Does he really look that thin? w. edit. - Page 3

[peekyboo]

Oh and btw to all you nit pickers, a lot of special needs children often refuse to eat the healthy foods or the ideal foods that we would prefer them to eat. Sometimes, it is a matter of getting something into them. Something is better than starving....even if it is a french fry or potato chip. Unless you have been there and have actually had the worry that your child is starving themselves, I kindly invite you to keep your comments to yourselves and count your blessings. I would gladly feed my children chicken nuggets and chocolate milk than have them endure a g-tube because they lost weight and now are considered failure to thrive. So unless you have actually been there, keep your comments to yourself. Thanks.

I think many times, we get people who stroll by her via the "New Posts" link - they see a thread that catches their eye, comment, but never quite look at the board their commenting on. Hopefully if they realized they're posting on a special needs board, they would do so with a little more care and caution about their words.

Of course, what's great about this board is that us "regulars" see a post mentioning things that maybe aren't all that NFL friendly, and we don't bat an eye. We make a big deal about how wonderful it is that a child at a whole chicken nugget or that they figured out their child will drink V8 and finally get some vegetables.

Another thing is that unless you know about really well or live with anyone on a special diet, you don't realize the trade-offs you make. My friend's ds is allergic to so much. But he can have a chicken nugget Happy Meal. To most people here, that would just be the most awful thing. But for him, it's his one moment of "normal" - he can finally eat something the other kids can eat, and not worry about breaking out in excema or having an anaphylatic reaction.

It's all on how you view things. And I think it's interesting that the OP was told to look at things from the other person's POV, and yet her own POV wasn't taken into consideration when people admonished her for having soda in her cart.

[nextcommercial]

Didjya keep the $40?

My daughter who is healthy in every way has always been skinny. My doctor actually accused me of trying to keep her thin and asked me if I understood eating disorders. She got out a growth chart and showed me that she was too thin for her height.

[Kristine233]

I could show you thin, and your child is not too thin, lol. I look at my 8 year old who is really really thin... like I look at her arms and say "WTF, how can you even lift anything?" (ok, only in my head, lol) but I know she's healthy and eats well. Some kids are naturally skinnier or carry weight differently. As long as they are overall healthy then I ignore everything else. Its hard enough to parent in today's world, let a lone abide by everyone else's standards and worry about what they think.

Hugs mama. BTW, I'm a soda drinker too... where else am I going to get the energy to keep up with my 3 kids? hehe

[my3peanuts]

Originally Posted by Kristine233

Hugs mama. BTW, I'm a soda drinker too... where else am I going to get the energy to keep up with my 3 kids? hehe

Exactly!

[Finch]

Originally Posted by Kodama

Oh and btw to all you nit pickers, a lot of special needs children often refuse to eat the healthy foods or the ideal foods that we would prefer them to eat. Sometimes, it is a matter of getting something into them. Something is better than starving....even if it is a french fry or potato chip. Unless you have been there and have actually had the worry that your child is starving themselves, I kindly invite you to keep your comments to yourselves and count your blessings. I would gladly feed my children chicken nuggets and chocolate milk than have them endure a g-tube because they lost weight and now are considered failure to thrive. So unless you have actually been there, keep your comments to yourself. Thanks.

A-freaking-men to that!! :

Originally Posted by peekyboo

I think many times, we get people who stroll by her via the "New Posts" link - they see a thread that catches their eye, comment, but never quite look at the board their commenting on. Hopefully if they realized they're posting on a special needs board, they would do so with a little more care and caution about their words.

Of course, what's great about this board is that us "regulars" see a post mentioning things that maybe aren't all that NFL friendly, and we don't bat an eye. We make a big deal about how wonderful it is that a child at a whole chicken nugget or that they figured out their child will drink V8 and finally get some vegetables.

Another thing is that unless you know about really well or live with anyone on a special diet, you don't realize the trade-offs you make. My friend's ds is allergic to so much. But he can have a chicken nugget Happy Meal. To most people here, that would just be the most awful thing. But for him, it's his one moment of "normal" - he can finally eat something the other kids can eat, and not worry about breaking out in excema or having an anaphylatic reaction.

It's all on how you view things. And I think it's interesting that the OP was told to look at things from the other person's POV, and yet her own POV wasn't taken into consideration when people admonished her for having soda in her cart.

And yet another :

That comment really torked me off. Geez. I swear it never ceases to amaze me at how judgmental and holier than thou people can be, both IRL and on this board (not the sn portion) in particular. : It gets really really REALLY old.

As the biblical saying goes, "You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye." Geez. She bought soda for her husband. Call the NFL police.

