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comparing houses - Page 2

post #21 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by violet_ View Post
All good points, Oriole.
It seems to me that both incomes as well as time spent should matter.
FWIW, in some states, this is how it is done. In MN, the laws changed the 1st of Jan last year to take both incomes and parenting time into account. Our CS dropped to less than half of what it was before the change.
post #22 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oriole View Post
What I do believe in is..

1. There are moms who don't get enough CS (or don't get it at all, sadly enough)

2. There are dad's who pay too much (the moms from the statement #1 will have hard time agreeing with this, even though it is by no means reflection on their situation, it is simply what it is, situations can be scales can be tipped either way).

3. Sometimes the other side has perfectly good reason and explanation for living much more comfortable financially... Inheritance, new spouse's money, more consciencious lifestyle, etc. etc. etc.

4. Kids need reminders of what's important in life, but shouldn't be in the middle of flaming financial arguments (regardless which side of the scale you are on..)
All good points, Oriole, but especially the one I highlighted. As a Stepmother, that's a really sore point for me, when my stepdaughter's Mother expects to add my income towards child support for her daughter. I love my stepdaughter and I want what's best for her, but I have a son of my own to support and she already has two parents who support her.
post #23 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by violet_ View Post
This is patently false. In MANY cases the CP is way ahead financially.

My husband, for example, pays all the medical and a huge chuck of CS every month. There is No WAY she could spend all the money we give her on the kids. It's just not possible. She could pay her whole mortgage, day care, and then some with it.

., his ex has a new SUV and new house, etc.

It's a shame that such disparities exist, and I think it's unfortunate that your situation is such a financial strain. I just wanted to let you know it can work both ways.

The mortgag, daycare, house and transportation are for the kids. It is so irritating when I see comments like the above posters. Unless the mom is spending the child support on trips alone or drugs or something, then she actually is spendind "all that money" on the kids.
post #24 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by vbactivist View Post
The mortgag, daycare, house and transportation are for the kids. It is so irritating when I see comments like the above posters. Unless the mom is spending the child support on trips alone or drugs or something, then she actually is spendind "all that money" on the kids.
Since my ex and I agreed to paying no child support to either of us, my comments are not really important to this thread.. however, I just have to say... my ex has 3 vehicles all new, including a huge SUV. I have an old 97 sedan. I also have 4 times as many kids than he does.
No one can convince me his three new vehicles are "for the kids." Since they don't care what they ride in, its more for the comfort and lifestyle of the adult.
post #25 of 35
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post #26 of 35
Good to see another Brit here, Bech
post #27 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by vbactivist View Post
The mortgag, daycare, house and transportation are for the kids. It is so irritating when I see comments like the above posters. Unless the mom is spending the child support on trips alone or drugs or something, then she actually is spendind "all that money" on the kids.
Yeah, because single women don't need houses or transportation. The only reason that women have roofs over their heads are for the kids, therefore, a father is responsible for making sure that there is a car in the home, and that there is a home to begin with even after he is no longer responsible for the woman. Not a portion of it. Not enoungh to cover half of the childs need for it. All of it. You know, for the kids.


ETA: Okay, that was bitchy. I apologize for the tone, but I'm not changing it because it's true. It's also mean and I'm sorry.
post #28 of 35
No, not Brits. Well. Technically, way back when. I have family in Northumberland. LOL

But we were both born in the states to Americans. Dh is military, as is ex-h. Dh was there for 8 yrs - 3 at Alconbury, 5 at Mildenhall, and dsd's Mum is British, the daughter of a British woman and a "former" American - they live in Mildenhall. My ex did 3 years at Alconbury, 2 of which I stayed for. Ds1 was born in England.

Dh and I would love to go back, but it isn't likely.
post #29 of 35
I'm not totally sure how this became a discussion about child support, but...

Quote:
Originally Posted by boobybunny View Post
Financially speaking, the CP is ALWAYS on the short end of the stick. But we get the long end in terms of child time... which goes to prove what is more important to CP's.
Everyone's situation is different, and I think sweeping statements like those about custodial and non-custodial parents make people upset. The amount the court determines for child support has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not the NCP values time with their children. And CPs don't value their children more because their ex doesn't support them at the level they like. How much you love your child or value time with him or her isn't calculated into the child support formula.

The formulas that states come up with are an attempt to do what is most fair in most situations, but the same formula must be applied to many, many different situations... which means that it is going to work better in some cases than in others. People who receive child support will often feel they aren't getting enough and people paying often feel they pay too much. Problems with the child support formula are not the fault of the person paying child support. It is the nature of trying to apply a single formula to a wide variety of situations.

