Should I say something?

[natural_mama89]

My DP's grandma just sent out a grou email to everyone in the family about births and other recent events. Well, she felt the need to mention the one of DP's cousins just had a baby who was born with two nurses pushing on the mom's abdomen and the doctor yanking the baby out with forceps because the baby was big (9lbs something), and didn't mention Iris' peaceful home water birth. Not even going into whether or not the yanking and pushing was necessary, I really want to say something. I just think that is all kinds of wrong the way she mentioned it. Maybe people don't only want to hear "horror stories". Should I just forget it, or is there a way to let her know how I feel?

[Oliver'sMom]

I would totally say something. Especially if it is really bothering you. However, I'd really try to be respectful of your DP's cousin's experience, and sympathetic to what happened to them...as I'm sure you would be It could be a great opportunity to educate your family on the dangers of hospital birth though!

[sunnymw]

I'd have hit "reply all" and announced our birth also

[Ruthla]

Did they mention your baby's birth at all, or just not give the specific details?

If they totally forgot to menton your baby's birth, then I'd go ahead and hit "reply all" with the birth announcement. However, if they did mention the birth but not the "peaceful waterbirth" aspect I'm not sure I'd say anything.

[rmzbm]

Originally Posted by sunnymw

I'd have hit "reply all" and announced our birth also

: "Since you left us out..."

[natural_mama89]

Yes, they did mention she was born, though they spelled her name wrong :. I just don't understand why they feel the need to mention such a horrific experience, but not a good one. I am sick of everybody thinking that birth has to be like that and thinking it is okay. I probably won't say anything. It just bothers me.

[Maltagirl]

There was definitely a time when I would have said something, but lately, I find myself reluctant to educate people on this topic (through example feels good to me, but not really through preaching).

Although, I never apologize for my own birth stories...perhaps I would, in this case, send a note out announcing our gentle birth. Not in a manner that is trying to take the original email on, but as an aside, and with the birth being part of a larger update...

[UrbanSimplicity]

Send out your own announcements and story asap.

[barefootpoetry]

Originally Posted by brooklyn lisa

Send out your own announcements and story asap.

:

It's lame that she had to play up the drama on the birth, but hey, old people can be crazy sometimes.

[SublimeBirthGirl]

I can relate. It was probably intentional, if your family is like mine, and you only feed their feelings of self-importance by acknowledging it. My sister had 3 days of off-again-on-again labor during her planned HB for her first, eventually transferring, ending up w/ all 3 major induction drugs, narcotics, an epidural, 3 hours of pushing, and a malpositioned baby with some very severe molding. My aunt told her how very glad she was she ended up in the hospital and good for her for getting an epidural. These people are nuts. My sister's like, "Yeah, thanks for being glad my birth was nothing like what I wanted."

My grandmother loves to talk about my cousin's wife birth, how brave she was and just chatting through the whole thing...because an epidural that makes you so numb you can't even push the baby out and end up with a major episiotomy & forceps is a really positive thing! Hey, I might not have carried on stimulating conversations with 40 relatives during my births, but my body remained intact at least.

It's highly annoying, but I just ignore it. My family on my dad's side has a history of horribly miserable birth experiences that has continued into my generation and beyond and will probably keep right on going, not because anything is inherently wrong with them but because of this legacy of negativity and fear surrounding birth. THey don't want to think there might be a better way. Nothing I can do about it.

[katiesk]

That is annoying. And how do you spell Iris wrong?

[natural_mama89]

They spelled it Aris. That was how her birth announcement in the paper was too :.

[SublimeBirthGirl]

That's bizarre. Are you a family outcast like me?

[balancedmama]

If it were me, I would not specifically comment on the sad facts of the other birth, but I would send out my positive birth story (the short version...Iris was born naturally in a peaceful waterbirth etc etc) to the email group. I would probably do it under the guise of sharing photos. That way anyone with half a brain will see the contrast between the 2 births if it is something they need to see.

[Night_Nurse]

I can kind of relate.
My MIL posted an announcement in her employers (major univeristy) magazine when our neice was born. She went on and on and called her "perfect". When our home-birthed son was born just 4 months earlier we were lucky he got acknowledged at all with "---was born". Nobody ever mentioned the homebirth and according to MIL my birth was "scary" for them. Hmmmm?
SIL later had a son and in her Christmas letter she went on and on about how her little son (brother to Miss Perfect) came into the world THREE weeks early but he's wonderful, thriving, growning and a miracle. They conveniently left out that he was 3 weeks early because SIL chose an INDUCTION so she wouldn't have to be pregnant any longer!
Those people are just attention seekers. They feed off the drama. Sounds like you've got folks like that in your life, too.

My advice to you is to not even send an email to those family members. Send out a holiday letter along with a photo in your holiday cards. A real letter trumps an email IMO. Have a little paragraph in your letter about the highlight of your year - how Iris was born at home and how the birth was a gentle and beautiful experience for you all. Make sure you send it to the grandmother and cousin too!

About the spelling of her name. Is it possible they don't know it starts with an I? If the paper misspelled it, maybe that's how they think you really spell it. You may want to casually bring it up next time you see them.

[jakesask]

I think I'd use the misspelling as an excuse to email everyone -- I'm obsessive about names being spelled correctly and no one would be surprised to see me sending out a correction! -- and I'd just throw in that the birth was peaceful and fabulous and at home.

Something like, "I just wanted to let everyone know that our baby's name is actually spelled XYZ. She was born at home on date X and it was a wonderful and peaceful experience."