BTW, OP, your boy looks a little skinny minny, but not "malnourished" or anything. He looks like he's an active toddler who probably is picky about what he eats and/or doesn't want to stop playing long enough to eat. Pretty normal, IMO. At least in my house. That lady needed to just keep her opinions to herself and either pay for the stuff or not pay. I hate it when people try to be "do-gooders" with strings/judgment attached. Bleah.

[sbgrace]

If it weren't so cold here (as in our house is even chilly...it's Indiana and definitely not onsie weather) I'd post a pic of Andrew.
Who actually eats more than his twin. But he looks scrawny. Part of it is certainly what a child eats. More of it though in my opinion is genetics. Anyway, I'm sorry that lady couldn't have approached the gift in a non-judgemental way. That part stinks.
FWIW, I think he looks healthy. I really do.

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O.K, I re-read the thread, and I don't actually think she was assuming your son was underfed. I think she just saw an opportunity to commit a "random act of Kindness". You really needed the money, and she knew it. Maybe she has been there, done that, and someone helped her out.

She wasn't very polite about it. What she said was a little forward, but it was still nice.

[Jennifer3141]

I'm drinking a Coke right now while I type this so I'm so not judging anyone on the soda pop thing.

I have stepped in and helped another mama at the cashier's in need. And honestly, I probably would think something snarky for a moment about WIC and a cart full of pop but then I'd think about my daily Cokes(s) and the caffeine fix that enables me to clean house at 2:00 a.m. so my kids can wake up to a perfect environment everyday. Then I'd see the Fusion and wish I could get my kids to drink it.

I draw the line at cigarettes though. I wouldn't help you buy those!!

My DD isn't SN but is incredibly not interested in eating. There are days when I'm thrilled she ate a Little Debby. Judge away!! :

[JesseMomme]

Originally Posted by peekyboo

I think many times, we get people who stroll by her via the "New Posts" link - they see a thread that catches their eye, comment, but never quite look at the board their commenting on. Hopefully if they realized they're posting on a special needs board, they would do so with a little more care and caution about their words.

If you put her quote in the whole context of her post it's not coming off as in need of caution about words. To me at least.

[wonderwahine]

thanks finch and peekyboo! And peekyboo, I was so thrilled when ds ate chicken nuggets and didnt have a reaction! he doesnt have anapyhalactic reactions, but still, rashes and the poop arnt fun. now if only he would belive me that homemade nuggets are the same

[Kathryn]

He looks less thin than my 26 lb 36 inch tall 3 1/2 year old. I think the woman was out of line and it would've upset me. But, hey, you got 40 bucks!

[peekyboo]

Originally Posted by Kathryn

He looks less thin than my 26 lb 36 inch tall 3 1/2 year old. I think the woman was out of line and it would've upset me. But, hey, you got 40 bucks!

You know, it's almost a shame that all the interfering busybodies we all run into don't give us some cash. Think about it - "You can tell me why my child shouldn't be using a stroller b/c she's too big for it, but it'll cost you $40 to do so."

[wonderwahine]

Originally Posted by peekyboo

You know, it's almost a shame that all the interfering busybodies we all run into don't give us some cash. Think about it - "You can tell me why my child shouldn't be using a stroller b/c she's too big for it, but it'll cost you $40 to do so."

: wouldn't it be great!! "you should give your mommy a break, your big boy, you should be walking" im sorry sir, i need $40 for that little gem of information.

[my3peanuts]

Originally Posted by wonderwahine

: wouldn't it be great!! "you should give your mommy a break, your big boy, you should be walking" im sorry sir, i need $40 for that little gem of information.

I have to admit being a lot more judgemental before my son was born. I'd see a child that I thought was plenty old enough to be potty trained or old enough to be off a bottle, or not have a pacifier, or whatever and I'd think to myself that their parents were just being lazy.

BUT...

I've definitely had a huge change of heart!! I no longer judge those parents or those kids because I have no clue what their lives are like. Maybe they do have SN and I just don't know it. My son looks "normal" too and would never be assumed to be a child with SN. In fact at the Ronald McDonald House one of the workers said, "Is he the one getting treatment? He looks totally fine." : Well, appearance is not everything!

I really realized this when we were at Mayo for the first time. Ds was a year old and we had to do a fecal fat collection where you get as close to 100 grams of fat into them daily for two days! : We were staying in a hotel and I couldn't cook our food so we had to eat out. Getting even 30 grams of fat into a baby is hard work so we found anything we could. We were at the food court in the mall and I tried to think of the most high fattening thing ds could eat. The only thing I could think of was a hot dog.