Quote:
Originally Posted by boobybunny View Post
The children have the right to live the life they would have had prior to the divorce.
I just don't think this is realistic. If one parent worked full time and the other stayed home with their kids... then they got divorced and now had two separate homes for the children... how exactly are they supposed to maintain their pre-divorce lifestyle now that there are two homes on the same single income? It's just not possible.
post #30 of 35
This whole entire list of posts is why we still have to fight in court and have other adults tell us what they think we should do with our children and how to live our own lifes. Some of you are even contradicting yourselves in the same post. Let the anger and resentment go.
post #31 of 35
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post #32 of 35
Some in response to post and all bechand post here. This is ridiculous. The NCP should not have to make sure the child is living financially as if the parents were still together. If that was the case they would still see their children all the time and so forth. That is an impossible and even unfair idea. A bonus that a NCP or whatever should have absolutely nothing to do with your child support order. You are no longer that family or supporting that spouse when it comes to work any more therefore should have nothing to do with their bonus. A good parent is going to use that money and all the rest of normal money for their child as they see best. Just because you do not know where the money is going doesn’t mean he isn’t using it for the kids. Don’t get me wrong hopefully he is not bragging and throwing all this money in your face and blowing it on bs. If he is than disregard some of this post but not all. I am sure there is more to this story than you are aware of or maybe just not saying. Hawaii is an expensive place. But either way I am sure he also didn’t mean by get yourself something to blow that money on a bunch of crap all the time instead of making your own college fund for your children. It is obvious you did not need that bonus if you have so much over every month. It is just really sad that he as well as other NCP cannot be completely open with their ex’s due to these type of situations. I have a friend you just had his whole college fund for his children taken away by the ex spouse. How is that possible and fair I do not know. This was something he had been doing all on his own for years on top of his child support and everything else. This legal system if nothing else has made sure you have to hide certain financial things from the ex’s so their own children do not get screwed. If you are the type to take away from another family a bonus than you are the type to take away much more maybe a college fund as well. So what is the better life anyways? For us it is definitely not material things. I would much rather have good college funds, a great retirement savings, and investments with money in the bank than pretty furniture or a new car. Just remember the more you screw each other over now will come back to haunt you later where the children are concerned.
post #33 of 35
Am I suppose to know what that means?
post #34 of 35
There is not much that can be done with this comparison of financial situations in the two different households.
I have just had to learn to let it go and when the "feelings" pop up again, which they do sometimes, I just let it go again.
My husband's ex wife had always wanted to be a stay at home mom that has babies and bakes cookies...that is her own testimonial.
One of the reasons why she called off their marriage was due to the fact that he did not make enough money to make it possible for her to stay at home with their two kids.
It was kind of shocking to me, when my husband and I started living together, that she stayed at home while her boyfriend, my husband and I all worked full time.
At this point, I have had eleven years to get used to it.
It's not just the child support that we pay, but the health care premiums and any/all the extras that we have contributed to over the years...I call it "the activity of the month"...martial arts classes, music classes, school trips to Disneyland...all of that stuff too.
I have had to learn how to not make comparisons between the lifestyle that she lives and the lifestyle that I live.
I had a major resentment come up last year, when my husband and I had our son together and his ex wife forewarned us that she might be asking us for more child support come the new school year.
I was on leave from my job after giving birth to our son and was only receiving 80% if my normal pay. I was entertaining the idea of staying home with our son for awhile, because we thought we could swing a few months on a single income.
It took my breath away that she was, in my eyes, so callously looking at requesting more money from our household at that time.
I have heard people say that, well you shouldn't have had kids with this person if you didn't plan on taking care of them.
There is a big difference between taking care of a child's basic needs and giving your children everything that the custodial parent and the kids think that they "need" in life.
I totally get that we all chose to be in the relationships that we chose to be in and that included all of the kids. There is a point where, for me, I say, "come on, give me a break"...I have helped take care of the kids for eleven years with little complaint, but there is a big difference between taking care of a child's basic needs and taking care of a child's "wants".
If it's something that we just can't afford, then we make it very clear to my husband's kids - hit your mom up for that one because it's just not in our budget.
post #35 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by boobybunny View Post
laurelavenue I have a totally different point of view on this one.

I think it is time to take another look at child support. There is no reason why there should be such a difference in the two homes.
I assumed it was a new partners income which isn't part of the calculation. I can't say that the custodial parent is always on the short end. Dh has custody and (even though we have to pay child support to the the NCP), I don't feel we are getting the short end of anything. It's all ok. We are doing fine.

We live in the nicer house and have more matierial things, so dss has his jealousy with other people's houses. Why can't we have a two story house? Why can't we get a new car? Why can't we get a flat screen TV? I think it happens with most kids, it just might hurt a little more when it is an ex.
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