or make it stop." I assumed it would relax me & help me progress. *sigh*

I've heard that laboring in water can potentially slow labor down. That said, it sounds like she has a pretty set idea as to how labor *should* go. I don't know if I would feel comfortable with that.

Good luck.

[elspethshimon]

Originally Posted by rmzbm

Yeah, I will address that with her...see how she responds. She said "I bring X yrs. experience & moms need to listen to me."

Yeah, that would annoy me too.

[Nan'sMom]

Originally Posted by rmzbm

Well, mostly little comments. The things that come to mind are:

*Labor position. She thinks VBACs need to be in bed on their side. I don't.
*She is uncomfortable with anything beyond 42ish weeks.
*She made the comment "My clients need to know who's in charge, me!" (Which I promptly refuted & she seemed ok with. Meaning, she didn't push it.)

All in all she is very positive about it all. Willing to not provide any prenatal care, at my request, and just be on hand for birth. Seems to genuinly beleive I can be successful, etc. I just can't help but wonder if she will go more in the other direction as I get farther along.

Honestly, I'd get another midwife. These things would really bother me. YOU need to be in charge in labor (or your body in charge...or something like that)...not some paid attendant. It sounds like the alarm bells the comments set off for you are warranted. IMO, midwives tend to get MORE hands-on during labor if they are like this, not less...so although she may listen to you now, I'd wonder what she would feel the need to try to control during labor.

There ARE hands-off midwives out there. The midwife I used for my second birth (ended up UC'ing) had basically UC'd and was VERY supportive of it. She described her role as "serving" pregnant women and was all about listening to your own body.

Best of luck with all your decisions!

[balancedmama]

Those things would not work for me either. The thing that was great about my MW is that she really only offered her opinion when asked. She would lay out my options and then I would tell her how I felt. She always came up with something supportive to say about my choice even when she probably didn't agree with it. If I asked her opinion she would tell me. That is the kind of MW that I need. There are some things that of course to her weren't optional, and I made sure we agreed about those thing in the interview.

[rmzbm]

Hmm...
I will have to lay some things out for her I think, then act based on her response.
One plus is she knows my last OB that I LOVED & has gotten him to cover me in case of a transfer. Just knowing HE would be there for my section, if needed, makes me feel a lot better.
OTOH, I still want to UC, I'd only be calling her in case something happened I am not sure about or couldn't handle. So if she's there likely I won't know what to do & would be doing what she wants anyhow.
I just dunno... need to adress it with her.

[sunnymw]

Well, hmm...

it sounds like, you have your last OB to cover and that covers the emergency base.

you also said she agreed to no prenatal care, to only be there for birth...

So, could you, in theory, keep her as your link to your OB and just UC?

[rmzbm]

Originally Posted by sunnymw

Well, hmm...

it sounds like, you have your last OB to cover and that covers the emergency base.

you also said she agreed to no prenatal care, to only be there for birth...

So, could you, in theory, keep her as your link to your OB and just UC?

That's what I'm thinking. But then here I am - paying $3500 for literally NOTHING. I dunno. The whole thing is stressing me and giving me a headache, I'm ready to just say eff it, YK? Uggh...

[Medusa]

Originally Posted by rmzbm

Well, mostly little comments. The things that come to mind are:

*Labor position. She thinks VBACs need to be in bed on their side. I don't.
*She is uncomfortable with anything beyond 42ish weeks.
*She made the comment "My clients need to know who's in charge, me!" (Which I promptly refuted & she seemed ok with. Meaning, she didn't push it.)

All in all she is very positive about it all. Willing to not provide any prenatal care, at my request, and just be on hand for birth. Seems to genuinly beleive I can be successful, etc. I just can't help but wonder if she will go more in the other direction as I get farther along.

The bold-ed statement is a deal breaker IMO.

[phoebemommy]

Yeah, I would have a big problem with being on your side and the in charge comment. I was expecting a lot smaller issues when I opened the thread, but those two things from my POV spell potential disaster.

[rmzbm]

Blah, sleeping toddler on me - but, in short, who wants a laugh?

From an email she just sent...

*"I LOVE Cytotec, you're so wrong, it is NOT dangerous!"
*She thinks I NEED a 28 week US to make sure, swear to God I'm not making this up, the baby's heart has 4 chambers. Um...: And don't I wanna know if it's a boy or a girl...that's enough reason for US! (I'll just assume it's one or the other, thanks...)

This is NOT the hands off care I agreed to. Then a bizzare statement about a breech birth being preferable...she "likes" those.
*sigh* If I had use of both arms right now I'd elaborate.

In short, I've come TOO far to go this route now - back to UCing.

[smokeylo]

Originally Posted by rmzbm

Blah, sleeping toddler on me - but, in short, who wants a laugh?

From an email she just sent...

*"I LOVE Cytotec, you're so wrong, it is NOT dangerous!"
*She thinks I NEED a 28 week US to make sure, swear to God I'm not making this up, the baby's heart has 4 chambers. Um...: And don't I wanna know if it's a boy or a girl...that's enough reason for US! (I'll just assume it's one or the other, thanks...)

This is NOT the hands off care I agreed to. Then a bizzare statement about a breech birth being preferable...she "likes" those.
*sigh* If I had use of both arms right now I'd elaborate.

In short, I've come TOO far to go this route now - back to UCing.

YIKES!!! Run!! :