So, I'm sitting there cutting this hot dog up in miniscule pieces and feeding it to him and he's just thrilled because he's never eaten anything that tasty apparently! Well, this woman is staring at me the whole time giving me this look as if to say, "You are feeding him a greasy hot dog? He's a baby!"

I started getting so annoyed thinking SHE HAS NO IDEA. I'm sure she thought I was just a bad mom who could care less about the health of my son but she was totally off base. This was a one time thing and aside from that eats much healthier than most babies I know. I wanted so badly to go and tell her to mind her own business and to stop being so damn judgemental but I didn't.

It did however open my own eyes to how judgemental I can be. If I'd have been that woman I'd have probably thought the same thing! The thing is, you cannot judge a parent(most of the time) by something you see but do not understand. You just can't. Thankfully I now understand that!

[becoming]

It would never have crossed my mind that he was even too thin, much less undernourished! I think he looks perfectly healthy, happy, and adorable!

[Jennifer3141]

Originally Posted by my3peanuts

It did however open my own eyes to how judgemental I can be. If I'd have been that woman I'd have probably thought the same thing! The thing is, you cannot judge a parent(most of the time) by something you see but do not understand. You just can't. Thankfully I now understand that!

:

I kind of laugh at all the thread about judging other mamas. I think that's why I got "stuck" with DS. It was a big smack across the head from Goddess!!
And I thank her for that lesson (almost) everyday.

[Blu Razzberri]

First things first, your son looks fine to me. He's not even really that skinny (you should see what my sister looked like at that age). Some kids are just tiny; that's all.

I wasn't there, so I'm only guessing, but I think that lady was just trying to help. She obviously saw you had to abandon your cart. I think it just came out wrong. If she thought you were going to "waste" the money (instead of use it for your kids); she probably wouldn't have given you cash. Perhaps there was a language or culture barrier that made it come across wrong....? I don't know.

Either way, I'm sorry you were embarrassed at the grocery store.

[kristenburgess]

Well, in my never humble opinion your little one looks quite healthy. Many kids are on the stringbean side. My kiddos all have big circles under their eyes when they're tired and mild ones even when they're not. One thing I've noticed about people since I was little (yeah I was a weird kid to notice this) is that it seems to be a *human* trait to have slight circles under the eyes, even human *children*.

Now stating that I think your boy looks fine and dandy...

This woman's choice of words may not have been the best. But her gesture appears to be out of compassion. Especially if she saw you in the line and that you didn't have enough money on your EBT card.

During December last year I had more people give me things. I had one lady give me around $50 "for groceries for the children," and another lady came by with a trunkload of food for us... Just before Thanksgiving this year a neighbor down the street brought in a trunkload of food because she was "cleaning out her freezer and pantry." lol. I've also been given Toys R Us gift certificates a couple times by families with kiddos who "already have too many toys." And as a PP poster said I've had a grannie come up once and give "a dollar for each of the babies."

I think these people see more of me, a tired mama with three kids (and those who know me, a tired single mama) and they want to help. They know that one thing that can *always* help a family out is food money.

To me their implication is more that they see a family that could use some help and food is always helpful, then that your child is underfed.

Personally when I need to help somebody is some way the very first thing I think to do is offer to bring a meal. This may just be because where I grew up that's what people did to help others.

Also, my mom has a couple of friends that have known me since I was little and like to give a small present to my family during the holidays. When my mom asks what we need I *always* say "a grocery store gift card." It's just the best gift to "help us out." Even with an EBT card a grocery store gift card can buy pull-ups, paper towels, soap, etc...

I think she was just trying to be helpful, wanted to help your family and your children. Even if her word choice was poor, in the end she wanted to help your family. So I'd take the $40, and buy some food your kiddos will eat, and enjoy.

[annarbor931]

I would never think to say anything so forward to anyone. Wow!!

Oh, and I get the why is your little one in a stroller comment ALL THE TIME. Um, lets see. He has sensory issues, a developmental delay and it is just much easier for us to go out in public. Why does it bother people so much? My son also has multiple food allergies and he can't eat too many foods. He does happen to be a vary big kid, despite all of his food allergies. I get comments about watching his weight all the time. He isn't obese, but someone has to be in the 95th percentile. Why are people so off the wall?

[dbsam]

Originally Posted by my3peanuts

I have to admit being a lot more judgemental before my son was born. I'd see a child that I thought was plenty old enough to be potty trained or old enough to be off a bottle, or not have a pacifier, or whatever and I'd think to myself that their parents were just being lazy.

:
I've learned the hard way not to be judgmental too. I had forty pound two year olds and people commented on why they were in diapers, wanted to be carried, or didn't talk well. Now they are forty-five pound three year olds and still not completely diaper free!

It doesn't matter, you get rude comments when they are small and when they are big!